i had a dream about you last night. does this make me pathetic.
I still remember all those fucking nights where i cried myself to sleep. I think i cried more the 6 months we were dating more than i have in my whole life. well, besides the 6 months after we broke up. i remember you trying to push me to go to san marcos and i thought it was because you cared but you just wanted it to be a distraction from you leaving. i remember sitting by the lake and agreeing to be in an open relationship if it meant i didnt have to lose you. i remember how you never wanted to just sit at home, and how when we’d have sex after school you’d want to go on a walk after (never knew why). and how after you took my virginity you bought me plan B even though it was completely not needed. i remember how handsome you looked after you cut all your hair off, at prom, at graduation. we had puzzle piece necklaces. i remember you telling me that you met someone at school and she was engaged but you liked her. i remember the nights you chose drinking over me. all the i dont knows, the maybes, and the not sures. i remember when we went to disneyland and i chose to sit out of a ride, when you got off it you ran to me, and picked me up and spun me around like it was a damn movie scene. all those nights falling asleep over skype. us looking for houses together. i remember how mean you could be. i remember the night i cheated on you. he was so nice, said all the right things. the hurt in your voice when you found out. the months of going back and forth afterwards. now youre with a beautiful girl, and you seem so happy. i still hope one day ill find the courage to message you. and tell you im still sorry, and it still haunts me but im so happy for you.
