compass

One of the very first pictures of One Direction :’) at the airport before Judges Houses!

some of 1D's best songs exist because of liam payne, by the way. liam and louis were the dream team. they all wrote some good songs, but man. every time liam and louis joined up together, it ended up being a fucking banger. better than words. end of the day. fireproof. there are so many, so many strong songs that took 1D from being just a silly little "girl band" (which is what they always were and always will be to us, to me) to being something special, something that pierced through the industry whether people liked it or not. that was my band. they were my boys. i will miss liam for the rest of my life, and i'm not exaggerating that. not only because of who he was in the band, not only because of who he could have been once he held himself accountable enough to grow. i will miss his music, his talent. his voice. god. his voice. i'll just miss him. i miss him already.

Fate is when you get roomed together at X-Factor bootcamp and then end up in the same boy band that ends up being the biggest band in the world.

I sold my soul the first day I reblogged a One Direction post on this website

i did not once ever have a full night’s sleep from 2013-2015. nothing new to say that hasn’t already been said but it was so fucking fun being a one direction fan while they were still releasing albums/touring. can’t even put it into words or describe it. u were constantly terrorized while also having the best time of ur life.

actually I want to write an essay about how all the one direction members have been essentially forced by public expectation to verbalize their grief on social media only a day after liam’s death & then some of them (namely harry! lol) being scrutinized for their posts seeming ’calculated’ / ’written by PR’ / not ’genuine enough’. like. so what if they are? Imagine your childhood best friend dies and millions of people are waiting for you to say something that helps them deal with their parasocial grief. and then that very fame & loss of privacy being the thing that you all went through together as essentially children & the repercussions of that likely being a contributing factor to your friend’s death. the cycle. anyway. none of them owe us shit

 thinkin about how niall once talked about how cool it was that a lot of the fans grew up with them and then how in best song ever when they say “i hope you remember how we danced” like…yeah . of course i’ll remember . i grew up with you guys . you were my best friends . 

and i guess i had this whimsical idea of all the boys sitting on a porch as old men reminiscing about the good old days in the biggest boy band in the world as five terrible dancers with a whole lot of heart, but life is cruel and just doesn’t work out that way sometimes, and it fucking hurts

thinking about how i really really hope that liam was able to find solace and comfort in creating music and that it wasn't just a source of stress and discomfort for him in the end... the industry is so fucking cruel and competitive and awful and it commodifies this art form to the point that it must feel incredibly overwhelming to have setbacks to the point that it can take the joy and comfort that should come with creating art. it makes me so fucking sad always that it feels like liam wasn't able to fully find his footing yet in his solo career and that he could've in darker moments negatively compared himself to his bandmates. he was so fucking talented and i wanted to see him thrive and find joy in his life and career and i hate that he doesn't have that chance and that the public was endlessly cruel to him about his music when he was a rare talent. he touched so many lives through his art and i hope he knows that.

i can't stop thinking about how so many people made him a laughing stock even before any serious allegations came out, and how the endless weird fan wars were always so mean-spirited and competitive for absolutely no reason between the boys in their solo careers, and i hate that any of them have ever had to see it. it's always a ruthless awful competitive industry, but to also have that added pressure of being endlessly compared to your friends and called a failure when he was going through so much mentally and physically is heartbreaking. and all for the sake of weird stan culture that prides itself on sales and numbers and a media that relies on knocking people down pegs and revelling in downfalls instead of the joy of music and art. it must have been hell for him and i hate it so much.