If you become friends with someone they might offer you shelter or sources of protein

phone in bed can range from comforting to mundane but phone in parked car will have you feeling like you've never done anything right in your entire life

a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

I think that if I unsubscribe I should stop getting the emails

hey is anyone else sick of having to adapt to horrible conditions over and over again

the humble woolly mammoth

hey don't cry. on december 3, 1926, agatha christie went missing for eleven days and because the uk police didn't know what to do they recruited sir arthur conan doyle, creator of master detective sherlock holmes, but all he did was conduct a séance to try and contact her distressed spirit

4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy

oh we missed the ten year anniversary of the worst post i’ve ever made

traffic again?

To my 25 - 35 year olds, you've reached the age where people around you are starting to give up on themselves because they think it's too late. Don't let that energy rub off on you. It's not too late.

I hate how it's always "stop letting your teenagers drink energy drinks!!!" And never "stop letting energy drink companies put dangerous amounts of caffeine into their drinks and stop letting them market to teenagers" or "stop forcing teenagers to be at constant sleep deficits because of early wake ups and absurd homework and stress loads" but hey who cares why not blame the literal child for trying to stay awake enough to match the absurd expectations y'all have for us now

accusing people of lying for clout on this website is so funny this is literally the most useless platform to be popular on. the only reward is hate mail