shifting into soup mode

washing machine time to human time converter online

Remember in 2010 when Taio Cruz said "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes"? I appreciated his restraint. You can't just throw your hands up in the air whenever. There's a time and a place, and that time was 2010, and the place was the club.

its kind of fun to uninstall programs you arent using to free up space and see them all beg for their lives

The 4pm bird gets the weird and fucked up spider

i heard my nephew got enslaved by cave bugs

wait to post about this until you’ve confirmed it

sorry

accidentally spilled everything thats ever existed on the floor

you should have to handcraft a ritual mask along with your thesis and wear it during your defense and if the mask comes off you don't get your PhD. and there should be long shelves in the basement of the library where all the alumni's masks are stored

The em dash is a type of phallus that authors use to jerk off sentences

microsoft authenticator you know it’s me

I like when delivery people ask you to sign their tiny shitty screen with your finger like alright sure we can do some free drawing I guess. Some random strokes that evoke the essence of a signature. Looking me dead in the eyes while I play fruit ninja on this blank screen. Why not.