Sir, those are my emotional support ghosts

Hey, everyone! Due to the sudden influx of viewers on AO3, the site has had to modify some things, including the experience of guest users and how hits are counted on the site. This is not the fault of AO3 (they're doing their best to keep things up and running for all of us), but if you're a guest user following stories on AO3, PLEASE make sure to leave kudos for your authors to see. We understand it can be difficult to get an account on AO3 (probably more now with COVID-19 leaving people in their homes), but sudden drops in statistics can be inexplicable and disheartening.

Kitty: She only goes running if she's upset. And she's wearing her sad hoodie.

Julian: She’s fine. Everything's okay.

Pat: I just passed Alison running, on purpose!

Julian: Oh, my God! Maybe I was wrong.

Pat: [Runs to the open window] Alison! Are you okay?! I see you! And I love you!

Julian: In my defense, no one here emotes in a normal way.

Kitty: What is he talking about?

Alison: It’s not that big of deal-

New servant: Do you want a tea or a coffee?

Thomas: Uh, yeah, can I have half and half please?

Servant: Sorry?

Thomas: Like, can I have tea in the bottom half of the mug, and then coffee in the top half of the mug please?

Servant: Oh, right...

Thomas: Yeah, I started drinking it about 18 months ago. I call it a toffee, or a key. But you can't ask for it in a cafe...

________ delenda est.

The praetorian guard sold the office of emperor for a __________ .

Our consuls for this year are (1) _________ and (2) _________ .

______ , the new state religion.

______ , the hottest new mystery cult from the East.

Jupiter Optimus Maximus, the god of __________ .

The temple was decorated with _______ .

The headlining gladiatorial fight pitted (1) _______ against (2) _______ .

Oops, I accidentally mixed ________ with the wine.

What the urban proletariat will eat when the grain dole is canceled.

Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s; render unto _______ what is ______’s (one card).

White Cards

unspent brothel tokens leftover from last night

Priapus's undying grudge against donkeys

lubricating one’s every orifice with olive oil

a tintinnabulum so large it needs several ropes to keep the phallus elevated off the ground

enslaving Greek philosophers and forcing them to teach my children

not manumitting your impudent slaves until they exhibit an attitude adjustment

manumitting your slaves when they’re too elderly or sick to work

several inebriated legionaries

a mountain of amphorae