searching for a sense of purpose

Can you imagine being stuck in space completely alone with only the corpses of your friends for company, and the first living thing you meet after 46 years of that misery is a fucking weird alien creature who just rolls up with crazy advanced tech and goes "hi let's work together" and makes it possible for you to save your world through the power of friendship and molecular biology. AND THEN you find out that in this creature's language, its name means "mercy". Happened to my good friend Rocky btw

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

Being an adult will have you unironically sad about a parasite outbreak in fresh vegetables.

realizing nothing can fill my void other than doing everything i promised myself i would do

Getting down on my knees and thanking the humans who invented dishwashers and washing machines.

InsNe that dishwashers are more efficient and easier than just washing them manually but they also use less water. It’s a win win situation

They ALSO sterilize dishes, due to operating at a far higher temperature than human hands could ever tolerate. It's a win every way.

i bet girls hated it in 1902 cuz you would constantly go on dates w guys who are working on an invention to present at the world fair

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

"lock in" is probably one of the most important phrases to enter the public lexicon in the 2020s