Tatiana

you just wanted to get your bag back as you forgot it earlier in the evening when you went to watch the baseball game with your friends. your university ended up winning, and in the midst of all the cheers and screams, you left without your belongings.

jeno is part of the university baseball's team, and when you came back to the field, he was still there.

you've always known he had an interest in you, but you never reciprocated. maybe you should have—just to avoid this.

your panties sitting on top of your sneakers prevent you from moving too much, giving jeno the liberty to handle you how he desires. his hands hold your hips in place, your skirt flipped up over your ass and his sweats pulled down just enough to free his cock.

"i’ve always wanted you, you know…" he pants loudly as your glasses fog up, being as out of breath as he is. "such a shame that you never let me have this pussy before," he groans, slightly frustrated.

jeno has been waiting for quite a long time now. he never pushed you or went too far, just some attempts here and there, but you always had a negative answer for him.

jaemin once said you were a prude dressed like a slut. a stuck-up; a girl too obsessed by her studies and her image to allow guys to fuck her.

but you weren't too difficult to convince tonight. a little whiny, but oh so docile.

his mouth agape, he fucks his engorged cock into your soppy pussy, his hairy pelvis meeting the curve of your ass each time he bottoms out, making the flesh bounce.

the night is harsh, cooler than usual, the tips of his fingers becoming cold as the time passes. it contrasts vastly with the high temperature of your body.

you slowly turn your head to look over your shoulder, eyes inching up jeno's body, glancing at his hips moving back and forth and then his bare face, illuminated by the bright street lamps all around the field.

he licks his lips before locking eyes with you, but eye-contact is soon broken when a thrust rougher than the others makes you jerk forward, the end of the bench under you digging into the bare skin of your thighs. you gasp, scrunching your eyes shut and involuntary clenching around his girth.

your glasses slip down a little, sweat accumulating where the frame of the glasses sit on your nose. when you open your eyes, you see a foggy silhouette of jeno, your hot breath meeting the cold air of the night creating mist in your lenses.

"fuck," he chokes out, "i knew you'd be tight, but that much..." he chuckles, telling you his unholy thoughts about you. "you have the perfect pussy, i swear. so warm, and fucking wet... god," jeno comments—something you've never thought someone would tell you, even someone as perverted as him.

more endless minutes pass, stopping himself when he feels his orgasm building up in his stomach, going again when the feeling has disappeared—basically edging himself as long as he can.

but eventually his pace gets faster and faster, almost knocking the breath out of your lungs. you cry and whimper under him, the coil at the pit of your stomach ripping, cumming messily around jeno, droplets of clear liquid flooding out of your cunt.

"oh, shit-" he curses, moaning in sync with you as he keeps pounding you.

soon after, weeks worth of jeno's cum spurt in you, filling you up till it drips out of your pussy.

he pulls out and the quivers of your pussy make more of his creamy cum fall, running along your inner thigh.

jaehyun has always been there, and you’ve never really questioned why. you don’t think about how he always seems to notice when you’re tired, how he never complains when you drag him along on errands or beg him to help you with schoolwork last minute. you don’t wonder why he never says no.

you just assume that it’s just how jaehyun is.

so when he’s listening to you ramble about lee sohee, it doesn’t cross your mind that maybe he doesn’t want to hear it.

“sohee looked so good today,” you sigh, flopping onto his bed. jaehyun is sitting at his desk, flipping through a textbook, but you know he isn’t really reading it. he always says he can study with you around, but that’s a lie, isn’t it? “like, unfairly good.”

jaehyun hums, but it’s noncommittal, like he’s waiting for you to continue. so you do.

“i think we had a moment, too. we locked eyes across the room, and he smiled at me. well, he was probably just smiling in general, but it felt like it was at me, you know?”

jaehyun flips a page, gaze still on the book in front of him. “maybe,” he says.

“ugh, you don’t get it.” you groan, rolling onto your stomach. “he’s just so. i don’t know. he’s so cool, but not in an unapproachable way? like, confident. effortless. he makes my heart race, and i feel like such an idiot around him.”

jaehyun’s hands tighten around the textbook. it’s subtle. so subtle you don’t notice.

“you’re not an idiot,” he says.

“you have to say that. you’re my best friend.” you nudge his knee with yours, grinning. “but anyway, what do i do? how do i make a move without making it obvious that i’m, like, completely into him?”

jaehyun finally looks up, meeting your gaze. for a second, you think you see something in his eyes. something quiet, something hesitant.

but then he smiles, and it’s gone.

“just be yourself,” he says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

you groan again, dramatic. “you’re so unhelpful.”

jaehyun laughs. it’s quiet, almost fond. “sorry.”

you huff, rolling onto your back again. “ugh, whatever. i just hope he notices me.”

jaehyun doesn’t say anything to that. doesn’t say, i notice you. doesn’t say, i’ve been noticing you.

he just turns the page of his textbook, gaze flickering back down, and pretends like this conversation doesn’t hurt.

—

the next day, you’re standing outside the lecture hall, waiting for class to start, when you spot sohee across the courtyard.

you freeze for a second, suddenly hyperaware of how you look. is your hair okay? do you seem too eager? too casual?

sohee is talking to some friends, laughing at something one of them said. and then, as if he can feel you staring, he looks over.

and he smiles.

it’s not anything dramatic. just a quick, easy curve of his lips, but it makes your heart stutter anyway.

you don’t even realize you’re grinning back until he gives you a small nod before turning back to his conversation.

you exhale sharply. okay. that was something, right?

you’re about to text jaehyun about it when you hear a familiar voice behind you.

“you look weird,” jaehyun says, amused. “what’s up?”

you roll your eyes but don’t deny it. “sohee just smiled at me.”

jaehyun doesn’t react right away, but then he tilts his head, pretending to be impressed. “wow. smiling? revolutionary.”

“shut up,” you grumble, but you’re still smiling. “it felt like a moment.”

“hmm.” jaehyun crosses his arms, leaning against the wall beside you. “or maybe he was just being polite.”

you swat his arm. “why do you hate love?”

jaehyun snorts. “i don’t. i’m just saying, you might be overthinking it.”

“or maybe you just don’t understand romance.” you nudge him with your elbow. “when’s the last time you even liked someone?”

jaehyun looks away for a second, like he’s thinking.

but you don’t notice the way his fingers twitch, the way he inhales slightly like he’s about to say something before stopping himself.

“dunno,” he finally says, shrugging.

“see? you have no right to judge me.” you cross your arms, triumphant. “i’m gonna make him fall for me.”

jaehyun smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “yeah?”

“yeah.” you nod firmly.

and jaehyun doesn’t say anything else.

the thing about jaehyun is that he always notices the small things.

like how you get nervous whenever sohee is around, fidgeting with your sleeves or fixing your hair. how your mood instantly lifts when sohee acknowledges you, even in the smallest ways.

how you never seem to notice when he’s the one looking at you.

he wonders, sometimes, if you’d ever realize. if it would ever occur to you to ask why he’s always there, why he always drops whatever he’s doing just to be around you.

probably not.

jaehyun exhales, tilting his head back against the couch.

he should stop hoping.

a few days later, you’re in jaehyun’s room again, scrolling through your phone while he’s half-heartedly working on an assignment.

“sohee’s been liking my posts more,” you say casually, but there’s an unmistakable excitement in your voice.

jaehyun glances at you. “and?”

“and maybe that means something.”

“or maybe he’s just tapping buttons.”

you throw a pillow at him. “why are you like this?”

jaehyun laughs, catching it. “fine. maybe he’s secretly in love with you and just waiting for the right moment to confess.”

“exactly.” you grin.

but for some reason, the thought stings a little less when you’re sitting next to him like this, feet nudging against his under the blanket, like you always do.

you don’t realize when it happens, but jaehyun starts answering your texts a little slower.

he doesn’t show up outside your class as often. doesn’t immediately agree when you ask him to hang out.

and you don’t think much of it. until one day, when you’re excitedly telling him about a conversation you had with sohee, and he just nods, looking distracted.

you frown. “are you even listening?”

jaehyun blinks, then shakes his head slightly. “yeah. sorry. you were saying…?”

“never mind.” you hesitate. “is something wrong?”

jaehyun smiles, but it’s not the usual one. the bright, easy grin you’re used to. this one feels… tired.

“nah. just thinking.”

you stare at him for a second, but he doesn’t elaborate.

and you don’t push.

that night, jaehyun lies in bed, staring at the ceiling.

he knows he can’t keep doing this.

and for the first time, he wonders if maybe… it’s time to step back.

—

jaehyun picks up on the first ring.

“hey,” he says, voice thick with sleep.

you wince, glancing at the time, 2:14 a.m. “were you asleep?”

there’s a rustling sound, like he’s shifting in bed. “nah,” he lies. “what’s up?”

you hesitate. you know he was sleeping, know you should probably just deal with this on your own, but—

“i need your help,” you admit, dropping your head onto your desk. “my essay’s due tomorrow, and i haven’t even started, and i have no idea what i’m doing.”

jaehyun sighs, but it’s not annoyed. more like resigned. “you’re unbelievable,” he mutters, and you can picture him shaking his head, running a hand through his hair.

“please,” you say, dragging out the word. “you’re, like, the only person who can get me through this.”

there’s a pause. then a quiet chuckle. “yeah, yeah. send me the prompt.”

relief floods through you as you hurriedly copy-paste the assignment details into a text.

“you’re the best,” you say, meaning it.

jaehyun just hums.

then twenty minutes later, there’s a knock at your door.

you didn’t even ask him to come over.

you open it to find jaehyun standing there in sweatpants and a hoodie, hair slightly tousled, a laptop bag slung over his shoulder. he looks exhausted.

you grin, stepping aside to let him in. “you didn’t have to come in person, you know.”

he shrugs, dropping his bag onto your desk. “figured you’d work faster if i was here.”

he doesn’t say, figured you’d need me here. but he doesn’t have to.

you don’t even think about how he must’ve been exhausted, how he could’ve said no. you just shove your laptop at him, launching into a dramatic retelling of your struggles.

jaehyun listens, nodding, clicking through your half-finished document. then he sighs, flipping the laptop back toward you.

“okay. first, your thesis makes no sense.”

“wow,” you say dryly. “thanks.”

jaehyun smirks. “just being honest.”

you roll your eyes but don’t argue. instead, you scoot your chair closer to his, shoulders nearly brushing.

jaehyun stiffens for half a second before forcing himself to relax.

this is normal. this is fine.

so why does it feel different?

an hour in, your head is buried in your arms.

“i’m gonna die,” you groan. “just let me fail. i’ll live in a cave or something.”

jaehyun nudges your foot with his. “you’re not gonna fail. you just like being dramatic.”

you lift your head just enough to glare at him. “easy for you to say, mr. ‘i wrote my essay a week in advance.’”

jaehyun snorts. “hey, that just means i’m smarter than you.”

you shove his arm, and he laughs, soft and warm.

for a second, everything feels normal again.

but then your phone buzzes.

your fingers twitch automatically toward it. jaehyun watches the way your expression shifts. the way you bite back a smile just from seeing sohee’s name.

jaehyun looks away.

sohee had been texting you all week.

harmless things. questions about class, jokes, the occasional saw this and thought of you message with a blurry meme attached.

but you overanalyze everything. you stare at the screen too long, rereading his words, wondering if there’s something more there.

“do you think he likes me?” you’d asked jaehyun once, excitement bubbling in your voice.

you hadn’t noticed the way his smile faltered.

hadn’t noticed the way he’d shrugged a little too stiffly before saying, “dunno. maybe.”

hadn’t noticed the way his hands curled into fists under the table.

now, he watches you type back, fingers moving fast, a grin tugging at your lips.

you’re supposed to be writing, but you’re texting sohee instead.

jaehyun knows he shouldn’t care. knows he shouldn’t feel this way.

but it’s late, and he’s tired, and suddenly, it’s all hitting him at once.

two hours in, your head slumps onto his shoulder.

“wake me up when it’s done,” you mumble.

jaehyun snorts. “not how this works.”

you groan dramatically, but you don’t move away.

jaehyun stays completely still.

he tells himself he’s just letting you rest. that it doesn’t mean anything.

but the truth is, he’s scared that if he moves, you’ll realize how fast his heart is beating.

another hour passes, and somehow, miraculously, he finished the essay for you.

you let out a victorious cheer, stretching your arms above your head.

“finally,” you breathe. “i literally would’ve died without you.”

jaehyun smiles, but it’s small. tired.

you turn to him, beaming. “you’re such a good person, jaehyun. i don’t know what i’d do without you.”

jaehyun laughs, but it feels hollow.

he already knows how this story goes.

he doesn’t wait for you to ask him to stay.

“you should get some sleep,” he says, standing up, stretching before patting your head.

you blink. “wait, you’re leaving?”

jaehyun grabs his bag. “yeah. you don’t need me anymore, right?”

it’s meant to be a joke, but something about it makes you pause.

you don’t ask him to stay again.

and he doesn’t offer.

when your phone buzzes later that night, you reach for it instantly, half-expecting jaehyun’s name.

but it’s sohee.

can’t sleep. you up?

you hesitate before replying, but then your screen flashes with another notification.

this time, it is jaehyun.

but it’s just a simple: good night.

no teasing. no extra words.

just that.

when you wake up, his message is still unread.

later, when you text him thank you again!! i owe you sm with a dozen heart emojis, he lets his phone sit on his nightstand.

he’ll reply in the morning.

or maybe he won’t.

—

sohee asks you out on a wednesday.

it’s after class, the late afternoon sun turning everything gold, and you’re still half-distracted, stuffing your notebook into your bag, when he says your name.

you look up, blinking. “huh?”

he shifts his weight, rubbing the back of his neck.

“i was just thinking,” he says, casual, like this isn’t about to change everything. “we should go out sometime.”

you freeze.

for a second, you think you misheard.

but then sohee smiles, and it’s that smile. the easy, charming one that made you notice him in the first place.

your heart stutters.

he’s asking me out.

you’ve been waiting for this. analyzing every interaction, every text, looking for something, anything, to tell you that sohee sees you the way you see him.

and now, here it is.

your fingers tighten around the strap of your bag. “you mean, like—”

sohee laughs, light and teasing. “yeah. like a date.”

you should be over the moon. you should be throwing your arms around him, texting your friends in all caps, feeling the rush of everything finally falling into place.

instead, your brain does something stupid.

your first thought isn’t yes, or finally, or holy shit, this is happening.

it’s i have to tell jaehyun.

and then, just as quickly, your mind says wait.

you haven’t spoken to jaehyun in two days.

it’s not like he’s avoiding you. he’s still in class, still in group chats, still there. but it’s different.

he doesn’t text first anymore. doesn’t immediately reply when you do.

he’s fine.

laughing with his friends, slinging an arm around woonhak’s shoulders, joking with taesan like nothing happened.

like you never stayed up until 3 a.m. working on your essay.

like he never sat next to you, close enough to feel the warmth of your shoulder against his.

like he never used to be the first person you told everything.

now, you’re standing here, sohee looking at you expectantly, and all you can think is:

why isn’t jaehyun here to see this?

sohee tilts his head. “so?”

you blink. “huh?”

he chuckles. “do you wanna go out?”

do you?

the answer should be obvious.

you swallow, forcing the hesitation out of your voice. “yeah,” you say. “yeah, i’d like that.”

sohee grins.

“great,” he says, as if it was never even a question.

you text jaehyun that night.

nothing big. just a simple hey.

he doesn’t reply.

you stare at your screen, watching the message sit there, unread.

it’s fine. he’s probably busy.

you set your phone down.

pick it back up.

open your messages again.

still nothing.

okay, you tell yourself, rolling onto your back. it’s not a big deal.

but something feels wrong.

normally, you wouldn’t have to wait. jaehyun would’ve already sent back a sarcastic what do you want or a teasing wow, you miss me?

but now, silence.

you don’t realize how much you’ve come to expect his presence until it’s gone.

like muscle memory. like reaching for something that isn’t there.

you unlock your phone without thinking, scrolling through your notifications.

sohee texted, something about movie times, making plans, being excited to see you.

your lips curl into a smile, but your fingers hesitate before replying.

you check your messages again.

still no jaehyun.

—

you see him the next morning, laughing with taesan outside the lecture hall.

you hesitate.

it’s not like you need to talk to him. but something inside you itches, an uncomfortable weight pressing against your ribs.

before you can stop yourself, you walk over.

“hey,” you say, stopping a few steps away.

jaehyun glances at you. “oh. hey.”

his voice is easy, neutral.

too neutral.

taesan nods at you before turning back to jaehyun. “dude, i swear, if you actually pull that off, i’ll—”

“you’ll what?” jaehyun shoots back, raising a brow.

taesan huffs, shoving his shoulder. jaehyun just grins.

you stand there, watching them go back and forth, waiting for something.

for him to turn to you. for him to say something, anything, that feels like him.

but he doesn’t.

you clear your throat. “so…”

jaehyun finally looks at you.

you shift your weight. “did you see my text?”

he blinks.

then, casually, “oh. yeah. sorry, i forgot to reply.”

he forgot.

jaehyun, who never forgets anything.

something tightens in your chest. this gut feeling that won't leave.

you force out a chuckle. “wow, can’t believe you’re ignoring me now.”

“not ignoring you,” he says easily, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “just busy.”

he says it like it’s nothing. like it’s normal.

maybe it is. maybe you were the only one who ever thought it was something else.

when you leave, you expect a text from him.

nothing big. just a 'btw, i was kidding' or a 'you good?'

but it never comes.

—

the date with sohee should be the only thing on your mind.

but that night, as you lie in bed, scrolling through your messages, the only conversation you keep rereading is the one that isn’t there.

“hey,” sohee says, nudging your knee under the table. “you okay?”

you blink, snapping back to the present.

you’re at a café, your coffee untouched, sohee sitting across from you with that effortless confidence, like he belongs wherever he is.

you should be paying attention to him.

you should be happy.

“yeah,” you say, forcing a smile. “just tired.”

sohee grins. “want me to bore you to sleep?”

you laugh, but it’s not as easy as it should be. your hand twitches toward your phone.

you resist the urge to check. you wonder if jaehyun is waiting for you to text first.

if this is some weird game where neither of you want to be the one to cave.

you stare at the empty space where his name should be.

you think about how easy it would be to just message him.

to just say, 'hey. i miss you.'

but you don’t.

instead, you smile at sohee and try to pretend everything is fine.

— a few days pass.

sohee cancels on you last minute.

it’s not a big deal.

really.

it’s just one date. just one night.

but you still sit there, phone screen glowing in the dim light of your room, rereading his message over and over.

sohee [7:12 PM]: hey, something came up. might not be able to make it.

you exhale slowly, thumb hovering over the keyboard.

you [7:14 PM]: oh okay. no worries!

it’s fine. it’s fine.

but your stomach is tight, fingers gripping your phone just a little too hard.

it’s stupid to feel this way. plans change. people get busy.

but you can’t shake it. the feeling of being second.

an afterthought.

without thinking, you tap out of the chat, scrolling down your contacts until your thumb stops on a familiar name.

you hesitate.

then, before you can talk yourself out of it, you press call.

the phone rings.

once.

twice.

three times.

your stomach twists.

jaehyun always picks up on the first ring.

always.

except now, he doesn’t.

you don’t know why you expected him to.

he’s been distant for weeks now, ever since…

your throat tightens.

you don’t want to think about it.

but for the first time, you wonder, when was the last time he called first?

when was the last time he was the one waiting on you?

you shove the thought away, locking your phone.

it doesn’t mean anything.

you see jaehyun the next day, and he looks tired.

not just the kind of tired that comes from too many late nights.

a different kind. something deeper.

you hesitate before stepping forward. “hey.”

he looks up, gaze flicking over you, unreadable. “hey.”

you shift your weight.

“can we talk?”

he exhales through his nose, rubbing his eyes. “do we need to?”

the words hit you harder than they should.

your fingers curl at your sides. “yeah,” you say. “i think we do.”

jaehyun watches you for a second. then, finally, he nods.

you end up outside, the evening air cool against your skin.

jaehyun leans against the railing, arms crossed, waiting.

you don’t know how to start.

you don’t even know what you want to say.

so you settle for, “sohee canceled on me last night.”

jaehyun doesn’t react.

he just hums, like he’s waiting for you to get to the point.

you hesitate. “i called you.”

this time, something flickers in his expression.

“yeah,” he says, voice flat. “i saw.”

your stomach twists. “why didn’t you pick up?”

jaehyun exhales, pushing a hand through his hair.

then, quietly—

“you only come to me when you’re upset.”

you blink. “what?”

he shakes his head, looking away. “i can’t keep being the one you run to when someone else lets you down.”

you open your mouth, then close it.

your heart pounds. “jaehyun, it’s not—”

“it is,” he says, voice sharp. “every single time. i’m the one you call when you’re sad. when you’re stressed. when you’re alone. but when you’re happy—”

he laughs, but it’s hollow.

“when you’re happy, i don’t even cross your mind.”

your throat feels tight. “that’s not true.”

“isn’t it?”

he tilts his head, looking at you like he’s trying to figure something out.

like he’s trying to figure you out.

and the worst part is that you don’t have an answer.

you never thought about it. never realized how much you relied on him.

how much you expected him to always be there.

you swallow hard. “i don’t want to lose you.”

your voice is quiet, but it feels like shouting.

jaehyun’s gaze softens, just for a second.

but then, just as quickly, he shakes his head.

“then stop looking for me only when you need something.”

and for the first time, he walks away first.

—

everything feels off.

it’s not something you notice all at once. it creeps in slowly, like the way the air feels heavier before a storm.

it’s in the empty space next to you when you walk home. the silence in your messages where his name used to be.

it’s in the way you find yourself reaching for your phone, expecting a notification that never comes.

jaehyun is gone.

not literally. he’s still there, somewhere, existing in the same world as you. you still see him in passing, laughing with his friends, leaning against doorways, shoving his hands into his pockets like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

he looks… fine.

and that stings more than you want to admit.

because if he’s fine, then why aren’t you?

you tell yourself it’s just habit.

you got used to him. that’s all.

but habits don’t make your chest ache when you see him talking to someone else.

habits don’t make you stay up at night, staring at the ceiling, replaying every conversation, every look, every moment that should have told you something you refused to see.

habits don’t make you feel like something is missing.

like someone is missing.

and then it hits you, all at once.

you miss him.

not because you need something. not because you’re sad, or upset, or lonely.

you just miss him.

you miss his stupid jokes. the way he always knew what you were thinking before you said it. the warmth of his presence, steady and solid like he was always meant to be there.

and a thought comes to mind, you never even thought about sohee.

not once.

it takes you too long to do something about it.

but eventually, you do.

and it’s not hard to find jaehyun.

he’s outside, leaning against the side of the building, scrolling through his phone like he’s waiting for something. or maybe someone.

you swallow hard, nerves crawling up your spine.

you almost turn around.

almost.

but then he looks up, and his eyes land on you.

he freezes.

for a second, neither of you move.

then, slowly, he straightens.

“…hey.”

it’s not cold, but it’s not warm either.

you hate that.

you take a breath. “hey.”

jaehyun tilts his head, watching you carefully.

waiting.

you nervously lick your lips, shifting your weight.

you should say something.

apologize. explain. tell him you were stupid, that you get it now, that you know it’s too late but you see him now, the way you should have before.

but none of that feels right.

so you just say—

“i miss you.”

jaehyun doesn’t react right away.

you force yourself to keep going.

“that’s all.”

you exhale, stepping back. “i just thought you should know.”

then you turn, forcing your feet to move, your heart pounding so loud it drowns out everything else.

one step.

two.

three—

a hand wraps around your wrist.

stopping you.

your breath catches.

slowly, you turn.

jaehyun is staring at you.

his grip isn’t tight, but it’s firm enough that you feel it.

your throat goes dry.

“that’s all?” he asks, voice quiet.

you hesitate. “what?”

he exhales, shaking his head, something unreadable in his eyes.

“you miss me, and that’s all?”

your stomach twists.

he’s waiting for something.

something more.

you don’t know if you deserve to give it to him.

but you do anyway.

you take a shaky breath.

“no.”

jaehyun’s fingers loosen, but he doesn’t let go.

you swallow, looking down.

“it’s not just that i miss you,” you admit, voice barely above a whisper. “it’s that everything feels wrong without you.”

jaehyun doesn’t speak, so you keep going.

“i was an idiot,” you say, words spilling out now, too fast, too real. “you were always there, and i never saw it. but i see it now.”

jaehyun exhales, shaking his head.

“took you long enough.”

your lips twitch. “yeah.”

a beat of silence.

“can i make it up to you?”

jaehyun narrows his eyes.

“depends.”

you blink. “on what?”

he sighs, pretending to be annoyed, but the corner of his mouth twitches.

“you owe me so much boba.”

you snort, shaking your head. “deal.”

you bump shoulders with him, just lightly, testing.

jaehyun doesn’t pull away.

and this time, when you start walking, he stays right beside you. where he always belonged.

—

tysm for reading :>

series taglist : @somber-reads @saritahwang

bnd taglist : @bxnedo

“i can’t believe you didn’t pick up ynnie.. missed you so much today, you know? i don’t know, there’s something about the vibe when you’re not here like it’s just not as lively as it usually is. maybe that’s just me. haha. um- uh- i really don’t know what to say because i expected you to pick up but i do realise it’s late so i apologise about that, i lost track of time there haha.. well, me and the boys went out drinking and.. maybe i had a little more than i expected but like, i wanted to relax, you know? wind down a bit. i was going to say something but i forgot-“ he got cut off by another males voice, sounded like jeno, “he was going to admit he likes you~” and then you heard a loud slap. “jeno!!” mark whined. “god anyway, yes i was going to confess to you. i just.. these past couple of months, they’ve been great you know, we’ve been hanging out a lot more and personally i feel we’re growing to be more than friends hahaha.. i really do like you, no scratch that, i think i love you. i like.. love you more than anyone else i’ve ever done before in my life. it’s crazy- haha- you know when you’re in love? you just feel so different like a changed man.. well maybe not a changed man but you know what i mean, right? i just feel like ive become a better person with you by my side and i really-“ dial tone.

and the voicemail was over. you just chuckled to yourself, fanning your cheeks as you felt yourself grinning just a little too much at his cute confession. you’ll text him about it shortly - for now, you need to calm down your racing heart.

HUANG RENJUN :

you received 2 new voice messages: today, 1:27am.

“mmmm… ynnie? ah, you didn’t pick up. it’s okay, i’ll leave you a voicemail. so.. um, it was really nice seeing you before! i’m so sad you had to leave so early though, we were just getting so settled with one another and the others stopped teasing me for a bit.. they’re back to it now because i look like a ‘kicked puppy’ apparently without you here. maybe i feel that way because i miss you.. i miss your company already please come back!~ anyway what i wanted to call about was.. godddd, why are you so stupid? huh? so so stupid and so blind to not see what i was trying to do with you. i thought you’d be able to but you’re so oblivious all the time.. i bet you’re like, huh? with that cute tone of yours and the way you tilt your head.. ahh..~ what i mean is, that.. that i’m so in love with you. with everything about you. from your perfect tone of voice, your beautiful eyes that shine when you see something that you like, the way you look up at me, the way you dress, your personality.. it’s so hard not to fall for someone as perfect as you..”

next voicemail.

“shit i got cut off- but anyway, you know like.. i hope you reciprocate my feelings but- but if you don’t it’s okay, we can just pretend like this never happened and go back to the way things were. i don’t want to make you uncomfortable but i fear i might’ve and oh god— hold on, jisung doesn’t look so good.”

LEE JENO :

LEE HAECHAN :

haechan's voice was the only thing ringing through your ears at this moment in time, the dimly lit room and on goers to the party soon fading into the background. he was out of his mind- flushed cheeks, unfocused eyes and a lazy grin that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"you live in my head and my heart, can't you see that?" his words are slurred but the desperation in his voice was unmistakable. your breath caught in your throat, "haechan, you're drunk." you claim.

he scoffed and ran a frustrated hand through already messy hair, "yeah? so what. doesn't make it any less true." his gaze locked onto yours, raw and pleading. "you're always here." he tapped his temple. "and here," his hand clutched at his chest. "i don't know how to make you see it."

the weight of his confession pressed between you, heavier than the alcohol in his system. what were you supposed to say?

NA JAEMIN :

ZHONG CHENLE :

you received one new voice message, today at 7:00pm .

"you know.. you should’ve said it earlier, idiot. i love you, can’t you see? i can’t believe you waited until you got out of my car to say that just so you could run off. you’re lucky you’re cute. meet me tomorrow at the restaurant, ‘kay? you know which one i’m on about and dress nicely. i’ll treat you like you deserve alright.” he says to you on the other line. you couldn’t help but fight back a small smile coming onto your lips, of course chenle would say that.

PARK JISUNG :

you and jisung had spent the whole day together, gaming and having a laugh, shared cuddles and looks that were definitely more than platonic. everyone around you guys had told you that there’s no way you’re both just friends, there’s some tension and you didn’t realise that until now. when you look up at jisung after cuddling on his chest, you notice him focusing his gaze on the tv, biting back a smile as he can sense your eyes on him. your heart jumps in your chest. shit. was it just the alcohol you both had drunk 2 hours ago or was it your feelings? maybe the second option. for sure.

jaehyun has always been there, and you’ve never really questioned why. you don’t think about how he always seems to notice when you’re tired, how he never complains when you drag him along on errands or beg him to help you with schoolwork last minute. you don’t wonder why he never says no.

you just assume that it’s just how jaehyun is.

so when he’s listening to you ramble about lee sohee, it doesn’t cross your mind that maybe he doesn’t want to hear it.

“sohee looked so good today,” you sigh, flopping onto his bed. jaehyun is sitting at his desk, flipping through a textbook, but you know he isn’t really reading it. he always says he can study with you around, but that’s a lie, isn’t it? “like, unfairly good.”

jaehyun hums, but it’s noncommittal, like he’s waiting for you to continue. so you do.

“i think we had a moment, too. we locked eyes across the room, and he smiled at me. well, he was probably just smiling in general, but it felt like it was at me, you know?”

jaehyun flips a page, gaze still on the book in front of him. “maybe,” he says.

“ugh, you don’t get it.” you groan, rolling onto your stomach. “he’s just so. i don’t know. he’s so cool, but not in an unapproachable way? like, confident. effortless. he makes my heart race, and i feel like such an idiot around him.”

jaehyun’s hands tighten around the textbook. it’s subtle. so subtle you don’t notice.

“you’re not an idiot,” he says.

“you have to say that. you’re my best friend.” you nudge his knee with yours, grinning. “but anyway, what do i do? how do i make a move without making it obvious that i’m, like, completely into him?”

jaehyun finally looks up, meeting your gaze. for a second, you think you see something in his eyes. something quiet, something hesitant.

but then he smiles, and it’s gone.

“just be yourself,” he says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

you groan again, dramatic. “you’re so unhelpful.”

jaehyun laughs. it’s quiet, almost fond. “sorry.”

you huff, rolling onto your back again. “ugh, whatever. i just hope he notices me.”

jaehyun doesn’t say anything to that. doesn’t say, i notice you. doesn’t say, i’ve been noticing you.

he just turns the page of his textbook, gaze flickering back down, and pretends like this conversation doesn’t hurt.

—

the next day, you’re standing outside the lecture hall, waiting for class to start, when you spot sohee across the courtyard.

you freeze for a second, suddenly hyperaware of how you look. is your hair okay? do you seem too eager? too casual?

sohee is talking to some friends, laughing at something one of them said. and then, as if he can feel you staring, he looks over.

and he smiles.

it’s not anything dramatic. just a quick, easy curve of his lips, but it makes your heart stutter anyway.

you don’t even realize you’re grinning back until he gives you a small nod before turning back to his conversation.

you exhale sharply. okay. that was something, right?

you’re about to text jaehyun about it when you hear a familiar voice behind you.

“you look weird,” jaehyun says, amused. “what’s up?”

you roll your eyes but don’t deny it. “sohee just smiled at me.”

jaehyun doesn’t react right away, but then he tilts his head, pretending to be impressed. “wow. smiling? revolutionary.”

“shut up,” you grumble, but you’re still smiling. “it felt like a moment.”

“hmm.” jaehyun crosses his arms, leaning against the wall beside you. “or maybe he was just being polite.”

you swat his arm. “why do you hate love?”

jaehyun snorts. “i don’t. i’m just saying, you might be overthinking it.”

“or maybe you just don’t understand romance.” you nudge him with your elbow. “when’s the last time you even liked someone?”

jaehyun looks away for a second, like he’s thinking.

but you don’t notice the way his fingers twitch, the way he inhales slightly like he’s about to say something before stopping himself.

“dunno,” he finally says, shrugging.

“see? you have no right to judge me.” you cross your arms, triumphant. “i’m gonna make him fall for me.”

jaehyun smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “yeah?”

“yeah.” you nod firmly.

and jaehyun doesn’t say anything else.

the thing about jaehyun is that he always notices the small things.

like how you get nervous whenever sohee is around, fidgeting with your sleeves or fixing your hair. how your mood instantly lifts when sohee acknowledges you, even in the smallest ways.

how you never seem to notice when he’s the one looking at you.

he wonders, sometimes, if you’d ever realize. if it would ever occur to you to ask why he’s always there, why he always drops whatever he’s doing just to be around you.

probably not.

jaehyun exhales, tilting his head back against the couch.

he should stop hoping.

a few days later, you’re in jaehyun’s room again, scrolling through your phone while he’s half-heartedly working on an assignment.

“sohee’s been liking my posts more,” you say casually, but there’s an unmistakable excitement in your voice.

jaehyun glances at you. “and?”

“and maybe that means something.”

“or maybe he’s just tapping buttons.”

you throw a pillow at him. “why are you like this?”

jaehyun laughs, catching it. “fine. maybe he’s secretly in love with you and just waiting for the right moment to confess.”

“exactly.” you grin.

but for some reason, the thought stings a little less when you’re sitting next to him like this, feet nudging against his under the blanket, like you always do.

you don’t realize when it happens, but jaehyun starts answering your texts a little slower.

he doesn’t show up outside your class as often. doesn’t immediately agree when you ask him to hang out.

and you don’t think much of it. until one day, when you’re excitedly telling him about a conversation you had with sohee, and he just nods, looking distracted.

you frown. “are you even listening?”

jaehyun blinks, then shakes his head slightly. “yeah. sorry. you were saying…?”

“never mind.” you hesitate. “is something wrong?”

jaehyun smiles, but it’s not the usual one. the bright, easy grin you’re used to. this one feels… tired.

“nah. just thinking.”

you stare at him for a second, but he doesn’t elaborate.

and you don’t push.

that night, jaehyun lies in bed, staring at the ceiling.

he knows he can’t keep doing this.

and for the first time, he wonders if maybe… it’s time to step back.

—

jaehyun picks up on the first ring.

“hey,” he says, voice thick with sleep.

you wince, glancing at the time, 2:14 a.m. “were you asleep?”

there’s a rustling sound, like he’s shifting in bed. “nah,” he lies. “what’s up?”

you hesitate. you know he was sleeping, know you should probably just deal with this on your own, but—

“i need your help,” you admit, dropping your head onto your desk. “my essay’s due tomorrow, and i haven’t even started, and i have no idea what i’m doing.”

jaehyun sighs, but it’s not annoyed. more like resigned. “you’re unbelievable,” he mutters, and you can picture him shaking his head, running a hand through his hair.

“please,” you say, dragging out the word. “you’re, like, the only person who can get me through this.”

there’s a pause. then a quiet chuckle. “yeah, yeah. send me the prompt.”

relief floods through you as you hurriedly copy-paste the assignment details into a text.

“you’re the best,” you say, meaning it.

jaehyun just hums.

then twenty minutes later, there’s a knock at your door.

you didn’t even ask him to come over.

you open it to find jaehyun standing there in sweatpants and a hoodie, hair slightly tousled, a laptop bag slung over his shoulder. he looks exhausted.

you grin, stepping aside to let him in. “you didn’t have to come in person, you know.”

he shrugs, dropping his bag onto your desk. “figured you’d work faster if i was here.”

he doesn’t say, figured you’d need me here. but he doesn’t have to.

you don’t even think about how he must’ve been exhausted, how he could’ve said no. you just shove your laptop at him, launching into a dramatic retelling of your struggles.

jaehyun listens, nodding, clicking through your half-finished document. then he sighs, flipping the laptop back toward you.

“okay. first, your thesis makes no sense.”

“wow,” you say dryly. “thanks.”

jaehyun smirks. “just being honest.”

you roll your eyes but don’t argue. instead, you scoot your chair closer to his, shoulders nearly brushing.

jaehyun stiffens for half a second before forcing himself to relax.

this is normal. this is fine.

so why does it feel different?

an hour in, your head is buried in your arms.

“i’m gonna die,” you groan. “just let me fail. i’ll live in a cave or something.”

jaehyun nudges your foot with his. “you’re not gonna fail. you just like being dramatic.”

you lift your head just enough to glare at him. “easy for you to say, mr. ‘i wrote my essay a week in advance.’”

jaehyun snorts. “hey, that just means i’m smarter than you.”

you shove his arm, and he laughs, soft and warm.

for a second, everything feels normal again.

but then your phone buzzes.

your fingers twitch automatically toward it. jaehyun watches the way your expression shifts. the way you bite back a smile just from seeing sohee’s name.

jaehyun looks away.

sohee had been texting you all week.

harmless things. questions about class, jokes, the occasional saw this and thought of you message with a blurry meme attached.

but you overanalyze everything. you stare at the screen too long, rereading his words, wondering if there’s something more there.

“do you think he likes me?” you’d asked jaehyun once, excitement bubbling in your voice.

you hadn’t noticed the way his smile faltered.

hadn’t noticed the way he’d shrugged a little too stiffly before saying, “dunno. maybe.”

hadn’t noticed the way his hands curled into fists under the table.

now, he watches you type back, fingers moving fast, a grin tugging at your lips.

you’re supposed to be writing, but you’re texting sohee instead.

jaehyun knows he shouldn’t care. knows he shouldn’t feel this way.

but it’s late, and he’s tired, and suddenly, it’s all hitting him at once.

two hours in, your head slumps onto his shoulder.

“wake me up when it’s done,” you mumble.

jaehyun snorts. “not how this works.”

you groan dramatically, but you don’t move away.

jaehyun stays completely still.

he tells himself he’s just letting you rest. that it doesn’t mean anything.

but the truth is, he’s scared that if he moves, you’ll realize how fast his heart is beating.

another hour passes, and somehow, miraculously, he finished the essay for you.

you let out a victorious cheer, stretching your arms above your head.

“finally,” you breathe. “i literally would’ve died without you.”

jaehyun smiles, but it’s small. tired.

you turn to him, beaming. “you’re such a good person, jaehyun. i don’t know what i’d do without you.”

jaehyun laughs, but it feels hollow.

he already knows how this story goes.

he doesn’t wait for you to ask him to stay.

“you should get some sleep,” he says, standing up, stretching before patting your head.

you blink. “wait, you’re leaving?”

jaehyun grabs his bag. “yeah. you don’t need me anymore, right?”

it’s meant to be a joke, but something about it makes you pause.

you don’t ask him to stay again.

and he doesn’t offer.

when your phone buzzes later that night, you reach for it instantly, half-expecting jaehyun’s name.

but it’s sohee.

can’t sleep. you up?

you hesitate before replying, but then your screen flashes with another notification.

this time, it is jaehyun.

but it’s just a simple: good night.

no teasing. no extra words.

just that.

when you wake up, his message is still unread.

later, when you text him thank you again!! i owe you sm with a dozen heart emojis, he lets his phone sit on his nightstand.

he’ll reply in the morning.

or maybe he won’t.

—

sohee asks you out on a wednesday.

it’s after class, the late afternoon sun turning everything gold, and you’re still half-distracted, stuffing your notebook into your bag, when he says your name.

you look up, blinking. “huh?”

he shifts his weight, rubbing the back of his neck.

“i was just thinking,” he says, casual, like this isn’t about to change everything. “we should go out sometime.”

you freeze.

for a second, you think you misheard.

but then sohee smiles, and it’s that smile. the easy, charming one that made you notice him in the first place.

your heart stutters.

he’s asking me out.

you’ve been waiting for this. analyzing every interaction, every text, looking for something, anything, to tell you that sohee sees you the way you see him.

and now, here it is.

your fingers tighten around the strap of your bag. “you mean, like—”

sohee laughs, light and teasing. “yeah. like a date.”

you should be over the moon. you should be throwing your arms around him, texting your friends in all caps, feeling the rush of everything finally falling into place.

instead, your brain does something stupid.

your first thought isn’t yes, or finally, or holy shit, this is happening.

it’s i have to tell jaehyun.

and then, just as quickly, your mind says wait.

you haven’t spoken to jaehyun in two days.

it’s not like he’s avoiding you. he’s still in class, still in group chats, still there. but it’s different.

he doesn’t text first anymore. doesn’t immediately reply when you do.

he’s fine.

laughing with his friends, slinging an arm around woonhak’s shoulders, joking with taesan like nothing happened.

like you never stayed up until 3 a.m. working on your essay.

like he never sat next to you, close enough to feel the warmth of your shoulder against his.

like he never used to be the first person you told everything.

now, you’re standing here, sohee looking at you expectantly, and all you can think is:

why isn’t jaehyun here to see this?

sohee tilts his head. “so?”

you blink. “huh?”

he chuckles. “do you wanna go out?”

do you?

the answer should be obvious.

you swallow, forcing the hesitation out of your voice. “yeah,” you say. “yeah, i’d like that.”

sohee grins.

“great,” he says, as if it was never even a question.

you text jaehyun that night.

nothing big. just a simple hey.

he doesn’t reply.

you stare at your screen, watching the message sit there, unread.

it’s fine. he’s probably busy.

you set your phone down.

pick it back up.

open your messages again.

still nothing.

okay, you tell yourself, rolling onto your back. it’s not a big deal.

but something feels wrong.

normally, you wouldn’t have to wait. jaehyun would’ve already sent back a sarcastic what do you want or a teasing wow, you miss me?

but now, silence.

you don’t realize how much you’ve come to expect his presence until it’s gone.

like muscle memory. like reaching for something that isn’t there.

you unlock your phone without thinking, scrolling through your notifications.

sohee texted, something about movie times, making plans, being excited to see you.

your lips curl into a smile, but your fingers hesitate before replying.

you check your messages again.

still no jaehyun.

—

you see him the next morning, laughing with taesan outside the lecture hall.

you hesitate.

it’s not like you need to talk to him. but something inside you itches, an uncomfortable weight pressing against your ribs.

before you can stop yourself, you walk over.

“hey,” you say, stopping a few steps away.

jaehyun glances at you. “oh. hey.”

his voice is easy, neutral.

too neutral.

taesan nods at you before turning back to jaehyun. “dude, i swear, if you actually pull that off, i’ll—”

“you’ll what?” jaehyun shoots back, raising a brow.

taesan huffs, shoving his shoulder. jaehyun just grins.

you stand there, watching them go back and forth, waiting for something.

for him to turn to you. for him to say something, anything, that feels like him.

but he doesn’t.

you clear your throat. “so…”

jaehyun finally looks at you.

you shift your weight. “did you see my text?”

he blinks.

then, casually, “oh. yeah. sorry, i forgot to reply.”

he forgot.

jaehyun, who never forgets anything.

something tightens in your chest. this gut feeling that won't leave.

you force out a chuckle. “wow, can’t believe you’re ignoring me now.”

“not ignoring you,” he says easily, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “just busy.”

he says it like it’s nothing. like it’s normal.

maybe it is. maybe you were the only one who ever thought it was something else.

when you leave, you expect a text from him.

nothing big. just a 'btw, i was kidding' or a 'you good?'

but it never comes.

—

the date with sohee should be the only thing on your mind.

but that night, as you lie in bed, scrolling through your messages, the only conversation you keep rereading is the one that isn’t there.

“hey,” sohee says, nudging your knee under the table. “you okay?”

you blink, snapping back to the present.

you’re at a café, your coffee untouched, sohee sitting across from you with that effortless confidence, like he belongs wherever he is.

you should be paying attention to him.

you should be happy.

“yeah,” you say, forcing a smile. “just tired.”

sohee grins. “want me to bore you to sleep?”

you laugh, but it’s not as easy as it should be. your hand twitches toward your phone.

you resist the urge to check. you wonder if jaehyun is waiting for you to text first.

if this is some weird game where neither of you want to be the one to cave.

you stare at the empty space where his name should be.

you think about how easy it would be to just message him.

to just say, 'hey. i miss you.'

but you don’t.

instead, you smile at sohee and try to pretend everything is fine.

— a few days pass.

sohee cancels on you last minute.

it’s not a big deal.

really.

it’s just one date. just one night.

but you still sit there, phone screen glowing in the dim light of your room, rereading his message over and over.

sohee [7:12 PM]: hey, something came up. might not be able to make it.

you exhale slowly, thumb hovering over the keyboard.

you [7:14 PM]: oh okay. no worries!

it’s fine. it’s fine.

but your stomach is tight, fingers gripping your phone just a little too hard.

it’s stupid to feel this way. plans change. people get busy.

but you can’t shake it. the feeling of being second.

an afterthought.

without thinking, you tap out of the chat, scrolling down your contacts until your thumb stops on a familiar name.

you hesitate.

then, before you can talk yourself out of it, you press call.

the phone rings.

once.

twice.

three times.

your stomach twists.

jaehyun always picks up on the first ring.

always.

except now, he doesn’t.

you don’t know why you expected him to.

he’s been distant for weeks now, ever since…

your throat tightens.

you don’t want to think about it.

but for the first time, you wonder, when was the last time he called first?

when was the last time he was the one waiting on you?

you shove the thought away, locking your phone.

it doesn’t mean anything.

you see jaehyun the next day, and he looks tired.

not just the kind of tired that comes from too many late nights.

a different kind. something deeper.

you hesitate before stepping forward. “hey.”

he looks up, gaze flicking over you, unreadable. “hey.”

you shift your weight.

“can we talk?”

he exhales through his nose, rubbing his eyes. “do we need to?”

the words hit you harder than they should.

your fingers curl at your sides. “yeah,” you say. “i think we do.”

jaehyun watches you for a second. then, finally, he nods.

you end up outside, the evening air cool against your skin.

jaehyun leans against the railing, arms crossed, waiting.

you don’t know how to start.

you don’t even know what you want to say.

so you settle for, “sohee canceled on me last night.”

jaehyun doesn’t react.

he just hums, like he’s waiting for you to get to the point.

you hesitate. “i called you.”

this time, something flickers in his expression.

“yeah,” he says, voice flat. “i saw.”

your stomach twists. “why didn’t you pick up?”

jaehyun exhales, pushing a hand through his hair.

then, quietly—

“you only come to me when you’re upset.”

you blink. “what?”

he shakes his head, looking away. “i can’t keep being the one you run to when someone else lets you down.”

you open your mouth, then close it.

your heart pounds. “jaehyun, it’s not—”

“it is,” he says, voice sharp. “every single time. i’m the one you call when you’re sad. when you’re stressed. when you’re alone. but when you’re happy—”

he laughs, but it’s hollow.

“when you’re happy, i don’t even cross your mind.”

your throat feels tight. “that’s not true.”

“isn’t it?”

he tilts his head, looking at you like he’s trying to figure something out.

like he’s trying to figure you out.

and the worst part is that you don’t have an answer.

you never thought about it. never realized how much you relied on him.

how much you expected him to always be there.

you swallow hard. “i don’t want to lose you.”

your voice is quiet, but it feels like shouting.

jaehyun’s gaze softens, just for a second.

but then, just as quickly, he shakes his head.

“then stop looking for me only when you need something.”

and for the first time, he walks away first.

—

everything feels off.

it’s not something you notice all at once. it creeps in slowly, like the way the air feels heavier before a storm.

it’s in the empty space next to you when you walk home. the silence in your messages where his name used to be.

it’s in the way you find yourself reaching for your phone, expecting a notification that never comes.

jaehyun is gone.

not literally. he’s still there, somewhere, existing in the same world as you. you still see him in passing, laughing with his friends, leaning against doorways, shoving his hands into his pockets like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

he looks… fine.

and that stings more than you want to admit.

because if he’s fine, then why aren’t you?

you tell yourself it’s just habit.

you got used to him. that’s all.

but habits don’t make your chest ache when you see him talking to someone else.

habits don’t make you stay up at night, staring at the ceiling, replaying every conversation, every look, every moment that should have told you something you refused to see.

habits don’t make you feel like something is missing.

like someone is missing.

and then it hits you, all at once.

you miss him.

not because you need something. not because you’re sad, or upset, or lonely.

you just miss him.

you miss his stupid jokes. the way he always knew what you were thinking before you said it. the warmth of his presence, steady and solid like he was always meant to be there.

and a thought comes to mind, you never even thought about sohee.

not once.

it takes you too long to do something about it.

but eventually, you do.

and it’s not hard to find jaehyun.

he’s outside, leaning against the side of the building, scrolling through his phone like he’s waiting for something. or maybe someone.

you swallow hard, nerves crawling up your spine.

you almost turn around.

almost.

but then he looks up, and his eyes land on you.

he freezes.

for a second, neither of you move.

then, slowly, he straightens.

“…hey.”

it’s not cold, but it’s not warm either.

you hate that.

you take a breath. “hey.”

jaehyun tilts his head, watching you carefully.

waiting.

you nervously lick your lips, shifting your weight.

you should say something.

apologize. explain. tell him you were stupid, that you get it now, that you know it’s too late but you see him now, the way you should have before.

but none of that feels right.

so you just say—

“i miss you.”

jaehyun doesn’t react right away.

you force yourself to keep going.

“that’s all.”

you exhale, stepping back. “i just thought you should know.”

then you turn, forcing your feet to move, your heart pounding so loud it drowns out everything else.

one step.

two.

three—

a hand wraps around your wrist.

stopping you.

your breath catches.

slowly, you turn.

jaehyun is staring at you.

his grip isn’t tight, but it’s firm enough that you feel it.

your throat goes dry.

“that’s all?” he asks, voice quiet.

you hesitate. “what?”

he exhales, shaking his head, something unreadable in his eyes.

“you miss me, and that’s all?”

your stomach twists.

he’s waiting for something.

something more.

you don’t know if you deserve to give it to him.

but you do anyway.

you take a shaky breath.

“no.”

jaehyun’s fingers loosen, but he doesn’t let go.

you swallow, looking down.

“it’s not just that i miss you,” you admit, voice barely above a whisper. “it’s that everything feels wrong without you.”

jaehyun doesn’t speak, so you keep going.

“i was an idiot,” you say, words spilling out now, too fast, too real. “you were always there, and i never saw it. but i see it now.”

jaehyun exhales, shaking his head.

“took you long enough.”

your lips twitch. “yeah.”

a beat of silence.

“can i make it up to you?”

jaehyun narrows his eyes.

“depends.”

you blink. “on what?”

he sighs, pretending to be annoyed, but the corner of his mouth twitches.

“you owe me so much boba.”

you snort, shaking your head. “deal.”

you bump shoulders with him, just lightly, testing.

jaehyun doesn’t pull away.

and this time, when you start walking, he stays right beside you. where he always belonged.

—

tysm for reading :>

series taglist : @somber-reads @saritahwang

bnd taglist : @bxnedo