:^)

you can stay indoors all day when the sun is out, and sometimes it's nice like a cool draught from a tranquil spring, but watch out because if you stay indoors for two days in a row while the sun is out you start doing odd gothic literature things, stalking the halls and passages and muttering to yourself and parting the blinds to gaze down at your neighbours with a haunted look before turning away to contemplate your mannequins #yourmannequins. three days and you're basically fucked. you have to throw a towel over your head to scurry as far as the store for milk and people jeer at you like frankenstein's monster.

At the local hamburger shop and they said yelled out “order 167!” And three middle school age kids yelled in perfect unison “ 6 7!” Life is sometimes so beautiful

If you reference 67 you deserve to be executed on the spot tbh

If I was king for a day the first thing I would do would be to sentence you to a life full of love and understanding.

You can lie when you name things

accidentally wrote “never mill yourself” like yeah i don’t think anyone would do that unless they’re wheat or perhaps a rice

me 15 seconds into a male on male zoom call: actually you know what? *territorial chimp noises*

yes im addicted to attention and orgasms and food and shiny jewlery and 7$ Iced Lattes. does that really not sound like an awesome lifestyle to you

resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that

you've given it such gravitas. such majesty. i feel as if it is three storeys tall while i am standing there in awe being just normal size