#brightonberry

Congrats to the big auction winners, there were some surprises there, so let’s have a run down...

Lovely Lyricist was bought by Ginger Spice. I hope he can remember her name for more than five minutes or that’s going to be an awkward one; if it isn’t already bad enough he’s going out with his sons’ girlfriend.

Shady Seal was bought by Toddler Boy which I didn’t see coming, maybe it’s some latent Daddy issues or big bro issues pulling him towards the vet? Who knows, but all that ever seems to be on TB’s mind is fucking so do with that what you will.

Next up was Military Migraine bought by Deluded Dancer. I don’t even know where to start unpacking this one but just like DD calls Ginger Spice ‘Dad’ we’ve also heard rumors of him calling Harlot Heartbreaker ‘Mom’ so does that make him MM’s step-son? We’ll get back to you on that.

Grumpy Cat and Yeehaw Yokel once again proved their weird friendship was more important than my favorite Kitten getting laid. Is it just me or does it seem like she’s cock-blocked left and right? By that of course I mean there are cocks blocking her way to the ladies. 

Nervous Nelly went to Energizer Bunny for a staggering $100. Hopefully EB can keep it in their pants otherwise NN will be getting his cherry popped by someone who is most definitely not his boyfriend.

Drag Mama Drama claimed the top spot receiving the highest big of the night of $200 from French Fatale. We started having horrible (wonderful) flashbacks from last year’s auction at this point and as expected it wasn’t FF’s only win of the night.

Vapid Vegan was also a victim of Energizer Bunny’s. Is anyone else betting the two will end up picking up garbage all day in lieu of a good fuck?

The darling Colorful Cornerstone was swooped up by French Fatale. This is when we dared to hope for a little scuffle but no such luck. We’re getting more cockblocking vibes from best friends who feel the need to encroach on dates so we’re just hoping Presumptuous Perfectionist puts out enough so CC isn’t upset about wasting a date on FF.

Then Energizer Bunny themselves was also up for grabs even after winning two date and interestingly enough they were picked up by John and I can tell you now my head is spinning with the possibilities. I can’t wait to see what comes of this. 

Prying Prima Donna was up next bought by, get ready kids... Energizer Bunny. Does that kid have nothing better to do than to stand around paying for attention?

Simple Skater was next and bought by their sister Colorful Cornerstone. Looks like none of those PS kids are going to be having any fun on their dates.

Another nightmarish flashback came in the form of Harlot Heartbreaker being won by Military Migraine. At least MM was using his own money unlike what HH did for the last auction... Or so we heard. Should we be looking out for Bastard Baby to have a sibling by next summer?

John was up next and bought by Drag Mama Drama. I wonder how J feels being the one who’s being paid for this time, must have been strange for him, we hope he’s doing okay.

Last but certainly not least we had Toddler Boy though I know I was disappointed when we had another family win in the form of his cousin Nervous Nelly. Maybe NN is hoping to get some advice on how to woo Other Smythe and finally get dicked down. Who knows but I sure am (not) glad that French Fatale’s bids on TB didn’t flip Weak Wreck’s switch because we’ve definitely spotted a little green monster there.

OVERALL, Energizer Bunny seemed eager to spread their money around, bidding on almost every single person and won three dates- leaving them with a total of four dates from this Halloween auction. I guess they really are hoping that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. 

Thank you :)