KNOWING MYSELF THROUGH THE CHAPTERS

“Let the wicked forsake their way,and sinners their thoughts; let them turn in the Lord to find mercy, to our God, who is generous in forgiving”

-Isaac 55:7

WELCOME TO MY BLOG

Recently, our Understanding the Self instrucor in college required us to do blogs for us to reflect on the lessons and relate them to our daily lives. 

Future Chezka, If you read this, I am 100% sure you’ll cringe on these blogs hehe please bear with it cuz these exeperiences shaped you. Without these, you are not where you are right now. haha 

to the readers, I am sorry for any grammatical errors commited. As I was writing these, I was not FOCUSED because I had sleepless nights due to bomboarded school works and chores (online classes bcs of the Pandemic caused by COVID. Incase you forget) however, I thank our Instructor to have us introduced this site/app. I could atleast vent out my feelings here whenever I had no one to share my sentiments with. 

Best regards,

 I hope when you read this, you will become the better version of yourself- where you don’t have to be insecure of the things that showcase the real you. No more doubting of your capabilities. There may be a lot of qualms along the way but know that you are strong- YOU CAN DO THIS. I fought a good fight during my 18 years of existence, magpapatalo pa ba tayo?  Please be better for me. Correct my wrongs from the past and forgive me, forgive yourself. Heal from the wounds which you got from fighting the wrong battles. You are a soldier of life, you can withstand all the pain inside your head. Never again, attempt to take away your own life. Others may not empathize or understand what you had been through but always remember, someone up there will listen and cares for you. Your sorrows, is His too. Your cross, is His too. Don’t be a lost soul wandering in circles of melancholy. Life is an incessant search for happiness, contentment and stability- search for the things that make you whole. Above all, put yourself first. This may sound egocentric, but this works all the time. Putting yourself together will make you a better person and a good friend for others too.

 Love, 

In the world full of clicks and posts, there are lies. We are not who we are in the internet. I admit that sometimes, feedbacks from my internet friends matter whenever I post a picture on my social media accounts like Facebook, my ‘days’ on messenger and Instagram. What I usually post are my work out sessions and selfies. Though working out is for myself regardless of their opinion, I can’t avoid wondering what they would say about my current body fit.“huy, Kay, pumayat ka na gud!” though sometimes the perfect angle is the key,  I can’t deny that those compliments boost my self-esteem and pushes me further to workout but what I like about my mentality is that I don’t compare my results to others. I don’t get intimidated whenever a facebook friend posted that she got fit in a short span of time whereas I, could take a couple of weeks to be motivated to work out once again. I remind myself every day that speed is not important, it’s the progress.

I believe, politics is for everyone. Every citizen has a right to exercise its right on voicing out their opinions about the welfare of the country. As a teenager, twitter is my E-newspaper. I get to scroll every morning on the latest news about the country. I remember one time I was labeled as a DDS or Duterte Die-hard supporter for going against an activist’s opinion on my twitter timeline. We debated about the recent ‘oplan tokhang’ weighing its pros and cons and addressing his logical fallacy on wishing a politician’s death. That instead of addressing the issue, he directed the argument against the politician. Thus, I said he committed a logical fallacy which is Ad Hominem. He DMed me on twitter, I denied for being a DDS. Though my family is an avid supporter of the president, my political views are not similar with them. He did a good job in maintaining the peace and order of the city but (so far) I am not yet satisfied with the way how the administration is governing the country. In my opinion, the bulwark of democracy- practicing our rights to voice out has been compromised by ATB or the Anti-Terror Bill which was recently approved by the executive branch since the writ of habeas corpus, a basic human right, is suspended.

 SPIRITUAL SELF

MATERIAL SELF

There is a saying that goes that beautiful things aren’t seen nor touched, but they are felt with the heart. To be honest, I am not a fan of material things because I was raised by my parents not to ask for things that aren’t necessary though they brought things for me as a prize for achieving something, I wasn’t raised spoiled. One thing I was proud of too was growing up with having biscuits as my baon from kindergarten to senior high school. Money isn’t an issue when you have your parents working in the same school as yours. To help my parents save money for our business’ capital, I have biscuits as my baon. My mom says that she will provide my weekly allowance since I am already in college. According to her, it’s about time for me to learn how to budget and save my baon.

SEXUAL SELF (trigger warning, quite funny but it’s your choice to read or not)

Puberty is a chapter of our lives where physical and emotional changes starts to occur because of our hormones. Afternoon, March 10, 2012, marked the day I had my menstruation. I was 10 years old. I and my friends played Patintero. When I was the ‘bahaw’ of the game, I tried to catch one of the game participants who happened to be my childhood crush. When I was about to catch him, he noticed that I had red spots on my WHITE SHORTS. What are the odds! How unfortunate of me to wear one on my first menstruation. He exclaimed, “IKAY, MAY RED SA PWET MO!” to think it really came from him, I was really really embarrassed. So I immediately went home and informed my mom about it. She said “check mo panties mo dali!” and I hurriedly went to the comfort to check. To my surprise, I already have my menstruation. When I was a 6 year old kid, I thought I won’t have menstruation if I wish to be a nun. Since the day I have my ‘mens’, I proved it wrong.

This is ridiculous, I thought. My mom and my aunts, who just had their weekly karaoke session, quickly went to the CR and checked me to confirm if I really had my mens. Me (butt naked), the panty and THEM, my aunties.  Ugh. I don’t know if this ludicrous ‘ritual’ in welcoming a new dalagita to her first menstruation is still practiced today but my aunties pushed through these. ALL IN THE SAME DAY!

NUMBER 1. Facial panties ft. blood. This first ritual is yet the MOST DISGUSTING THING I ever did my whole life but I had no choice because this is said to avoid future pimples daw. “Kay,gawin mo to para hindi ka magkaroon ng pimples.” I believed it right away because I don’t want to have pimples. There, I had some of my blood all over my face. But VUALLAH! Fake news, I had my pimples and I still have them ‘til now.

NUMBER 2. Climb three steps from the ladder and Jump. With my whole family around me (and few neighbours), My aunts, instructed me to climb three steps on the ladder at the vacant house. “sabi nila, para daw three days ka lang dugoin kailangan mo mag akyat diyan three steps tapos jump ka ha sige.. 1 2 3 go!” my goodness. Guess what, I just fell on the ground. Pero I wasn’t shy because our neighbours saw me when I fell. Instead, I got shy because my childhood crush witnessed my second classic ritual. I just don’t want him to watch that’s all.

There were actually 5. But my aunts don’t believe in the remaining three. They said I should do only two because those two were the highlights of the ritual. It took me 2 hours to finish the two. I was so emotionally exhausted, not physically but EMOTIONALLY because the thought that my childhood crush was the first one to have noticed the spots and witnessed the second classic ritual, was very humiliating. I want to burry myself in the soil while reminiscing.

When I was in 8th grade, I was bullied by being fat. As a young lady who has a very low self-esteem and poor body image, it caused me an emotional breakout. That was before when I am not oriented to ‘Self-care’, which teens quote nowadays. I loathe myself for not having a nice body figure and even compare myself to other ladies. But when I reached my 11th grade in Senior High School, a certain sport was introduced to me by my mom. There, I learned how to get rid of the junky-self I was before. For the whole school year, I focused only on my academics and my taking care of myself by working out every day. I am proud of myself for taking the chance to change, to improve everything.

Until now, I am still improving. I am joining competitions to improve my dancing skills and at the same time, trying to remain fit for my health and emotional wellness. I learned how to love myself and accept my flaws. I never knew that accepting my pitfalls would be the first step to change. Right now, I could say that I am more mature on handling my body image. I may have gained again few pounds, but this will never again be the cause of my downfall like what I experienced when I was in Junior High School.

WESTERN AND EASTERN CONCEPTS OF THE SELF

In the western concept of the self, there are theistic, monotheists and atheists. As a human with a religion, I often ask why atheist people exist. I had a close friend who used to evangelize a lot but backslid. I did try to convince him to go back to his faith but instead, I was dragged along with him before. Since then, I never attempted to persuade him back. I just let him be. But one thing I realized about some atheists is that despite being an unbeliever of faith, they are still good. But for my part, it really feels different when you’re with His presence- it’s something Intimate, Comforting. It makes me feel that I am accepted no matter how dirty I was.

CHANGING IS CONSTANT-a person is not bound to a single personality in his/her lifetime. It either gets worse, or gets better than before. Either there are changes in your behavior or you remain stagnant. I believe that to clear up the queries of reason why people change is to understand why they have changed- what could be the reason. It’s not our job to verify their deed worthy of change or not. Whatever their reason is, I or we should always put in mind that it is for themselves and it’s none of my business- unless, they need my guidance.

People only see what’s on the surface. They always instill in their minds that how you act is who you are, this is technically correct however, we often get misjudged because they don’t know what’s going on inside our head or deeper, our heart. When I was in my sixth grade I read ‘The Little Prince’ by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. There, the Little Prince quoted that “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the naked eye.” This chapter reminds me a lot that in a person, there are different aspects but the real aspect that one should give attention to is the heart because the heart contains (aside from the four chambers) figuratively, the clear intentions of the person, If he or she has a good or a bad one.

Filipino practices are still evident today. Example, Po and Opo, the ‘bless’ to the elders and being hospitable to the visitors. These practices contribute to the culture of the Filipinos. These are often recognized by the foreigners abroad. Some American men prefer Filipina women over American because of their ‘pagiging maalaga’ in nature and the discipline that Filipino families instilled to them.

Somehow I can say that the self is actually the product of the society. Example is the widely known saying that goes “tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are” it is often said that the people whom we interact with reflects ourselves. Based on what I often see, this saying is evident in some teenagers. If your friends are drunkards, you most likely get influenced by them. Sooner, you’ll be a drunkard too. This is also why if a teenager gets out of place in a group of other teenagers, he/she would declare “they are not my people” this means that their ways of socializing and bonding are not just compatible. Though it’s said that no man is an island, it’s inevitable not to get picky in terms of friends. We can’t please everybody.

Often times, the point of view of ourselves differs with how others see us. Their impressions might be wrong or right, whatever it is, you know yourself better. We often get hurt when their impressions and what we think of ourselves don’t attune. Some might think your kind of the ‘kill joy’ girl in town but in reality, you just practice what’s proper and usually accepted by the standards of the society because you’re just afraid of what others might say. I myself, is also a victim of this. I was called Ms. Perfect but I just want what’s the best course of action to take in every situation because this could go back to me. I am a firm believer of ‘what you reap is what you will sow’

As I grow older, I have come to realize that originality means that one is brave enough to go beyond the norms. Self-cultivation equates to discovering my potentials. If this means going against the norms, I will have to search for it of course, with the guidance of my parents. Each person living in the world should always find its authenticity in order to accept him/herself. People can’t always pretend wearing masks to fake themselves. They have to unleash the real them, what’s genuinely inside them. He/ she might think no one understands him/her but there is always a certain person to console and listen to his or her thoughts about his/her perception of him/herself.

CHAPTER 1 

I often wonder where our souls came from. I have a lot of questions about my existence. Is it really true that the human existence origins from a mere soil? Did we all came from the soil and end up being buried in soil? Are both soul and physical body separate entities? The only thing a person thinks before his breath would be taken away is if he lived the best of his life- if he fulfilled the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS, which includes the virtuous deeds he did before he died. 

Does life after death exist? Do we really have the real world, which were coined by some philosophers? I understand that this world is temporary, even the positions and the possessions. We are born in this world with nothing and die with nothing yet, we are remembered by the deeds. What are the basis of living an examined life? How can one define an examined life? When can we figure out the purpose of our existence? In my opinion, it will be all realized seconds before we die.