#colexmenkins

First of all we are still questioning the unlikely friendship between Scarlet Soviet and Karaoke Klutz. KK got so shitfaced, he never even made it to a microphone for his favorite pastime and had to be dragged home by the old ball and chain Sidelined Sidekick.

Next up we’ve got Nervous Nelly and Other Smythe spotted hiding by the grill looking very cozy. We wish them the best (aka we hope they bring each other out of their shells and give us something to talk about). We were expecting something far more scandalous from the newest Smythe on campus so better get to it or you’ll be Other Smythe forever!

Speaking of Smythes, many of you sent us juicy pics of French Fatale and Grumpy Cat sucking face... is this some new-fangled lax training method or are they not as gay as they say?

I think my personal favorite part of the night was Toddler Boy getting up on that table and giving us a show, Rihanna style. You go TB!

The new normal for Ginger Spice was interrupted tonight by Scarlet Soviet giving him a quick waterboarding but somehow they both walked away without injury. My question is who’s buying from who in that transaction or is it an exchange of services?

You know who didn’t walk away without injury? Draco Malfoy, he was spotted with a split lip and the beginnings of what we can only hope will be a spectacular black eye. Looks like he got on the wrong side of Delinquent Dawkins if the bloodied knuckles are any indication, and then who expected to see SS helping Delinquent Dawkins home? Wonder what that cost. What would a Joie party be without a fight, you Thunderclaps sure have some fun traditions!

“And now over to V who definitely has her claws out tonight!”

"Right on time, too, E. I just finished filing them to purrfection. Meow."

Not only did Draco Malfoy not get to pay his way out of that lovely shade of purple his eye is now... but he also got screamed at by Baby Mama Drama... who is seriously not living up to her name... she needs a new one- maybe Harlot Heartbreaker ft. Bastard Baby! Anyways, Harlot Heartbreaker tossed her Bastard Baby over to Yeehaw Yokel and spent her entire time screaming at... everyone for everything? Seems like she might have been taking out some feelings on the party people- Maybe those feelings had to do with a certain Smug Suit attending the party without her? Whatever it is- sweetie needs to chill the fuck out. 

 Two lovebirds that were seen together though? Ginger Spice and Prying Prima Donna spent basically the entire party gushing over each other and eating grapes... out of all the food that was there. I am honestly not sure if I should “awh” or gag.

Though the grooms-to-be did end up witnessing the Lovely Lyricist (or so we think- we have yet to hear anything she's written) and her slippery introduction to Joie. L.L. ended up at the feet of Presumptuous Perfectionist and looked like she was about to pass out. If she had though, I suppose Deluded Dancer would have swept in there, right? I heard they used to be an item. My bets are on that this "song" L.L. has said she's finished is about how much she actually wants D.D. back. Honestly super curious why she would want him back though... I saw the guy literally sit in the kiddie pool full of ice and drinks... Pillsbury Dough-boy can keep him... Or can he?

“That’s all for now Folx, please bring us something to sink our teeth into soon!”

Cole: I've got a proposition for you.

Anyways, let’s get right to it- shall we?

The night kicked off and hopes were high for a magical evening but things weren’t very smooth for Energizer Bunny! After coming to the ball with John, they caught their date eyeing Drag Mama Drama and got pretty huffy. So much so that they went to Sidelined Sidekick for some comfort. Or to cause some drama. Whatever. Honestly, most of the night for EB and J seemed hot and cold, chasing after each other and pissing each other off before they almost fucked on the dance floor and mysteriously disappeared for a while. There was a serenade somewhere in there too. Then, J scooped up EB so they could claim their crown, and let’s be real, they probably fucked at some point. What a wild ride for that couple(literally and figuratively).

There was some real weird conversations overheard near the punch bowl that was spiked. (My bets are on Delinquent Dawkins- Delinquent is in his name- and Scarlet Soviet probably because they basically spent the night around each other!) An extremely unlikely pair- Ginger Spice and Candy-Coated Catastrophe were seen talking and looking equally as confused about the exchange. But that wasn’t the strangest conversation for CCC- Toddler Boy, who probably would have interjected himself to talk about fucking anyways without the influence of his 4Lokos, was heard explaining “bottoming” to her. Really makes you wonder what rock CCC has been living under and how terrible her sex life with Robot Reject must be with how appalled she was to talk about sex in general.

At some point, Ginger Spice went from wearing no ring to wearing a real gaudy piece on his finger, so I guess Prying Prima Donna handed that out? I’m hoping it was a while before PPD almost tumbled over GS while grabbing their tiaras.

Toddler Boy and Weak Wreck were spotted on the dance floor after TB tossed his 4Lokos to the ground, having one of the cans explode all over French Fatale who looked extremely blueballed as he trailed around after TB. But TB really got around that night- as he was also heard talking to Lovely Lyricist about fucking!

We can assume pretty safely that TB was telling LL to fuck Deluded Dancer, right? They did show up together, wearing some of the nights wildest masks, and walked out together. (While Pillsbury Dough-Boy was looking pretty lonely and uncomfortable). Thankfully, despite spending a fairly good portion of the night talking about her flying shoe, LL had her feather-clad shoe brought back to her by Nervous Nelly.

Not like he was doing much else, right? NN and Other Smythe might have been the most awkward couple.(Where’s their reward, right?) But some notable mentions that also were keeping guard at different spots on the wall were Grumpy Cat and Robot Reject. Makes you wonder why some people even go out to these things, really.

Couples that apparently couldn’t really get enough of each other: Unsurprisingly- our very own “College Sweethearts”- Yeehaw Yokel and Pandered Prince; and Colorful Cornerstone with her inspired Little Mermaid ensemble and Presumptuous Perfectionist with her pretty purple party dress!

Notably missed from the ball? Harlot Heartbreaker- who won multiple awards and showed up not once on the stage... I wonder what she ended up doing. Or should I say who- since neither Military Migraine nor Smug Suit were seen either... Could a sibling be in the works for Bastard Baby? 

That’s all for the round up! Can’t wait for what dirt mind be uncovered during the aftermath of our Masqueerade Ball! Remember, we’re always here to take whatever you’ve seen or heard and report it!

“I’d know that ass anywhere, hey Firecracker.” [Seb pats Coles ass cheekily.]