The first days are an emotional blur, joyful and exhausting. You cry because you’re your baby’s only food source and she’d starve without you, so helpless and small. You cry because you love her so much. You cry because you haven’t slept more than 5 hours in the past 3 days combined. You cry because you hurt. You cry because you are, thankfully, finally a mother with a baby in your arms.
People will tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps, and I’m sure it’s wonderful advice, but it is hard during the day. You’ll want to watch her and hold her and possibly spend a few moments interacting with your partner.
You might find it hard to believe that the baby in front of you is the same baby that was in your belly, that you’re finally getting to know the little being that you carried so long. It’s so surreal to finally put the name to the little face. It will seem more and more fitting as the days go on.
You realize that getting up to pee a million times a night while pregnant is infinitely easier than getting up to feed and change a crying newborn.
You buy a crib for the nursery, a Pack ‘n Play with a bassinet level and newborn napper feature for your bedroom, and then an Auto Rock ‘n Play. You even briefly try co-sleeping. Nothing works as easily as you hoped because your baby likes to sleep while being held, so you keep hoping and praying as you try, try again.
You won’t believe it when your little baby outgrows her newborn clothes and diapers so fast that she only gets to wear them once (or possibly not at all) and you have a stack of diapers you have to pack away. Then you race to get your 1 month old through all her 3 month clothes and size 1 diapers before those are rendered useless as well.
You will feel worse following delivery than you did while pregnant. Lighter, yes, but more unsteady, sore, and uncomfortable. You’ll get tired of smelling like Tucks witch hazel pads and Dermoplast numbing spray, but they help so you continue to use them. Along with huge pads and the hospital underwear because they fit and you don’t have to worry about staining them. Don’t be afraid to take the ibuprofen and Tylenol. Around 5 days PP you might be hit with a contraction that brings you to your knees. It lasts for more than 30 minutes and you wonder if something’s terribly wrong, if you need to call an ambulance. Most likely it’s normal. Things are all moving back into place and your uterus has to shrink somehow. Take some Advil and get in the shower. Try to breathe through the pain and use some of those labor techniques. You’ll wonder if you’ll ever feel better again. But you will, around two weeks out you will start to feel more normal. (After you’ve gotten over that sneezing cold at one week PP - ouch!)
You fear you’ll miss the teeny tiny newborn who’s just a few days old, but as she grows you’ll only love her more and more.
Towards the end of pregnancy you were probably so DONE being pregnant, but some weeks or months after delivery, you might find yourself missing your belly and looking back at pictures longingly. So try to enjoy it while you have it, and after, remember that the most beautiful part of it all is in your arms.
You’ll wonder how ANYONE does it. How has the human race even survived? It all seems so hard. But you’ll survive too. One day at a time.
You’ll look forward to the day she actually smiles at you rather than blank-staring. And when you get them, her first smiles will be the cutest thing you’ve ever seen and you’ll forever be trying to elicit them.
You’ll learn that everything takes so much longer with a newborn, especially getting ready in the morning and getting to the store. There’s usually multiple diapers and feedings and outfits involved. And that’s ok. You’ll learn to plan accordingly.
Breastfeeding, at first, is scary, especially when you find out your little babe has lost almost 9% of her body weight in 3 days, and painful, even if you’ve met with 3 lactation consultants and bought every nipple cream and shield available.. but this is normal. She will gain the weight back and it will get better. You’re both learning something new.. You’ll be so proud of every ounce she gains because your body did that.
When you’re nursing and she’s fussy or downright mad, you’ll worry and wonder: Does she have an allergy or an intolerance? Painful gas or a bubble? Is the milk coming too fast? Is she exhausted? Does she hate the taste of something you ate? Onions? Chocolate? Milk? You’d do anything if only you knew so you’ll try your best to figure it out.
The Moro/startle reflex. SO. CUTE.
She makes a lot of noise. You might be expecting sweet little coos, but usually a lot of grunts, wheezes, and snorts are involved. And mostly at night.
Sometimes Dad/S.O. will be the only one who can calm and soothe her. Try not to take it personally. Be thankful instead.
When you finally get her to sleep and go to lay her down she’ll stay still and quiet just long enough for you to think she’s soundly asleep and get back to bed. But as soon as your head hits the pillow she’ll start to fuss. It’s uncanny.
You’ll say over and over how she’s getting so big, but at the end of the day she still seems so small.
Your postpartum body will present a conundrum: on the one hand, you’ll be so proud of the beautiful life you grew but on the other hand, you might feel self conscious about the stretch marks and saggy tummy. Keep trying to convince yourself of the former.
You will want to go bra-less so bad, but won’t feel able to due to your new leakiness. Showers become twice as nice.
It will be much harder to eat. Or do anything for that matter. Food will get cold. Dishes and laundry will pile up. It will have been a couple days since you showered. Don’t worry, someone will get to it at some point. Get help when you can.
You may think you didn’t have much of a lifestyle before baby, especially if you stayed in a lot and enjoyed watching tv, but you will soon realize that even something as simple as tv-watching is difficult with a newborn. But she’s so cute that you (mostly) won’t mind.
You will love all her features: her chubby cheeks, sweet mouth and silly tongue, button nose, curious eyes, her tiny fingers and toes, round belly, and soft head. You wouldn’t trade her for the world and, already, you can’t imagine life without her.
You’ll fill up your phone’s memory with hundreds and hundreds of pictures. And will have a hard time deleting any.
The nursery that you worked so lovingly on while pregnant won’t exactly look like a nursery anymore when you realize at 1 month that she should probably be learning to sleep where she will eventually be sleeping, so you move the crib into your bedroom only to have her spend half the night back in the newborn napper in the Pack ‘n Play anyways. You’ll get a bedtime routine figured out soon enough (at least that’s what I’m telling myself, we’re still working on this one!)
Clean baby is the Best. Smell. Ever.
You’ll worry if you’ll be a good enough mother/parent to her and if you’ll be able to grow and nurture her the way she needs and deserves. Try to remind yourself that worrying about this is probably a good sign that you’re going to do just fine.
You’ll dream about your future together. Cuddles and smiles and giggles and story time and bath time and bedtime and trips to the zoo and vacations and first days of school. You know you’ll be loving her deeply for the rest of your life ❤️
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