THE NIGHTLY MIRROR

I had no negative human interactions. I had pie. I had some nice phone calls. I made an insanely delicious meal for fun. Creole chicken and gravy, with dirty rice, butter beans, jalapenos and corn. I had a recipe but I just looked at the ingredients and winged it. And I would have ruined it if I followed it.

I started working on a recreation of my Aunt Marilyn’s house in Blender. Haha. Which sounds nuts. That’s how you know it’s going to be good. I keep working at it even though it’s really complicated sometimes.

I watched a documentary on A Tribe Called Quest by the worst human being ever, but it was really good. Listened to them all day.

It’s more of a movie about how marriage is this token of success, that you have conquered the disease of loneliness and isolation that afflicts you alone, when in reality that really is American culture and if that’s not you, it’s close to you, or just microns below the surface. The difference between tying the knot and succumbing to the suicide pact that is the American nightmare is sometimes just luck. Just shaking it off and forgetting you were at the precipice.

So I wonder if starlings are dreaming all these sounds in their mind’s eye as they make them, or if this is literally just a setlist, and then how is that setlist organized. Chronologically? By similarity? By various compression techniques?

Fuck the slice we want the pie

Why ask why till we fry

Watch us all stand in line

I kept it subdued but there were a couple things which got a rise out of me. The worst one was that we flagged out where this monument was supposed to go, and then when the guys were going to begin digging, they asked where exactly I wanted it, and I drove over there and they had pulled 3 of the flags out already. Haha. And I was like, well, there were flags here. And they were just like… oh…

What concerns me though, is that sometimes I’ll just be “on one”. Like I’ll just get riled up when it’s not really that serious and it’s like I’m just shadowboxing looking for a fight. So then someone will come to me about, say, this woman who has come to the cemetery to complain four different times that the paint is falling out of the lettering on her monument when it looks exactly like the day it was delivered. She insisted on small, thin lettering engraved directly into the polish and that’s exactly how it looks. It is literally perfect. The design is bad. And so I’m just ranting about this, and I sound aggressive. I’ve just spent the last year very concerned with how aggressive I appear.

I could be more concerned with how aggressive I am. But, honestly, I have had people walking all over me with totally impunity for years and they’re all still breathing and perpetrating, so, I’m fine. I just have to stand up for myself in a way that is confidently unmoved. See, no. That’s not the issue. Because reality is that pricks love when you are unemotional and unmoved. They don’t like it when you get up in their face and give them a hard time. Nobody wants static. And I’ve become a ballbuster of sorts. I am very talented at menacing people. Just channeling Malcolm Tucker. That’s the god.