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"I seek a city made of many worlds,
Where the mind, material and soul converge - "

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It's so weird to see on Bluesky some stranger sharing an article that features a person you know on substack who fancied you as part of a cult. And many people are actually commenting on it!
The weird feeling when women more masculine coded than you and who are scornful of feminine coded books/feelings/experiences explicitly want to be seen as feminine. Tbf this could be partly due to their being attracted to straight men and wanting to appeal to them in that way.
The weird feeling when women more masculine coded than you and who are scornful of feminine coded books/feelings/experiences explicitly want to be seen as feminine. Tbf this could be partly due to their being attracted to straight men and wanting to appeal to them in that way.
Art by Jakub Rebelka

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If I were to tell someone about the goings on on substack nobody would believe me. At least the stuff pertaining to me. No it's nothing big. But it still tickles me that someone in rationalist circles who knew certain people had a massive crush on me last year. This person actually knows Yarvin and has socialised with him but hates him now. I'm not even sure where to start or why this connection feels like something significant. It's not even a famous or powerful person. But somehow it feels funny. I have never even been in rationalist circles fortunately. It is just as well i didn't know these people when I was a student because I was emotionally very vulnerable, tried to systemise the way I thought about human relations, saw the world and society in strange ways. I grew up and got over it, got to know more progressive issues and some things improved. I did look into EA online at one time very briefly. I was frankly turned off by the amount of technical language they used that I didn't understand and they seemed to take themselves and their morality way too seriously that did not sound enjoyable at all. Also they seemed to lack aesthetic interests. And there was sooo much self analysis. Now I do self analysis a lot. But I tend to do it in a more ... human way? Something emotional, living, a product of a society. Like what you read in novels. These people analysed themselves like technical objects and seemed not to get that seemingly irrational behaviours had a social emotional logic that wasn't bad. And that political beliefs and ideology are dependent on context. Libertarian beliefs may sound all well and good on paper but in practice you are dealing with an unjust context. And people who are woke have cause to be so because they have been genuinely denied many things by society. Even if they sound annoying. Now i used to venerate logic as a teen who didn't understand people. But sometime in college i made an effort to understand people better and read novels and analyse characters. I am still angry at those in my life who judged me without explaining to me why I was wrong and how to get out of the errors of my ways. I hate that I had to consciously put in the effort all by myself. If I were an even more resentful person I might have gone to the dark side ideology wise purely out of spite. But I wanted badly to become a novelist and I think that was what saved me. I wanted to understand people and society for the purpose of literature. Anyway I went off tangent. It's sort of weird encountering someone whose ideals you might have liked when you were younger and if you'd met people like them. My isolation made me vulnerable to toxic beliefs but if I knew people like them who saw the world as I did I would have been encouraged in my delusions and not grown wiser and more accepting. But it is so funny to imagine someone like me connected to someone like this who was in this scene and knew people there involved in scandals. Fwiw I am not dating this person.
Anyway it is funny that a toxic pick me on Substack seems to be syruppily slurping over his mind and writing. She hates wokeness btw. And I think she hates feminists too. She actually raged against women who dress revealingly and complain about men sexually harassing them with attention. This pick me claims that if you dress that way you should expect that attention from men and seemed to accuse them of wanting attention. She accused these women of hypocrisy. Talk about slut shaming women for fashion choices when they DON'T even want male attention.
THE VERTEX/ANTIVERTEX IN ASTROLOGY
N.B. I use the sidereal zodiac and my content should be used as a reference/framework to understanding and working with your sidereal chart.
The Vertex is a point located in the western hemisphere of a chart (the right-hand side) that represents the intersection of the ecliptic and the prime vertical. In astrology, it is considered an auxiliary Descendant. The Anti-Vertex is the point that is exactly opposite the Vertex, and can even be seen as an auxiliary Ascendant. Some astrologers refer to the Vertex as the āthird angleā of a chart.Ā
The Vertex represents what we need to develop and fulfil within our personality; it is what needs to be integrated. Failure to integrate it leads to overemphasis on the traits of the Antivertex, and cause a psychological gap/identity complex in the personality. This is because the Vertex is something, similar to the North Node, we know we need to fulfil; but the Vertex, unlike the North Node, is not something we are compelled towards. Itās something weād rather avoid completely (as is the Descendant, our shadow side, where itās often found). The Vertex is said to be particularly important in synastry (relationship astrology), as itās deemed a fated point that draws people together.
Vertex - integration, psychological development (The Vertex is seen as an auxiliary Descendant. In that sense, it tends to represent another shadow side; sometimes it is often found in the same sign as the Descendant, in the 7th house, and the two go hand in hand together. Whether itās in the 7th house or not, the Vertex represents a shadow side; a part of us that we havenāt properly developed psychologically. The Vertex is said to be about what people expect of us or want us to do in this life. The aspects the Vertex makes are said to be particularly indicative of areas of life where we need to be more conscious and where we will face certain issues. We are required to psychologically develop this part of us so we become integrated. Not doing so often leads us to feeling as though thereās a gap in our personality, that weāre stunted in some way.)
Antivertex - default mechanisms, easy way outĀ (The Antivertex is the opposite point of the Vertex; it represents our default behaviour. There are a few things in the chart that represent default behaviour; they are the Ascendant, the South Node, and the Antivertex. They differ in terms of what they are but they all share a common theme of behaviours we regress to, versus their opposite points that represent behaviours we need to integrate into ourselves, ourĀ āshadowā. The Antivertex represents what we may fall back on, where we take the easy way out, our default mechanisms. It is often in the same sign as the Ascendant, and for those of us who do have that, our identity and how we act (Ascendant) is in line with our natural default mechanisms, and how we take the easy way out. But the Antivertex is not a point of growth; that would be the opposite point, the Vertex. Like the Ascendant/Descendant axis, the Vertex and Antivertex are on an axis and always interpreted together; where does a person default to, but what do they actually need to face/develop?)
Use and meaning of the Vertex in astrology is debated; those who use the Vertex generally feel it is a point of karmic or fated connection. Some consider it a point of āwish fulfillment.ā It is widely used in synastry. The Vertex is said to be activated at major turning points in our lives, most notably when we meet a significant other or end a significant relationship, and some believe it is triggered when there is a birth or death.
I shouldn't feel bad about myself. I should feel happy for other people. But it's honestly hard to feel happy for people with whom you have no rapport.
forced caretaking as a trope i think is like cocaine to people who know they need to be taken care of but have mental blocks in the way like yeah please do gently force me into a state of vulnerability so my body learns it is a safe thing to feel around you
This has gotta be a hit with the girlies who have always wanted something terrible to happen to them just so people realize they're in more misery than their outward appearance lets on
Top 3 things people love insisting they don't have despite it being impossible
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Signs in the Eighth House
Just as the number 8, the 8th house is where oneās karma lies. In the broader sense, this karma could be anything, hence the reason for this house to be called āmysteriousā. Ā It is not exactly known to the person where their karma comes from or where it is going. Since it is the opposite of the 2nd house, where oneās parentsā love and care for each other is specified, the 8th house symbolises the trigger point which caused that love or relationship in general. Meaning, the sexual and the passionate energy. The 2nd house is the comfort zone of people and the relationship with the tangible environment. Meanwhile the 8th house is the psychology, the relationships between the heart and soul and the karma carried out through the parents. The planet Pluto is the ruler of this house. Pluto, in Greek Mythology, is known as the God of the Underworld, Hades. Hades was the first son of Kronos and the first to be swallowed by him. Together with his siblings they banished their father and with Zeus and Poseidon, they drew lots to see who would rule each realm⦠Hades got the underworld fittingly as his name means āthe unseen oneā. He was also known as the God of wealth because all the precious metals buried deep in the earth were in his kingdom. Hades is the ruler of the dead but he isnāt death itself. Thus, while he ādrinks tears like wineā he does not kill anyone. He is simply the host of the dead and the torubled souls. His realm is a place of freedom from the pain of the world and his Queen, Persephone offers rebirth and a blessed afterlife. But we all know that he kidnapped her even though she fell in love with him later on (a case of Stockholm Syndrome). Hades, even though one of the more humble of the Gods when he wanted something he made sure he got it. Together with his queen they represent life and death and the cycles of nature āand the 8th house represents the transformations we are bound to go through no matter how painful. In the end we rise from the ashes better and richer (soul-wise) than ever. Self-mastery involves shadow work with your lower drives. If you fail to master this energy, it will master you. In other words, the unconscious will run your life from behind the scenes and work itself out through fate. This often manifests as obsessions and compulsions and events over which you have no conscious control which can be seen in oneās 8th house.
āļøAries / Mars in the 8th House:
Aries/Mars here is in his big brotherās house so he does not feel too unwelcome here maybe feels a little clumsy not knowing how to deal with such power all of a sudden. The person with this placement is ever seeking ways of personal transformation. Starting with new projects or just anything new is their superpower. However, not being able to finish those passion projects is the cost of this power. When accepting the fact that chaos is inevitable and control is an illusion the person confronts their inner demons, only then the transformation really happens. Either one of the parents might have Aries in their charts (rising or sun). The karma coming from the parents is for the person to become fearless in the face of the new and taking the lead. After a psychological breakdown, the person is completely anew and fearless to start from fresh. Vengeance though can become the main drive and that is when the person needs to be careful. People with this aspect might attract a lot of Aries or Mars energies into their lives - from these energies, a karmic bond is established good or bad. Obsessions might include proving oneself to be the best at something and forcing other people to do whatever they think is the right thing. When they master the need to be always in control they are able to manifest good things into their lives.
āļøTaurus / Venus (Day Chart) in the 8th House:
When the opposites fill the other oneās place it puts it out of balance. Oneās mission is to maintain the peace which that balance is lacking. Taurus/Venus (Day) in a personās 8th house may indicate that the superpower of this person is to make others feel comfortable and laid back. They put others at ease. The cost for this power is that the chart owners themselves feel uneasy and disturbed by outside interference constantly. This karma can only be eased down once the person starts to value and secure themselves. People-pleasing is something they are good at but not something that they necessarily should be doing. Since there is no sense of feeling secure or comfortable coming from within these people may obsess over material things in order to feed their starving subconscious. The more these people value things outside of their own being, the more backlash they receive from their inner selves. Ā The karma coming from the parents is for the person to fall truly in love with themselves and care for their own well-being. Maybe as a child, they did not feel worthy of their parents. Perhaps one of the parents had Taurus in their sun or rising and could not manage that energy in its right element and they might also attract a lot of Taurus energy into their relationships - from these energies a karmic bond is established good or bad. However, overdoing this self-love once it is achieved obviously will have its consequences. Laziness and over-indulgence in the good things life has to offer will bite them back later on. When they find a balance between keeping their own peace meanwhile putting othersā minds at ease as well, they will master the power of serenity.
āļøGemini / Mercury in the 8th House:
With this placement, there is this feeling of the āmagicianā going back to the tarot cards. A master manifestor once the person appreciates the duality within. In Buddhism, this is called āshunyataā the emptiness of inner and outer dharmas. Nothing can exist without everything else also existing. People with this placement must understand that we exist within a web of relationships and once it is well understood one must not misuse this power otherwise the consequences are hard to overcome. These people are blessed with powerful thoughts but depending on the intention set out through these thoughts their own manifestations can get the best of them. A great deal of cleansing of the subconscious is required for this placement since Mercury is a trickster who loves to challenge its subjects just for the sake of it. Ā There are great power and karma carried through oneās words. These people can have an immense effect on other peopleās subconscious as well. Through the exchange of thoughts, they blend with other people and if they did not master this power of theirs they can get lost in those peopleās minds. Ā The karma coming from the parents is for the person to watch out what kind of intention they put out to the universe through their interaction with other people. Perhaps one of the parents had Gemini in their sun or rising and could not manage that energy in its right element. People with this placement might also attract a lot of Mercury energy into their relationships - from these energies, a karmic bond is established good or bad. These people also gotta be careful about obsessive thought patterns and delving too deep into the matters. The thing they are most passionate about is certainly understanding the unknown but some things are just simply beyond our comprehension
āļøCancer / Moon in the 8th House:
Moon is our mother, sense of security and our ancestors. There is a great deal of karma coming from the personās past. They are deeply connected to it and they are very curious about it as well. Their power is to build such strong connections with people and giving them their sincerity. The cost of this gift though is the fact that most people they give this nurturing energy to might have had banished them in their life before. There is a great fear of abandonment coming from being too attached to people since they have had been left behind before (perhaps by the mother herself). These people might find the solution in never attaching to people ever again but in fact they must build a strong intuition in order to allow the right people in their lives. Otherwise, a sinister feeling inside will sprout because they do not feel the same warmth coming from other people that they think they themselves expose. Forgiveness is a big theme here. They have to learn to forgive the past and not devolve too much into it. Compassion will be their best friend when it comes to fighting off their inner demons which especially come up when they feel the most vulnerable. The karma coming from the parents is for the person to not treat their emotions as if they are burdens and learn to forgive their past troubles and maybe even the parents themselves. These people should learn to not to obsess over the past. Perhaps one of the parents had Cancer in their sun or rising and could not manage that energy in its right element. People with this placement might also attract a lot of Cancerian energy into their relationships - from these energies, a karmic bond is established good or bad.
āļøLeo / Sun in the 8th House:
When Apollo comes to give light to a house that wants to stay in the dark, tensions are high. These people may want to keep their own self identity under shadows. Something significant may have had appeared in their childhood which caused the child to grow too soon and as an adult now the child within is suppressed down to the subconscious. Their own psychology is a matter these people are highly interested in understanding. They like to put light on things that are hidden from them even when they are not ready to see things as clearly as they are. They like to think of themselves as strong people who can handle any psychological or emotional burden which they are and it is their power but they tend to push things too far to the point of they can no longer handle the load. They have got to learn to let other people in so that they can ease the heaviness of their own emotional baggage. Once they let the child within to come out and play they are bestowed with very strong creativity and positivity. Free self-expression will be their escape from their own darker demons and allowing themselves to play. These people are obsessed with other peopleās talents and the way they carry themselves - but once they let go of their control on emotions and let their joy run free, they will see themselves become just that. The karma coming from the parents is for the person to take care of the child within. Maybe the parents were not the best at allowing the kids to be kids and asked too much of them hence they had to grow up way too early. Perhaps one of the parents had Leo in their sun or rising and could not manage that energy in its right element. People with this placement might also attract a lot of Leo energy into their relationships - from these energies a karmic bond is established good or bad.
āļøVirgo / Ceres in the 8th House:
Deep within, there is a lot of anxious energy haunting the person of the chart which strives to be recognized. They tend to over-analyze everything that is happening but will most likely keep this to themselves since they do not like to be viewed āconcernedā by other people. They are obsessed with solving problems to the point of disturbance in their own psychology. They have immense powers of healing and finding solutions but the cost of this power is an out of control feeling of being uneasy or unsafe. Through meditation and being open to spiritual matters they can ease this feeling but these are highly skeptical and practical people. They tend to stay in their own way of their journey to mindfulness. They are fascinated by other peopleās concerns and problems that they tend to forget their own which only makes their personal matters worst. They have great karma when it comes to dealings of allowing things to be and not interfering with them. The karma coming from the parents is for the person to take care of their own well being and consciousness. Perhaps, as a child, they werenāt properly taken care of by their parents and the roles were reversed in a way. They wanted to fix or heal their parents their whole life but maybe did not get the chance to do that so they are passionate about doing this for other people. One of the parents might have Virgo as their sun or rising sign and these people tend to attract a lot of Virgo energy into their relationships for them to learn karmic lessons.
āļøLibra / Venus (Night Chart) in the 8th House:
People with this placement have got a lot of subtle but potent influence on other people through one on one interactions. They have the power of attracting anyone into their lives and easing their emotional burdens as well. The cost of this superpower though is that if they are not careful with their intentions about the core reason why they want to have an influence on this particular person they might take on their bad karma as their own and obviously no one wants that. Each relationship transforms the person for the better but sometimes the worst. They might feel an intense bond with almost everybody in their lives and this will take a toll on them psychologically. They are also likely to have people obsess over them to point of claiming ownership over them. And another theme with an obsession with these people is that they themselves might obsess over being liked by everyone. They are passionate about peace and harmony and are willing to do anything in order to maintain it even if it means sacrificing oneās free will. Ā The karma coming from the parents is for the person to practice and teach good manners and bring harmony into relationships. Perhaps, the parents were in an inharmonious relationship in which the two fought a lot without ever trying to bring peace into the situation between them. One of the parents might have Libra as their sun or rising sign and these people tend to attract a lot of Venusian energy into their relationships for them to learn karmic lessons.
āļøScorpio / Pluto in the 8th House:
The lord of the underworld here is in his full power and in the comfort of his home he is not willing to hold anything back. Scorpio is in search of emotional power and the mysteries of life and death. This cycle between the two is neither good or bad, - itās the part of nature that demands change and evolution. And the biggest thing with Hadesās character is that no matter what you cannot negotiate with him. The biggest karmic lesson with this placement is to surrender. These peopleās power is about using their soulās energy to transform the self through a confrontation with the powers of the unconscious. The goal is to overcome death and dissolution and avoid falling back into chaos and unconsciousness. Not the easiest of the tasks but the rewards are definitely worth it as Hades is also the Lord of the riches. To enter the darkness and heal the split in your psyche ā the wound at the heart of being human ā the pain of being conscious is the lesson one taken over from their parents. Perhaps, the parents were in denial of their subconsciousā scream for help and kept their demons hidden away which only caused them to go down a road of spiral. One of the parents might have Scorpio as their sun or rising sign and the chart owners tens to attract a lot of Scorpio energy into their relationships for them to learn their karmic lessons.
āļøSagittarius / Jupiter in the 8th House:
The nature of Sagittarius is to be free and in this placement that is the request from the chart ownerās psychology. These are very passionate people who are the rulers of their own territories. They have the gift to find their way to enlightenment and higher knowledge of the truth once they open up their horizons. The biggest karma for them is that it is hard for them to open their minds to things but once they do they are ready to be fired into the future. They are obsessed with the idea of living life to its fullest but there is a tendency to overdo it. Too much of the unrealistic optimism results in facing the harsh reality of the world which leads them to a dark place where they feel trapped within their own minds. They tend to curse their own fate and shun the universe whenever their high expectations are not met. They have to come in peace with the reality of being human in an imperfect world. Ā But the pain of the wound creates wisdom if they can accept and work with it. The karma coming from the parents is for the person to discover the truth of a humanās immortal soul that releases us from the wheel of birth and death ā the quest for enlightenment. Perhaps the chart owner comes from a lineage of teachers who couldnāt finish this task. Ā One of the parents might have Sagittarius as their sun or rising sign and these people tend to attract a lot of Sagittarius energy into their relationships for them to learn karmic lessons. For them to free themselves from their emotional burdens they need to open their minds up and accept the good and the bad universe has to offer and offer help to others to learn their lessons.
āļøCapricorn / Saturn in the 8th House:
When the sign of harsh lessons and the house of karmic lessons unite their powers the person with the placement meant to go through a lot but in the end, they come out of this struggle of perfecting a human as a dextrous being. The native goes through a lot of challenges which require self-mastery. They crumble down to the ground and build themselves up again, each time they end up more solid and wise. The person is bestowed with great wisdom beyond their years but the universe always demands them to renew themselves so their lives and self-identity suffer from reoccurring earthquakes. They are obsessed with being the best at everything they can and in the meantime influencing other people. They might be especially obsessed with impressing their father and their own father might be their biggest competition in some extreme cases their enemy. In Greek mythology, Capricorn is the Father Time, Kronos⦠The one who swallowed Hades (and the rest of his children) only to be overthrown by them in the end as it was predicted. The biggest lesson for this person is that they cannot change the outcome but they are sure to be changed by the outcome. The karma these people had inherited from their parents is that the old way of things must be periodically overthrown so that life can be renewed. Perhaps the owner of the chart had parents who were too controlling and stuck in the same cycles and it is up to them to break this cycle so that progression can happen. Meanwhile, they have got to learn to build a solid structure for them so that they will not be damaged when their world is shaken up as it is their karma. One of the parents might have Capricorn as their sun or rising sign and these people tend to attract a lot of Capricorn energy into their relationships for them to learn karmic lessons.
āļøAquarius / Uranus in the 8th House:
People with this placement are passionate about feeling united with other people. They tend to attract a lot of friends into their lives and they themselves are very understanding friends but the cost of this is that in order to keep their social circle they tend to either conform to their needs. In order to feel like a part of the group, they know exactly what to do but this also means they often step out of their way to become a part of it. Their biggest fear being, feeling unaccepted they are very accepting of other people and when they work on their people skills these people are very good at influencing others. They are humanists with morals. Their karma will work against them when they deliberately deny these morals in order to please others. The karma they inherited from their parents is to increase in moral consciousness in other people as well as themselves of course. Perhaps the parents were oblivious to other peoplesā issues. One of the parents may have had Aquarius as their sun or rising but was not able to manage its aim of uniting the people and recognizing that all beings are interconnected. With this comes a great deal of empathy with others comes into play. The person has to learn to control this nature of an empath for it is hard for them to distinguish their own emotions and thoughts from the rest.
āļøPisces / Neptune in the 8th House:
People who have this placement tend to underestimate the power of their psyche and subconscious in their everyday life. If the mind is in a good state they have the power to manifest good things into their life, if it is in a bad state though, they bring hell down to earth for themselves. The universe asks of them to be conscious of their subconscious, joining of two worlds: the divine and the human. These people are creative in nature and have to take care of their inner world instead of running from it. With a power of great manifestations comes great responsibility for oneās soul journey. As the Pisces energy can be creative and imaginative, as well as dark and destructive. Lurking in the unconscious, always threatening to overwhelm the ordered structures of life. Being this close to the abyss would make anybody nervous and we all know Pisces often tries to avoid a confrontation. But the thing is the forces of the unconscious are usually only dangerous when theyāre repressed or denied. And this is the karma the chart owner inherited from their parents who might have Pisces as their sun or rising but could not deal with the Piscean nature, hence it is now both the blessing and the curse (if it is not dealt with careful) of the child. The Pisces fish are a symbol of spiritual liberation, they show the happiness and freedom of the soul swimming in the waters of nirvana. Thereās no need to struggle or swim against the tide. People with this placement tend to attract a lot of Piscean energies into their lives to learn and teach karmic lessons.
(Art: āIxion Thrown into Hadesā by Jules-Ćlie Delaunay)
I hate my mother and I wish she'd stop talking to me. I hate the sound of her voice. I want to pretend she doesn't exist.
I do not give a fuck for my mother or her wellbeing or anything that happens in her life because she has controlled and abused me my entire life. I really wish she would go away for a long time so I wouldn't feel depressed all the time. Given I struggle with depression but even when I'm relatively ok I become depressed the moment I see her and she talks and has to interfere.
Having chronic illness and being neurodivergent means being perpetually vulnerable and under the thumb of your abusive tyrannical parents. I don't know when I will ever be free. I may not even get to outlive them given my illnesses.
It should be socially acceptable to openly hate your parents and so say aloud

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I hate my mother and how she keeps controlling me even though I'm an adult. I have no freedom, nothing to look forward to because of this.
Really hate how my mother interferes in everything in my life. I have no freedom or hope. Nothing to look forward to. And she's so fucking stupid. How dare she presume to do this to me??