#patrick wilson

“Hon, I know you’re mad at me for going to check out a case without you after you told me not to. I-I just felt like I had to go help out that family. Father Gordon called, and I couldn’t tell the guy ‘no.’ If I had told you about it, you wouldn’t have let me go,” Ed argued as he set down his sleeping clothes on the bed. 

When he got home, his wife was already in bed with her back against the headboard. All evening, she had been trying to distract herself from the recurring thoughts about where he had really gone–and who he was with–as she waited for him to get home before she could fall asleep.

“Of course, I wouldn’t have let you go, especially not alone,” Lorraine half-whispered and half-yelled, not wanting to wake their daughter up. She crossed her arms, watching her husband pull a white sleeping shirt over his head, unable to keep her eyes from traveling down to the contours of his chest, abs, and his happy trail; however, the perfect view didn’t make her any less upset. Not that Ed was using his looks to distract her from the fact she was mad at him, either, but sometimes he did use seductive tactics to get her to cave in. He really was just getting ready for bed, though. Still, he looked good doing even the bare minimum. 

“But why?” Ed asked, taking his khaki slacks off, throwing them into the laundry basket, and putting his soft, much more comfortable pants on. “I know I didn’t tell you where I was going, but if I were going out with some friends to, let’s say, fish or golf, I’m sure you wouldn’t have wanted to come along… I just want to know why you’re acting like this, Hon. You can tell me.” 

She sighed and rolled her eyes out of frustration. “Because…” Pausing, she debated whether to tell him that the real reason for their–or her–current break from taking cases was because she had a premonition of his death and didn’t want him to expose himself to any kind of danger that could make it all a reality. 

Ed probably wouldn’t understand, even if she did tell him the truth. He’d always been logical, unlike his worrisome wife. The fear of losing him was one thing, but actually losing him when she could have possibly prevented it was another. That was something she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself for. She was already so hard on herself. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, toying with the hem of the blue blanket they shared. Lorraine always fidgeted with something whenever she felt uneasy. If it wasn’t with the rings on her fingers or the beads of one of her rosaries, it was with whatever was near her. 

“It does matter,” Ed volleyed back, making his way to his side of the bed. “You’re not upset just because I went somewhere and didn’t tell you. There’s something else going on. I know it; I know my wife,” Ed said as he got into bed. He was tired and didn’t really want to argue–he never did–but regardless, he was open to listening to his wife. 

“You lied to me, Ed. You kept something from me. That’s the only reason I’m upset. And because you came home late… There’s nothing else,” Lorraine lied, gulping and looking down instead of looking up at him. She was hoping he wouldn’t notice, because she didn’t want to talk about the real reason why she was so upset at him for not listening to her. Not knowing his whereabouts was anxiety-inducing, and Ed knew that, which is what infuriated her even more.

“Look, Hon,” Ed started, grabbing her hand in his. “I-I’m sorry. I really am… I don’t know what else you want me to do or say.” He couldn’t tell her he wasn’t going to do it again, because chances were that he was. Ed was stubborn, and that was something she’d figured out very early in their relationship. 

Of course, he never wanted to hurt her in any way, but he also had no clue why lately she had been hesitant about helping those who needed their help–her special assistance. What Ed was aware of, though, was how much of a mental toll it took on her. And no matter what, he was going to protect her. Ed loved protecting Lorraine just as much as–if not more than–she loved protecting Ed. He always saw it as a husband's duty to look after his wife and family. 

He had previously told her that he was willing to go out and take care of the cases they were called for on his own, but it was her help that was crucial to really be able to help those in need. In wanting to keep him safe but also hopeful and feeling busy, she responded by telling him that they would just have to take less cases, only those they knew they could both handle. He agreed to it. At least initially.

Still avoiding eye contact with him, she pulled her hand away from his. “You should sleep in the guest bedroom tonight,” Lorraine said, soft and low, somewhat cold, even. 

“What?” He propped himself up on one elbow. “No. Hon, you can’t kick me out of our room…” He waited for her to say something, but she didn’t. He rubbed his forehead and exhaled, stressed and exhausted. 

Lorraine’s silence was a sign that she had her mind made up. And he didn’t blame her; he knew that doing things behind her back–or anyone’s–was wrong. 

“What about Judy? What if she sees me sleeping in another room and thinks we’re…” Ed paused, scratching his head, not even wanting to say it, not even wanting to ever think about it. “At least let me sleep on the floor,” Ed suggested. It had been too long since they had slept apart; they both had probably forgotten how to sleep without each other. 

“I don’t want to sleep in the same room as you right now,” she replied, her voice cracking. She could feel her eyes beginning to swell with tears. Finally, she looked at Ed and he sat up beside her. 

“Lorraine, please,” Ed begged, placing his hand on her thigh, stroking it with his thumb slowly for both of their comfort. “I’m not letting you go to sleep while you’re mad at me… Please.” 

“I’ll sleep just fine,” Lorraine lied, once again, sniffling and attempting to blink away the tears in the corners of her eyes. 

“I won’t,” Ed told her. Her presence helped him make it through the aftermath of his nightmares when he had them. Feeling her gentle touch and warmth and love always brought him back, and that made him sleep better than any sleeping pill ever had. It had been a long time since he had to take sleeping pills, thanks to his wife. 

“You should’ve thought about that earlier…” she said, matter of factly. “Go,” Lorraine hiccuped. 

As much as he wanted to comfort his wife, he remained quiet to not overstep. He knew he would have no luck if he did try. He sighed, not knowing what else to do to make her content with him again. Ed nodded, respecting her wishes and getting up from the bed to grab a clean blanket from their closet. 

She slid her body down until her head hit the soft pillow beneath her. She pulled the blanket over her shoulder and heard as Ed rounded the bed and made his way to her. Lorraine was facing the opposite side but she could tell he was coming up to kiss her. 

She turned her head, seeing him lean down and pucker his lips the closer he got to her face, ready to kiss her on the lips. Quickly, Lorraine moved her head to the side, causing Ed to kiss her cheek instead. 

“Goodnight,” he said, waiting for her to say it back, but she didn’t. Kissing her and telling her goodnight was something he did every night; it was routine. No matter if she was mad at him, or sad, or going through any other emotion. 

Ed pursed his lips as he shut off the lamp by Lorraine’s nightstand. Then, he walked out of their room and to the guest room, opening the door. However, he decided he didn’t want to sleep in there. 

The room was reserved for guests, and he wasn’t a guest. He didn’t even remember the last time he had entered that room. When they did have guests sleep over, it was always Lorraine who would go in to ensure everything was in order before they stayed and after they left. 

He walked over to Judy’s bedroom, opening her door and checking that she was still sound asleep. And she was. Ed hoped she hadn’t heard anything; she was smart, but still too young to understand what was going on with her parents.

As he made his way downstairs and to the living room couch, he blew out a puff of air. Sitting down with the blanket on his lap, he thought about going back up to his wife–where he belonged–but he also wanted to give her the space she needed. 

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before grabbing one of the couch pillows and putting it on the armrest to lay down at last. Ed twisted and turned until he found a somewhat comfortable position. It didn’t take him too long to fall asleep; it never did, especially when he had a draining day. 

Lorraine, on the other hand, was struggling to sleep with his absence. For almost three hours, her tired eyes drew invisible constellations on the ceiling. She wondered if Ed had been able to fall asleep. Ironically, it was her who couldn’t fall asleep without her husband. She needed him. 

After a while, she was unable to help it, so she stood up and put her slippers on. She walked to the guest bedroom to check in on Ed; however, she didn’t find him there. Panic began taking over her, and she went to check on Judy as well. She was relieved to find that Judy was safe and still asleep. 

Lorraine went downstairs to the living room and found Ed sleeping there, on the couch. 

“Oh, thank God,” she murmured to herself, bringing her hand to her chest, feeling her heart thumping. Lorraine slowly walked up to Ed and sat on the edge of the couch, trying her best to not make too much noise. 

Ed looked peaceful and beautiful; she didn’t want to wake him up. She knew part of her was being selfish for doing so. She caressed his cheek as she watched him sleep for a moment, wondering if she had been too unfair and too harsh with him. 

Lorraine braced herself for it, and then: “Ed?” She wrapped her small–compared to his–hand around his arm, shaking his body gently, attempting to wake him. “Hon?” Lorraine whispered, lightly combing her fingers through his messy hair. 

Ed opened his eyes slowly, his brows knitted, confused on why she was sitting on the couch he had been sleeping on for the past three hours. Not that he minded her being there, but last time he remembered, she wanted him out of their room. “Hey…” he said, still half-asleep. “W-what’s wrong?” Ed asked, suddenly concerned. He grabbed her wrist and stroked her pulse point, a touch that nearly melted her. 

“Nothing…” Lorraine answered. “Just… Come back to bed with me? Please?” She had that tiny pout on her face that she knew Ed could never resist, not from her and not from their daughter. 

He tried to rub the sleepiness from his eyes as he stretched his legs. “What time is it?”

“I-I don’t know… Ed–“

“I thought you said you would ‘sleep just fine’ without me,” Ed teased, biting the inside of his cheek to hold in the smirk threatening to appear on his face. 

Lorraine blushed at his words. “Hon, I-I obviously didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. I was… I was mad.” 

“Are you still mad at me?” Ed asked, grinning at how flustered she was. 

She shook her head, licking her lips. “No.”

“Give me a kiss, then,” he demanded since she denied him one earlier. He would’ve gone back to bed with her without a kiss, but he always had too much fun teasing his wife.

Lorraine let out a breathy little chuckle before she leaned down to give him a quick peck on his lips. 

“No, a-a good one,” he said, placing his hand on her waist.

Giggling, she closed her eyes and leaned back in, cupping his face, kissing him long and passionately and lovingly and devotedly. He moaned into her mouth, the grip on her waist growing tighter. His hand slipped lower and lower, wanting more. But before he could take things further, she pulled back. 

“Ed, can you come back to bed with me now?” 

Nearly breathless but smiling widely, he replied, “Let’s go.”

They stood up, leaving everything on the couch how it was, and walked back upstairs to their room.

Ed was the first to lay down on the cool bed that was missing the heat of his body. “Come here,” he said to her with one free, open arm as the other pulled the blanket over his legs. He was more than ready–and happy–to hold her in his arms like he did every night. 

She took her slippers off and got in bed immediately after he did. He helped pull the blanket for her to get under it with him. Lorraine scooted as close to him as possible. And close still wasn’t close enough.

He wrapped his arms around her as she put one leg over his. She laid her head on his chest and felt a rush of familiarity and love. His scent was calming and soothing. She didn’t need anything else. Everything she did need was right there with her.

“Ed?” Lorraine mumbled, tired and sleepy. 

“Mhm?” Ed hummed.

She looked up at him, her eyes flicking between his eyes and his lips. “Don’t leave me again.”  

He chuckled. “Hon, you were the one who kicked me out.”

“I’m not talking about that…”

Ed swallowed as his smile faded, feeling guilty for having hurt the person he loved most. He nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. “Yeah.”

“And don’t lie to me anymore, either… The next time you do, you’ll be sleeping outside with my chickens,” Lorraine joked. 

“You won’t let that happen.” Ed brushed her loose curls behind her ear, then cupped her chin. 

“Well, I’ll sure let them inside the house to annoy you and get back at you,” Lorraine said. And she was serious about it. She had been having the chickens inside their house more often than usual, and Ed had no other choice than to let her, even if he got a headache from them getting in his way and the constant noise they made. 

“Silly girl.” Ed laughed, booping her nose. “You do need to stop letting them inside, though.”

Lorraine shook her head slowly, smiling and laying her head back on his chest, closing her eyes. “Not happening.” 

He exhaled and shrugged a shoulder, simply accepting it. “As long as that makes you happy, I’m fine with it… I love you, Lorraine.” Ed kissed the top of her head. “Goodnight.”

“I love you, too, Ed… Goodnight.”

If you made it to the end, tysm for reading!

My ao3: @ // lonesomequeen_xo