vampire (trainee)

autism is living by vampire rules. light sensitivity. eating the wrong food makes you want to die. need to be explicitly invited places. weird sleep schedule. eating the same thing every time. specific rituals and routines. burst into flames at the sight of a crucifix. etc.

the worst writing crime you can ever commit in my opinion is watering down the dirty talk because you’re self-conscious that it sounds like it’s from a bad porno…..i cannot stress this enough……leave it alone. the moment you tell yourself he would not fucking say that you’re doomed. people will say almost anything if their dick is hard enough

i don’t know why this post blew up but absolutely incredible things happening in the tags.

happy fat baby shane friday! i think baby shane loveddd salmon ever since he could first eat solids, he was a bit of a picky eater when he was being weaned off milk a lot of the puréed baby foods they tried to start shane on he would put in his mouth but not really swallow. then one day yuna is making salmon and she gives a little piece to shane for him to try and his eyes light up and he starts happy kicking his chunky little legs in his high chair. after he finishes the piece he makes grabby hands and fusses until she gives him more. she feeds him almost a full filet just like that and he’s so happy. yuna and david start joking that he’s their “little bear” because his favorite foods are salmon and blueberries. when they go out for sushi one night fat baby shane is just knawing down on sashimi, gripping it in his little fist.🥺

every time i see the new minnesota flag i sigh wistfully and think of her (laser loon)....

shane and ilya on other sides of the couch with their tootsies touching. ilyas playing instagram reels out loud full volume and shane is pretending like hes annoyed while hes reading but really hes listening to the reels too and getting interested in whatever bullshit ilya listens to

I deserve to spend my bleeding timez curled up in my bed with a fast feast of fried foods and junk snacks and significantly more cannabis than I possess while I dissociate from my body directly into Stardew Valley.

OP I don't know if you're referring to period cramps or not but if you are it makes Prince John splashing around in red liquid a billion times funnier

Honestly? What if we had more of hollanov lounging between the other’s legs and getting lazily jerked off? Underrated comfortable sexy position to give and receive pleasure. They’re in comfortable stay at home clothes all disheveled, they’ve got sport on the TV and dinner in the oven, and they’re wasting the good lube just cuddling the other to them and jerking them off slow. When it’s Ilya he’s nuzzling in his husband’s armpit while he watches his cock in Shane’s big hands. When it’s Shane he’s reaching back to pull Ilya’s hair in time with Ilya jerking him. They got a workout in but otherwise they have no where to be, and their phones are on silent. They can do whatever they want whenever they want because they’re together all the time now, and today they want to take their time getting each other off, whispering dirty nothings to each other and taking breaks to watch TV when they want to draw it out, and just feel close. What if we had more of that?

i am 100% convinced that mobile phone/ social media bans for under 16s are an attempt to remove kids and teens from public life. this is not protecting kids this is locking them in houses with no escape from their abusers. the world is so hostile to teenagers rn

i know shane is a bottom and ilya is a top and they both prefer it that way, but shane is also a man of taste and i think we as a fandom are drastically under-using ilya's fantastic ass in fic. theres no way in hell shane wouldn't be grabbing that thing whenever possible. i'm pretty sure he's looking at ilya's ass in the shower scene when he gets hard. shane's grabbing that thing when they make out, he's slipping his hand into ilya's back pocket, he's smacking his ass in the kitchen. he's not smacking his ass in the cens locker room because he's still shane but he's thinking Very Hard about it. he eats it at least once a week. like if your partner had that ass would you be able to resist? shane is only human. #letshanegrabsomeass

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

very genuinely there is no world where shane isn't calling ilya baby like i fully believe he calls him baby in canon it's just not one of the things that got written down but i can Tell