The Paperback Express

I needed words, but as I lie down trying to put myself to sleep, the chaos gets louder, and I really want nothing. I just want to sleep.

Peeking through the window I see a flash. I wanted a sign. I wanted words. But all I get is lightning. And I’m certain of thunder, I’m certain it’s coming with the rain laden clouds.

Not too certain about words, but like the delayed thunder, I know things take their time.

Until then let me enjoy this dance of lightning before the wake of dawn.

Was it ever real? 

I ask myself. 

Were you ever a part of it?

I wonder.

Why did you talk to me?

I guess.

There are no answers but just circles.

Circles of anguish,

Circles of guilt,

Circles of shame, 

Circles wishing I never made space, 

Circles of me calling your name,

to all of life’s pain,

i find my eyes weary

and my heartstrings strain

searching for answers,

to my being’s core

i find my mind heavy

And my muscles sore.

why must this happen to me? why not someone else? was I so bad, so deserving of this dread?

why must the pages of my my life’s book be broken, shattered, torn?

why can’t they be filled with words, and not look empty and forlorn?

why can’t I have it all?

i search and search,

and drench my pillow with grief,

my voice muffled, cannot escape even for a brief…

i wonder, how will I move on? What will I make of these tattered pages?

Burn, stick or gather them together…

I wonder why searching for answers I find myself in an abyss

some answers are meant to be found

others, in tatters lie in a mound

they only make a sound

Humpty-Dumpty, Jack and Jill, Twinkle Twinkle.

I grew fast in the world of words and tried to mingle

with the bustling world of prose – cliches, mild.

My teachers often asked me, why don't you give it a try?

And so it went,

I'd give you a rose

If only you let me write some prose.

Is it so much to ask?

Why must I act and wear a mask?

When I'm a grown girl I may listen to you.

But for now, I have much to do.

The world of poets seems like a task,

While the world of prose is fully unmasked.

Don't you see, miss?

A wish upon a shooting star, I wish we could say hello and look ahead, always hand in hand, question and answer and more questions.

The swiftest way to walk in another's shoes? Close your eyes.

The only way to remember the best moments gone by? You know it, close your eyes.

Close your eyes and breathe in.

Do it often.

It'll transport you.

It'll stretch you.