terms "narcissistic abuse" and "borderline abuse" don't work because:

they're undefined. you might think that theyre defined because "oh but narcissistic/borderline abuse is just abuse perpetrated by the person who has said personality disorder and it is unique to the traits of their disorders!" but that tells you nothing, really. one person might thing it's referring to being controlled by your abuser, another person might think that it is coercion by your abuser, someone else might think its even physical violence etc.

the issue is that neither of the personality disorders necessarily have "being abusive" as a diagnostic criteria, and, in fact, neither have traits that specifically make someone abusive by default. one could argue that "exploitation of others" for npd and "intense anger" or "impulsivity" for bpd are enough of traits to sufficiently label someone an abuser by default, but that: 1. avoids the nuance of everyday life (majority of people have at least SOME surface level relationships that are just for gain, and many diagnosed narcissists also exhibit this trait mildly, as opposed to whats stereotyped. majority of people also have trouble regulating their anger, and often the bpd related angry outbursts don't exceed the impulsivity that you'd see in a neurotypical person) 2. for either bpd or npd diagnosis, you would have to fit at least 5 diagnostic criteria, rather than all 9. most people with either diagnosis don't fit all 9 criteria (and fitting all 9 seems a little unrealistic), which means that you can often get a non avoidant borderline or a heavily empathetic narcissist, or a borderline with no obsessive tendencies etc etc. different people experience their disorders differently

both narcissistic pattern of behaviors and borderline thinking are the standard behaviors for humans, as a species, and we are all meant to have both of these types of traits in order to navigate our lives as social creatures. the reason theyre called "narcissistic PERSONALITY DISORDER" and "borderline PERSONALITY DISORDER" is because our standard borderline/narcissistic behaviors become...well....disordered. in our personality. shocker. but point is, a neurotypical (or otherwise non-cluster b) person can exhibit both of these kinds of behaviors without having the disorders themselves, meaning that, no "narcissistic/borderline abuse is a thing that can uniquely be perpetrated by the person with said personality disorder" isn't true, it's total bullshit and makes no sense whatsoever

how is it a "tool of abuse" if it's something victims say about THEIR abusers?

I'll use just npd in this case but everything 100% applies to bpd too (though I think that the borderline aspect applies more to women, due to the stereotypes), but - in the current state of affairs, "spotting narcissists" became a new demonic panic, where people are desperately trying to explain every bad behavior in their abusers with narcissism, in order to make sense of things, EVEN IF said behavior has little to nothing to do with the nature of the disorder. this means that the current era is the perfect time to essentially "allow yourself" to abuse someone if you label them a narcissist sufficiently enough.

I myself have experiences with this, but right now I want more to focus on comments I frequently see online in these discussions: "I am worried that I am a narcissist because my ex kept saying I am one whenever we argued" - that is a person using this rhetoric to their advantage in order to destabilize and invalidate their victim. "but that just means that that person's ex is a narcissist?" not necessarily. most people are self absorbed and vigilant, and most people will spot bad behavior in others BEFORE themselves. you dont need to be a anrcissist for that at all. why was everyone left and right accused of demonic possession back in the day, but not anymore? that is because the culture changed, but the core still remains the same - use everything you have in order to invalidate your opponent.

MY POINT IS if you label someone a narcissist sufficiently enough, not only can you use their perceived narcissistic traits (that are normal in humans, mind you) as means to invalidate them on whatever they say, but you can also use them to isolate that person from others.

not to mention that hypervigilance will make you spot "narcissism" in literally everything and then, suddenly, somehow every relationship you have after you learned about "narcissistic abuse" is riddled with your narcissist partners... despite only 0.5%-5% of the population actually having npd......you see where im coming from?

how is it pseudo fascist?

ok guys its not like. ACTUAL fascism. I said it for an exaggeration. but it is still equally concerning nevertheless.

I was mainly talking about the "us vs them" mentality and "the enemy is both weak and strong" things.

the "us vs them" thing is because the people who use these phrases genuinely and 100% unironically, with a straight face, divide the world into "empaths" and "narcissists" or "normal" and "borderline". first of all do you realize how insensitive this is? youre implying that your abuse was worse than everyone else's because you were abused by someone you labeled as bpd/npd????? second of all, we already went over this, EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON ON EARTH, all 100+ billion people that have walked this earth, all of us, everyone has narcissistic and borderline traits. everyone. and only a VERY SMALL percentage of the population has the actual disorder. also this is othering victims of abuse who exhibit borderline or narcissistic traits or, even have the disorder. you do realize that both disorders are developed from extreme abuse and neglect, do you? or do you hate those victims because "they aren't victims the correct way"? oh, you're not exhibiting empathy for them? aren't you an unconditionally empathetic person? oh, you aren't? interesting (okay this one's very emotionally charged LMAO SORRY)

and the "enemy is both weak and strong" pisses me off, less because of this discourse and more because its just fucking stupid. "the borderline is a literal stupid toddler who cant regulate their emotions, but theyre also this violent abusive criminal who will kill you" or "the narcissist is a stupid self centered idiot who possesses no logical capacity but theyre also an imposing master manipulator who will turn your life around" like be fucking fr man. again just a personal gripe.

ok thats all