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Predictions for Dungeons & Dragons under Hasbro's management in the coming years:
Uma Musume style horsegirls introduced to the Forgotten Realms; setting's lore revised so that they've always been there.
Advancement rules now stipulate per-session XP bonus based on lifetime D&D Beyond purchase history.
Compendium of exclusive feat trees for specific gender and sexual identities. Bisexuality receives no feats of its own, being mechanically implemented as "half gay"; the resulting synergies are disgusting.
Editorial error in revised Dungeon Master's Guide accidentally refers to Dungeon Masters as Hasbro's employees.
"Noble savage" coding of barbarian class walked back, refocused on European folkloric touchstones such as the Ulster Cycle; all barbarian characters become Irish stereotypes.
AI-based DM service trained exclusively on work of Ed Greenwood launched; withdrawn a week later citing "guiderail issues".
Expanded discussion of navigating player expectations frames "not showing up at all" as a valid playstyle.
Dragon-blooded sorcerer subclass revised to state that one of the character's ancestors was "very good friends" with a dragon.
running low on bronze, which city should i sack 🤔?
ugarit
ugarit
ugarit
Remaining time: 1 day 14 hours
👤 ugarits-finest-merchant-deactivated11770102
man, fuck you guys
#y'all hear anything? #...must've been the wind
🔁 wenamun-of-waset
☀️ wenamun-of-waset
cities these days just don’t respect the will of Amun like they used to… back in the days of Pharaoh people used to ACTUALLY pay the gods some respect!!
🌲 byblosiophile
for the last time, we are not giving you free lumber
☀️ wenamun-of-waset
but i hauveb no money 🥺
#i only wish to carry out the will of amun :( #its not my fault i was robbed in a tjeker town :(
🔁 uhhaziti-up-top
👩 ankhesenamun1348 Follow
I am a widowed and marriageable Queen 👸!! I am looking for a prince 👑 that’s ready to be tamed like a wild beast 🐺 tamed to be a pet 🐶 and never look back on the past life…
👤 4thbestprinceofhatti-deactivated1324051
o shit fr?
🛡️ uhhaziti-up-top
they fuckin got his ass LMAO
#yet another L from the land of hatti #bet egypt gave him plague too
🔁 kaškan-nicely-here
🐎 kaškan-nicely-here Follow
at the store 🤪 anyone want anything?
⚔️ you-wanna-piyame
mmm get me some of that sweet sweet iron 🤤
🌞 the-great-king-of-hatti
whgat the fuck. is that my house???
🐎 kaškan-nicely-here
move your feet, lose your seat 😌❤️
#not our fault you went to invade syria again lol #no takebacksies
🔁 littletirynthianpig
⚒️ alashiyanbronzeboiler
boat :)
#alashiya please lock in... my city is running out of bronze :(
🔁 eteocretan-eccentric
👤 cretan-cowboy-deactivated1450082
who up leapin they bulls
⛰️eteocretan-eccentric
never forget what the ahhiyawa took from us 😖
#they even stole our perfectly good syllabary
🔁 littletirynthianpig
🐷 littletirynthianpig
was anyone going to tell me there was more land to the west or was i supposed to just sail out there myself
🐷 littletirynthianpig
anyways look at my little hesperian piggy!!! #mylittlepiggy
#kind of a hassle to get him here but oh well #all in the name of major street cred
🔁 alashiyanbronzeboiler
🚣 ahhiyawan-adventurer Follow
starting to think this whole syllabary thing is a scam, we should ◊◊◠◡◉◡◠◊◊
🚣 lukka-this-boat
so true! i think △▼△▼◎▼△▼△
⚒️ alashiyanbronzeboiler
#mom come pick me up the aegean is actin weird again
🔁 wenamun-of-waset
🌊 tjekerbythehand Follow
can everyone quit harassing tjeker posters on here over that egyptian guy whining about the “will of amun”… OP literally stole 30 deben from us last week 🙄
☀️ wenamun-of-waset
no + its all in your head + all further communications must go thru my lawyer (the beautiful cypriot hostess who has granted me safe harbor)
#gods forbid a man carry out the will of amun-re #smh
🔁 sherden-my-herden
🌊 tjekerbythehand Follow
“oh no, the sea peoples are taking all our stuff!!” weak shit. the solution is simple: if you can’t beat em, join em. take to the sea ❤️
🌲 byblosiophile
instructions unclear, i am now in carthage
⛵️sherden-my-herden
what the fuck is a carthage
#is that some sort of new plague? do you have a salt deficiency
⚒️ alashiyanbronzeboiler
hey everyone, i’m here to announce that bronze ingot commissions are now CLOSED. i was dicking around in my forge the other day and found something way cooler & cheaper. more to come soon!!!
I think in Resident Evil 4 and other such video games where you absolutely just blast your way thru your problems, every two hundred kills or so, Leon should remark to himself, “I have shot so many people in the head today.” Then go right back to blasting. Anyway I just got a scope for my beefy rifle that lets me snipe people from a billion feet away. Used it to one shot a guy who never knew I was in his zip code. The satisfaction I felt watching his head explode was so intense that it felt unethical. Then I took money from that guy’s dead body and took it to the merchant to make my gun even better.
I just wonder sometimes if Leon is ever like “I wade through an ocean of blood so deep I will never surface again,” while he spin kicks a guy to death.
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Imagine if we did the “public libraries are punk” thing for other subcultures. Imagine if people made shirts that said “Soup kitchens are grunge” or “Mixed Use Urbanism is Juggalo”.
Shit like this can really only happen in Europe. Reminds me of the time I took my best shot at ordering at a restaurant in Spain in spanish. The closest language to spanish that I actually speak is latin.
Waiter: Germany?
Me: No, Czechia.
Waiter, in a heavily accented but intelligible Czech: Why didn’t you say so before! We get you guys here all the time!
Já v roce 2019 na Ukrajině: OK, takže když použiju tohle staročeský slovo, přidám polský sloveso, své chabé znalosti záhoráčtiny a řeknu to s ruskym přízvukem, tak to projde.
[Me in 2019 in Ukraine: ok so if i use this Old Czech word, add a Polish verb, my poor knowledge of the Záhorie dialect of Slovak and say it with a Russian accent, it might pass]
Reminds me of the time when we were in Poland and I tried to order a burger using a truly unholy mix of Slovak, Russian and Ostrava dialect (which in itself is like an unholy mix of Czech and Polish).
I know Ukrainians who can do this on purpose and masterfully, and it was mind-blowing to hear a speech as immediately understandable to an audience of native speakers of three different native Slavic languages, not just two languages as is common
During one student exchange I (a Pole) got acquainted with two students from Czechia and Russia. At first we talked in English or German, but after a while we’ve noticed, that we could understand each other’s native languages just fine. And if some word was unknown in one language, another one had the right synonym.
*Each of us talking in their mother tongue*
Me: Bla bla bla.
Russian: I don’t know this “bla”.
Czech: Oh, we have “bla”! We also call it “that”!
Russian: Oh I know “that”! It’s a very old version of “this”.
Me: Oh, we have “this” too, but it means something slightly different.
German acquaintance: Was für nen Scheiß zieht ihr da ab? o_O
the reason there aren't slavic people in the bible is that they wouldn't have been surprised or awed to hear the disciples speak in tongues and be understood by people of many nations at once
As a non-native speaker of Czech who is only conversationally proficient and has terrible grammar, let me tell you, no one was more surprised than I was to discover that I can understand Slovak just fine. And when the two moving guys finished hauling my furniture to my new apartment and we were chatting a bit before they left, I discovered that the reason I'd had a little trouble understanding one of their "accents" was because he was speaking Ukrainian the whole time.
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"The thing is only acting in self defense because it gets attacked first"
The very first experience it has with the base crew is that they save it from people shooting at it, give it warm hugs, and kill the people trying to deatroy it. After that it attacks and impersonates an unknown (at the time) member of the crew. After that it gets surrounded by dogs who are angry but too scared to approach, then it changes, then it attacks the huskies, and only then does anyone in the base camp treat it with hostility.
You can imagine anything you want for the unknowns (before the movie starts, whether it can tell animals apart, etc), but you are fully wrong if you characterize its reception as being preemptively attacked. You can interpret things lots of ways, but saying the humans at the camp attack it first is factually wrong.
"None of the men know each other enough to recognize an impersonation."
The entire first act of the movie is devoted to establishing that they know each other with an Intimacy so deep they can anticipate one another's actions and attitudes. They have been in an isolated arctic base for months and months where they can barely leave the same building. They are in one another's personal space throughout the movie. It's a vital plot point that the Thing can immitate people down to memories and personality traits. It's a vital metaphorical point as well. It's so deeply and fundamentally superficial and factually incorrect to call them unfamiliar with each other that it implies total inattention to what is happening on screen.
There are so, so many completely reasonable ways to read ideas of social disaffectation, queerness, and more into the text of the movie without misrepresenting the factual text. I'm screaming and crying and throwing up blood, what else would everyone like to propose about horror movies that sounds great aside from being entirely spurious? Someone told me psychological thrillers are the only good horror movies an hour and a half ago, we could start there. I want people to think in these ways about horror but also talking about it in a way that depends on the the text of the film does require a certain amount of knowing the actual text of the film.
Actually I think this is important tags that speak to a larger idea about horror conversation:
The Thing is, at heart, not a movie about any singular decision or behavior creating a bad outcome. Baked into the 1982 movie is failure, death, entropy, inevitable loss. It's not a movie that's meant to have a right solution, or a right decision - but when someone comes at this very bleak story without a good grounding in horror, there's a kind of urge to treat it like a puzzle. If only they were closer. If only they communicated.
That's not meeting it where it's at, because it rests on a situation where none of those elements really exist. People acted the best they could in the circumstances with the tools and information they had - and it simply was not enough. Nearly everyone dies. Even with the ambiguous ending, whoever is human is going to die, because it's winter in Antarctica and he is hundreds of miles from anywhere with no shelter and no food and no transportation. That's the sort of horror it is, the idea that when faced with extinction humanity's best efforts won't succeed. Creating an interpretation where if we had "just" this or that is shying away from the bleakness. But at the same time, not facing up to the idea that some things really might not be solvable, that the worst can happen in spite of it all, is a necessary skill. Not one we need to indulge in constantly, but we should have that knowledge.
And in a greater capacity, this is where I see things go very wrong when someone unfamiliar with or disdainful of horror tries to expound on the genre. It comes from a place of not wanting bad things to happen - not rose colored glasses or naivete - but not wanting the animal to die, not wanting the house to burn, not wanting the parents to lose a child. Not wanting to feel sick or hurt, a normal and human response to a genre which constantly steps over those lines, and quite often does so artlessly and with nothing but puerile shock at heart. That makes it difficult to examine in good faith, and wanting to see horror as something good for oneself leads most people to look for the places where horror doesn't stray close to the boundaries. Solving the problem of "bad horror" by presenting horror comedy or psychological thrillers as better side of horror, for example. But that's just another case of wanting to solve something that doesn't exist to have a solution. Part of getting the genre is recognizing not only that bad things happen in horror, but the ugly and awful and transgressive side is not a mistaken choice, not an error. It's part of what horror is, like a person, you can't understand it without understanding what you dislike along with what you like. Horror can't be corrected out of a set of flaws, those have to be accepted as part of seeing the genre as a whole.
Also, this isn't meant to suggest all horror is hopeless, mean, and cruel. Plent of horror is actually about having made one bad decision, having acted out of hubris, could have been solved by just talking reasonably and so forth. Those are all their own kind of horror plus loads of others. It's more that you can't fix the genre by decoding a right or wrong horror anymore than you can support an interpretation of The Thing where the base crew would have survived or mediated or so on. It's not a genre where a good version exists, because there's too much in it already which is either awful as a matter of fact like pain and death, or which is morally repugnant like racism and homophobia. It's useless to look for a way all of those things can somehow be retroactively solved. It's necessary to face all those things as a part of life. In horror, we have to acknowledge how much of it sucks (artistically) and was made by awful people and had deeply flawed examples of systemic oppression to actually like see the genre in a clear light. And similarly we also have to recognize how much of it is also necessarily transgressive in a way that cannot be anything except unpleasant, because that's part of things people find horrific. You can't have a respectable horror genre, is kinda the thing. There's too much going on, and trying to solve a flaw in like "too much gore" or "animal death" just ends up cutting off a necessary thing to the whole genre. The absolutely most bloodless zero death zero problematic element in the present day zero conflict good ending horror is still going to be uncomfortable because that's the point. Or it might suck. But lots of horror sucks, also, and sometimes that's also interesting.
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