what if he smells crime

my dick is malleable, it can be shaped into any form i desire, and with the magic of stop motion technology, i have crudely recreated every wallace and gromit movie using nothing but my plasticine dick. recently, my dick has dried up, and is now permanently shaped like the steamroller from bob the builder

do you ever see a post you made 3 years ago and now have no recollection of ever having writing and just think “no, there’s no way i’d ever put something like that on the internet” and yet there it is, your username undeniably attached to it. it’s an experience not unlike coming across a gravestone with your own name and date of death written on it and you realize that you’ve been dead for 3 years and have been existing this entire time as a soulless entity.

Rb if you wanna complain about men and eat cheese with Winona Ryder

imagine being an elderly nun and katy perry tries to steal your house and then sings oh happy day at you while reading the lyrics off her phone and then sues you and then you die in court. they should replace the book of job with that article

1-800-AREYOUSLAPPIN

“The Favorite” by Omar Rayyan

Favorite what? Demon?!

Loving the fact that whatever it is is wearing a matching flower.

18th century Lilo and Stitch

HOLY WOW IT GOT EVEN BETTER.

…Goodness.

Dearie me, what is this that just popped up on my dash.

What is that orange dragon doing? Yoga or ballet? 😱

his best!

it said its name, it’s a [unholy screeching]

i think we’ve gotten as close to a real life Howler as we can get

this is literally the funniest thing Ive ever seen in my life

Not all heroes wear capes.