trisha lane ♔

addirittura: really?, seriously?.

magari: i wish, probably, possibly. 

ormai: at this point, by now, already, by the time. 

forse: probably, maybe. 

comunque: anyhow, anyway, in any case, no matter how. 

proprio: precisely, exactly, quite, just, really, truly or adj: own, typical, fitting, suitable. 

però: yet, but, though, however. 

quindi: then, therefore, so. 

mi raccomando: pretty please, don’t forget, listen, make sure to, literally means: I entrust myself to you.  

pure (anche): also, too, even, although, yet, as well, besides. 

insomma: all in all (com’era il film? insomma… ho visto di meglio), in conclusion, so, hey. 

anzi: actually, on the contrary, rather. 

mica: at all, it’s not like that. (non mi sento mica bene, mica male questo vino) 

eccome: certainly, absolutely. 

piuttosto: rather, instead (comparazione tra due cose diverse) 

smettila: stop, quit, give up. 

innanzitutto: first of all. 

infatti: used to reaffirm what you just said by further explaining or listing. 

inoltre (in aggiunta): moreover, also, furthermore 

dappertutto (ovunque, dovunque): everywhere 

cioè (ossia): that is, in other words, that is to say.

These. 

These are two of the most powerful moments in the X-Men movies. This is how you define Magneto. A man scarred and impacted by what he endured in the camps. A man who endured the unendurable. 

I never saw him as a villain. I never saw him as a monster. I saw him as a man who wanted to do everything - to move heaven and earth - to keep his people safe. 

… even though I do not know what I am describing.

All i know is I am struggling with it.

Some of you may call it “feeling empty”, but I don’t think that’s suitable for me.

I am sitting on the ground, couple of times during the day, not having enough power or energy to stand straight up, sometimes not even enough motivation or energy to breathe. My breath slows down and repeats in short waves, so no big inhales.

At the same time, my eyes are slowly closing and I even kinda feel tired. But it is not the type of feeling tired that makes you really fall asleep. And even if I try to rest or to sleep, my heartbeat is still racing, my venes are ticking and my mind is blowing up. In my head I am either seeing something that happend long long ago in the past, I may figure out a situation I am in right now but doesn’t exist or I can think about something that may exist as well in the future as well as it could have happened in the past.

Baddest thing about all these situations: I can not tell which of these “memories/visions” really happened or exist.

It is like watching a tape of your childhood but not remembering anything about it.

So imagine how hard it is to do your chores not knowing if anyone ever notices it and just doing things because you were told to do so.

But on the other hand people tell you you shouldn’t do so because it is bad for some reason.

Maybe you can compare it to a child, which is told to always tell the truth but when it does it gets blamed for the things it said.

But for me it is even more difficult, because some people, sticking to that example, appreciate me telling the truth but still those side effects get worse, because they didn’t expect me to be like that.

Some of these people I have for some reason contact to offer me something and as soon as I accepting it, they regret their offering and turn around. Some people even blame me for that.

So. Here I am again.

Sitting on the ground in between the things I was told to do knowing it has no effect at the end but I get blamed if I do not do any of these.

Here I am again, not waiting for good things to happen but waiting for bad things to stop.