chronic illness & other musings

I guess that's the name of the game. I really don't know whether or not to try Briumvi. Something in my gut is so hesitant and mistrustful of the shiny infomercercials. Patient reviews and clinical trial tout high percentage of respiratory and urinary infections.

I narrowly survived septic staph twice and they told me next time, it would likely go to my brain and be incurable. Since it naturally lives on your skin and I get scraped and dinged like it's my job, I'm concerned about that too.

You'd jump off a bridge or you wouldn't.

It's a daily choice I make to continue living.

And listening to shit like this.

Yup, that's me. Or what I assume will be left by the time my body fries itself into oblivion. I always wanted a name for what felt like it was melting my brain, but now that I know, I don't actually feel any better about it.

Since I got an MS diagnosis summer of '25, I spent 6 months going full ostrich mode head-in-the-sand ignoring it. Then I felt so shitty, I caved and tried Kesimpta. That felt more toxic than any medication I've ever put in my system and I lasted through the loading doses and one monthly injection.

I've had lesions on my brain for years, oligoclonal bands in CSF and optic neuritis too; they've been toying with this diagnosis like a demented cat with a battered mouse since 2016. So what's the push to get me on a DMT now? Does it even matter at this point?

Nevermind the fact that if I hadn't read my MRI reports where some blessed tech quite literally spelled it out - active demyelination indicative of MS - the doctor wouldn't have even diagnosed me. Yet again. I so deeply mistrust the US medical system. My motto: "They will kill you if you let them."

For years everyone was just denying its existence, rolling their eyes whenever I mentioned it, downright hostile about it. Hell, doctors tried to have me committed over it. So I spent years talking myself out of it, too. Denying symptoms, telling myself what I experienced was normal, and I was crazy or it was a personal short-coming.