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@thelyonrampant
i donât know when i became this harsh person. when did i become my mother. when was my back turned to this transformation? itâs like someone took over my body overnight but i know that by doing that i might be avoiding responsibility. what can i do to become a softer person? what can i do to be warmer and kind and less scary i guess.
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Today's Lesson
Never put up your struggles publicly because people will remember it and forever think you are incapable because of your past struggles.
And yes I can hear you say it to the person beside you... Ha! You deserve it for doing that to me.
It feels extremely heavy to know that I've got no one.
Trigger warning: sexual assault, rape
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Terrance Tan Junyan is a multi-talented artist who dabbles in scriptwriting, coding and enjoys board games in his free time. He prides himself on being a feminist, has a friendly exterior and loves to help others. He helped me get through my audition into Musical Theatre at a local conservatoire/school of the arts and even shot my headshot for me, which resulted in my eventual acceptance and scholarship. We dated for awhile and he helped me through some tough depressive and anxiety filled episodes in my life.
He also raped me.
And till today, he has never acknowledged it. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I oscillate between hating him and being proud of his achievements from afar in the way a fond friend would be. I have never forgotten what he has done for me. And to me.
I don't consciously walk around thinking of myself as a rape victim or survivor but my body remembers. My reptilian brain kicks in and my throat tightens when I'm in a room alone with a new/big man. I see him around from time to time since we're in the same industry and it paralyses me every time. Immediately, I feel the ground fall away. I realise that my anxiety attacks started the same year of the incident and it occurs to me that I will never be the same again.
I touch this scar knowing that deep underneath the hardened exterior there is a festering that surfaces from time to time like a fever. It makes me curious to know that one event in a phantom relationship that went nowhere, once upon a time in my life, could affect me so much.
I'm not sure what I need to heal fully. But I think it would be right to start with him acknowledging what he did to me.
This is starting to dredge up some tough feelings to swallow and I have a show tonight. So I best get on with it.
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use the right knives when you cook please
iâm not kidding and iâm not being mean iâm watching these videos of people trying to cut like, carrots, and theyâre using butcher knives, and i just⌠I cook a lot and I donât own a butcher knife, Iâve never had one, Iâve never needed one. I donât cleave through⌠bone like. please
like listen, this set is $18.99 with the coupon it has available right now. unless you do a lot of cooking in which case youâre not the target audience of this post you donât need more knives than this like⌠please
from left to right:Â
paring knife: itâs good for small cuts. deseeding a jalapeno, cutting up strawberries.
utility knife: allegedly these make cutting tomatoes easier. i donât actually find cutting tomatoes difficult, so i donât know. i use it mostly for trimming meat.
santoku knife: this is essentially a chefâs knife with a straight blade. itâs good for veggies.Â
chefâs knife: i use a chefâs knife for almost everything. it can chop a head of romaine and it can cut a chicken breast in half. whatever. just donât use it for tiny shit.Â
slicing knife: good for slicing cooked meats
bread knife: bread
itâs also gay.
and hereâs a cutting board with a knife sharpener. keeping your knives sharp is a good idea because cuts from dull knives are harder to treat, are more likely to get infected, and are more painful over time. cuts happen but you can reduce your risks
Who wants to get me some knives?
Gay knives save lives
if ur gonna do it wrong, might as well just
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Anyone can play a princess. Anyone who says otherwise has a small imagination.
Photographer: Lily Andrui
Models: Vidal Francisco and Danae Kristine
this is my approach to, uh, several things, tbqh.
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Twitter goes crazy over unlawful arrest of the teen who tried to sell his MacBook
And so many white people were in her mentions saying âwell he shouldnât have a MacBookâ as if this is a fucking Mac vs Windows joke
Fuck the police and fuck the white people who think this is a joke. We can literally be killed over ANYTHING
Police need to be held accountable for their actions.
I recently read an article about how women use the word âjustâ in work life and personal life more than men do because we feel we need to apologize or make whatever we have to say quick. âIâm just writing to sayâŚâ âI just want to knowâŚâ âJust checking inâŚâ. It seems to trivialize what we have to say.Â
Donât apologize or feel you need to make little of what you are saying. Say it with intention. âIâm writing to tell you thisâŚâ âI want you to knowâŚâ âIâm checking in to make sureâŚ"Â
Since reading the article Iâve become aware of how much I was adding âjustâ so soften what I had to say, whether it needed to be softened or not. Say what you have to say with confidence and intent. without apology. what you have to say, no matter what it is, is important.
fuck ThiS is mE
babies
âBut you always have to watch Tolkien with water. He never uses it unmeaningfully. Pools and lakes mirror stars, and hold hidden things. The Anduin has contrastin banks and, moreover, reeks of history. In a way, it is history, and the Fellowship is going with the current, to break up in confusion at the falls of Rauros. It is worth pointing out that when Aragorn later uses the same river, he comes up it, against the current, changing a course of events that seems inevitable. The other water is of course the Sea. This has been sounding dimly in our ears throughout the book, but in Lothlorien it begins to thunder. Does it suggest loss, departure and death? Certainly. But since water is always life to Tolkien, it must also be eternity.â
â Diana Wynne Jones, âThe Shape of the Narrative in The Lord of the Rings.â (via setnet)
fuck all philosophy except for whatever the hell Diogenes was trying to teach
direct action
How about just being polite & going into a debate with those who hold diffrent beliefs then you?
how about you eat my shit and hair
staying true to spirit
the OG of the vicious burn
DiĂłgenes said you couldnât spit anywhere but in the face of a rich man because once this rich dude invited him into his house and literally told him you canât spit on anything that touches the floor so DiĂłgenes spit in this guys face
here is a very good painting of DiĂłgenes in his tub that i had the good fortune of actually seeing earlier this year
I love that Diogenes is making a comeback in the twenty-first century.
I love that this legend of a man is why we have the concept of cynicism
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where is that renaissance painting with those two fellers and a giant fucking random skull on the floor that looks like it was accidentally stretched out in photoshop
THANK YOU
somebody please explain
Someone once told me itâs like that because it was designed to be hung in a stairwell so the skull pops out as you walk past.
âŚI guess it works but you have to be at a pretty sharp angle
There was a whole trend at one point where artists would include something in their paintings (usually a skull, for whatever reason) thatâs super distorted in just the right way so that it looks normal if you hold the painting up to a convex/concave mirror. I have absolutely no idea why. But I think thatâs whatâs going on here.
In case anyoneâs curious, hereâs what it looks like when you walk past it irl:
It does have a 3D effect to it! Itâs pretty neat, guess it would be even more impressive to people from the 14th century.
Notice how Shan Yu doesnât even question it or make a comment about âBUT YOUâRE A GIRLâ he just instantly goes into a âIâLL TEACH YOU TO KILL MY MEN AND STEAL MY VICTORYâ rage and I think about this a lot sometimes
((Well that might have to do with the fact that heâs a Hun. Â Women among the Huns had higher status than their Chinese counterparts and even some of their own men. Women were free to hunt and fight along side of the men, could choose their own husbands and divorce him if she choose to. There were even records of clans being led by women leaders. So for Shan Yu Mulan is just another soldier))
thank you, history side of tumblr.
He also might not have been able to see very well, due to whatever horrible disease has taken hold in his eyeballs.
Pretty serious Wilsonâs Disease judging by the copper buildup in in irises, and apparent melanocytosis localized to his sclera.
Thank you medical side of tumblr
IâVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOREVER
