a gooble ga binga!

People are always like “oooOOooHH Heisenberg badass he’s the one who knocks!!!!!!” to the point I went into breaking bad expecting his character to be like that. But what I didn’t expect is that the guy is genuinely 90% of the time a cringy motherfucker. So here’s a list of all the cringe things walter white has done, to balance the scales a bit.

1. Yelled at a cop because his windshield got broken and he refused to fix it despite having recently gotten a large sum of money. Kept escalating until the cop pepper sprayed him and made him cry.

2. Told a high school gymnasium that the plane crash they were all reeling from wasn’t that bad, and that they’d get over it.

3. Quit his job by knocking random shit off the walls and yelling while grabbing his balls.

4. Ended up kicked out of his house and sleeping on the floor of an apartment in a white t-shirt, underwear, and cheetos surrounding him. Yelled “Here’s your restraining order!” while once more grabbing his crotch.

5. Brought a full pizza to his wife to try to make up for selling meth, and then threw the pizza on the roof on accident.

6. Tried to ram a potted plant through a window to get to the guy who was sleeping with his wife. He didn’t succeed.

7. He then tried to seduce his boss out of spite and got fired.

8. Made his son drink tequila shots until he threw up just to feel better than his brother-in-law.

9. Literally came up with a plan where he strips naked in a supermarket and “has amnesia”. It doesn’t work.

10. After his soooo badass “I am the one who knocks” speech (which btw is just him bullying his wife,) he awkwardly shuffles off and takes a shower.

11. He buys the most garish sports cars he can for himself and his son and revs the engines in the damn driveway while mentally playing the lamest song ever

12. His ideas to kill Gus were to ask his right hand man to kill Gus, and then when that failed, walk up to the man’s house, playing his own theme music in his head to hype himself up, and then getting told to just go home.

13. “AM I THE ONLY PERSON CAPABLE OF BEHAVING IN A PROFESSIONAL MANNER?” Man who ruined his job prospects screams at Saul Goodman.

14. Made a terrible lie to Gus about Gale screwing up the batch and needing more time only for Gus to visit Walt at the hospital revealing he knew he was full of shit.

15. His absolutely awful lie about the second cell phone that Skyler doesn’t even believe

16. Spends a whole episode obsessing over and failing to kill a singular fly.

17. Tells his brother-in-law who is actively pursuing Heisenberg that Heisenberg might still be out there just because his ego couldn’t handle the thought of Gale getting the credit