Confessions

To celebrate this sickly holiday V and I have put together a surprise for you... This school is full of disgustingly happy in love couples so, let's put that love and trust to the test with a little honesty hour! If the question is sent with a cupids bow you must answer honestly. Don't forget, we'll be watching... -Love, E & V

S/O-Specific Questions:

Would you ever consider giving your S/O a “hall pass”?

What’s something your S/O does that *isn’t* sexual, but still always manages to turn you on?

Is there anything you secretly like doing to get a rise out of your S/O?

If you *had* to pick a third for you and your current S/O, who would you choose?

Be honest: Do you think you love your S/O *a little* more than they love you?

On a scale of 1 - 10, rate how good of a kisser you think you are. How good of a kisser is the person you’re currently dating?

Be honest: Do you see a long future with the person you’re currently with?

Any sexual fantasies with your S/O that you haven’t told them about yet?

For the person you’re currently with, how long did you date them before you were ready to make things official?

Out of you and your S/O, who fell in love first? Who fell in love harder?

In your current relationship, who do you think fell for whom first?

What’s the most romantic thing your S/O has ever done for you?

What’s the sexist non-nude picture you have of your S/O? Post it.

'Anyone But Your S/O’ Questions:

If you weren’t dating the person you’re currently with, who at this school would you be with instead?

Describe the last sex dream you had that involved someone *other than* who you’re currently dating.

Are you currently dating the same person you were crushing on a year ago? If not, who was the person you were crushing on?

Describe the last time you got your heartbroken.

If you *had* to hate-fuck someone other than your S/O at this Joie, who would you choose?

Could you ever imagine yourself in a poly relationship with your current S/O and someone else at Joie? If so, who?

Look at the first 5 (non S/O) people in your contacts [OOC: Use a list randomizer]. Rank them by attractiveness with 1 being the hottest.

Be honest: Do you find the last person (not your S/O) that you texted attractive?

Do you have any sexts or nudes from someone other than your current S/O?

If you weren’t with your S/O, what’s the *oldest* you’d ever consider having sex with at the age you are right now?

Be honest: Do you have any exes that you still think about?

Are there any people you were casual with that you actually would’ve considered dating regularly?

Be honest: Have you ever considered dating the ex of a family member?

General Love/Sex/Romance Questions:

What’s your body count?

How long into a relationship is long enough to consider marriage?

Is cheating ever an excusable action?

What’s the hottest/sexiest non-nude photo that you’ve sent someone? Post it.

What’s your body count?

Have you ever accidentally gotten turned on in public? Tell me what happened.

Do you consider a Disney wedding too cliché?

Have you ever paid for sex?

Have you ever had the condom broke? How did you handle it?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how jealous are you?

Is jealousy in a partner a turn on or a turn off for you?

When was the last time you had a one night stand?

Even been in a ‘Friend with Benefits’ situation?

Be honest: Is make up sex really as great as people say it is?

Have you ever been inside a sex store?

When’s the last time you brought a toy into the bedroom?

Describe your dream date.

Would you ever consider getting a vibrating tongue ring?

Tell me your most embarrassing story involving kissing someone.

Is stargazing too cheesy of a date idea for you?

Do you prefer sweet kisses or straight-up make out sessions?

Chocolates or flowers?

PDA - Yes or no?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Are you clingy?

What’s your favorite place to be kissed?

ANYWAYS, news is out and hangovers are a-plenty from the Flame night this weekend. Let’s see what us and our minions uncovered, shall we? 

Pandered Prince and Yeehaw Yokel swapped one lonely female for another, this time bringing the one and only Harlot Heartbreaker. But as per usual, the “College Sweethearts” abandoned their lonely girl to go fuck somewhere... I wonder where they did it this time. Who heard their loud moans- you know, other than the frat boys who have probably blocked out the sounds at this point.

Seeing Harlot Heartbreaker out without her bastard baby was kind of a shock since she never shuts up about how she has a kid. We get it, blondie. You spread your legs. Prince and Yokel only brought her out to secure time with the bastard baby. Which brings me to-

Notably missing there- Military Migraine. I’m guessing the weird quad are still not the best of friends. Though he has been seen being quite comfortable going in and out of H.H’s apartment. Rumor has it that he’s all but moved in there. 

Or is he living nextdoor to one of the Chambers boys? Can you say family reunion between Migraine and his dear cousins- Nervous Nelly and Smug Suit? No?

Speaking of moving- tis the season? Grumpy Cat is now living in the same frat house where her cousin- Pandered Prince- is getting loudly dicked down frequently? There are some real weird family connections going on at this school, aren’t there?

Anyways, Grumpy Cat had to have blown some cash that night with how many drinks must have made it on her tab. 

Lovely Lyricist and Deluded Dancer were peppy and exhausting as ever.

Ginger Spice has become as soft as a wet noodle- clear from his gag-worthy performance dedicated to Prying Prima Donna. 

Nervous Nelly... sang a song about being a one night stand, which seems a little foreboding for his relationship with Other Smythe. 

BUT WAIT- one of my personal favorite moments was watching French Fatale and Toddler Boy grinding on the dance floor and- if my eyes didn’t deceive me- F.F. even gallantly helped T.B. out of the club. Who wants to take bets that they fucked? I guess Weak Wreck isn’t dicking him down enough. “Love” only goes so far, am I right?

Who notably didn’t seem to be having a good time? Drag Mama Drama and John... again, “love” only goes so far. Though who could be mad at the ring on DMD’s hand. Although... they did escape out a back door. I have always said that a good fuck can solve most problems, but I never took DMD as a back alley hookup kinda guy. ...Well, not literally in back allies anyways. 

Anyone else that was there that night... well, you really didn’t do anything notable, did you? Otherwise we would have heard about it. TA-TA for now, bitches. We’ll be back for more fun soon- we promise. 

In the meantime, if you see or hear something... our ask box is always open for dirt. 

Congrats to the big auction winners, there were some surprises there, so let’s have a run down...

Lovely Lyricist was bought by Ginger Spice. I hope he can remember her name for more than five minutes or that’s going to be an awkward one; if it isn’t already bad enough he’s going out with his sons’ girlfriend.

Shady Seal was bought by Toddler Boy which I didn’t see coming, maybe it’s some latent Daddy issues or big bro issues pulling him towards the vet? Who knows, but all that ever seems to be on TB’s mind is fucking so do with that what you will.

Next up was Military Migraine bought by Deluded Dancer. I don’t even know where to start unpacking this one but just like DD calls Ginger Spice ‘Dad’ we’ve also heard rumors of him calling Harlot Heartbreaker ‘Mom’ so does that make him MM’s step-son? We’ll get back to you on that.

Grumpy Cat and Yeehaw Yokel once again proved their weird friendship was more important than my favorite Kitten getting laid. Is it just me or does it seem like she’s cock-blocked left and right? By that of course I mean there are cocks blocking her way to the ladies. 

Nervous Nelly went to Energizer Bunny for a staggering $100. Hopefully EB can keep it in their pants otherwise NN will be getting his cherry popped by someone who is most definitely not his boyfriend.

Drag Mama Drama claimed the top spot receiving the highest big of the night of $200 from French Fatale. We started having horrible (wonderful) flashbacks from last year’s auction at this point and as expected it wasn’t FF’s only win of the night.

Vapid Vegan was also a victim of Energizer Bunny’s. Is anyone else betting the two will end up picking up garbage all day in lieu of a good fuck?

The darling Colorful Cornerstone was swooped up by French Fatale. This is when we dared to hope for a little scuffle but no such luck. We’re getting more cockblocking vibes from best friends who feel the need to encroach on dates so we’re just hoping Presumptuous Perfectionist puts out enough so CC isn’t upset about wasting a date on FF.

Then Energizer Bunny themselves was also up for grabs even after winning two date and interestingly enough they were picked up by John and I can tell you now my head is spinning with the possibilities. I can’t wait to see what comes of this. 

Prying Prima Donna was up next bought by, get ready kids... Energizer Bunny. Does that kid have nothing better to do than to stand around paying for attention?

Simple Skater was next and bought by their sister Colorful Cornerstone. Looks like none of those PS kids are going to be having any fun on their dates.

Another nightmarish flashback came in the form of Harlot Heartbreaker being won by Military Migraine. At least MM was using his own money unlike what HH did for the last auction... Or so we heard. Should we be looking out for Bastard Baby to have a sibling by next summer?

John was up next and bought by Drag Mama Drama. I wonder how J feels being the one who’s being paid for this time, must have been strange for him, we hope he’s doing okay.

Last but certainly not least we had Toddler Boy though I know I was disappointed when we had another family win in the form of his cousin Nervous Nelly. Maybe NN is hoping to get some advice on how to woo Other Smythe and finally get dicked down. Who knows but I sure am (not) glad that French Fatale’s bids on TB didn’t flip Weak Wreck’s switch because we’ve definitely spotted a little green monster there.

OVERALL, Energizer Bunny seemed eager to spread their money around, bidding on almost every single person and won three dates- leaving them with a total of four dates from this Halloween auction. I guess they really are hoping that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. 

Um… thank you? 

Just look at those manners. I like it dirty but sometimes a polite boy with the face and the abs makes me weak. 

Isn’t he just the best?

You two are sickening and I'm here for it.

*Harlot Heartbreaker

You know we love our drama here at Thunderclap Central but damn.

I wouldn’t say no to being in the middle of that sandwich if they’re looking for a third. YUM. Not sure what street you've been on... I want pictures or audio proof next time little Gray, but it was an open relationship was it not? V absolutely called those two breaking up long before this claim anyways. I Wonder how Baby Daddy is going to react... any thoughts, Military Migraine?

Well glaze my nipples and call me Rita, anyone else not believes they’ve been faithful this whole time? I for one, do not believe those little trips Scarlett Soviet has been making to the apartment of Prying Prima Donna and Ginger Spice are entirely innocent... think they are trying to revive the swinging 60′s? If so I want in.    

silashart​:

That’s your opinion, Love. But I know what I know, and I don’t need to bend over backwards to prove that to anyone but myself.

And me. Yourself and me.

And I don’t need my boyfriend to step in. I simply got tired of your bullshit and he did it all himself. Just simply fuck right off, okay? Your opinions on our relationship are pointless. Stop exerting your brain cells, they can’t handle anymore stupidity.

Right, sure. You didn’t huff and puff about what I said to cause him to step in. Whatever you say. Also, I don’t see how anything I said implied that I’m stupid. God, Little Mx. Sunshine really does disappear when you get faced with some hard reality. If nothing I said had any truth to it, you wouldn’t be upset and trying to insult me. So much for that award you won for most affectionate. 

We’re obviously using protection and getting regular testing done. It’s always interesting how the suggestion of STDs comes up when someone talks about being in an open relationship, but you just acknowledged that you sleep around, and I don’t hear you clamoring to tell us the last time you went to Pills-Well.

Open relationships require multiple times more communication, deliberateness, and honesty that a monogamous one. That’s a strength of it, not a weakness. And regardless, what we do really has nothing to do with you. 

The problem isn’t us; it’s you and your unnecessary stigma, Love.

Real cute how Energizer Bunny clearly can’t fend for themselves. Can’t imagine that they would have needed their “boyfriend” to step in if they didn’t know that there’s totally some truth to what I’m saying.

Anyways- I did say that, and I do get tested regularly. I got no shame about that. I went last week, if you really want to know, John. 

Right. Sure. Whatever you two gotta say to each other. I’m not even advocating for you two to be monogamous. I really don’t care. But I think it’s pretty naive to call it anything other than what it is. You two are fuck buddies. Friends with benefits. You might come back to each other occasionally, but a “relationship” seems like a stretch. 

Not messy, just an open relationship that thrives off of honesty and communication and trust. So sorry you don’t have something so intimate and deep in your life, love.

So, are you two getting tested regularly? I would hate to have to report that you and John have gotten something from fucking around with other people. Which is messy. What’s next? You gonna go fuck Drag Mama Drama??? Or will you make moves on Harlot Heartbreaker again?? How many people are you two gonna rope into your strange game that sounds neither intimate or deep- unless you’re referring to the inches his dick has been inside you. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me- I’m not lying to myself when I get dicked down. 

Clearly my boyfriend has good taste. He’s with me, isn’t he?

Is he? Wasn’t he talking about fucking Drag Mama Drama while you started talking about blowing French Fatale here??? How messy. 

Anyways, let’s get right to it- shall we?

The night kicked off and hopes were high for a magical evening but things weren’t very smooth for Energizer Bunny! After coming to the ball with John, they caught their date eyeing Drag Mama Drama and got pretty huffy. So much so that they went to Sidelined Sidekick for some comfort. Or to cause some drama. Whatever. Honestly, most of the night for EB and J seemed hot and cold, chasing after each other and pissing each other off before they almost fucked on the dance floor and mysteriously disappeared for a while. There was a serenade somewhere in there too. Then, J scooped up EB so they could claim their crown, and let’s be real, they probably fucked at some point. What a wild ride for that couple(literally and figuratively).

There was some real weird conversations overheard near the punch bowl that was spiked. (My bets are on Delinquent Dawkins- Delinquent is in his name- and Scarlet Soviet probably because they basically spent the night around each other!) An extremely unlikely pair- Ginger Spice and Candy-Coated Catastrophe were seen talking and looking equally as confused about the exchange. But that wasn’t the strangest conversation for CCC- Toddler Boy, who probably would have interjected himself to talk about fucking anyways without the influence of his 4Lokos, was heard explaining “bottoming” to her. Really makes you wonder what rock CCC has been living under and how terrible her sex life with Robot Reject must be with how appalled she was to talk about sex in general.

At some point, Ginger Spice went from wearing no ring to wearing a real gaudy piece on his finger, so I guess Prying Prima Donna handed that out? I’m hoping it was a while before PPD almost tumbled over GS while grabbing their tiaras.

Toddler Boy and Weak Wreck were spotted on the dance floor after TB tossed his 4Lokos to the ground, having one of the cans explode all over French Fatale who looked extremely blueballed as he trailed around after TB. But TB really got around that night- as he was also heard talking to Lovely Lyricist about fucking!

We can assume pretty safely that TB was telling LL to fuck Deluded Dancer, right? They did show up together, wearing some of the nights wildest masks, and walked out together. (While Pillsbury Dough-Boy was looking pretty lonely and uncomfortable). Thankfully, despite spending a fairly good portion of the night talking about her flying shoe, LL had her feather-clad shoe brought back to her by Nervous Nelly.

Not like he was doing much else, right? NN and Other Smythe might have been the most awkward couple.(Where’s their reward, right?) But some notable mentions that also were keeping guard at different spots on the wall were Grumpy Cat and Robot Reject. Makes you wonder why some people even go out to these things, really.

Couples that apparently couldn’t really get enough of each other: Unsurprisingly- our very own “College Sweethearts”- Yeehaw Yokel and Pandered Prince; and Colorful Cornerstone with her inspired Little Mermaid ensemble and Presumptuous Perfectionist with her pretty purple party dress!

Notably missed from the ball? Harlot Heartbreaker- who won multiple awards and showed up not once on the stage... I wonder what she ended up doing. Or should I say who- since neither Military Migraine nor Smug Suit were seen either... Could a sibling be in the works for Bastard Baby? 

That’s all for the round up! Can’t wait for what dirt mind be uncovered during the aftermath of our Masqueerade Ball! Remember, we’re always here to take whatever you’ve seen or heard and report it!

E’s nominees - @dir-khummel aka Drag Mama Drama and @xoxosjordan aka Energizer Bunny! 

"You can't say they aren't both regal. I was thinking about how Scarlet Soviet claims he's Russian Royalty... but then we'd have to nominate Delinquent Dawkins and that thought just made me throw up in my mouth a little."

V’s nominees - @dannyboyatjoie aka Robot Reject and @poseyxharper aka Candy-Coated Catastrophe!