'He loves me with every beat of his cocaine heart'

A montage of that moment flashes up on the screen, making you turn away for a moment. You’ve seen it enough times by now. Even though you didn’t see it live given you were late that day, it was broadcast all over the internet in an endless loop since then, and you weren’t really dying to see it today of all days.

The day where he rides again professionally for the first time.

You knew deep down, there wasn’t a world where he’d never try again. He’s been training like mad for this event, his goal being that he would ride again by the end of the year. His muscle mass was a sight to behold, his mind was sharp, and his old balance and coordination seemed to be back to normal. 

Even though you were downright terrified for him, you knew he wouldn’t go out there if he wasn’t sure. He’d promised you at least that much when he first declared he was going to go for it again. Sukuna knew that this whole experience had been just as much hell on you just as it was him, so he wasn’t keen on putting you through something remotely close to that again.

Turning back to the arena, your eyes drift to the chutes where Sukuna is getting strapped in. The sides are clattering on account of the unruly bull he’s slated to ride. If there was one thing about his debut that scared you, it was that he purposefully chose to ride the toughest bull on the circuit right now. 

To add insult to injury, he still was riding helmetless.

Even Toji had strongly advised to start easier and work his way back up, but since when has Sukuna ever been one to take the easy way out? In his words, what the fuck was the point in showing up if you weren’t going to ride the best? Your eyes must’ve looked on in horror because he immediately gripped your biceps, murmuring to you once again that he wouldn’t be doing this if he wasn’t ready.

He better be fucking ready, you think to yourself. If he loses his mind again, he might just have to find a new woman to help him gain it all back.

“Nervous?” Gojo asks to your right. He wasn’t riding this weekend, opting to take a break to see Sukuna back on his debut ride. A small entourage accompanied you this time including him and Sukuna’s family in the row behind the two of you. Toji was barking something down into the chute from his position atop the adjacent fence.

“I’d be lying if I said no,” you murmur, burying your face in your hands.

Gojo chuckles, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer to him. You appreciate the comfort, finding it almost grounding as your mind starts to race with possibilities. A highlight reel of sorts is running on the big screen, no doubt aiding in hyping up the crowd that was already deafening. 

Sukuna surely was loved in this sport.

“He’s fuckin’ crazy, but that’s what makes him the best,” Gojo lets out a chuckle. “He’ll be just fine.”

“You aren’t just saying that to make me feel better?” you retort, knee bouncing your foot on the metal bleachers. 

“I mean, partially yeah. I’d never admit out loud that he’s the best unless it was for a good reason,” Gojo answers, now making you laugh.

“My uncle’s gonna win!” Yuji’s shrill voice chants at a similar age child, Toji’s son Megumi, who sits next to him. 

“You’ve been sayin’ it all morning,” Megumi snaps back, black hair falling into his eyes.

“Yuji put your drink in the cupholder when you’re done drinking!” Jin’s voice barks just as you notice the soda dripping down the child’s arm from sloshing over the cup sides.

“Sorry dad,” his voice softens, doing as he’s told. “I’m sticky now though, help!” he holds out his arm to his father, earning a grimace from Jin in response.

“Nope, you gotta live with it until Uncle Sukuna is done,” his father smirks at the boy and for a moment you see your own boyfriend in the normally docile man’s face.

Not to say your boyfriend isn’t docile, it's just that it’s usually reserved for something super domestic between the two of you that no one else would see. 

“He’s about to go,” Gojo tugs your sleeve, pulling your attention back to the arena. The dirt is all torn up from the prior riders, and considering Sukuna was saved for last, the competition results hinge on these last eight seconds.

The buzzer sounds, chute flies open, and a mottled white and black bull charges out faster than should be possible. 

Sukuna’s face is pure concentration once the first buck hits him, jerking his body to take the impact of the bull’s back against his own. 

His cowboy hat shifts further up his head, revealing pink strands plastered to his face. Another sharp buck from the animal forces Sukuna to shift to the side, still keeping his free hand from touching the animal and avoiding a penalty.

“Nice!” you hear Wasuke shout from behind you along with murmurs of approval from Gojo and Jin.

You wish you could cheer and shout, but all you can do is watch and pray that each time the bull throws its backside into the air that your cowboy stays on for another second. 

Each thud of the hooves into the earth feels like a beat of your heart hammering in your ears. Your grip on the metal bleacher below is starting to get painful, fingers tensing up under the pressure. 

The buzzer blares, signaling time up. 

Sukuna is still on the bull, starting to detach his riding hand.

Then the crowd roars, chanting his name so loudly that the announcers need to wait to start speaking.

Sukuna vaults himself off the back of the bull, landing gracefully in the dirt, red chaps flapping against his legs from the impact. The bull sees the color immediately, staring down Sukuna and for a moment, your breathing stops. Of course it charges your boyfriend and his stupid choice of color! 

He dodges with ease however, launching himself up onto the arena barriers until the bull is wrangled and ushered out of the ring. 

“What a finish!! The king is back folks, if any of you doubted his return, you can see yourselves out now because Sukuna has just scored a 93.5, taking first place for the night!! He’s won!!”

Sukuna jumps back down, running out to the center of the arena and raising his arms in a motion to pump up the crowd.

And boy does it work, the sound is deafening, Sukuna’s own grin spreads wide as he scans the grandstands, taking it all in. 

You’re up cheering now too, partially that it’s over and he’s alive and also because seeing him in his domain, crushing the competition, makes you more proud than you can describe. 

The whole concept of rodeos isn’t exactly something you love participating in, but seeing the man you love doing what he was born to do, loving every second, makes your chest swell. 

He turns to your section now, sauntering over with a cocky strut until he’s at the edge, beckoning you over to him. 

Startled, you look around like he’s motioning for someone other than you, because you aren’t used to this. It’s the first time he’s acknowledged you publicly post ride, but you figure this is now your new normal.

Running towards the railing, you jump into his arms, letting him pull you into his chest. The hard material of his padding meets your body and the scent of musk and spice from his cologne envelops your senses.

Wrapping your arms around his back, you bury your face into the crook of his neck, letting him do the same. Leather from his hat chafes against your neck, but you hardly notice, opting to squeeze the man as hard as you can.

“I’m so proud of you,” you mutter loudly over the crowd, fingers twisting in his shirt. “You did amazing, I’m so glad you’re okay!”

“Yeah?” he pulls back, voice raspy and eyes lidded as he stares down at you. He carefully positions your feet so you’re standing on his boots, helping you avoid the muddy floor as much as he can.

His hat brushes your forehead as he cocks his head, leaning in to kiss you. It shocks you at first, but you quickly melt into it, kissing him back, keeping it G rated of course. 

The way he nibbles at your lip though, you can tell he’s fighting it. In return, you give him a fast nip on his lower lip and with a dash of your tongue, pull back in a flash. 

The cameras can’t see, but down here, the way his crimson eyes darken is unmistakable. 

“Have like 10 minutes till press,” Sukuna mutters against your mouth, pressing bruising kisses against your lips after kicking the door to his suite shut. 

He’d dragged you off the dirt into the restricted area, telling Toji and staff NOT to come with him much to their dismay.

Toji only shook his head, a knowing smirk the only response. 

The only thing remotely usable is the couch, and that’s just where Sukuna moves toward, making stops along the way to pin you against various objects, raking his teeth down your jaw and neck while working you both out of your clothes. 

Eventually you make it to the couch, Sukuna down to his hat and jeans, while you’re totally naked. 

You wish you could take a picture of the sight. Sukuna’s already laid down on the couch, propped up against one of the arms, one leg splayed along the length and the other foot resting on the floor. His cowboy hat is still on, tipped back so he can see you with his championship buckle unlatched and barely doing anything to keep his jeans from sliding down his hips, V lines on full display. 

He looks like a damn model, eying you hungrily with a cocky smirk twitching at his lips. His chest and abs, shredded from all the training, now rise and fall from his heavy breaths.

“Take’em off,” you tap his thigh, helping him slide his jeans and boxers down just enough to free his heavy cock from its confines.

Staring down, the heat in your core ignites, squeezing your thighs together in an attempt to find some friction. The man eyes you up and down, letting his gaze linger on your tits, licking his lower lip before digging a canine into it.

“Y’gonna just stare or come take it?” he teases, cocking his head.

“Sorry, you’re just…so distracting.”

And incredibly hot knowing he just dismantled the competition after so much time away. 

You shake your head at the stupid words that tumbled out your mouth, but right now, you can’t be bothered to care. 

Moving to straddle him, Sukuna’s cock twitches where it lays on his abs, a spurt of precum coating his skin and soaking his happy trail. 

“Excited?” you tease, coming to straddle his thigh, leaning against the couch. You spit in your hand, reaching down to grip his shaft, letting the sticky evidence of his arousal help you glide up to his tip. 

“Shut up,” Sukuna hisses, involuntarily jerking his cock into your hand. His pupils continue to grow, taking over the reds of his eyes as they dart between you lazily jerking him off and your face. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” you coo, speeding up your movements until a wet, squelching sound appears each time your hand squeezes his reddening tip. 

A low groan from Sukuna has you starting to squirm, grinding yourself against his muscular thigh. 

“Shit,” you mutter, feeling your clit catch on a ridge of his quad. The way your slick is pooling all over his skin has your bud sliding easily over the thick muscles. 

The pressure is delicious, the fire in your core rapidly growing. The hotter you get, the more your pussy leaks, just exacerbating the situation. 

Then Sukuna flexes his thigh, and the additional friction has you shuddering, gasping at the bolt of pleasure shooting down your legs. 

“Kuna fuck!” you cry out, momentarily forgetting about his cock throbbing in your hand in favor of riding his thigh now. 

Sukuna doesn’t seem bothered, much more interested in your own pleasure. His hand reaches out to twist your nipple, sneering at the way you’re now shamelessly humping him. The more attention he gives to your tits, the faster you move, his whole thigh now dripping as your arousal starts to coat the couch too. 

He flexes again, pulling another shameless moan from your throat. That simple move puts you on the trajectory towards the point of no return. 

“Keep doin’ that,” you pant just before high pitched whines start to pour out of you. The pool of desire grows and grows like hot water threatening to boil over. 

“You like that huh?” Sukuna’s deep voice rasps in that gritty tone reserved for times like this. “Fuckin’ usin’ me like that?”

You can’t verbalize a response, hoping that biting your lip and nodding your head is enough.

“Keep goin’ baby, wanna see you cum all over me,” he groans, planting one hand on your hip, anchoring you to him to force even more friction and when the other goes for your nipple again, everything goes white.

The tension in your core snaps as hot pleasure erupts throughout your body, giving you such an intense orgasm that you collapse forward like you no longer have a bone in your body. 

“Whoa there baby,” Sukuna catches you before you faceplant on him. His natural musk smells stronger, now realizing he’s lowered you to his chest.

“You need a shower,” you mutter, letting the aftershocks pulse through your body, jerking against the beast of a man beneath you. 

“Nah, that’s how you know you’re fuckin’ a man,” he shifts you around until you feel him prodding at your entrance with finger.

“No!” you sit up, grabbing his wrist and forcing it above his head. 

“No what?” he smirks, not fighting you because lord knows he could’ve overpowered you. 

“Wanna feel you,” you whisper, leaning close to his face, letting your hand support your body by using his wrist as leverage. You push his other arm up over his head, securing them with one hand before reaching between your bodies, hand brushing against his course pubes as you find his throbbing erection.

“Yeah?” he whispers back, kissing your neck while “letting” you restrain him. 

You know this is going to hurt. Sure you’re wet enough, but when he doesn’t finger you, the stretch is insane. You always thought bodies get used to being with thick cocks if you’re with one for a long time, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. While you get used to the feeling of being split open, the burn never really goes away. 

“Ah, shit,” you wince when his thick cockhead breaches your entrance. 

“Fuuuuuuck,” Sukuna sighs, eyes rolling up to stare at the ceiling as he slowly sinks into you. A faint blush dusts his cheeks, offsetting the black ink lining his jaw. 

It takes a few moments of you working yourself up and down his thick length, but finally you both sigh loudly when your ass makes contact with his thighs. 

“Fuckin’ Christ, I love you,” Sukuna groans, grinding his tip against your cervix while you adjust to the incredibly full feeling of your walls wrapping snugly around him. 

That gives you some motivation to start riding him, remembering you’re in a time crunch. 

“We gotta go baby,” he grips your hips, helping support you while you control the pace, the intense friction becoming something more comfortable and pleasurable once you start to mold to his cock.

“I’m tryin’!” you squeal when you find your sweet spot, angling yourself to ride him faster. “You’re too big!”

“Ha-ah, I tried to help ya. Miss independent over here…” he sucks in a breath when you lean back, taking him deeper and giving him a great show, eyes glued to where you are connected. 

“God, you’re fuckin’ perfect,” he mutters, spurring you on. Your thighs are starting to ache so you lean forward, planting your hands on his slicked up chest, nails digging into his skin. 

“Sorry, I’m getting tired,” you admit. 

“Tch, poor thing,” Sukuna chuckles, giving your ass a firm smack. 

He takes the hint, tugging you off his lap, cock slapping back against his abs with a wet plop. He repositions himself so both feet are on the ground and he’s sitting upright, turning you around so your back is flush with his chest. 

He hooks his beefy arm under your knees in a full nelson, lifting you up just enough to guide his cock back inside. 

“Lean back, not trying to have anyone else get concussed in this family,” he plants a kiss on your cheek.

Your head lolls back against his upper chest and thank god you do because he begins pounding into you relentlessly. 

“Fuck Kuna!” you cry out, the combination of him immediately drilling your sweet spot and his wet balls slapping against your clit has you hurtling into another realm of pleasure transcending what you experienced earlier. 

“Yeah? Like that?” he utters through grunts and pants in your ear. His vocalizations drive you crazy, loving how he’s never quiet when it comes to you, especially because you can’t see him right now. 

But fuck, you can feel him. Everywhere. His bruising grip on your thighs, hard, sticky chest pressing against your back, heavy breathing in your ear accompanied by the occasional kiss on your neck that ultimately turns into a bite. 

“Ye-yeah, feels good,” you force out, hips starting to move on their own accord as you attempt to meet his thrusts. His fingers come to clamp down on your clit, making you gasp in his arms.

A bolt of heat shoots down your legs, making your whole body jerk as you try to process the additional stimulation. Everything in you is winding up like a coil threatening to snap, body clenching up as you brace yourself-

Until his thrusts come to a halt, the sparks you thought would fly fade into a tingle through your core. Whining with disappointment, you wriggle in his arms, desperate for him to keep going. 

“What-why-“

“Shh, trust me,” he coos. 

He starts to move again, now thrusting slow and deep while dragging lazy circles around your clit to match the pace. Your eyes flutter shut, head falling helplessly against his upper chest. Each languid plunge of his cock into your soaked pussy winds the coil of pleasure once again. This time it’s measured.

Controlled. 

Letting you savor the build up while his fingers bring you closer and closer to the edge. 

You feel like you’re on the edge of a cliff, teetering on the precipice, held on by a single thread that’s going to snap under the tension. 

You can’t take it. 

“Kuna, I-mmph! Su-“

“I know, can feel ya gettin’ close,” he whispers, making you tighten around him even more. The man lets out a guttural groan when you start trembling, the coil seconds from snapping.

One more deep thrust. 

Another.

And then you see white for the second time, body flooded with pleasure as the looming orgasm finally comes. You can barely even utter a sound, like your vocal cords are locked up to divert energy to the rest of your body attempting to contain the heat threatening to burst through your skin. 

Sukuna begins to thrust frantically, slamming you down onto his length, chasing his own release.

“Oh fuck, shit, fuck fuck!” 

He presses his cock into you impossibly deep, filling you with his thick load. Hugging you tight against him, he moans through each pulse, cock twitching through each spurt. 

Your legs feel like jello once he finally releases them, knees splaying out into the couch.

Sukuna’s phone starts buzzing from the pocket of his jeans which are still technically on, but shoved down just enough to be out of the way.

“You’re gonna be late!” your voice perks up, but your body is too tired to do anything about it.

He digs into his back pocket, holding up the phone in front of you both, scrolling through multiple messages essentially saying “where are you?”

“They answer to me, I’ll be there when I’m there,” he tosses the phone to his side, opting to adjust you both so he was laying down on the couch with you balancing the same way on his chest. Your eyes flutter shut, now heavy as your body starts to relax.

His arms wrap around your back, holding you close while pressing light kisses into the top of your head. The buttons of his jeans are hard where they rub up against your waist, but given how tired you feel all of a sudden, you quickly forget about it. 

Another round of buzzing his phone now indicates someone is calling him. 

“Won’t you get in trouble?” you murmur, vaguely remembering something about media commitments being part of his contracts. 

“Tch, I’ll pay the fuckin’ fine,” he snorts.

Your chest feels heavy with the smug weight that settles in. The man would rather pay a fine than stop cuddling you. 

His money his choice.

Sukuna snatches your hand in his, pulling you out of the backseat and onto the sidewalk with him. 

“Ready?” he asks, smoothing out his dress shirt while you do the same to your evening wear outfit. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you sigh, earning a small smirk from the man in response.

Tonight is the first time you are publicly accompanying him to an event. As the winner of the bull riding competition earlier today, it was even more imperative that he attend.

Looking toward the building that is now your destination, you see a hoard of people bunched around the front doors. Sukuna’s PR team had warned you both that the paparazzi knew this was the first time he’d be attending something like this with his new girlfriend on his arm.

From where you stand, it’s unclear whether these are just attendees shooting the shit before continuing on inside or people lurking to try to get a glimpse at the famous cowboy’s relationship.

“Woman!”

“Huh?? Why are you raising your voice at me?”

He chuckles, hooking his arm in yours.

“I said your name like four times but you were off in fuckin’ space,” he answers, cocking his head to peer down at you.

“Sorry, was just thinking…”

“Better off not doin’ that right now,” he laughs. “Now com’on.”

You allow him to guide the two of you closer to the commotion. A bourbon company was hosting the post rodeo gathering in a high end lounge on the top of the tall building. Sukuna said these types are the best, way more low key and no forced walking around and mingling in stuffy cocktail attire.

Unfortunately they were requiring the attendees to go through a step and repeat area to get inside, but Sukuna said he’d take care of you.

Shoulders back, stand up straight, and smile. Easy.

Some cameras do flash when you approach, but thankfully they are roped back from actually approaching the two of you. You almost start laughing at how many high pitched squealing voices are calling for Sukuna. It’s ridiculous how desperate they are for an ounce of his attention.

“Damn, you had all these women around the world throwing themselves at you and you chose the one trying to get away from you,” you snicker to him, making him burst out laughing.

“Would’ve been boring, I already think I’m the shit and glaze myself enough, don’t need another person doing it all day,” he flashes you a grin, pulling you into the queue.

Makes sense. In a way you’re the same way with him. Being so different is healthy because it gives you just enough space, independence, and individuality to be your own people so that when you are together, all your focus is on each other and your shared interests.

At the end of the day, you are both two driven, confident people. Clingy partners just wouldn’t fly for either of you.

“Hey now, I do think you’re pretty cool,” you nudge his ribs with your elbow in a playful way.

“I know, you make me work for it though,” he responds.

“Oh, so is the Ryomen Sukuna saying he tries extra hard in hopes of impressing his girlfriend?” you get on your toes to whisper in his ear.

He answers with a shrug and a wink, sending butterflies straight to your stomach. 

“Next!” 

“Our turn, time to look pretty,” Sukuna tugs you along.

Everything feels like a blur. You’re guided to different spots along a backdrop of logos, seemingly for the bourbon company and some others you don’t recognize. Flashes of light temporarily blind you, so you can only hope you are photographing well because there’s definitely no one giving on the spot feedback.

“Sukuna you were practically glowing in the post rodeo press conference, looking happier than we’ve ever seen you! You must be very proud of how you were able to get right back on top after all this time away!” a shrill voice calls out.

Yeah probably because he was getting his dick wet right before he went out there, you internally roll your eyes.

“I never expected anything less from myself,” Sukuna responds cooly, hand slipping around your waist to pull you closer.

“How are you adjusting to becoming rodeo royalty?” another woman calls out to you, surprising you. PR had said you might get called out, but you truly thought Sukuna would be the main focus of everyone this evening.

“Honestly, it’s a lot,” you answer, smiling nervously. The woman responds with a kind laugh but nods, urging you to continue. Sukuna’s thumb rubs circles over your lower back, soothing away some of the nerves.

“But, I’m sure it’ll get easier. I’m with an expert after all, I trust he’ll take care of me,” you chuckle, tilting your head in Sukuna’s direction.

“Yup, and if we do look stupid in front of the camera, at least we can go home and laugh about it together,” Sukuna adds, making everyone laugh, including you.

“Well you both look stunning tonight, and you’re doing great sweetie,” the woman beams before turning to the next group coming behind you.

Once on the other side, you both go off to the side to get your bearings.

“Wow, why were you so happy in the press conference Kuna?” you tease, jabbing him in the ribs.

“I dunno babe, seemed like announcing that I was ‘bustin’ a nut with my girlfriend in a full nelson’ wouldn’t have gone over well, especially with that your first press experience ever,” he blushes, pushing his tongue into his cheek, trying to suppress a smirk.

“Now stop remindin’ me and let’s go, you’re making me get a boner.”

“Sukuna!” you gasp, looking around, noticing a few people scattered about where you are standing. “Watch your mouth!”

“Really don’t think anyone would be shocked to hear I get boners and have sex with you,” he barks, shoving his hands in his pockets.

You just roll your eyes and follow him to the elevator.

The party has a very chill and relaxed vibe, very different from the chaotic scene downstairs. Sukuna immediately gets a bourbon on the rocks while you opt for your drink of choice. You spend time doing a lap around the establishment, Sukuna introducing you to numerous others in the rodeo industry. 

After meeting plenty of competitors, you determine you definitely have the hottest cowboy in the room.

Eventually you both grab a high top table on the periphery, finding it to be a great people watching vantage point.

“Look, buckle bunnies in the wild,” Sukuna points to an area with leather couches near a fireplace.

You look in the direction he gestured, finding three dolled up girls dressed in more revealing clothing. Looking closer, you see another person…

“Is that Gojo?!” you exclaim, recognizing the white hair because who else looks like that.

“Sure is,” Sukuna laughs, taking a long sip of his drink.

“Is that normal for him?”

“Pretty much.”

“Is he missing his partner in crime?” you shoot him a look, a playful lilt in your words.

“Hmph, I’d wingman for him, but rarely partook. I have high standards for where I put my dick, it’s an exclusive privilege,” he cocks a brow, eying you over his glass.

You almost spit your drink out, what an absurd statement.

“God you’re such a pompous ass,” you huff out with a laugh.

“Not sure what you’re laughin’ about, you got immediate access,” he shrugs, giving you a cocky smirk, swirling his drink in his glass before placing it on the table.  

“Wow, grateful, thankful, blessed over here,” you kick his shin under the table, even though deep down he’s by far the best fuck of your life and it’s not even close.

If you let that slip though, his head might explode from his overinflated ego.

It’s late, but you’re finally back at the hotel. You immediately change into your pajamas and head straight to the bathroom to wash your face.

The warm water is soothing, reminding you that a warm bed awaits you on the other side of the door, so the faster you were in here, the sooner you could snuggle up under the covers.

You glance up at your reflection to see if there was anything you missed just to be met with Sukuna leaning against the doorway, arms crossed in a loose t-shirt and his boxers. 

“Can I help you?” you ask, grabbing a dry wash cloth to begin dabbing at the moisture on your skin.

“Nope, just watchin’,” he answers simply, expression and posture remaining unchanged. 

“You like the show?” you giggle, grabbing your moisturizer to finish off your work. Washing your face had to be one of the more boring things he could watch you do.

“I do. It’s special cuz only I get to see, and it means I’m getting closer to one of my favorite parts of the day cuz when you’re done, I'll get to go to bed with you.”

Your chest flutters with butterflies and you swear your vision goes black for just a second, unsure if the universe glitched because you were not expecting him to say something so sweet. 

“Aw, well I’m almost done,” you respond, voice a little shaky, remembering you still had to rub the cream in.

“Very good,” he smiles, eyes blinking heavily before turning around and leaving you to it. 

You’re not far behind, climbing into bed and settling close to his side. Like routine, he pulls you in against his chest, securing you snugly as the little spoon.

“Thanks for coming with me tonight,” his husky voice rumbles against you. 

“Of course, it was actually kinda fun,” you answer. “Felt nice to go out as a couple, show everyone we’re doing this together…doing life together”

A brief pause follows before he answers.

“Yeah. Life together. I love the sound of that.”

A warmth blooms in your chest, radiating down through your extremities. 

“Me too Kuna,” you sigh, burrowing your face further into his arm. 

Together.

Whether it’s like this, holding each other tight, or miles apart, tethered by your hearts until you can meet again-

It’s your together, a shared future you’re building, and for that, you couldn’t be happier.

It's left open-ended, but my headcannon is that they get married in a cute little country wedding, have some girls, maybe a boy (Sukuna girl dad coded always), and raise their little family on Sukuna's ranch land. Reader and the kids go watch Sukuna compete regularly, but he's cut down greatly on brand deals and sponsorships in favor of much more family time!

This is my fourth(?) story I've finished and I think this Sukuna is easily up there in my favorites! Thank you everyone who read this story, liked/commented, etc! Your support has meant the world.

Sukuna catches your eyes over the lip of his mask, warm brown that look almost carmine now in the light, starkly reflecting the hues of your blood as it beams off the clinical sheets. He’s more alive than you’d ever seen him, gaze sharpened with an animal sort of interest. He’s smeared with it, up to his elbows in your soft inwards, skin still split and spread open by clamps - all stark blue nitrile smeared red and sticky.

It hits you all at once through the drug induced haze, the dull horror of it. You want to look away, want to squeeze your eyes closed, but you instead find yourself utterly absorbed by the sight of him rummaging through your insides like he was searching for something.

The anaesthesia is doing a good enough job that even when he slips a gloved hand loose and draws a thumb over some exposed stretch of meat, you don’t really feel it. There’s no pain, no discomfort - just a wet sort of warmth where his skin is touching you through the barrier of latex. The foreign sensation of someone touching where you’d never been touched before. It’s invasive, intimate, and the thought makes your head spin. Sends a sizzle of goosebumps careening up your flesh, barely shielded by the remnants of your medical gown.

for years, you’d spent your time doing little things without thinking, the purest intentions nudged forward by the sheer hope that your soulmate wasn’t all bad. gone were the mornings you’d spend stretching, the coloring books you’d purchased to calm him sat untouched on your desk in the study room and you didn’t spend nights hugging yourself to sleep. 

it wasn’t even out of spite, at least not entirely. you simply couldn’t bear the thought of taking care of someone who had looked you in the eye and told you that there was no us. 

after everything you had done for him. 

there is no us. 

his voice echoed while brushing your teeth, while making coffee and when you sat your pharmacology exam. 

there is no us. 

the cruelest part was that your body still betrayed you. 

every friday night, anxiety settled beneath your ribs before sunset. 

every saturday morning, you woke with bruises blooming beneath your skin that didn’t belong to you. 

your soulmate still existed. he still fought and bled and despite everything, some pathetic part of you remained attentive to it, just enough to make sure he was alive. 

you hated yourself for that most of all because hope was a difficult thing to kill, especially after you spent years nurturing that very hope. 

but you could feel the hope within you die slowly, one disappointment at a time. 

“she’s doing it again.” 

you blinked slowly as shoko’s voice drifted into focus from somewhere across your apartment. 

“hmm?” you hummed as you looked up at the girls who were standing before you in your living room, arms crossed. 

“you’ve been staring at nothing for the past ten minutes…” utahime chimed in lowly, “kinda like you have been the last few weeks. ever since that night.”

neither of them asked what happened that night anymore, not because they weren’t curious. after you had remained silent the first ten times they asked, they decided that you would tell them on your own time. 

but they had seen enough. they knew ryomen sukuna was something to you and utahime had very quickly concluded that the underground fighter was your soulmate. 

they found you at home with swollen eyes and mascara halfway down your cheeks and they knew something inside you had gone frighteningly quiet since. 

“i was thinking we’d go shopping today?” shoko questioned, eyes wide and hopeful, a grin stretching her cheeks as she rocked back and forth on her feet. 

you had barely left the apartment as of late and your friends were growing extremely concerned, especially at the lack of shopping bags lining your door, as they did every spring sale. 

you smiled gently, eyes drowned in grief, “maybe another day, m’feeling tired.” 

the girls both shared a look, exchanging glances that spoke volumes, pupils lined with worry and apprehension alike. 

you weren’t tired, you were grieving. 

you weren’t even grieving a relationship or a man, you were grieving every version of your future you’d quietly built over seven years. the one where fate had known what it was doing, the one where your soulmate looked at you the way the men in your favorite romcoms do. 

you had hoped those years of turmoil and sleepless nights meant something, that it would lead to something that would make it all worth it. 

truly, the only thing you could think of to describe what you were going through was bella swan in new moon. that one scene that practically shaped your childhood in which she was grieving edward through the seasons, the depression pulling her deeper with each month that passed.

except, you didn’t have edward cullen who’d devoted himself to bella. 

instead, fate had given you ryomen sukuna. 

a man who had spent years implicitly convincing you he was impossible to love only for you to discover he’d been right. 

∞

ryomen sukuna knew anger better than anyone. 

he knew the way the emotion would sneak up on him, the way it grasped at his lungs until he shook with it and most of all, he knew how to use it. 

that was one of the first things toji ever learned about him. 

when he was sixteen, the anger made him reckless and at twenty-three, that same anger made him dangerous. 

except, toji didn’r recognize this. 

this wasn’t anger, it was something much worse, almost like self-loathing. 

the heavy bag lurched violently beneath another punch, then another and another. over and over again. as if sukuna was aiming to hurt himself.

“sukuna.” 

sukuna ignored the man, his fist colliding with the bag hard enough that something inside his hand shifted unpleasantly. 

it didn't matter, though. nothing did. so he punched it again. 

“you’re gonna break your fuckin’ hand, kid.” 

sukuna stopped then, chest heaving as he catched his breath. sweat trailed down his chest, shimmering against his tattooed skin till it caught on the fabric of his waistband. 

the gym was quiet, not unusual for a tuesday afternoon. most fighters didn’t bother training until evening, leaving only the rhythmic squeak of trainers against worn canvas and the dull thud of sukuna’s fists against the bag echoing through the room. 

usually, sukuna liked the silence but lately, he despised it. 

the silence only made her louder. 

he still felt her, fucking everywhere, every goddamn day. 

except she had changed, fundamentally so. before meeting her, the bond had been easy to ignore, to push aside and dismiss as a hindrance more than anything else. 

his soulmate was merely an idea, a voice without a face and warmth without eyes. 

now? now she was this pretty fiery thing with a pair of doe eyes that he saw everytime he closed his own. fuck, she was the prettiest goddamn thing he’d ever seen and he wished fate wasn’t so cruel to give him a dream when he was a fucking nightmare.

he couldn’t escape her anymore. 

“enough.” toji’s voice cut cleanly through the gym as sukuna began punching once more at the mere memory of her devastating features. 

toji walked over, caught the heavy bag with one hand and held it perfectly still, muscles straining against his compression shirt. 

sukuna glared at the motion, “move.” 

“fuck off, ya little shit,” toji scoffed, moving to shove sukuna back and away from the bag and he could see the pink-haired fighter’s nostrils flare in irritation, “get yourself together, you have a fight today, you don’t wear yourself out.” 

sukuna merely breathed heavily, eyes deep and almost wounded, cheeks flushed with exertion as toji glared right back. 

“you look a fuckin’ mess.” toji muttered with a scoff, taking a hold of the cigarette that rested behind his ear, lighting it quickly before resting it against his pink lips, “your girl?”

sukuna’s jaw clenched at his words as he bit at the velcro strap on his right glove, allowing it to tumble onto the ground before ripping the other one off. 

only then did he collapse on the floor of the ring, chest heaving as the adrenaline began washing away, quickly replaced with utter detestation. 

not for her, not even for toji but for him. he fucking despised himself. 

his eyes were trained on the stained ceilings as the words left him, “she fuckin’ hates me.”  

toji remained silent for a moment, taking a drag of his smoke before shrugging, “did you expect any less? you made her life fuckin’ miserable.” 

sukuna ddin’t even feel the anger coursing through him at his words because there was none. he was right. toji was completely correct. 

she had every fucking right to hate him, hell, isn’t that what he wanted anyways? 

he just didn’t expect it to be such a hard pill to swallow, his soulmate hating him. 

“that why you’ve been distracted?”

toji’s question made sukuna scoff instantly, eyes shifting to glance at the black haired man. 

“distracted?” sukuna scoffed, “i won every fuckin’ fight like i always fuckin’ do.”

toji scoffed, taking another drag, “you’ve taken more hits this month than you have the last two years.” 

sukuna’s jaw clenched because toji was right. 

“you missed asahi’s left hook last week.” toji continued, voice monotonous and emotionless to anyone that didn’t know him. 

but sukuna recognized the edge in his voice and it irked him, “it was a good move-”

toji scoffed instantly, “it was predictable as fuck and you know it. that’s a hit you could dodge with your fuckin’ eyes shut, don’t play with me, asshole.” 

toji scoffed, shaking his head as he turned away, walking towards the ropes. 

sukuna’s eyes remained on the ceiling, chest clenching in a way he wasn’t used to, a weight that was new or one he’d never noticed before. 

and he wasn’t sure why his mouth opened to toji of all people but he did. 

“she stopped calmin’ me down.” 

toji paused before turning to gaze down at the man whose crimson gaze remained fixed on the crack in the ceiling that toji vowed to fix years ago. 

“the nightmares are bad again…and i’m so damn angry all the fuckin’ time…” sukuna’s mouth spoke before he could stop it, “i knew she was takin’ care of me, i just didn’t think-”

he paused then, jaw clenching and nostrils flaring as toji allowed a small sigh to leave his lips. 

sympathy wrapped around him at the sight of the young man grieving something he never even wanted. a part of him knew it was sukuna’s fault and sukuna’s fault alone. 

the other part of him, the part that had taken the angry sixteen year old under his wing, knew that sukuna didn’t know better. he wasn’t taught better. 

all he knew was pain and violence so what would calloused hands do with something so soft and fragile like a soulmate? he was bound to break it. 

toji knew this was something sukuna had to do alone, it was growth that he would be forced to go through because toji knew how helpless one could be without their soulmate. and now that the two had met, there was no going back for sukuna and he would soon learn that for himself. 

“if you can’t go a day without thinkin’ of her, maybe you’re not meant to be apart…” toji stated lowly in a rare show of wisdom before bringing the smoke to his lips, “tonight, you’re goin’ against gojo again. you know how he is with his elbow, i expect you to fuckin’ see it comin’ this time.” 

with that, toji turned and jumped down from the ropes towards his back office, leaving sukuna to mull over the older man’s words. 

not meant to be apart? 

well, sure, they were soulmates, they were meant to be inseparable. but fate had made a mistake with him by tying an angel to him. 

what the fuck did she do to deserve him? 

after their meeting, he couldn’t even stomach the sight of another girl. 

the others didn’t have her eyes, the mole by her collarbone, the plushness of her pretty lips. 

they were all kinds of wrong. 

she used to stretch every morning. he remembered because his own muscles always felt strangely light even after a brutal session. 

his nightmares also became less frequent around the same time she’d started university. 

reading, coloring, coffee, music, warm blankets. 

she was all those little things, thousands of miniscule details that he’d never asked for but needed more than anything. 

they were things she’d never stopped doing, warmth she never stopped carrying…until now. 

slowly, sukuna flexed his aching fingers with a low grimace. everything fucking hurt. 

not because he trained harder but because she’d finally let him carry the weight alone. 

just like he’d asked her to. 

∞

shoko had started letting herself into your apartment way more often.

not because she lacked manners but because you had stopped regularly answering your phone.

she simply had no choice and your spare key that was usually left in the vase by the door was now in her possession. 

you heard the front door open somewhere beyond your bedroom, followed by familiar footsteps echoing softly against the marble floors. 

“morning, anikan!” shoko’s voice softly greeted the fluffy brown cat guarding your door like a doberman. a sleepy meow followedbefore your bedroom door practically slammed against your wall. 

“absolutely not.” 

you cracked one eye open. 

shoko stood in your doorway, already dressed for her literature lecture in an oversized brown leather jacket and jean shorts. 

she narrowed her eyes at your body burrowed beneath egyptian cotton, wide eyes peaking from beneath the duvet before glancing at the blackout curtains. 

“dude, it is eleven thirty.” shoko stated, arms crossing as she walked further into your room, socked feet padding against the carpeted floors before stopping at the edge of your bed, “didn’t you have a lecture at nine? you’ve missed a million fucking lectures!” 

“i’m caught up.” you groaned into your pillow, pulling your pink throw blanket against your chest, as if it would shield you from her judgmental gaze. 

“you watch recordings in bed.” 

you shrugged, “yeah, they’re fucking recorded for a reason.” 

shoko stared at you for a long beat before her eyes shut, letting out a sigh as if she was mustering up all the patience known to man, “i never thought i’d say this, but i miss your neurotic self when your priority was your damn routine.” 

you felt your heart clench gently. you knew she meant well but her words had stung because no one missed yourself more than you. 

you missed your discipline, your inability to stay at home all day, your daily walks and the way you looked forward to writing your stupid notes. 

dread filled you at the mere thought of leaving the comfort of your penthouse. 

you swallowed the lump in your throat, “sorry to disappoint, sho.” 

shoko instantly sighed, moving forward to sit at the edge of your bed, hand resting against your waist above the blankets, “what happened? what happened to you? where’d you go?” 

the gentleness in her voice almost made you cry, eyes blurring with tears as a lump grew in your throat once more. 

you attempted to blink them away but all that did was make it trickle down your hollowed out cheeks, “i don’t feel like myself anymore.” 

silence filled the room for a moment as you closed your eyes and buried your face into the blanket. 

then shoko’s hand moved up your back between your shoulder blades before moving back down in comforting and warm caresses. 

“you don’t have to feel like yourself today,” shoko stated quietly, “you can just pretend, yeah? eventually she’ll come back. come to class with me then we’ll get matcha from that place downtown that you love.” 

you felt the knot in your chest loosen just a bit before you peaked up at her from beneath the duvet, red rimmed eyes and all, “the one in chinatown?” 

shoko grinned gently, fingers pushing back the strand of hair on your forehead to behind your ear, “yup. they have a new strawberry one for spring.” 

shoko’s chest tightened at the way your eyes lit up just the slightest bit, finally shifting the blankes to below your chin, “i know that you’re bribing me but that sounds super good.” 

shoko smiled softly, “mhm. they even have this pink cold foam.” 

you groaned, “okay, i’m up. give me twenty.” 

∞

fourty minutes later, you found yourself walking across campus with your hands crossed against your chest, adorned in a mini slip skirt and a quarter sleeve shirt, feet adorned in a pair of designer flipflops. your face was bare, dark circles beneath your eyes that were hidden behind expensive dark sunglasses, your tote against your side. 

the humanities building sat on the opposite side of the university from the science building and you’d never really had  a reason to come here besides occasionally dropping shoko or hime off. 

it was definitely an older building, tall stained glass windows caught the late morning sun, spilling ribbons of amber across worn wooden floors. shelves upon shelves lined the corridor, overflowing with books and students sat scattered across window seats with books in hand, reading quietly. 

you frowned slightly, “this building is so pretty, why is the science one so boring?”

shoko looked entirely too pleased as she smiled, “i told you, it looks like hogwarts.” 

by the time you reached the lecture theatre, most seats had already filled up. 

“i’ve never seen a lecture so full.” you stated as shoko sat at the very front row, pulling out her ipad as you sat beside her. 

“oh, you’ll know why soon.” she giggled softly, turning her ipad on as you furrowed your brows at her ominous words. 

just as your mouth parted to question her further a man stepped through the doorway carrying a leather satchel and a ceramic coffee cup. 

your eyes followed the man, tall and broad-shouldered, impeccably dressed in a charcoal suit. his blonde hair was neatly styled, reading glasses resting low against the bridge of his nose as he set his coffee carefully on the desk.

he was both extremely attractive and young for a literature professor. 

“ugh, he’s so yummy.” shoko shook her head, eyes fixated on the man as her apple pen rested between her teeth.

your eyes furrowed, “does percy know you drool over your literature professor.” 

shoko turned to you with a small grin, “mhmm. he joins me sometimes.” 

you scoffed with a small giggle as she shook her head once more. 

“he’s gorgeous…” shoko sighed dreamily, “professor kento nanami, what a fucking man.” 

your eyes turned to him once more, heart stilling when you noticed his gaze already fixated on you. was he mad that you were here when you weren’t in his class? 

then he offered a small smile, one that washed away your worries, replacing it with relief. you met his eyes as you offered a polite one of your own. 

then you felt it, the subtle creeping of anger, hot and wild, beneath your ribs. fuck, this really wasn’t the time. 

your eyes shut momentarily, willing yourself-him-to calm down, simply for your own peace and not his. your thumb momentarily brushed against your knuckles, soft but achingly warm. 

professor nanami began speaking then, greeting the class before offering a short briefing about the learning objectives for the lecture.

your eyes were still closed, feeling the anger ever so slowly wash away. 

“devils dick?” shoko whispered gently as you merely nodded once, eyes opening once more when the overwhelming sensation dissolved into nothing more than indifference. 

“m’fine.” you stated once before shoko merely nodded, sensing your reluctance to speak about it before you both looked back at professor nanami. 

he was speaking about symbolism in nineteenth century literature with a calm intellect that somehow made an entire lecture room lean forward to grasp onto every word. 

you knew part of it was his achingly handsome features, but his teaching was truly interesting. 

“you know he’s a non-existent?” shoko mentioned as your brows furrowed just a bit. 

he had no soulmate? it was a bit poetic. the man who read and taught love sonnets and poems would never know the feeling of being tied to one person. of fate choosing someone that was supposed to make you whole, to fit the pieces of you that you didn’t know were missing. 

“lucky bastard.” you huffed out, leaning back and crossing your arms as shoko snorted gently. 

you believed non-existents were the lucky ones, not the ones with soulmates. because non-existents had the privilege of choice, the ability to love someone intentionally.

that was far more romantic, in your opinion. they weren’t stripped of the choice and forced into obligation. they were free. 

six weeks ago, you would’ve pitied him and now, you envied him. 

no phantom bruises, no sleepless nights, no wondering whether fate had ruined your life before you’d even lived it. 

a type of peace you’d forever grieve. 

you looked back towards the front of the room and for the first time in weeks, you wondered what that might feel like. 

at that exact moment, professor nanami looked up, hazel eyes meeting yours for a moment, faltering gently before moving on. 

he was all professional and brief, but something about his expression lingered and you weren’t sure if you liked it.

the hour lecture had passed relatively quickly, possibly because it was actually interesting. 

It was nice. not life-changing but interesting enough to pull you from the fog you’d been living in. 

the shopping district buzzed around you, people weaving between boutiques with paper bags swinging from their wrists while the sun beat down on the pavement. 

somehow, your little matcha outing had turned into a full shopping spree, courtesy of solely you. 

shoko held two shopping bags in each hand, huffing as you made your way out of another boutique, your own hands full of bags as well. 

“you did not need another pair of ballet flats!” shoko huffed out as you glanced at her through your dark sunglasses, smiling gently. 

“no, i didn’t,” you flipped your hair over your shoulder with a flick of your head, “i wanted it. plus, it was on sale so it was practically free!”

shoko groaned as you began walking down the pavement once more, your eyes already searching for the next place you would inflict damage upon your father’s black card in your bag, “it was still like five hundred bucks!” 

you merely shrugged with a giggle at her glare. 

for the first time in weeks, the conversation felt easy. not effortless but easier. you were making a very active effort not to think about the reason why your wrist was aching just a bit. 

as you both rounded another corner, the familiar green logo across the street caught your eye and you slowed instinctively, “i want a pau chocolate.” 

shoko stopped in her tracks, looking up at the bakery before nodding frantically, “yes, please! i need fucking fuel, my feet hurt!” 

you rolled your eyes before making your way into the trendy little bakery, daniel caesar playing softly from the speakers as shoko immediately took a seat, shopping bags at her feet. 

you laughed gently as she huffed before her screen lit up with an incoming call and you knew who it was from the small smile painting her lips when she caught sight of the name. 

“it’s perc. i should take this.” 

you rolled your eyes affectionately, “gross.” 

shoko grinned, “whatever. i only spoke to him twice today, couldn’t even say goodbye to him this morning.” 

you made a face, “please get a hobby.” 

“my hobby is my soulmate.” 

the words landed heavier than either of you expected, your face dropping just a bit as shoko’s smile faltered almost immediately, “s-sorry-”

you instantly forced a grin, scoffing out a laugh that was equally as forced, “ew, don’t apologize, you’re good. i’m gonna grab our pastries, you take the call.” 

shoko instantly shot you a smile before accepting the call as you moved to stand in line, faintly listening to the uncharacteristic softness in shoko’s voice. 

a familiar ache settled beneath your ribs, a bitterness you despised. not jealousy but longing. you wished you had what percy and shoko did. 

once, that would’ve been you. 

you shook your head softly before reading the menu on the wall despite knowing exactly what you wanted. 

“i wouldn’t suppose you’d have any recommendations for me, would you?” 

you turned instantly and your lips parted at the sight of professor nanami stood behind you in the queue, a neatly folded newspaper tucked beneath his arm. 

a newspaper? how old was this guy? 

it was a bit endearing, though. 

he looked oddly out of place outside campus, less professor and more…man. his tie had been loosened slightly, sleeves rolled neatly to reveal his veiny forearms. 

you smiled softly up at him, “unless you have a raging sweet tooth, i wouldn’t take my recommendation.” 

his lips twitched upward a bit, “hmm. i wouldn’t have guessed.” 

you merely tilted your head, wide eyes fluttering up at him with a gentle smile. 

“i don’t believe i’ve seen you in my lectures before,” he spoke once more, “you are not one of my students, right?” 

you shook your head, “no, i was just sitting in with a friend. i’m in pharmaceutics.” 

“i thought so,” he hummed thoughtfully, “i would have remembered y-”

he cut himself off, a flush of pink coating his cheeks as your breath hitched gently, heat crept into your cheeks despite yourself. 

“i-i didn’t mean-” he began as you shook your head, a small giggle leaving your lips. 

he seemed instantly relieved to hear your laugh, lips tilting up as his blush deepened and it was almost...cute. 

“you’re very-um-” nanami paused momentarily as your head tilted, eyes expectant as you waited for his next words, “you just-” 

your brows raised just a bit when he stopped himself once more, almost stumbling with his words, uncharacteristically unsure before sighing gently. 

“i never do this and please feel free to decline,” he began with soft eyes, almost hopeful, “but i know this great dessert place downtown, they make excellent pastries as well.”

there was a tiny pause, momentary before he continued, “would you want to…may i take you there?” 

your heartbeat stilled, not because of the fact that this was nanami but because it wasn’t sukuna. 

nanami’s eyes were gazing down at you, open and honest, so sweet, it made something in you squeeze at the thought of crushing that expectant look in his eyes. 

your lips parted before your eyes shifted to glance at shoko who was giggling into the phone with percy. 

soulmates. 

the word felt bitter now and your eyes drifted back toward nanami and his kind, patient eyes. 

the sort of man you stayed up hoping for when you were just a girl, the sort of man you hoped fate would tie you to. not a violent underground fighter or someone who broke your heart before he’d ever held it. 

maybe it didn’t have to be that way. maybe love wasn’t something you have to stumble into, maybe you could make a choice. 

maybe this was how broken hearted people moved on. 

or possibly…some wounded, childish part of you wanted sukuna to feel exactly what you felt for years. 

the very thought made you feel sick but it didn’t disappear. 

nanami waited patiently without rushing you. he didn’t attempt to fill the silence and didn’t try to assume your answer either. he almost waited for the mention of your soulmate, the rejection he was accustomed to and fully understood. 

“okay.” 

the word left you quieter and more hesitant than you’d intended. 

nanami’s eyes widened just a bit, “oh, uh, are you sure?”

you silently scolded yourself for the lack of certainty in your voice, immediately smiling reassuringly with a small nod, “yes. yes, i would love to.” 

nanami’s expression warmed, not triumphant, but almost relieved. 

“amazing…” he smiled warmly, “i can pick you up on friday?” 

you nodded with a gently grin, “friday. here, put your number in.” 

nanami grinned as you handed him your phone, cheeks flushed as he typed in his digits before handing you your phone once more, “i’m looking forward to it.” 

you blushed softly as you smiled a bit, “me too.” 

nanami nodded once, still adorning a soft grin as you both made small talk as he ordered and paid for your pastries which you thanked him for. 

soon, he excused himself politely, kissing your cheek softly before walking away, leaving you standing there with a strange mix of emotions. the most prevalent among them all was guilt. 

you were feeling guilty. 

you almost wanted to scoff and shake yourself to sense. you were doing nothing wrong. 

if your manwhore soulmate could sleep with other people, you could go on as many dates as you wished, even sleep with them if you wanted to. 

you quietly grabbed your tray and walked over to shoko, taking a seat on the table just as she closed the call. 

were you seriously going on a date? a date?

the mere thought sent you into a spiral that shoko’s voice instantly breached, “were you talking to professor nanami?” 

shoko’s brows were furrowed, both at the sight of you talking and the unsure expression on your face.

“mhm…he, um, he…asked me to go out with him on friday.” 

the revelation had shoko’s jaw dropping instantly, eyes searching your face for any sign of you messing around with her. 

“professor nanami….asked you out….on a date?” 

you merely nodded your head, grabbing the pastry on the plate and taking a bite of the buttery delicacy, a bite larger than you could handle as you chewed slowly, occupying your brain with chewing instead of spiraling. 

shoko’s eyes were still wide, jaw somewhat slack, “oh my god…” 

you simply shrugged despite the war taking place inside of you. 

half of you wanted to run after him and tell him you couldn’t go out with him, that despite the devastation of it all, you did have a soulmate and even though you, so badly, wanted revenge, you simply couldn’t stoop that low. 

the other part of you longed for the feeling of being wanted. sukuna had spent years making you feel impossible to love and nanami had known you all of sixty minutes and decided to take a chance. 

both parts of you were rooted in a sadness so deep, your stomach churned at the mere thought of moving on from your soulmate. and shoko could see it. 

“are you sure, babe?” shoko asked lowly, eyes furrowed as she leaned closer, “you just don’t seem like you’re in the right headspace for this…maybe wait-”

you shook your head once, “i won’t spend another second grieving someone i never had, someone that doesn’t even want me.” 

shoko’s eyes widened just a bit as you revealed more than you have the past few weeks. she wasn’t sure what happened at that party but she knew that ryomen sukuna had killed something in you that night, a light she so desperately wanted to see glint in your eye once more. 

so with that, she nodded instantly, “we’re gonna need another dress.” 

∞

the days blurred as they tended to lately. soon enough, friday had come and the dread swallowed you whole. 

shoko and hime had both attempted to distract you all week to make sure you wouldn’t overthink your decision, however, your thoughts could only show mercy for so long. 

every feeling of sukuna reminded you of him, of what you’d agreed to, of what you lost. 

by six thirty, you had completely regretted saying yes. 

“you changed your outfit four times.” utahime huffed out, arms folding over her chest as she sighed. 

“five.” shoko corrected from where she sat beside her, cross legged on your bed with ani on her lap, scrolling on her phone with much more patience than utahime. 

“i don’t know what to wear!” you sighed, looking around your walk-in closet with exasperation. 

utahime blinked, “since when?” 

“you always know what to wear.” shoko furrowed her brows as you huffed gently, leaving the closet to take a seat on your vanity, shoulders slumped as your eyes fixated on your fuzzy socks. 

“i’ve never been on a date before.” 

silence filled the room before you heard both girls shift. 

“this isn’t about the clothes.” utahime stated with certainty and your wide eyes glanced up at them. 

no, it wasn’t. of course it wasn’t. 

you turned to face the mirror, your hair already gathered up in rollers, still clad in your baby blue pyjamas. your eyes met through the mirror, bags under the delicate skin as your reflection stared quietly back. 

you could barely recognize yourself. 

you always thought yourself to be strong, the thought of crumbling over a man seemed absolutely absurd to you. yet here you were, already practically shattered because of someone who couldn’t care less whether you lived or died. 

horror filled you as your reflection grew blurry through the tears pooling in your tired eyes. 

“i just…” your voice shook, “i always thought-i didn’t think this is how it would end up.” 

the tears left you before you could control it, trailing down flushed cheeks and dull skin, something heavy thumping against your ribs so hard, you wanted to scream. 

utahime and shoko watched from their place in your bed, brows furrowed in sympathy as they watched you break at the prospect of living without your soulmate. 

you’d spent years fantasizing about what meeting your soulmate would feel like, despite the absolute nightmare he was. you thought of your first everything, but you were always particularly fond of the idea of a first date. 

the idea of getting dolled up and running late, of the doorbell ringing and your soulmate standing there with fresh pink peonies because he knew they were your favorite. you thought of how his eyes would widen in awe at the sight of you, who’d reach for whose hand first, who’d kiss who. 

ryomen sukuna had crushed more than your hope that day, he stomped on your dreams, on what you believed happiness to be. 

something inside of you shifted that night, something was lost and you didn’t know how to get it back. 

shoko stood and without saying anything, she crossed the room and gently wrapped her arms around your shoulders from behind, “hey. you don’t have to do this-” 

“yes, she does.” utahime stated bluntly despite her clenched jaw at the sight of your anguish. 

shoko narrowed her eyes at hime from the mirror, “shut up, hime!” 

utahime scoffed, walking into your closet and rummaging through your clothing, “she’s fucking going and she’s gonna have a blast.” she then stepped out with your favorite backless navy silk dress, “because if you don’t then you’re choosing someone who doesn’t choose you.” 

the room fell painfully quiet, her words landing right where your ribs ached. shoko tensed from behind you before standing up, her hands still on your shoulders as she glared at utahime. 

“are you ser-” shoko began but you were quick to cut her off, sniffling gently before gazing at your reflection once more. 

“you’re right,” you breathed out, wiping your cheeks before grabbing your primer, “kento is great, he’s super sweet…” both of the girls watched you expectantly so you turned to gaze up at them, “i just wish…” 

you didn’t let the words leave you and they didn’t need to hear it because they already knew. 

you wish it were him. 

∞

it was ten minutes before seven when your phone buzzed with a text from frankie, the concierge, a sweet old man whom you’d known since you were a child. 

frankie: there’s a man here for you, sweetheart. should i send him up?

you quickly sent him confirmation to allow nanami up, thanking him before looking up at utahime and shoko who were watching you brush through your bouncy blowout, “he’s downstairs.” 

a gasp left shoko loudly, “he’s early! ugh, he’s such a man!” 

and a man, he was. 

professor nanami seemed like the sort of man who would arrive early. he was eight years your senior, mature and kind, both traits you had picked up on from your occasional texts throughout the week. 

he’d texted you first that same night he asked you out, all polite and formal as he introduced that it was him and asked if you were still okay with the date. 

you remember giggling gently at his professionalism before assuring him that you were looking forward to it. he texted you here and there since then, simply asking questions to gauge what restaurant to choose for the date and your overall vibe.

“you literally look unreal.” shoko stated with a shake of her head as you gazed at the full length mirror in your living room. 

“he’s gonna faint.” utahime stated, taking a sip of the tea she had helped herself with. 

your dainty hands smoothed at the expensive fabric of your dress, the silk hugging you in all the perfect places, backless with a little silk scarf resting against your neck. 

a pair of silver heels adorned your feet and a matching clutch in hand. 

you did look pretty, at least prettier than you had the past few weeks. you tried to ignore the way the dress hung off you looser than it had weeks ago, collarbones more prominent than usual. 

the doorbell rang once, snapping you out of the spiral you were quickly falling into. 

you turned to the girls, eyes wide, “go! shoo! don’t let him see you, he’ll think i’m pathetic!”

shoko and utahime both giggled before running over to the door, standing right on the side so they were on the other side of the door when you opened it. 

a huff left you but you knew that was the best they would offer and you took it. 

your heels clicked as you made your way to the door, taking a deep breath before pulling it open and there he was. 

nanami was standing tall in dark trousers and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled neatly to his forearms, revealing skin void of any ink, defined and smooth. 

your heart clenched when your eyes drifted to his hand. he was holding a small bouquet of pink peonies.

his eyes found yours instantly when you looked up and for a second, you could see the nerves buzzing under his skin before he smiled shyly, “you look lovely.”

lovely. not pretty or beautiful but lovely. somehow that was even sweeter. 

your throat tightened before forcing out a soft smile, “thank you.” 

he glanced towards the flowers before holding them out to you, “i remember you said you loved spring because of the pink peonies around the other day so, uh, here.” 

you felt your heart tighten as a soft laugh left you, “they’re beautiful, thank you so much. let me just put them in water really quick then we can get going.” 

nanami merely nodded as you took ahold of the flowers, allowing the door to shut just to see shoko and utahime silently squealing behind the door. 

“he is so cute!” shoko whispered as you slapped her arm. 

“shut up, he’s right there!” you whispered back as utahime merely grinned. 

“you got your flowers.” 

you paused momentarily, shoulders tensing as you swallowed gently. 

yes, you did get your flowers, peonies and all. 

why was the heavy feeling still lingering beneath your ribs? 

you had spent years imagining this and somehow, you got almost every detail right. 

except the man behind the door. 

you shook your head at the thought before holding out the bouquet to the girls, utahime grabbing ahold of it, “put them in my mom’s crystal vase on the counter, please.” 

both girls gave you a thumbs up, grinning in encouragement as you opened the door once more, nanami immediately meeting your gaze. 

“ready?” 

you nodded with a soft smile, “yup.” 

“great. bye girls.” nanami called out, amusement lacing his words to the girls who you could so clearly hear shuffling behind the door. your cheeks flushed as you shut the door. 

“have fun!” shoko yelled. 

you were quick to lock the door, placing the keys in your clutch before turning to the man, “sorry about that.” 

nanami merely chuckled deeply, offering his arm, unassuming and sweet.

you hesitated for the briefest moment before gently looping your hand through it, his arm tensing almost imperceptibly. he was nervous. 

the realization made something ache quietly inside your chest. 

he wasn’t ryomen sukuna, all untouchable and feared. 

he was simply a man hoping tonight would go well and for some reason, the revelation was so endearing, you found yourself shifting closer to him as you made it to the elevator. 

“do you live here all alone?” nanami questioned as he pressed the lobby button. 

you hummed gently, “technically, my parents live here as well but they just travel a lot, so i’m on my own more often than not.” 

nanami gazed down at you, “i mean, it’s a beautiful building…does it not get lonely?” 

you sighed softly before shrugging, “i mean, yes and no. i love being alone and hanging out with myself, and i’m kind of used to it. but sometimes…sometimes i wish it wasn’t so quiet. but my friends are over a lot anyways.”

and your soulmate never truly let you feel alone, he lived under your skin. 

but nanami didn’t need to know that. 

nanami merely hummed in acknowledgement, the rest of the lift ride passing in comfortable silence, neither of you seemed particularly eager to fill it with meaningless conversation. 

when the doors opened into the lobby, frankie looked up from behind the reception desk almost instantly. 

his weathered face lit into a smile, “well, don’t you look like a million bucks, sweetheart.” 

your cheeks warmed as you grinned at the man, “hi frankie.” 

the older man looked between you and nanami before his eyes settled knowingly on the bouquet now missing from nanami’s hands, “got ya flowers, huh? peonies too.” 

nanami cleared his throat politely, hand moving to rest lightly on your back, “i thought it was appropriate.” 

frankie chuckled, “what a gentleman. you take care of her, huh?” 

you blushed softly, “frankie!” 

the man simply chuckled as nanami offered him a smile before leading you outside, the spring evening beginning to settle over the city. the air was warm enough that the city seemed to glow beneath strings of lights and illuminated storefronts, but a chilled breeze made it so nanami’s hand was warm against your bare back. 

nanami walked beside you at an easy pace, matching your stride, conscious of the difference in height as your legs were much shorter than his own. 

“i hope you don’t mind walking.” he stated as you immediately shook your head. 

“not at all, i love walking.” 

nanami smiled gently, “the restaurant isn’t far.”

you merely hummed in acknowledgement as another comfortable silence fell upon you. 

“i should confess something.” nanami broke the silence as you looked over at him curiously, “i’ve never done this before.” 

your head tilted, “gone on a date?” 

he smiled faintly, “asked a student on a date.” 

you couldn’t help but laugh softly, “that does sound like an important distinction.” 

“i thought so…” he glanced at you briefly, “i’’ve spent the entire week wondering whether it was wildly inappropriate.” 

“and?” 

“i’m still undecided…but willing to take the chance.” the blonde man nodded once, cheeks warm as you smiled softly. 

“well, if it helps, i’m not your student.” 

“that’s exactly what i told myself.” 

another laugh escaped you, this time real and true, easier than the last. 

it surprised both of you and nanami didn’t comment on it. he simply looked ahead again, a small smile lingering on his face. he liked hearing you laugh. 

the rest of the walk was easier, blanketed in comfortable conversation and warmth. 

∞

kento nanami was a dream. 

he was chivalrous, pulling your chair out and opening the door for you. he was kind and attentive, grasping every word that left your mouth like you were revealing state secrets. and he was so handsome, it kind of ached to look at him. 

the dinner couldn’t have gone better, filled with easy conversation, soft laughs and gentle touches that were more comfortable than expecting. 

the little italian restaurant was gorgeous, candlelit and dimmed. the food was absolutely amazing and he insisted you try some of his seabass. 

by the time nanami walked you back to your building, the city had long since quieted. the rush of evening had softened into something gentler, streetlights reflecting across the dark pavement while the occasional taxi rolled lazily down the road, headlights cutting through the breeze. 

“i had a lovely evening.” nanami’s voice was as steady as ever, hands in his pockets as you both stood outside the doors. 

you looked up at him, a small smile painting your glossy lips, “i did too.” 

and you had. that was the worst part. 

there hadn’t been a single awkward silence, not a moment where the conversation dulled. 

nanami smiled warmly, “i’m glad. can i call you tomorrow?”

you felt your stomach twisting as you nodded, “i’d like that.” 

his eyes searched yours for a moment before leaning forward to place a chaste kiss against the warmth of your cheek, “goodnight.” 

you blushed gently, “goodnight, kento.” 

nanami offered one last grin before stepping back and walking towards the darkness. only when his figure was swallowed by the night did you step inside. 

the lobby was quiet which made sense, as it was almost midnight. 

frankie looked up from behind the reception desk almost instantly, reading glasses balanced low on his nose as he looked over the evening newspaper. 

“i showed you how to check your news on your phone, frank.” you grumbled as you leaned down to unclasp your heels, stepping out of them onto the cool flooring. 

his face brightened, “there’s my girl!” 

you smiled gently, holding the straps of your heels in hand, “hi frankie.” 

“how was the date with blondie?” he questioned casually, setting the paper down, offering his full attention. 

you couldn’t help but take note of his hopeful tone, like he already knew the answer he’d wanted. 

you sighed gently, walking over slowly before resting your elbows against the polished marble desk the way you had since you were little enough that you could barely see over it.

“it was…” you searched for the word, “really nice.” 

frankie smiled, “knew it would be.” 

you nodded, “he opened the door and pulled out my chair and everything.” 

frankie smiled amusedly, “oh?” 

“mhmm…” you sighed sleepily, “i only mentioned the pink peonies once when we were texting and he brought them.” 

frankie let out a low whistle, “impressive.” 

you laughed softly, eyes shutting as the silence that followed stretched just a little too long. 

frankie’s smile faded first, “you seem pretty sad for a girl who went on a really nice date.” 

your eyes fluttered open, meeting his own dark ones, “i thought if it went perfect, i’d feel better.” 

frankie’s brows furrowed gently, “he not the one?” 

his question was heavy, lingering between you for a moment because you simply didn’t want to utter the words. 

“no. he’s not my soulmate.” 

frankie’s shoulders deflated as he shook his head, “figured.” 

your eyes grew watery before you could stop it, “i really wanted him to be enough.” 

frankie reached across the desk and laid one weathered hand over yours, thumb rubbing gently across the back of your hand. 

“i spent most of the night thinking that this is what my soulmate should’ve been like.” 

the words hung heavily between you and frankie’s expression shifted to something sadder, full of understanding. 

“devils dick can suck a dick for all i care.” frankie huffed out and you couldn’t help but let out a watery giggle. 

shoko had told frankie to refer to your soulmate as devils dick when you were seventeen and he hadn’t strayed from it since. 

“he didn’t want me.” you confessed lowly, almost a whisper and frankie almost missed it if he wasn’t so focused, “i just thought it’d be different. like you and luanne.” 

frankie smiled at the mention of his wife, “luanne and i hated each other when we met.”

your eyes widened, “are you serious? you told me it was love at first sight, that you’d eloped the night you met.” 

frankie shrugged gently, “you were seven, i didn’t wanna crush your dreams.” 

your brows furrowed, huffing as you walked behind the desk, taking a seat on the desk facing him. 

“why did you hate each other? how? i mean, you’re both so obsessed with each other, it’s gross.” 

frankie chuckled a deep chuckle as he leaned back in his chair, “when we first met, she worked at this diner i walked into. i remember that i swore i’d never marry her. she called me an arrogant prick.” 

you snorted, “real.” 

“she was so angry at me, she started throwing bread rolls at my head.” 

that earned him another giggle, soft and real.

frankie smiled, “point is…life has a funny way of provin’ stubborn people wrong.” 

you looked at him for a second before your smile faded, “i don’t think sukuna’s stubborn. i think he’s already decided. he seemed pretty sure when he basically told me to fuck off.” 

frankie frowned, “i’ll kill him.” you looked down with a soft sigh, “either way, it’ll work out. sometimes fate asks for a lot more patient from you than she ever should.” 

your shoulders slumped, “i don’t think i have any patience left.” 

frankie’s heart squeezed, recalling the years he’d watched you feel your soulmate, the nights you came down already on your fourth cup of coffee because he’d kept you up. he’d seen you shut your eyes and blow out candles during every birthday, knowing all you’d wished for is for your soulmate to be good.

he’d watched little pieces of you shape themselves around someone you’d never even met. and now, he was watching those same pieces fall apart. 

you glanced at him with a small sigh, “i should head to bed.” 

frankie sighed gently, “alright, sweetheart. call me if ya need anythin’.” 

you nodded softly, leaning over to press a kiss to the old man’s wrinkled cheek, “night, frank.” 

“night, kid.” 

your bare feet padded softly as you made your way to the lift. 

and somewhere across the city, another man laid awake for the sixth week in a row. 

and neither of them knew that the other was also grieving.

∞

an | oops finally! chapter is v reader focused but next chapter will be the reunion ahhhhhh also SMUT omg ! this is kind of a transition chapter to show the grief cuz i know yall want the reader pissed but she's just a girl and she is GRIEVING so leave her alone !!!!