that ass can fart

A was splayed lazily in their bed, half out of the work clothes they gave up trying to remove. One hand was stuffed behind their head amidst the pillows and the mattress, the other resting on their belly while they watched trashy TV. Exactly where they wanted to be after their exhausting week at work.

Their boss had given everyone a half-day after the big project they had been working on was finally finished. All the employees had been far too tired to even crack smiles of relief. Possibly in an attempt to win back some friends after being a complete pain in the ass for months, their boss had waved everyone away and sent them home. A certainly couldn't get out of there fast enough.

They'd actually come home at a reasonable hour for once and collapsed into bed, ready for some much needed down time. It had been months since they'd actually relaxed.

The sounds of the front door opening caught A's attention, bringing on a smile as they switched the TV off. B was home. A had barely seen B since their job had become such a nightmare, and now they could finally spend some time together. Perhaps they could order take-out and watch a movie, maybe open up some wine—

A loud rumbling like rolling thunder interrupted A's thoughts, echoing from the direction of the front door.

A's mouth dropped open.

"Ohhh, my God." B's voice carried to A's room when the noise tapered off, complete relief in their tone.

B was...? That— Surely not... Had that been...?

Another noise, like furniture dragged slowly along a wooden floor, growing clearer with each second that ticked by. And ticked by. And ticked by.

A was distantly aware of the throbbing of their blood, the arousal between their legs.

It ended with a wet plt.

"Fuck." A billowing sigh, and footsteps finally entering the house.

B was... farting. To such a degree and volume that it seemed to shake the very walls. A had, much to their dismay, never heard B fart in all their time knowing them. It seemed strange for two people to live together and not hear even one accidental rip - A had assumed that B was just extremely cautious of that kind of thing. It wasn't as though A could just ask. At least, not without blushing.

One, two, three farts in quick succession, matching the footsteps on the tiles as B walked into the lounge - then a fourth, longer, and far more bubbly, and A's mouth watered at the image of B pausing with a leg bent to rid themselves of their pesky gas. Their face pinched in strain. Their bloated stomach deflating from what must've been agonising amounts of trapped wind.

Another wet finish, and what could only be described as a moan. "Ohh, fuck. There we go." The couch creaked as B settled down on it and A's hand was already shoved between their legs and rubbing furiously.

They did their best to last, faced as they were with the hottest wanking material they'd ever come across, but they were doomed from the start. Every subsequent fart B cut loose (muffled and bubbling as they were sitting on the couch, their couch, oh fuck—) threatened to pitch them over the edge.

Ni//ck Vale//nti//ne blasting some ass

I got this one doodle done but I still have 2 more left to finish before I wanna post anything

Zamn

(Putting this under a read more because Im cringe eeks dee)

hell 🗿

Robot wife with gassy human husband. She really doesn't mind and finds human bodily functions to be quite cute, but he gets embarrassed about it nonetheless.

Also fuck backgrounds. We got 2-tone solid colors todah

Nobody knows what’s going on, but all they hear a deep rumbling sound that sounds like a thousand lower pitched tubas playing at once which makes everyone in the building confused and probably chalking it up to construction until the smell starts to invade and suddenly everyone is reeling back and trying to escape.

OR someone has to pitch a company idea and since they’re nervous, their stomach starts to bubble. they try to hold it in as they can until they can’t anymore and release the most nastiest fart ever heard by anyone in the meeting room with the fart bubbling out of them and completely filling the room. As much as they want to stop, they just can’t and at this point the employee doesn’t want to because it feels too good to them, so much to the point that they even start to push harder to get it all out, much to the other employees and the boss’s dismay as they choke on the methane being released.

(Bonus)

a man frowns slightly and a woman sobs

a woman shivers and man grins in the face of danger

men write erotica and women write porn

I’m sick of women’s reading lists being called “guilty pleasures” and “fun trash” when almost every year my high school English class only had one female author, because if they try to add Pride and Prejudice the boys simply wouldn’t even try to pick it up, God forbid Toni Morrison