#natechambersjoie

Frannie: Hey... what happened? Did the grocery store decide to keep you? Was the produce super... mesmerizing or something?

(a couple moments pass:)

We know that you all have been eagerly awaiting this post, just on the edge of your seats to know what we know... So, let’s get started, shall we? We last left off with all the goings-on from the frat party... 

Ginger Spice seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth for a few days as he wasn't seen on campus with Prying Prima Donna... Trouble in paradise already? Weren't they just being overly domestic?

Harlot Heartbreaker was apparently featuring Bastard Baby once again as she showed up to her class with her law books and a stroller... Sounds like the beginnings of a terrible t.v. show...

Speaking of Heartbreaker... we seem to be under the suspicion that H.H. and her daring Smug Suit are broken up? Smug Suit was seen wandering off campus pretty late... and H.H was seen with Yeehaw Yokel and Pandered Prince with her Bastard Baby Sunday afternoon looking like absolute trash... and that’s an insult to trash... 

We weren't able to report anything on Candy-Coated Catastrophe or Robot Reject last time because they are so generally boring and lame... but apparently our very own Catastrophe gave birth to a bearded dragon? Totally knew that something was off about those two but my bets were on them being aliens... not lizards...?

Our Lovely Lyricist may not be so lovely much longer if she continues to stuff her face with cookies as if they are real meals... or maybe if she just came clean about whatever she's hiding, she could slow down on the cookie intake... Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that there have been reports of L.L. and what seemed to be a male having rather sexual conversations through the walls of the Pillsbury dorms... and that Deluded Dancer mysteriously disappeared around the dorms for days... Not only that... but just recently our sources saw the pair hugging each other very tightly before retreating back into her room... Seems like our high school sweethearts are hiding quite a bit...

Now on to the scoops that E picked up! Go for it, hot stuff.

Spotted: Yeehaw Yokel and Pandered Prince entering the Pillsbury wellness center and our source says the blonde bombshell was looking hella uncomfortable. Is AXI suffering from a case of the clap? If you've been spending time over at the AXI house, you should probably get yourself a little wellness check just in case...

Many of you reported seeing Nervous Nelly trying way too hard to impress one of the Smythe twins. It didn't take us much research to find out it was Other Smythe. Get it together Thunderclaps, French Fatale wouldn't be seen dead in that cardigan and hat combo. Such a shame he got swiped off the market so quick though, I sure as hell wanted to sink my teeth into that, maybe they'll be up for a plus one, what do you think V? 

I think you could do much, much better than those two, E... Besides, there’s no way they’ve fucked already... Nervous Nelly got their name for a reason, remember? - V

Speaking of getting boys into bed you know who I haven't seen slutting it up in a while? JU's own Scarlet Soviet. He's been mysteriously absent from the back ally of The Flame... did he catch the Clap from AXI or are our loyal fans right and the social media conversation between one Robot Reject and the Scarlet Soviet himself really did suggest he's managed to tie down Delinquent Dawkins. I'm certain this is going to last all of five minutes when one's a hoe and the other is going to end up back in jail before the end of the semester. P.S. We are now taking bets on how long before DD is locked up again, send us a message if you want in on the game!

And that’s our round-up! Let us know if we’ve forgotten anything, babes... and remember... we’re around if you ever feel like confessing- anonymously or not! 

Why thank you! I’m glad you ‘liked’ the sights of Italy like I did! 

Thank god you didn’t keep that mustache. I would beaten you myself.

Very nice dude. How much are the tickets?

Thanks! I was pretty proud of that basement performance. 10 dollars! You interested? 

DM: Well we all know that is not true.

DM: I mean, obviously not everyone... Someone had to write that. 

Frannie: How's it going, hotstuff?

Frannie: Oh and uh Vince texted me asking if we are friends ??? I said yes, but I don't know if that was the right answer...