Shower Thoughts

I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not. - firkin_slang_whanger

In 'How I Met Your Mother,' Ted represents how most guys see themselves. Barney represents what most guys think they would most enjoy being like. But secretly, Marshall represents the type of life most guys would be happiest living.- mista_rager

If Chris Brown made a song titled, "Rihanna" and it got to #1 on the Billboards then Rihanna would be his Greatest Hit.- igivefreetickles

From the viewpoint of the Simpsons characters, Itchy And Scratchy has hyperrealistic animation. - UltraCow1

Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions. - rrtaylor

A broken clock is exactly right twice a day, but a clock set one minute too fast is never, ever exactly right -  RSpiess

Whoever put the 'b' in 'subtle', was a genius. - MattPrime

Babies are just a parasitic STD that, after 9months of sucking on a woman's nutrients, grows strong enough to leave the womb and instead feed on your financial resources. -  scvannost

Imagine how scary snails would be if they were fast. - esorwil

If the White Stripes and The Black Keys merged to form one band, it would be called "The Piano" - rotora0

If my life is like "The Truman Show", the day I first watched that movie must have been really tense for the audience. - Cuntcunt_McCunt

There are 'landings' in between 'flights' of stairs - setsomethingablaze 

There are children alive in the U.S. today who have only known a black president. - 13104598210

Can Chewbacca even say Chewbacca? Shouldn't his name be something like Rawwwraaraar? - noreferencesleft 

Technically speaking, wouldn't your best friend be your worst enemy? -DKXIII

How did hamsters ever survive in the wild? - Accio_Upvotes

We are all trapped inside our own heads. -Pineapple_Dreams