I gotta start using this tumblr as a way to vent, I need to let all these thoughts and feelings out somewhere.
I'm so tired of holding it all inside, tired of feeling invisible and insignificant. Tired of being quietened when I want to scream, tired of building up the courage to speak out, only to be dismissed or have it all minimised.
I'm so tired. In my heart, in my soul, in my very being. And I don't mean tired physically, I mean I am hurting badly, drained mentally and emotionally.
I mean my mind has been battling to think clearly, to feel like a functioning human being who's worthy of the most basic human decency. I mean I've used up most of my brainspace and energy to get through the day, trying to remember reality in minute detail, because I know I'll be told with 100% certainty that the day went differently than I'd experienced it, it'll be twisted up and I'll be told my reality is wrong. I'm tired of fighting to keep my sanity, tired of begging to be treated with some semblance of common courtesy, to be considered, to be seen, to be heard.
I mean my heart and mind are both drained from battling with the disbelief, disappointment and degradation they've been suffering. Trying to accept what feels so, so unacceptable. Trying to make the best out of it, for my children and myself. Trying to act like everything's alright when it's not, and hasn't been for years... it's exhausting.
I thought it would all stop when we separated and I asked him to leave. It got worse.
The emotional abuse, the financial abuse, the coercive control and constant manipulation is easier to spot now, but not easier to deal with. I need to heal and I need to break the cycle. I need strength.
ellievsbear
baratheonpilled
kaledo-art
romaincrisis
