Hello and thank you for visiting!! Below are fics I have written or am currently writing. All works are cross-posted on AO3 :)
A guide to writing fics set in museums / with a museum worker character
Series
AND THEY WERE WALLMATES | Javier Peña x F!Reader
You share a wall with Javier Peña, but that doesn't make it any easier to get to know him.
E for Explicit | Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / post-series: 7 / 8
Anything That Shined | The Thief x Heroic!F!Reader x Marcus Moreno
The Thief ‘steals’ you and Marcus, mostly to see if he can. Why, then, upon your release, does Marcus Moreno choose to stay in the home of this infamous supervillain?
T for Teen | wcbh type universe, not a dark fic; friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, eventual threesomething, fake dating
masterlist
Into the Woods | Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales x GN!Reader
You and Frankie keep running into each other in the woods. That's it, thats the plot.
All audiences | fluff, comfort, romance
Backstory / chap 1 / chap 2 / comfort interlude / chap 2.5 / the farmer’s market (last half smut) / drabble: Firestick / the picnic (smut)
the “Rancher Boys” universe | Jack Daniels x Reader x Javier Peña
Javier can’t shake a vision of himself leading a peaceful, fulfilled life at Jack’s Ranch and Wellness Center. Naturally, he first has to check in undercover to investigate its head rancher, the ostentatious Jack Daniels, and make sure that the place is worth it.
Teen for now | spy shenanigans, occasional references to Narcos canon-typical content; annoyances to lovers, cute animals and sexy cowboys
part 1: Get or Get Got
Morning Views | E for Explicit | 800 words | morning smut, somnophilia
Cowboys Candids, X-Rated Edition | E for Explicit | 2.5k | cheeky slutty husband Jack
Ride | E for Explicit | 2k | 2 in love horny cowboys, 1 hayloft
Drabble: spurs
it's where I belong | 1.9k words | Rancher Boy!Javier Peña's queer awakening (bi!Javi x OMC)
Private Eye | Tim Rockford/Marcus Moreno x F!Reader
T for Teen | 2.2k | Will you and your secretly super-powered partner be able to solve this case and what's brewing between you?
Ch 1 | Ch 2
Crossroads | Joel Miller x Reader
One-or-Two-Shots
The deal | Unrated | 2.2k | What if, instead of selling your soul to the devil, you can make a deal with someone else?
Inspired by this moodboard
The first meeting | 1.7k
The second meeting | 6.7k
The third meeting | E for Explicit | 9.5k
When Missions Go Right | Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales x afab!Reader
E for Explicit | 7k | ‘I thought I lost you’ smut, only minimal angst
“Ask me” | Frankie Morales x GN!Reader x Santiago Garcia
T for Teen | 1k | sexual tension, established couple inviting a third
The answer (part 2 of “ask me”)
E for Explicit | 1.7k | smut, poly romance vibes
Be the Girl You Wish to Meet in the Bar Bathroom | Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia x F!Reader
T for Teen | 3.3k | sexual tension, realization of feelings
An Ode to Marcus Moreno’s Arms | Marcus Moreno x GN!Reader
Mature | 2.2k | vaguely smutty imaginings
we could be Dreamers - Prologue | Marcus Moreno x GN!Reader
Teen | 1.6k | worldbuilding. set in the same universe as above
Some Pedro boy headcanons: their reactions to you wearing a necklace that doubles as a vibrator
Explicit | 3.3k | afab!Reader. Really more like ficlets than headcanons; individual warnings listed when relevant
All Was Golden in the Sky | Pero Tovar x OFC!Reader
E-M | 17.6k | A call for mercenaries leads Pero Tovar to China. Along the way, he forms a connection with a member of the Crane Corp. Asian/Chinese!Reader
Coping Mechanisms | Dieter Bravo x afab!Reader
E for Explicit | 4.8k | offscreen drug use, dirty bathroom smut
Conversation Pit | Dieter Bravo x afab!Reader
E for Explicit | 4.1k | horny Dieter shenanigans, a surprise dom appearance 👀, mmf threesome. Same universe as above, but there's no plot connecting then
wildflowers | Joel Miller x GN!Reader
Unrated | 1.5k | The slightest change in the air between you and Joel
Messenger Bird | Oberyn Martell x afab!Reader x Ellaria Sand
E for Explicit | 5.9k | You knock on Oberyn's bedchamber door at just the right moment
Press Play | Tim Rockford x afab!Reader
M for Mature | 1.8k | Detective Rockford's tape recorder finds itself an unexpected use
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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something something the deeply ingrained instinct to respond when someone offers you a handshake fundamental need for humans to connect and the extension of hands as a peace gesture something something in this essay
in absence of any other details i'm gonna go ahead and state definitively and for the record that lindsey graham died because his ditzy fairy ass forgot the rule about not taking poppers on viagra and had what is known to medical science as a "Faggot's Stroke" and if his estate wants to correct that information so i can giggle about the real reason then they're welcome to call my office
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okay, for those interested, here is a full timeline of how we got to Count Binface:
1977: Star Wars is released, featuring, of course, Darth Vader
(Pictured: Darth Vader)
1984: Director Todd Durham releases his Star Wars parody movie, Hyperspace, featuring Darth Vader inspired villain Lord Buckethead.
(Pictured: Hyperspace poster featuring two Jawa-esque aliens flying through space in a shopping trolley.)
1987: Hyperspace is released on video in the UK, under the new title Gremloids.
(Pictured: Gremloids cover in the style of the original Star Wars poster, featuring Lord Buckethead.)
To promote the film, Mike Lee, the owner of the distributing company, ran for parliament as Lord Buckethead. He ran in Margaret Thatcher's constituency, Finchley, in order to get on TV. Lord Buckethead was representing the Gremloids party.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with Margaret Thatcher.)
1992: Gremloids is re-released. Lord Buckethead rides again, this time against prime minister John Major in Huntingdon. (Here's a fun fact about Huntingdon: I was born there! :D) 87/92 Buckethead seems to have leaned pretty hard into the space supervillain thing, with campaign promises including 'demolish Birmingham to build a spaceport'.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with John Major. Other notable candidates include Screaming Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party.)
2017: comedian Jon Harvey, having recently watched Gremloids and learned of Lord Buckethead's candidacy for parliament, decides it's a great bit. He runs against Theresa May in Maidenhead. 2017 Buckethead seems to have a wackier and also more political approach, with campaign promises ranging from nonsense like 'nationalise Adele' to gesturing at actually sensible policies with stuff like 'lower the voting age to 16 and restrict voting after age 80'.
He also made an appearance on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. As with his previous incarnation, he was a member of the Gremloids party.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead dabbing on stage with Theresa May.)
2018: Director Todd Durham asserts his legal ownership of Lord Buckethead. Jon Harvey opted not to go to court over Buckethead and handed over the reins. Todd Durham extended an invitation to anyone who wanted to be the 'authorised' Lord Buckethead.
(Pictured: the new Lord Buckethead.)
2019: Lord Buckethead, now played by journalist David Hughes, stood against Boris Johnson in Uxbridge and South Ruislip. He ran for the Monster Raving Loony Party, the UK's pre-existing gag candidate party. He ran with a similarly silly manifesto as the 2017 incarnation, but with a bit less of a political edge. His promises included 'All doorways to be increased by 1 foot (30 cm) in height' and 'Nigel Farage to be sold for parts'.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead and Count Binface square up.)
Meanwhile, Jon Harvey in his new persona Count Binface, also ran against Boris Johnson. Buckethead and Binface face off! Binface ran as an independent with a manifesto once again blending silly and semi-serious promises such as 'nationalising model railways' and 'giving £1 trillion a week to the NHS'. This was also I believe the debut of his promise to 'move the hand dryer in the men's toilet at Uxbridge's Crown and Treaty pub to a more sensible position'.
(Pictured: Count Binface presenting the offending hand dryer, inconveniently close to both the sink and the urinals.)
He has a point.
2021: Count Binface runs for the position of Mayor of London for the first time, with promises such as 'London to join the European Union'. He notably finished ahead of far right party UKIP.
2023: Count Binface runs in the Uxbridge and South Ruislip by-election following Boris Johnson's resignation. He once again gets more votes than UKIP.
May 2024: Count Binface once again runs to be Mayor of London, debuting his now iconic 'build at least one affordable house' promise. Notably, he finished ahead of far right party Britain First.
(Pictured: Count Binface with Rishi Sunak. Also pictured: Monster Raving Loony Party candidate Sir Archibald Stanton with a ventriloquist's dummy.)
July 2024: Count Binface stands in the general election, running in Richmond and Northallerton against prime minister Rishi Sunak. He debuts his promise to cap the price of 99p flakes at 99p. This is his most successful election to date with 308 votes.
(Pictured: Count Binface with Andy Burnham. Also pictured: independent candidate Robert Pownell, dressed as a fox for his own reasons.)
June 2026: Count Binface stands in the Makerfield by-election against Andy Burnham, (recently) former Mayor of Manchester running for parliament with the intention of standing in the Labour Party leadership contest.
(Pictured: Count Binface on BBC's Newsnight.)
July 2026 (this week): Count Binface announces his intention to run against Nigel Farage in the upcoming Clacton by-election. He is briefly the only other candidate in the race and by the time other candidates announce themselves the narrative of 'Nigel Farage vs Count Binface' has already bedded in. And then it was now, and then I don't know what happened.
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