여보

He takes over your vision, hiding the view of your ceiling with his shoulders, and you're blinking stupidly up at him as he gives you a charming grin in greeting.

That's when he leans down to give you a kiss, wiping any thoughts from your mushy brain as he rolls his tongue over yours before trailing his kisses down your body with slow precision.

He kisses the marks he's littered all over your body, all the way down to your sternum, and then that's where he stays. He weighs his body down on top of yours, making a home between your shaking legs, and it's like you have whiplash when he gives you a loving stare from his big brown eyes.

He doesn't have to speak for you to know what he's thinking; his fingers that caress your hips and up your ribcage tell you that he's a little worried he was a little too rough this time around, but you're humming with satisfaction, combing your fingers through his hair as he rests his head over your stomach, holding you like you're his personal teddy bear, cuddling you close as he tells you he loves you.

JEONGHAN - Jeonghan kisses each of your wrists with soft kisses before he rubs his palms up your arms. He knows your arms have to be sore because he's held them behind your back most of the night.

Your legs are still trembling when he finally slips away from you, and you're barely hearing the soft noises he coos as he gets you to roll onto your back. You're marked all over, and Jeonghan is almost tempted to take a photo of how pretty you look with his teeth marks on your breasts and bruises on your inner thighs, but it's more important to him that you focus your pretty eyes on him.

Your eyes are a little glossy, and it's truly his fault, but his grin says he's not remorseful in the slightest. Instead, he lies on his side, cuddling into you as he traces his fingertips up and down your body.

"Did so well for me, my love." He praises, and you're all but putty in his hands as he brings you from your gooey thoughts. Actually, it's more like no thoughts because that's usually how he makes you when he's finished, and when you're finally blinking up at him, his smirk is soft - loving - as he hums. "There's my love. You feel good?"

JOSHUA - Joshua pulls you to his chest, his arms wrapping around your waist as he kisses your forehead softly. "You did so good for me," he murmurs, and his fingers run down your back in slow swirls as you snuggle in closer after hearing the praise.

His touch becomes softer, gentler, the complete opposite of what it was mere minutes ago when he had fingers in your hair and a rough grip on your hip to keep you in place.

Now, his hands massage your muscles, holding you close as he gives you kiss after kiss on your lips, your cheeks, your forehead. It makes you feel warm from your head all the way down to your toes as you tilt your head up to look at him.

And when he says "I love you," you can see it in his eyes, the way they soften as his nose nudges against yours while you meet him halfway for another slow kiss.

"I love you, too." You murmur and feel the way he tries to pull you closer, like somehow you weren't already more intertwined than you could be.

JUN - Jun peppers you with kisses, praising you in between each one he places on your lips, your cheeks, and your forehead. The once strong grip he had on your ankles all but disappears as your wobbly legs slip from his shoulders, and the smile he gives you should give you whiplash.

Jun has gone completely 180 from fucking you stupid to doting on you like the sun actually sets on you, as you come down from your latest orgasm. Your thighs won't stop trembling, and your tongue feels stuck to the roof of your mouth, but Jun's hands work your muscles like he's a professional masseuse.

He's careful not to touch the marks he's left on you, and when the ringing in your ears subsides, you realize he's blabbing praise to you as he lifts your leg up to gently kiss your inner ankle.

It makes you clench around nothing pathetically, and you're all but pulling him back over you as you wrap your legs around his waist.

Your actions make him laugh softly, and he doesn't get to see you blush as you bury your face in his chest, but that's fine because he simply rolls you both to your sides, keeping you close against him as he kisses the top of your head, murmuring a sweet, "I love you" into your hair.

HOSHI - Soonyoung's touch becomes gentle almost instantly, even before his cock has had the chance to soften up inside of you. He lets go of your wrists he's had pinned above your head, and instantly rubs his palms down your body like worship.

His fingertips trace the curves of you, the little bite he placed on your shoulder, another bite mark just under the swell of your breast, and his eyes seem a little glossy with admiration and love as he praises you. "You were made for me, my love." He states it as a fact, and your legs twitch around his waist as he squeezes your hips like a stress ball, the cute aggression too much to handle for him. "Fuck, you're perfect."

The words make you laugh, and your hands push on Hoshi's chest as he gives you a big smile. "Shut up," you dismiss, but Soonyoung doesn't allow it.

"No. I mean it: you're perfect, perfect to me." He doubles down on the praise, and before you can process it, he's rolled you two around so he's splayed on his back with you on top of him. He wraps his arms around your back, forcing you to cuddle him, and another giggle escapes you.

"I love you." You giggle, and Hoshi makes a noise while he pinches your side with an incredulous huff.

"Hey, that's my line!"

WONWOO - It's dark in your bedroom when Wonwoo's touch becomes softer. He still grabs you firmly, pulling you into him with the sheets wrapped around your waist, but he follows the action with a sweet kiss to your lips. "You did so good for me," he praises low against your lips, and a shiver runs down your spine in response.

Your body is soft, thoroughly spent, and pliant as he pulls you to lie half on top of him. You're both breathing a little hard after your latest orgasm, and if the lights were on, you'd see that one of the pillows is on the floor, and his forehead is lined with sweat as your body hums a frequency that makes your toes tingle.

"Are you okay? Was I too rough, my love?" Wonwoo asks while his hands map their way down your body with soft squeezes that end up making you giggle because it would be Wonwoo who would fuck you like he hated you, only to end up caressing you like you were his alter he chose to worship at.

"Yes, and yes." You muse, and Wonwoo's hands pull you closer, his mouth finding yours even in the darkness of the night. "I loved it, though. Do you feel better letting it all out of your system?"

Wonwoo answers your question with another kiss, his hands already pulling you the rest of the way on top of him as a response.

WOOZI - Woozi isn't a man of many words; his love comes from his actions, so when you two catch your breath, he's gentle as he pulls away from you. His eyes are soft and full of love as he gives you a kiss before he goes to the bathroom to get a wet washcloth.

When he returns, you're still lying there, perfect as ever, and he tells you as much when he leans down to give you a sweet kiss.

He makes sure you're okay by cleaning up the mess he made of you with a small, knowing smile playing on his lips. He gets to watch the blur in your eyes clear up as time goes on, and he gently drags the washcloth over your body, taking note of the finger-shaped bruises he made on your thighs and on your hips.

After he throws the washcloth into the hamper, he holds you close, tucking your head into his chest while his fingers card through your hair.

You two lie together, with you cuddled into his side as you listen to his heartbeat steady. Thump, thum-thump, thump. You feel the way your heart rate syncs to his, your head rising in time with each breath he takes, and the silence you two share is soothing. There aren't many words exchanged in the silence, but Woozi holds you protectively, tracing the unspoken words of "I love you" along your back, making you feel warm all over.

MINGHAO - "Don't move," Minghao orders, and he all but tucks you into him like you could somehow feel your legs after what he's done. Your body hums like an electrical current, and your eyes blink the blurriness you've got away as Minghao's chest presses into your back.

Both of you are breathless, and you aren't sure if it's his heartbeat that you can feel racing or if it's your own. All you do know is that you feel sore in the best way possible, and you're smiling stupidly because of it.

You know the blankets are somewhere on the floor in a heap, and your legs tangle with his as you feel his head rest on the back of your shoulder, and you don't move.

Instead, you focus on the way he kisses the back of your neck softly, the way his hand snakes up to cup your neck again. He doesn't grab it roughly like he did minutes ago when he had your eyes rolled to the back of your head; this time, it's softer, resting gently so he can feel your racing heart sync to his, and he repeats himself again. "Don't move."

He says it tenderly, quieter, almost like a plea, and you don't have to look over your shoulder to know he's smiling before he places a kiss on your shoulder, holding you close as you snuggle back into him.

MINGYU - Mingyu's entire body weight sinks on top of yours, and both of you groan in unison before laughing a little. You feel like you've run a marathon, and you might as well have, with the way Mingyu tossed you around the last few hours. Actually, you're not sure how long, but you know your body is still vibrating from the way Mingyu manhandled you mere minutes ago, and now that Mingyu's rolled to the side, you shiver in pleasure as he pulls you to his chest with ease.

"I love you," Mingyu confesses with a grin, and you roll your eyes playfully as he looks at you with his big, sparkly brown eyes. He looks at you like he's falling for you for the first time all over again, and his hands that were once holding you down now rub your back with soft swirls, soothing you, coaxing you to tilt your head up.

When he dips his head down to give you a kiss, you're already meeting him halfway, and you kiss him back slowly, melting into his arms as you tell him "I love you" in between the shared kisses. Your cheeks are rosy, your mind is warm and fuzzy, and Mingyu has you flushed against his body as he squeezes you by the hips.

He continues kissing you, murmuring praises against your lips, and you're putty in his hands, preening under his sweet words as he holds you close.

DK - When you've all but melted into the bed underneath you, Dokyeom's following suit, instantly softening his touch as you tremble underneath him from your latest orgasm.

His hands let go of your waist, moving up to settle on the bed right by your head, and you watch his head lower with a breathless laugh when you give him a playful hair tug. He's caged you between him and the mattress, pressing his chest against yours, and the once-roughness with which he handled you is gone as he kisses the curve of your neck with small adoring pecks.

You two try to catch your breath in the aftermath, and your ears stop ringing just enough for you to hear him as he apologizes with a bashful tone.

He's back to giving you soft eyes and a sheepish smile as he traces his fingertips down your sides, mapping out the marks he's left all over you in the heat of the moment, and you're quick to pull him into a kiss to let him know it's okay.

You two continue to kiss as he settles back over you, grounding you to him while your tongue rolls over his. And you two stay like this for a long time, cuddling close while wearing matching smiles as you take your time to say "I love you" in between the sweet kisses you two share.

SEUNGKWAN - Seungkwan's roughness immediately softens the moment your body melts into his.

Your thighs tremble, your hands shake, and his arms wrap around your back to keep you flush against his chest as he talks you through it. He murmurs praise low in your ear, placing kisses wherever his lips can reach, and you're clutching onto him as he says, "That's it, let it all out for me."

His fingers card through your hair, softly but firmly, massaging your head, and your body hums pleasantly as he places a kiss on your forehead before dragging his palms down your sides. You can feel the little ache on your scalp from where your hair was pulled, and the bruises that will form on your hips from where he held you earlier, but none of that matters when he pulls you into a loving kiss.

His hands massage your thighs lightly as you smile between the shared kisses, and when he tells you he loves you, you can feel it in the way he holds you closer, giving your hips a gentle squeeze as he cuddles you closer.

VERNON - "You're okay, right?" Vernon asks as you run your fingers along his scalp, massaging his head as he tucks himself into your side.

His fingers are tracing a bruise that's blooming on your hip, and you watch the way his eyebrows furrow a little in concern. The bruise is shaping to the size of his fingertips, which shouldn't be surprising since he was the one who made them when he had you on your hands and knees.

"M'little sore," you muse, and Vernon's kissing your collarbone as he squeezes your thigh, bringing it over his hip as you continue. "But the good kind of sore, an ache that's wanted."

Vernon moves on to kiss just above your breasts, making his way up to your neck as you lightly tug his hair, an indication you don't want him to stop.

When his lips brush along your jaw, your eyes are already closed, and your lips are curved up in a beautiful smile. It makes him pause, his own lips tilting up as he takes you in. "Yeah? You feel good, my love?"

He says it with a playful tone that makes you roll your eyes playfully in response, and you giggle when he pulls you closer, bringing you flush against him.

DINO - "I love you," Dino confesses, breathless and with an exhausted smile. His chest heaves with a full heart dedicated to you, and you're boneless underneath him, much to both of your amusement.

The sheets tangle just as you both do. Dino hooks your leg over his, and your head rests on his bicep, and neither of you comments on the fact that you should probably change the sheets and take a shower.

You're both covered in sweat; he's got red angry lines down his back, and you can feel the bruises forming on your thighs, but it's okay, it's good, even. The kind of good you know you'll feel days later.

Dino wraps a heavy arm around your waist, anchoring you to him, and his nose nudges your chin while his dark brown eyes look up at you with a reverence that should make you blush - but from what you two just finished doing mere minutes ago, you're already rosy in the cheeks, so you settle on a bashful smile that makes his grin grow bigger.

"I love you," he says again and again, kissing his way up to your lips as you melt into his embrace, loving that he repeats it until you're giggling and softly saying it back to him.

대박 - you made it to the end.

Tell me about it.

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The invitation had come maybe four years after Hongjoong had run into you for the first time. Recently graduated from high school, and completely abandoned by the idol company you had spent countless hours pouring your soul into a futile dream, you had occupied your free time with a part time job at the same music store you were a regular at. You had been working there for a few weeks before Hongjoong had walked in, letting the merciless cold wind of early January into the small store and making you shiver. He had browsed around for a few minutes, curious eyes tracking through the rows of CDs and feeling a bit self conscious that he seemed to be the only client at the time. He had bought a few CDs, paying and accepting the plastic bag you gave him with a polite smile before he had left. That had been it.

Until he had come back a few days later.

Another Michael Jackson CD rested over the glass counter, his polite hands pushing it towards you with a small greeting. It’d been a slow day, so you thought it might not be any harm into striking up a simple conversation. Years down the line, you would find out that you might have been deadly wrong.

“Big MJ fan?”

His eyebrows shot up, eyes suddenly attentive and for the first time looking straight at you.

“Sorry?”

“You bought some last week, didn’t you?”

He paused, then his mouth opened in a surprised smile.

“Ah, yes! I did” he accentuated his words with a small clap, before adding “You remembered me?”

He almost felt like apologizing when he saw the look you were giving him while scanning the CD, eyes falling back to the counter.

“Is just strange seeing someone your age interested in these”

The comment seemed to fill him with pride, judging by the way the corners of his mouth rose up to his cheeks.

“I discovered it a bit ago. I’m trying to find more music like this”

You placed the scanner down over the counter, pondering for a moment before going around the counter and approaching one of the multiple rows of CDs. Hongjoong watched you, wondering if he was supposed to follow you. Before he could debate the idea however, you were already coming back with a CD in your hands.

“Have you listened to this one?”

He leaned in slightly and read the name of the band, then shook his head.

“No, but I have heard of them” he hadn’t “Like, in forums and stuff”

“It’s really good”

He bit down on his bottom lip and took a shy look down at the wallet in his hands.

“I only have enough for one, though” he took a look at your embarrassed expression “I’ll buy this one! I can come back for the Michael Jackson one some other time”

“No, it’s okay!” you scanned the CD you had brought him and put both of them in the plastic bag “That’s 16000₩”

He stood there, fingers frozen as he grabbed onto the single bills inside his beaten wallet.

“That’s the prize of one”

“It’s on the house” you had said “Money shouldn’t deprive you from good music”

Your face was burning hot despite the casualness of your statement. He could tell, though. Could see your flushed cheeks and the way you locked eyes with him like you were trying to prove you didn't feel bad. But you had felt so terribly ashamed of putting him in such an embarrassing position, to the point of making up for it with your own money. He thought then you might be a very kind person. Nothing you would ever do ever since would make him change his mind about that.

The silence that stretched between you then had been... strange. The air felt as if something had shifted, and it’d never go back to be the same.

Looking back, you were almost sure you both had known in that moment.

“Thank you so much” he said through his teeth as he gave a shy smile, eyes fixed on the counter as he accepted the bag from you.

He had barely taken one step backwards before he had decided to ask you. His body was turned to the side as if that would shield him from the awkwardness of what he was about to do.

“How old are you?”

“Uh?”

“Ah, sorry! It’s just, to know what honorifics to use” he explained in one breath.

You nodded in understanding, amused.

“I was born ninety-six”

“Ninety-eight” he pointed to himself.

The very next time Hongjoong greeted you by your name he decorated it with a polite -ssi at the end. You had insisted he dropped it, not a big fun of imposing the hierarchy on those younger than you yourself. It would take him a few months to actually do that, though, polite as he was the formal speech kept slipping from him. In that time you had introduced him to MIDI when he had made mention of wanting to learn how to compose, but feeling a bit lost.

“Don’t waste your time learning how to play a guitar and just start with this, trust me”

You had been there yourself. You had told him all about your trainee years, swallowing the embarrassment of having to explain how you were dropped from line ups time after time. That’s why you had been a bit worried when he had been contacted by one of the multiple companies he had sent his mixtapes to. You hadn’t planned to become a makeshift dance teacher, but you hadn’t been able to let Hongjoong hang around the gloomy basement of a shady company by himself. After the few members of the staff had taken a liking to you, on account of you working for free, that was how things had turned out.

It was after one of these long practice lessons that Hongjoong had finally brought up something he had wanted to ask you for a week. He had regretted taking so long. Had he done it earlier in the day he might have at least looked a bit more proper. Now after hours of practice, clothes drenched in sweat and dirty hair a mess he didn’t feel as confident.

“Would you come to my graduation ceremony?”

The arched brow you directed his way didn’t help ease his nervousness.

“Don’t you only get a couple invitations? For your parents?”

“My brother can’t come and dad has to work, so it’ll only be my mother”

Those facts were true, and he couldn’t deny how happy he had been about it when he had found out. It was perfect, really. He had wanted you to attend his last school festival and watch the broadcasting club presentation, but you had been busy yourself. He also wanted his mother to see you, even if he wasn’t sure as to exactly why yet.

“When is it?” he had pulled out his phone, reading the schedule to you. A flash of disappointment passed by his eyes when he looked back at you and saw the sad expression in your face “I’m sorry, I’m going to be out of town with my friends”

Hongjoong knew of your friends. It was hard for him to hide the way it bothered him whenever you mentioned them, if only because of the fact that your main friend group consisted of mostly men. You had found it cute at the time, the way he would go “ah~” at the mention of any of their names while he looked away or at his phone, whose screen showed no notifications whatsoever. It had gotten slightly worse the day he had met your friend Jun a week prior, though.

You hadn’t planned for it. For obvious reasons you hadn’t wanted to think too deeply about, you’d have prefered for these two to never meet. However after helping Hongjoong and the other trainees with practice and having had exams in the morning, you had found yourself utterly exhausted. And so Jun had shown up to pick you up.

You had tried to act neutral and composed, while internally trying to explain to yourself that there really shouldn’t be anything that made this interaction actually dangerous. But you knew, deep down. No matter how hard you had tried to ignore Jun’s behaviour and Hongjoong’s boyish reactions. You had known which one you were trying to save from it. The way Jun had looked down at Hongjoong with that crooked smile of his that would usually simply pass as cheeky wasn’t lost on you. You could tell Hongjoong’s smile had tensed across his face, his gaze immediately looking for yours when he saw the tall guy stand way tol close to you.

“Jun, this is Hongjoong. I’ve told you about him before”

“Yeah, a lot”

Hongjoong didn’t let the condescending tone dwindle the feeling of cockiness that flooded through him upon knowing you had talked about him. A lot.

“Ah, this is Jun? You have mentioned him before, I think?”

Jun’s hand found your shoulder in a possessive grip, bringing you closer to his side. You had been used to it, but not really like that. Not in front of him.

“Yup, that’s me. Nice to meet you. Should we go?”

You had given Hongjoong an almost apologetic look before waving him goodbye and telling him to get home safely. He had watched the car disappear around the corner, and only then did his hands loosen up from the fists they had been balled into. You wouldn't go to Hongjoong’s graduation, but you would spend the whole day getting updates from him on your phone while your friends sat opposite you playing drinking games. You had zoomed into his graduation pictures, a proud, fond smile spreading across your face.

The invitation to his house came after the debut date had been confirmed. After three years of friendship Hongjoong’s family had decided that the polite thing to do was thank you in person for all you had done. It had been pleasant to meet them, even though you had felt a bit weird about the whole ordeal. You were sure Hongjoong had exaggerated about you, and you were worried they might realize you were just a kid that had helped him mess around with a keyboard and taught him how not to trip over his own feet. Still, it had been a very pleasant evening, making casual, fun conversation with his parents as well as with his brother. That is something Hongjoong hadn’t accounted for.

Hongjoong had sat at the table, sweaty palms pressed against his knees as he watched you speak to them. Every time you made them laugh his eyes would divert from you to where his older brother had sat across the table, leaning back against the chair with a wide grin. He brought it up while he was walking you to the bus stop. It was a quiet night, still cold but pleasant. Hongjoong walked beside you, falling a little bit behind as he was lost in thought, not sure of how to bring it up.

“Was that okay?” that wasn’t exactly what he had wanted to ask, but he wasn’t entirely sure of how to word what he actually wanted to know.

“It was fun! And they must be relieved that you haven't been hanging out with a creepy serial killer”

“I kind of am, though?” he joked, rising his palms up after seeing the look he had known you’d give him.

He then became quiet, his tongue slid across his dry bottom lip.

“I think my brother thought you were really funny”

You hummed, the sound low and almost lost in the constant noise of the road next to you.

“Is that so?”

You had noticed, but you hadn’t wanted to think about it. Hongjoong fell silent once again.

“He’s always like that” his voice strained as he tried to sound amused, nonchalant “Whenever he sees a-- girl”

You smiled to yourself, turning to him with a knowing smile. He stopped too, tense smile as he refused to look at you, knowing he had been caught.

“Can I say something about your brother without you getting mad at me?” you asked, and Hongjoong nodded. You dramatically placed your hand on his shoulder, brows furrowed like you were about to give him devastating news “You are the handsome one of the two. So don’t worry”

You could feel the weight of your statement slowly falling over the both of you, the thin net of humor your tone had casted to stop it not strong enough. Not with the way Hongjoong’s eyes seemed to shine impossibly bright under the dim lights of the bus stop lamppost.

"Also I don’t date my friend’s siblings. I think it should be illegal to do that, to be honest” you joked as you put your arm around his shoulder and dragged him with you, something you both had grown accustomed to.

Had it been anyone else he would have flinched. You wouldn’t find out about Hongjoong’s dislike of skinship until someone would mention it to you time later. You hoped the familiar gesture would dissipate the tense air that had settled, that acting so casually would make it go away. Like you hadn’t said something stupidly dangerous.That arm over his shoulder felt heavy, the short wait until the bus arrived seeming to pass impossibly slow. Not that either of you minded.

Once you stepped onto the bus, you'd stop being in Hongjoong's life the way you had. From then on meeting each other would be close to impossible. When the headlights of the bus made their appearance at the back of the street both of you felt your hearts shrink. Neither of you acknowledged it.

You hadn’t realized how used you both had become to each other until a single day without seeing or talking felt uncomfortable to live through. The feeling was unnerving, there was no other way to put it. Your days had suddenly started to feel empty and void, the hours dragging impossibly slow. The only thing bringing a genuine smile to your face was the updates you’d get through their official social media accounts. The occasional text and call happened, but it was rare. They didn’t really compensate for the whole year you had gone without hearing much from him. Hell, you had heard more from other members than himself, and while it worried you he might be too busy, you also had to consider another option. The uncomfortable thought that you might not have been a priority anymore.

You had sat with the thought for a long time, uncomfortable and heavy on your chest until that late summer night when your phone had rung. A name on the screen you hadn’t seen for a while.

“I’m sorry” those had been the first words he had spoken to you. You could hear the way he was trying not to cry in between the lines that were his long pauses “I don’t want you to worry about me.... but I can’t talk to anyone else”

The taxi driver that had stopped for you had expected you to ask him to take you to the hospital with the way you had signaled him down. Instead you had asked him to drop you at a narrow street only populated for a few restaurants still open. Hongjoong had asked you to please wait at the small park on the other side of the street, one barely illuminated with the light from the lampposts getting obstructed by the trees. When you had caught a glimpse of him standing in the middle of it you had ran across the street until you were in front of him, heart pounding and a bit out of breath. He had stared at you then, glassy, irritated eyes watching as you brought your hands up like you were about to place them on both sides of his face. He wished you had, anxious heart crushed as he watched them shake before you put them down. But still you were there, staring at him like you had missed him for a thousand years. He never wanted to see that expression on you. Never wanted the be the reason why you’d look anything but happy.

“Sorry to make you come all the way here” he said, clearing his throat to hide the shakiness of it.

He rubbed at his eyes, like that'd make the traces of his pain go away. It was so stupid really, how much he wanted the comfort of your presence while loathing the idea of you seeing him like that.

“Don’t say that. Come, sit down” he felt the light touch of your fingers over his, not grabbing at them but as silent invitation to sit with you on the empty bench. He sat down with you following suit, further away than you usually would. He noticed, but didn’t want to think about it “How long do we have before you have to go back inside?”

“A bit”

“Okay, tell me. What’s worrying you?”

It took some effort for him to tell you about it all, and even then he missed a few things, but you got it. The members, the company, the poor sales despite the world tour they just came back from. He had been so happy in all the videos and pictures you had seen of him, saved them on your gallery while feeling a bit embarrassed about it. You saw the way he clasped his hands together between his knees, pleading for warmth and maybe something else.

“What’s wrong?” His question pulled you back. He stared intently at you, searching your face as if trying to figure out what was wrong. So he could maybe fix it. Your brows furrowed in confusion until you noticed the tears that had fallen from your eyes. He wiped one of them with his finger, quickly, like he hadn’t meant to “Don’t cry because of me. It’ll make me feel worse” he complained.

You shook your head, his shape disappearing behind the blur of tears fogging your vision.

“It’s not that. It’s just--”

You couldn’t tell him, really.

How were you supposed to tell him that you had just fought with your best friend of eight years because his jealousy had gotten to a tipping point when Hongjoong had called you that same night. He had seen the way your had eyes lit up when you looked at the incoming call on your phone. He hadn’t needed to read the name written in black against the blinding white of your screen. He had gotten used to that expression of contained excitement whenever Hongjoong would call you. Or simply whenever you had talked about him, which you had done for many years by then. And he was tired. Tired of how your voice would get a tad bit higher when you would talk to him, or about him, before immediately lowering like you were worried people would notice. No one did, really, the change too subtle for most people to feel the change.

But he did.

“You are seriously leaving right now?”

You had already been hanging your purse over your shoulder and dragging the chair across the wooden floor of the restaurant.

“It’s an emergency”

“Yeah, sure” he spat, flopping on his chair.

The rest of your friends looked between the two of you before fixing their nervous stares into the table where the ox bone soup you had ordered sat unfinished and growing cold.

“What’s with you?”

You shouldn’t have asked that, because you knew. It had been going for a while, but you wanted to pretend you had a chance to win this fight.

“Nothing, just go”

“Of course I'm going”

The argument had followed you outside where he had continued to argue with you until you managed to grab a taxi. You were used to this conversation. You had had it multiple times through the years, bits and pieces of it accumulating to this one argument that had ended up costing you your friendship outside the restaurant while the rest of your friends peeped through the wide windows.

“You are so embarrassed of him” he laughed bitterly “You won’t even admit you like him”

“That’s because I don’t!”

The words had felt heavy when you had spat them at him before getting in the taxi. They had sat on the backseat with you, swirling around until they had turned into nothing more than noise. Loud, suffocating. The whole ride to him you had sat there, with only your loud heartbeat and your lies to make you company. By the time you had seen him it had hit you like a blow to the chest, and you hadn’t had time to worry about it before you had ran to him

“What is it?” Hongjoong had asked in a whisper, voice small and laced with so much worry.

You couldn’t really tell him any of that.

His eyes darted around your face: your teary eyes, the wet path tears had left on your cheeks, your slightly red, trembling lips. You watched him watch you almost as in slow motion, like time had seemed to slow down as a favour before your whole world crumbled down with the realization that you were in love with him.

No matter how many times you have replayed the moment in your head, you still can’t comprehend what went through your mind before you leaned in and kissed him. You do remember the wet, salty taste of the tears over his slightly chapped lips. The way you felt his breath catch on his throat along with the small sound of surprise that never made it past your joined lips. You couldn’t see the way his eyes widened in surprise before they fluttered shut.

Calling it a kiss might have been giving it too much grace. You had almost fell forward when you had leaned in, having nothing to lean on until you had found his knee which tensed under your touch. His body was still stiff when you pulled back, reality washing over you cold and unforgiving as your lashes fanned against the high of your cheeks. Your pulse hammered at your temple, loud and making you dizzy. The expression on his face made your chest ache. He looked confused? Maybe scared. You were, at least. His lips were still parted in a question that you had no answer for. Or you had it, just didn’t want to speak it aloud.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, so close he felt the words caress at his lips where the ghost of your kiss remained fresh and vivid.

You stood from the bench, the ground seeming to tremble underneath you. Maybe the heavens had listened to your prayer, and the earth was kindly opening up to swallow you whole. You might have fallen into the dark abyss that your mind was turning into if it had been for the strong, almost painful way in which Hongjoong had held onto your wrist. You’d seen the look on his face before he had stood up and pulled you towards him: furrowed brows, determined, and maybe a bit upset.

The grip on your wrist softened when your lips met again, nothing like the soft mistake you had made seconds ago but just as clumsy. His nose had bumped into your cheek a bit too strongly, a small groan of pain reverberating against your lips firmly pressed together. Hongjoong’s free hand stood by his side, tense and not sure of how to occupy itself. Yours however had been brought to his shoulder, softly pushing him until he had parted from you with a deep exhale. He looked at you through heavy, almost lazy lids. His eyes were not red anymore, a different kind of fog swimming in them. You wished you had waited a little longer, taken in the way he looked at you a bit more before you had spoken.

“We shouldn’t” Your words came with a trembling that he couldn’t ignore. His eyes seemed to freeze before they started shaking “I don’t want to get you in trouble. Don’t want to give you another reason to worry yourself sick. You already are...”

You continued listing the myriad of reasons as to why it shouldn’t happen. Why it couldn’t. But Hongjoong had stopped listening. You understood this when after his eyes had gotten lost somewhere at the bottom of his feet and you felt his hand let go of you. The corners of his mouth sunk on his face and he took a few steps backwards as he nodded solemnly.

“Yeah, okay”

“Hongjoo--”

“It’s late. I have to go. Sorry I made you come”

He didn’t give you a last look. He didn’t turn around one last time. He knew you were right. Every step he took his mind had begged him to turn around and tell you that he understood. To erase the devastated look in your face as the last one he’d see of you. He knew that had he been any other member, have you been any other girl, he would have been the one speaking these words. And yet his broken heart and the thick pride keeping the pieces of it together wouldn’t let him turn around. He couldn’t bring himself to forgive you for kissing him. Giving him a taste of what he’d never have when he had never dared to think he could get it in the first place.

You had always been so cruel, hadn’t you? Always noticed the way he’d look at you, the way his heartbeat fastened whenever you'd put your arm around him. Had it been fun for you? Had you ever seen him as anything but a child with a crush you couldn’t bother to entertain, too amusing to let go off?

If his heart had been able to speak, it would have told him that that wasn’t true. He knew this. But he never turned back, and the last thing you saw of him was his hunched back going inside the building before everything went dark.

It would be around a whole year before you’d hear from him again. A simple text on your screen from a number you thought he might had changed by then. But there it was, like it had never left.

쭝아

22:36 ‘Have you been well?’

22:36 ‘Would you like to meet?’

22:39 ‘I have time Thursday’

You had stared at them for a long time, and they made you feel like you were suddenly aware of how the earth slowly turned over itself. A slow dizziness came over you, and you had to sit down on the floor of your kitchen to read them all over again, not really opening them. You were too scared that they might disappear.

It had only been a week prior when you had sat on a balcony seat, watching his first ever home concert. It had been such a strange feeling, walking through these doors surrounded by people that were there for the same reason as you. That now, were the same as you. The days of Hongjoong and you dreaming aloud about huge concert venues, discussing a distant future where thousands of fans would scream just at the sight if his silhouette on the wide screen were long gone. These weren’t dreams anymore. They were reality. Hongjoong’s reality.

Yours had had you sat at the back of the stadium, just another face in the crowd.

Hongjoong had been very far away from you before, for really long periods of time. But sitting there with thousands of people screaming his name, was the first time that you felt the overwhelming distance.

Your tears had gone unnoticed, another teary faced fan among many. Still, you had stayed until the end.

Your phone vibrated over the tile floor again.

쭝아

22:41 ‘Does that work for you?’

You

22:43 'Hi, Hongjoong. Thursday works for me, as long as it’s after four”

쭝아

22:43 [location link]

‘See you at five?’

You hadn’t really expected an apology. To be fair, you weren’t sure if he should be the one doing it first. However, nothing could have prepared you for the words that had fallen from his mouth after the polite, awkward pleasantries had been done with.

“I’m seeing someone, actually” he had said, unprompted “For a few months now”

He had said it so casually, eyes set on you as if waiting for a reaction. You might have thought he was trying to provoke you. And you would have been right.

And so had he.

You felt the heat first, intense, prickling just beneath the thinnest layer of your skin. It was all over, creeping up from your chest to every last nerve on your body. It made your mouth run dry, not that you would have known what to say anyway. Then it hit you, not in the heart, but right in the stomach. Seething, white hot and painfully overwhelming: jealousy. Plain old jealousy.

Who? Is what you had wanted to ask. But it wasn’t your place. It had been before, years ago, but it wasn’t yours anymore. Your place was at the back of the concert venue, lost among other strangers that loved him.

On the other side of the table, your silence was making him ache. It wasn’t a lie, really. He had started seeing someone a few months back. He could see the effect of his announcement rippling through you, and his fingers trembled in eagerness as he waited for you to say something. Anything.

“That’s nice” The words painfully dragged out of your mouth, and he could tell.

It wasn’t enough, though. Watching you try to contain your true feelings wasn’t enough. He wanted you to lose it. Maybe even beg. He knew that wouldn’t happen, and that he’d hate seeing you like that anyway. But God, how he dreamed of it, night after night before falling asleep. In reality a simple “please” would undo him, a slight brush of your fingers over his would suffice. But it never came. Instead you said:

“Jun and I started dating a month ago, too”

Hongjoong’s expression hardened, grip tightening into the plastic cup he was holding on is hand and making it crumble underneath his fingertips. You looked up at him, and for a moment you both saw your true selves before you went back into trying to pretend you were doing nothing but update each other on your love life. Fixing what had been broken. He didn’t comment on it.

“Did you go to the concert?”

The question was sudden, charged. It made the air still and press onto you, suffocating. The way Hongjoong’s gaze was set on you wasn’t helping. Hard, direct, expectant. It wasn’t the question he had asked, but the one hidden between its words. That’s what he wanted to know.

“Of course I went” you said, choking on a shallow breath “I promised you, back then”

Hongjoong’s expression twisted for a split second, moulded by a feeling you couldn’t figure out.

“That’s good” it’s all he had said “I have to leave now, though. It was great catching up”

He said his goodbyes so quickly you had barley had time to stand from your chair and bow him goodbye. You were left there, having to come to terms with the growing suspicion that you were a terrible person.

A week later you had gotten confirmation of it when you had dialed Hongjoong’s number for the first time in years. Only when you had been ready to let it all go, burn every bridge you had ever built, did you tap your finger on the screen of your phone.

Hongjoong saw the screen of his phone lit up next to his mouse. Your name had flashed on the screen like a joke, a mirage brought upon him due the countless sleepless nights and hours of staring at his monitor. He picked his phone slowly, and when he came to the realization that it really was you, he picked up quickly, as if worried your call might slip like smoke through his fingers. He didn’t speak right away, instead the silence hung heavy between you two, almost palpable though the phone.

“Hello?”

It took you a bit to speak, trying to measure your words.

“Are you at the studio right now?” when your voice finally came through to him, his chest raised with a breath that got stuck at his throat. He made an affirmative noise “Can I go?”

Hongjoong stilled, his studio room suddenly feeling strangely small, walls closing in on him. He had always been very clear about his thoughts when it came to having female friends. Especially when it came to having a girlfriend. It was inconceivable for him to allow a girl to visit him at the studio late at night, just the two of you.

But you weren’t any girl.

You were worse.

“Nevermind, I’m sorry" you backtracked "I won’t go”

Hongjoong perked up and you heard shuffling through the phone.

“What, why?”

Because you were incredibly selfish, you thought. Because you wanted to tell him about how you broke up with your boyfriend the day he had told you about his girlfriend. You wanted to gauge his reaction, see if he’d squirm on his beaten up chair. You wanted to see his eyes would shake under the dim light of his studio. Test how much he really liked her, how much of a terrible person you could turn him into. It would have been such a cruel trap. One he could see coming. You could tell by the way he hesitated.

“I’m sorry I just...” really hate myself, is what you wanted to say “I feel like...” you were not too sure of that either “If I walked in there I think I’d become way worse of a person than I already am, and I can’t let that happen. I’m sorry”

“What do you mean? Who said you are a bad person?”

“I did”

You had been. Playing with his feelings, or so you had told yourself you had done. Kissing him and then telling him you couldn’t take him in. It had been wrong. Hongjoong’s voice shook on the other side, low and hurried.

“You are not” he stated firmly, and it hurt you how you could tell he meant it. How he’d still see the good in you, forget how upset he was with you to soothe your worries one more time. You didn’t deserve that “You’ve always been--”

“Have you kissed her yet?” the question cut through his reassuring words like a knife, bringing a sudden, tense silence with it. Your voice shook with shame and defeat. You need him to understand just how heinous you were. Maybe that way he’d stop looking at you with such bright eyes and affection in his voice that you were not worthy of. But there was also something else. Something less noble “I guess you have. Stupid question”

Hongjoong had felt silent on the other side. The room felt suffocating, the blue light of the monitors suddenly sickening him. He had forgotten he was holding his breath until he could feel his heart pounding in his head.

“I broke up with Jun a while ago, because I couldn’t stop worrying about that. That’s the kind of awful person I am these days” you confessed for the first time aloud, and it did make your stomach turn. Still you continued, ready to out all your awful secrets to him “I miss putting my arm around your shoulders, you know?”

Hongjoong felt himself stand up, his breathing suddenly labored. How, from all the things you could have ever said to him, did you manage to say the one he had always stupidly yearned for the most? A silent gesture that had always felt loud for him. Your touch on him, choosing him every time. Claiming him in front of everyone effortlessly. When you stopped him from arguments, dragged him away before he could get scolded by anyone else. “You are mine” its what he had wanted to believe you were telling him, telling everyone else, and receiving confirmation of it was making the room spin around him.

“The idea of another girl touching you is driving me insane”

The way you said it in an almost embarrassed whine knocked the air out of his chest, and he found himself holding tightly onto the edge of his desk to steady himself. Something ugly was brewing at the bottom of his stomach, it made its way up his spine with a pleasant shudder. You were always the older one, reasonable, grounding him. Hearing you confess to losing your mind over the idea of another girl putting her hands on him satisfying a part of him he’d always believe too ugly to explore. The pride. The dangerous satisfaction of knowing it wasn’t his imagination. For all his maturity, he was still childishly possessive himself. For a split second he enjoyed it, and then guilt seeped in.

He could tell you were trying to push him away again. Show him how ugly your insides were, disgust him enough that he'd ask you to leave him alone. These disgusting feelings, he wanted to tell you he had them too. They were taking over as you spoke.

“I understand that we shouldn’t talk anymore. I am sorry. It’ll be better if I hang up now”

He couldn’t let you do that. Not after getting a taste of what being loved by you was. Your obsession light at the tip of his tongue, sweet and intoxicating. He needed more of it. Needed it all.

“I kissed her. We touched each other too” he blurted, trying to get you to stay. His hand nervously tugged at the roots of his hair as he waited to hear the sound of the line being cut, but it never came “You wanted to know that, didn’t you?”

There was a brief pause before your voice came out the other side, smaller. Strangely calm.

“Yeah” you admitted, voice cracking a bit “How was it?” you asked in an almost masochist way.

The question made a rush of heat ripple through him, setting every inch of skin aflame.

“It was fine”

“Did you like it?” he swallowed hard, affected by something he couldn’t really place. The same something that made you ask “Is it better than when I kissed you?”

He licked his lips, now incredibly dry. His throat felt tight when he swallowed.

“No” he said “That’s such a cruel question”

It was, but he didn’t really mind it as much as he wanted to hear that hint of embarrassment in your voice that rung so sweetly in his ears again. He got a taste of it when you spoke again.

“Sorry, I just wanted you to say ‘no’?” you confessed“I have always known but... It’s scary how for the last few weeks since you told me about her I’ve started to realize just how obsessed I am with you”

The grip he had on his desk tightened, knuckles turning white and fingertips sore.

“Tell me about it?” his voice came out hot and breathless, words sticking together in a mix of want and wrong. It was starting to be difficult for him to ignore the tightness of his boxers. He’d have felt embarrassed about it if he hadn’t been so lost in trying to chase your voice through the phone, every second of your silence agonizing "Do you think of me when you are with him?"

Your silence had lasted less than five seconds, and yet he almost had asked you again when you had answered him.

"The only reason I'm with him is so I can forget you. But it doesn't work"

A genuine, borderline evil smile showed on his face. But you hadn't really answered his question.

"So do you think of me?" he repeated, slowly "When you are with him?"

He wanted to see your face in that moment. The way you'd look away the way you did when you were embarrassed. Your cheeks always flushed so easily. Did your lips purse slightly while you thought of how to answer him?

"Every time" you answered.

You heard a small sound on the other line. It sounded almost like a muffled, frustrated groan. Hongjoong leaned over the table, suppressing a pleased chuckle. He felt himself throb against the elastic fabric of his boxers. It was pathetic really, but he couldn't get enough of it.

"Come to the studio?" He asked "Come to the studio, please"

"I don't think I should"

Hongjoong panicked when he felt you pull away again, his body feeling impossibly cold at the idea of you going away.

“Why?”

“You know why. I’d turn you into an awful person” you closed your eyes, words heavy on your tongue.

“I can have things broken off with her in the time it gets you to get a taxi here”

The words knocked the air out of your lungs.

“I don’t think that’s possible”

“Why?”

“Because I am outside” you admitted “I’ve been outside the studio all along”

Hongjoong straightened up, adrenaline suddenly rushing through him as he stared at the door of his studio room.

“Come inside”

He could hear the way you shook your head on the other end. He would have thought it was cute if he hadn't been drowning in the fear that he might lose you again.

“No”

Hongjoong’s lips pursed in frustration. He was desperate, frustrated and way too hard.

“You are rejecting me again then?” he let out a borderline theatrical, humorless chuckle “Fuck with me again by telling me all this and then, what? Go away again? Is this funny to you?”

Before you could conjure up a good excuse he had hung up the phone. You stood there, submerged in the sudden silence of the empty street. The lights of the studio beaconed you in, tempting you with something you knew was a very bad idea. But you had to tell him.

Hongjoong hadn’t moved an inch either, standing in the middle of the room and staring at the phone in his hand like he was second guessing his plan. He had started to think about running after you when the door of the room flew open. You entered it with heavy steps and a flushed face. You looked like you had gone through hell. Oh, how he wanted to wrap you in his arms and fall in in with you. Together.

“I didn’t reject you and you know that” you snarled at him, voice hoarse with frustration.

Hongjoong let out a relieved sigh, hoping it’d go unnoticed by you.

“You said we couldn’t be together”

“Because we couldn’t, and you knew it! You should have been the one saying that to me!” he knew you were right. He had had a lot of time to think about it, but he had been too selfish to admit it. He also couldn’t admit he loved the way your voice rung as it grew louder, the way your expression twisted in one of anger as you shortened the distance between you two. One he had never seen before, new, only for him. Because of him “That was me saying ‘I love you and I don’t want to fuck up your life’. And you couldn’t understand that because you are a fucking child” Your pointing finger poked at his chest, the words making the light touch feel unbelievably heavy “You think you had a bad time? I had a bad time! I had to reject you, watch you push me away and then go and date someone else. Fuck you”

There had been a long silence stretching between you two, almost like the one the day you met. The same one, you recognized. Stretching so thin ever since that first meeting that it was ready to snap.

And then it did.

You had still been coming down from the adrenaline rush when Hongjoong hastily grabbed at the sides of your face, pulling you close with as much strength as he had and kissed you roughly. His lips pressed into yours with so much force that you could taste the faint hint of pain in them. You let out a shameful moan into his mouth, one of his own dying at your lips when he felt your hands immediately skip underneath his t-shirt to grab at his waist and pull him closer. You felt the warmth of his soft skin, the plush skin over the elastic of his boxers peeking through the sweats. It made you dig your nails onto his waist, earning yourself a surprised, sinful groan from him.

It was a mix of teeth, and tongue and unsaid words. His hand crawled underneath your top to scratch at your back, making you arch against him and bringing you impossibly closer. The other slithered under your hair, forcing your face closer to his until the tip of your nose hurt where it met his now flushed cheeks. Then he dragged your face away from his, pulling at your hair.

“What?” you complained with a pathetic whine, breathless.

“Because you never say it” his words slithered bitterly through his teeth, forehead pressed against yours and eyes burning through yours “Just say it”

He stared at you mouth expectantly, waiting for the words to roll of your tongue so he could swallow them. So he could allow himself to kiss you swollen, pretty pink lips that were calling out to him like a siren at sea.

“I love you, please”

The hand at the back of your head fisted painfully into your hair as he pulled you in for another long, breathless kiss. He pushed his tongue into your mouth almost forcefully, bringing a small smile to your busy lips. He hadn’t had much practice, but you’d let him have it. You pushed yourself away from him and he stared at you inquisitively, expectant. So well behaved. You brought your thumb to his plush, bottom lip, pressing on it softly.

“Open” you asked, almost sickly sweetly.

He obeyed, lips parting slightly and mouth watering under your attentive gaze. It was enough for you to gently brush your tongue against his, slow and deliberate. You took your time kissing him that way, your lips sucking at his tongue and kissing his lips in an agonizingly, unhurried way. You could feel his body reacting, hot under his clothes and hard on pressing against your lower belly. He wanted to get his hands on you, but he couldn’t deny he loved the torturous way you were working him. It was consuming him, he could feel himself melt into your touch with every faint brush of your fingers against his skin. The way your lips wrapped around his tongue to suck at it with a low hum was making him feel light-headed.

“You want me” he panted, like the realization had just come to him. Like he couldn’t believe it.

You nodded, nose brushing against his. Your hand traveled downwards, touching the bulge in his pants with barely suppressed want. He choked on a whine, and for a moment you worried, retracting your hand.

“I’m sorry. I just really want to touch you” you apologized, and the genuine shame made him twitch under he restraint of his boxers.

He shook his head, loose strands of hair falling in front of his blown out eyes.

“Touch me” he pleaded, jaded breath against your ear.

Your tongue dragged across his bottom lip and he opened his mouth wider, begging you to put it back inside where it had belonged all along. Wet and hot and deep inside his throat. The sound your lips made when you broke off the kiss sent a jolt of pleasure directly between your legs. You pressed the palm of your hand against his buldge, feeling him through his clothes.

"You feel good" you praised, enjoying the almost pained look on his face "I bet you feel really good too"

"Yeah?"

Your hand pumped him slowly over the gray sweats, and Hongjoong's expression turned into one of pure bliss. You pressed a chaste kiss to the side of his face, his eyes opening to stare down at you.

"We can't have sex for the forst time here" he said "It has to be special"

Warmth blossomed at your chest, the sweetness of the statement bringing a faint smile to your lips.

"I agree. But I think you need some help with this" you squeezed him through the sweats and his eyes fluttered shut before he nodded “Do you want me to fix it?"

He blinked slowly, suddenly looking intently at you through long lashes, expectant. You tentatively pulled at the elastic of his sweats, keeping eye contact as you felt his underwear peel of from his sweaty skin, dragging it down until he sprung free. Your eyes fell down for a second to sneak a peek, but he stopped you with a hungry kiss. You wrapped you hand around him: it felt heavy, hot and so unbelievably hard. The needy moan that Hongjoong let out was so sinful, so desperate that you had to stop yourself from getting on your knees in front of him and taking him into your mouth. You backed him against his deck.

“Show me how you like it? I want to do well for you"

You took his hand and placed it over your own, wrapping it carefully around his now fully hard cock. Hongjoong started at a slow pace, savoring the feeling of your touch around him, warm and foreign. You took notice of how he’d squeeze a bit more at the tip, precum coating your hand and making it slide though him with a nasty sound.

"Does that feel good?"

He nodded and let go of your hand, silently begging you to jerk him off dry in his small studio. Your eyes darkened with a sudden thought, your grip on him deliberate now, moving at your own pace.

“Did she do this for you?” the question made him throb in your hand, he shook his head “No?”

Hongjoong's teeth let go of his bottom lip to answer you, words pushing through his needy moans.

“We didn’t-- do much”

“How far did you go?”

There was a small beat, before he finally said:

“All the way”

You squeezed him mid stroke, dragging a wanton moan from deep within his chest, hand coming to grab at your shoulders. But nothing would have prepared him for the way he’d crumble in your hands when you spoke your next words.

“It should have been me”

The way you spoke against the shell of his ear prompted another slow throb of his cock. It sent a flood of warmth to your crotch, where your panties had started to stick uncomfortably to your by now sensitive pussy.

“Yes” he groaned, and it almost sounded like an apology. His fingernails sunk on the flesh of your shoulders where he was desperately holding onto “I thought about you. That’s why it was-- bad”

“Was it bad?”

“She wasn’t happy with my..."

Hongjoong left out a strained sigh. You could feel his body stiffening when he buried his nose on your neck. You brought your free handto the back of his head, leisurely threading your fingers through his bleached locks.

“It was your first time” you said “She should have been good to you”

You felt him thrust into your hand as another choked moan broke against your neck.

“I was being a bad person-- Thinking about you-- I made it bad, so...” he pushed in between thrusts “I deserved that. But we only did it once, I promise”

The new information brought huge satisfaction to you. It spread deliciously through you until it reached your cunt, making it squeeze around nothing.

“I’m sorry. It should have been good for you”

You brought your hand from his hair to his face, making him lift it from where it rested nested against your neck.

“It’s okay” he reassured you, pressing an open-mouthed, sweet kiss against your palm.

"It should have been me you had your pretty cock buried inside of, hm?"

Your thumb caressed at his lips, opening his mouth so the moan that came out of him could resonate loud and obscene through the walls of the studio. You felt a small shot of precum coat your hand, and you were quick to spread it along his cock. You licked your lips, taking in the sweet, ruined look on his face. The dusty pink spread all over his cheeks and his delicate features, dazed yet steady eyes staring at you with so much adoration.

“Noona will fix it” you spoke, like a promise.

Hongjoong’s expression flashed with something dark and raw, a low hiss passing though his greeted teeth. You felt a slow throb under in your hand, and you were sure you didn't have much time.

“Yeah?”

You nodded slowly, taking in the way his eyes bore into yours with laser focus, pleading and slightly glassy.

“But for now...” you let go of his member and brought your hand in front of his mouth “Spit”

Hongjoong stared at your hand, then his eyes rose up to yours again, big and with a mix of coyness and pure, unadulterated joy. A small nervous smile tugged at the corners of his lips, but he obeyed when you gave him an encouraging look with a tilt of your head. Hongjoong wasn’t sure what exactly was arousing him to the point of dizziness: your hand seamlessly sliding through his cock with the aid of his precum and own spit, or the possessive grip you had on his hip, nails digging at his hip bone. Maybe it was the slick, nasty sounds of you jerking him off resonating through the room. His head fell back with a breathy moan, presenting his throat so deliciously to you that you couldn’t help but to take a small nibble at it.

“Does it feel good?” you asked, lips pressed to his neck. He nodded lazily “Does she ever make you feel like this?”

You saw him swallow, the stretched column of his throat making the movement more prominent. Almost obscene.

“Never”

“Even when you were inside her?”

“No”

The denial came out in a borderline pained moan. Hongjoong’s head fell forward, and you could tell he wouldn’t last much longer. You jerked him off slowly, savoring every jerk of his body and desperate moan that came from his heaving chest. Even when you picked up the pace you made sure to slow down to squeeze at the tip.

"Imagine it's me" you spoke into his ear "Do you want to do that?"

He didn't answer. Instead you felt him anchor himself with one hand on the edge of the edge of the desk before he started thrusting into your sticky, slick covered fist.

“Fuck”

It was getting increasingly more difficult to ignore the delicious, burning feeling between your legs. You were sure it’d be seeping through your cotton panties by then. It was intoxicating how overwhelming everything felt. Reality had seemed to lift a veil from your eyes, anger and frustration long gone and now leaving you with the raw reality of Hongjoong, nested on your shoulder and fucking his cock against your hand. His smell, the heat of his skin underneath his old t-shirt, his hair sticking with sweat to your shoulder. The pain of his fingers gripping at your shoulder and the they he kept moaning in your ear.

You felt him shudder in your embrace before he pulled away, blown pupils boring into you through heavy lids.

“Since the day that I met you” he spoke in a breathless, broken cry. He didn’t continue, eyes simply lost on yours “Since the day that I met you”

“Me too, baby” your free hand found its place cradling the side of his face. You could feel the shiver that rippled through him at the pet name dropping from your lips, so close to his he could savor it “Where do you want to cum?”

His chest rose with a whiny moan. His eyes were out of focus, clouded by his incoming orgasm.

“Inside of you”

The honesty made you bit down a smile.

“Can’t do that now, can we?” even in that beautiful, fucked-out state of his he was able to shake his head in agreement “Couch”

You let go of him, earning a displeased groan from him. He let you push him towards the couch, sweats pulled down, and embarrassingly eager. The back of his knees hit the edge of the couch, and he didn’t even bother to readjust his posture. His hips buckled in an embarrassing, unconscious move when you approached him and got on your knees.

“Lift your t-shirt”

Hongjoong did as he was told, hands gripping at the hem of his t-shirt and lifting it to his chest, eager to please. You saw the muscles tense when you started pumping him again, but nothing had prepared him for the way your lips would feel wrapped around the sensitive skin of his cock. You sucked at his tip, drawing a loud, lewd moan from him, his hips raising from the couch in a silent, desperate plea for you to do it again. You keep your mouth over his red tip, taking in the sweet, salty taste of his precum in your mouth while pumping the rest of his length. It didn’t take long for Hongjoong to cum loudly, his hand covering his mouth while he made sure to fuck himself on your hand. Every last drop of cum fell against his stomach, glimmering in the dim light of the studio.

Your hands caressed slowly up and down his thighs over the soft fabric of his sweats, and you could feel the muscles relax as he caught his breath. Hongjoong’s brows furrowed and a small whine escaped him when he saw you drag your tongue across his abdomen. You could feel his his ab muscles flexing underneath your tongue as you licked him clean, swallowing every last drop.

“I told you noona would fix it” you left a chaste kiss right above his belly button, the delicious sound of Hongjoong crying reaching that nasty, hot spot between your thighs. He was staring down at you with something similar to awe when you looked up at him “Good?” he nodded, slowly “Is this how you’d imagined?”

“Better” he managed to say, voice hoarse.

You laughed at his honesty. You rested your head on his knee, and his hand gently stroked your hair while your thumb drew lazy circles on the exposed skin of his hip bone, all while keeping the most intense, gentle eye contact. For a few seconds you both simply stared at each other, submerged in an intimacy that felt too familiar. Finally you stood up, letting your knees sink at both sides of his hips onto the soft couch.

“Do you want me to do anything?” he asked, desperate and eager to please you.

You bit down on your bottom lip to stop the smile from spreading through your face.

“Some other time”

You kissed him softly, Hongjoong’s eyes remaining open and watching you up close, almost as if trying to make sure this hadn’t been a dream.

“Was it good?”

You nodded, lips brushing against his.

“You are so good”

A low, pleased hum rose from the back of his throat as he wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you closer.

"Are you going to stay with me?" he asked.

"I rather you break up with your girlfriend first"

"Shit" Hongjoong straightened on his seat to search for his phone, making you tumble "Sorry!"

You shouldn't have been laughing in a moment like that, but you couldn't help it. You really were a terrible person.

"It's okay, I already feel shitty enough"

Hongjoong paused on his search to place a gentle hand on your face.

"At least we are both terrible, together"

You bit down a smile. You'd have time to loathe yourself and dwell on it. Maybe it was worth being  a terrible person if you could be it in Hongjoong's arms.

"That's so cheesy"

Hongjoong

Seonghwa

Yunho

Yeosang

San

Mingi

Wooyoung

Jongho

taglist (open): @belongjoong @kisssan @strhwa @thatateezgirl @karlee10261990 @stxrrywoo @minkieater @moooonandroses @redemptions

Hongjoong

Seonghwa

Yunho

Yeosang

San

Mingi

Wooyoung

Jongho

taglist (open): @belongjoong @kisssan @strhwa @thatateezgirl @karlee10261990 @stxrrywoo @minkieater @moooonandroses @redemptions

when they first hear you, all of them— except for wooyoung— would stop whatever they were doing to look at you. wooyoung had a hunch you would sound nice, but would grin a little to himself when it would be confirmed.

they would all find ways to hear you more often, and for mingi, wooyoung, hongjoong, and seonghwa, louder.

seonghwa and san would immediately praise you on how good you sound— how it makes them feel, too. they’d hold you closer, grinding their hard on against you a little. a silent plea. “god—do that again. please, i need to hear more of you.” their voices are breathy, eager. seonghwa would pepper a sensitive area with kisses. san would continue to rut against you, hoping the friction will do the job. be good and keep them singing your praises!

yeosang would coo sweet things to you, even being a little mean if he has to but still keeping his voice gentle and soft. “no, no— don’t hide from me, not with a voice like that.” he’ll gently pry your hands away from your face. sure, he was gentle, but his eyes say he wants to be anything but. “you sound so pretty, don’t stop now.”

yunho and mingi would bite their bottom lip, then crash their lips into yours. their kisses were needy, almost suffocating. but would you have it any other way? mingi’s groans and other lewd sounds would melt into yours, his hands roaming your back and up into your hair. yunho would try not to be as needy, but failing. he would pull away to start leaving little love bites on your neck, his hands roaming your body on a mission to make you moan even more.

jongho had sucked a little harder than he had anticipated. but now, he might as well suck harder. he’d softly murmur into your thigh that you have pretty moans, and that he’d like to hear more of them. you could tell he meant it by how much warmer your thigh had gotten, a light blush dusting across jongho’s face. “i won’t stop you from being as loud as you want to be.”

wooyoung would tease you relentlessly, “you moaned just from that? i barely did anything to you!” in reality, he’s driving you stir crazy from his ministrations. his shit eating grin gives him away. it makes you want to both strangle and kiss him. that little shit..

hongjoong would have a coy smile, cupping your face in his hand. you could almost see him mentally scrolling through his options on what to do to you. for now, he lets his free hand travel, wanting to see for himself what exactly makes you tick. “keep your eyes on me. next time you moan, i want to know exactly how good it makes you feel.”

baby’s first suggestive/smuttish post!! yay!! i’m testing the waters to see if i’d wanna write smut for a larger audience. (i actually had to rewrite some of this and i wanted to fall down a hill… tumbling down like a child that lost their footing….)

reminder: this is a work of fiction, and is meant for entertainment purposes only :)