Appreciating God's Creation

I don’t expect anyone to read this. I just need a place to write out my feelings and get the catharsis of sending it out there.

I joined a christian life training program thing this summer. Big international thing, hundreds of people joining in every week over zoom. The assignments were pretty regular, and not difficult in the slightest: read three chapters of a pretty engaging book, memorize a bible verse, do a short study on a few verses of 2 Timothy every week.

Simple enough, and yet I did nearly 0% of the work. I joined in on about 80% of the weekly calls, met with my small group when I could, and at least opened the book every other week. That’s just about it.

Toward the beginning of the summer, I started dating my girlfriend. It seemed natural, since we’re both christians and we both are attracted to each other. I didn’t realize that this, combined with getting a second job last month, would deeply offset my ability to work on assignments. My time management skills, already poor, took a massive nosedive. It took all of my energy and attention to just get to work on time and hang out with my girlfriend once a week, minimum.

My days have mostly consisted of this: Get up at 7am, get awake and ready to go to work for an hour or two, go to work for 5-6 hours at Jack in the box, wait a couple hours (during which I will normally blow some money on fast food because I’m too lazy and unhealthy to eat something at home), go to work at Jamba Juice, come home and watch porn/play video games for a few hours before going to bed and repeating the process.

On the subject of porn, I actually have programs set in place on my computer that block porn, and actually tell my spiritual mentors when I’ve accessed it. Does that ever stop me? Rarely. I am so lost in all this that even the threat of authority figures knowing that I have been deep in sin is not a deterrent for me anymore.

And then I realized that the screenshot i took of her scribbled out face had a facebook chat head over it which also had her face. So, can’t post a pic, sorry XD

Will get back on that when I can dedicate some time to it :)

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Not the bathroom pics most people take XD