normal kinks for normal people

I can spot ppl following me now who used to make me fanart when i was writing homestuck mpreg as a teenager and it’s NOT just one person

It went on like that all night until i woke up Saturday morning with an urgent need to shit. Recently I’ve been getting more fiber so I’ve had neat little poop swirls but this time i absolutely loaded the bottom of the toilet with loose cables of shit 🥵 even with all the mess out of me, my stomach still felt sore and stretched and i could feel heartburn coming on. I was sipping diet sodas all day after that to help more burps escape because i still felt bloated and the soda definitely contributed to the acidic soup i could feel sloshing around in my tummy

Btw all of this is happening and my belly is already so big on a typical day that i don’t look any different outwardly when I’m stuffed to my limit. Unfortunately the cramps were so bad that i was grunting and panting through them, interspersed with acidic belches, so that definitely would’ve given me away

You’d think all of this would be enough for me to lay off the rich food for a few days but obviously that’s not possible for me, so i had a huge double protein wrap with lots of potato chips, two glazed donuts, and an enormous plate of chicken fingers, onion rings, and French fries only two hours later. At that point my stomach was in my throat and bubbling with acid like a cauldron and i was chomping on antacids for dear life because i hate throwing up and i was definitely feeling nauseous

The antacids helped but my stomach was still hot and bubbly and so, so full so i smoked some weed and that eased the pain in my guts a little bit, though at this point i was starting to need to fart every few minutes, then every few seconds. I thought i must need to shit again so i hurried to the bathroom but i couldn’t push out anything at all, i was already totally empty of Friday’s feast and all of my food from that day was sitting up high and undigested in my stomach

So i had a long night of sick malaise and farting that kept me from sleeping. And i still did not learn my lesson because this morning, now Sunday, i had another huge plate of chicken fingers, onion rings, and fries as well as two huge slices of pizza and more soda. I still haven’t shit out yesterday’s stuffing and straining on the toilet isn’t helping anything struggle out so I feel super plugged up on top of feeling full. I’m also feeling seriously queasy which ngl is making me horny 🥴

I had to lay flat in bed at night because i would constantly be releasing huge, ridiculously loud farts that nearly vibrated the bed and i had to have multiple fans on in the room to drown out my sighing and moaning as my stomach bloated and deflated over and over again almost every night

Not to mention how much sludge i was shitting out during the day, bent over on the toilet while clutching my gut up to five or six times a day. My roommates sometimes checked up on me multiple times because I’d be in there for almost an hour, farting hard and groaning

Sometimes nothing would even be coming out because i was so constipated despite the feeling of urgently needing to have diarrhea swirling in my tummy and I’d be panting and rubbing my cramping stomach, rocking back and forth as i rubbed my intestines until a tiny plug of shit would pop out like a cork and let me squeeze out some foul squirts of muck