THINGS MY MUM SAYS

Mum really wanted to find out if my adult cousin was dating a particular guy, which her dad had told her about, and asked me to go to her facebook page for her. Me: Well her relationship status isn't up, so I don't know. But he seems to be commenting a lot on her stuff, so they're obviously friends. And he posted a video. Its just funny. But yeah, they're definately friends. Mum: But are they dating? Is she going to move to Canada with him? Me: I don't know. Mum: Well, how do we find out? Me: You could call her and ask her. Mum: Well that defeats the point of facebook, doesn't it. 

Mum: Make sure you put the blinds down, and get the bins in so it looks like someone is home. People might rob us if it looks empty. (5 minutes later) Mum: I've been having trouble unlocking the front door so when you leave just leave the back door unlocked so you can get back in. 

Mum: I saw on the TV today that you shouldn't be eating too much protein, because it will make you fat. Me: Well then, what am I meant to eat? Carbs? Mum: Don't be stupid, everyone knows carbs make you fat. Me: So.... fats? Mum: NO! Fats ARE fat! Are you dumb? Me: So what am I meant to eat? Mum: ........Vegetables. 

Mum: you shouldn't be drinking water. it doesn't contain any electrolytes which you need. You should be drinking fruit juice instead. It's healthier.

Me: honestly, you'd be an idiot to drive and not put your seatbelt on. Grandad: only 1 in 3 road deaths are caused by not wearing a seat belt, so I rekon I'll take that risk.

Mum: How does that prove the Big Bang? What a load of rubbish.

Mum: It's raining, make sure you drive nice and slow so it's safe!

Mum: Why don't you print out all your research for all your units and then all your assignments and keep them in a physical file? It was pretty dumb of you to keep it all digital, I thought you were smarter than that.

Mum: you can't drive a 4wd. You're a girl.

Mum: Those are disgusting, it makes you look disfigured. Like some sort of dirty homeless person who can't keep their ears small.

Me: I'm going to (boyfriend)'s house tonight. Mum: You're not even in a real relationship. If you were you'd be living together and married by now. It's just some sort of arrangement.

Mum: Well some people wash and vacuum their car every weekend. They treat it like a treasure. They don't have the problems you do.