chronically painful

Enforcer. Alternate captain. 7 concussions and counting. He only lost three teeth but he chipped two so he occasionally lisps

Yuna was their unofficial coach (she just kept showing up and telling them all the things they did wrong)

David fell in love at first sight. He scored twice and kissed his glove at her in the stands

Their first date was at the campus cafeteria where they shared chicken wings and a cigarette

Masters degree in finance. Worked briefly for the Irish mob as an auditor (if the police is reading this no he did not; he bought that rolex with legal money)

He proposed with a detailed laid out financial plan for their future, a house listing in a good neighbourhood, a silver ring he bought (gifted from the irish mob shhh) and a plan to volunteer as local a timbits coach

He’s an avid flight radar app user. This is the only app he has installed.

Occasional train spotter and designated family driver while Yuna reads the maps

Scrabble master. Kindle book reader (he has a wallet phone case for his kindle)

Positivity giddy that his son has a boyfriend and can experience something ‘normal’ outside of hockey <3

Excel spreadsheet lover. Don’t you dare mention powerpoint around this man. He’s a sudoku autism man. Numbers are his friends

Doesn’t keep in touch with his parents after he married Yuna, but he’s close with his cousin Tom who Shane calls ‘uncle tom’

Prefers email over texting and don’t even get him fucking started on zoom

Occasional shitstarter and ragebaiter (yuna likes it) “what is youtube?”

Shane: *sounds progressively more Russian during a conversation*

Ilya, thinking Shane’s making fun of him: that fucking asshole?

Ilya: neveroyatnyy

Shane, whispering in a perfect Russian accent: ✨neveroyatnyy✨

Ilya, clearly wasn’t supposed to hear that: ????!!

Ilya drops several Russian curses while they fuck once, and Shane just moans them right back. (Maybe Ilya fucks Shane three ways to Sunday afterward, and maybe he starts speaking Russian more during sex, but that is NO ONE’S business!)

Shane speaking to JJ during warm-ups: *unconsciously copying his accent*

Ilya, eavesdropping: No, that’s our thing >:(

Shane has genuine difficulty staying quiet and not echoing when Ilya gives his monologue over the phone, but he thinks it would upset Ilya if he did. (And Ilya will never admit it, but each time he said “I love you” in Russian, he hoped Shane would say it back in his little echo, even if he knew Shane didn’t mean it. (He would.))

Shane in the hospital, high as a kite, in a Russian accent: bye bye :)

Ilya, heart eyes 15000%: fuck this, fuck you, nurse I am having heart attack

I’m imagining her/maybe Shane playfully ribbing him about how he has no real financial manger or decent investments and what do you MEAN you just let a paycheck like that sit in your account while buying luxury cars every five minutes no wonder your net worth is shockingly low for your value, etc etc. and he’s not even offended he’s surprised and pleased that his new family is so invested in him and also enjoys watching where Shane gets some of his crazy. Like Ilya Mommy Issues Rozanov is “yes please ma’am optimize my finances and worry about my wellbeing harder” while he shovels whatever David made for dinner in his mouth.

But then at some point while she’s (lovingly) harping on his financial irresponsibility he just kind of quietly mentions that actually so much of his paycheck was going back home to his family when he was younger that he needed to blow shit on cars or whatever pretty quick if he didn’t want it to disappear. And she realizes that yeah he’s a little dummy who spent a concerning amount of money on VIP sections last year and thinks bank account interest is investing but he was also a child supporting his entire family in a foreign country with no one bothering to look out for his best interest or explain planning for a future.

David gets treated to impassioned rants every night about how “David I’m not convinced anyone even read that boy his contract in Russian”.

She starts managing him as well, obviously, and she’s kind of disturbed by how easily he just signs whatever she puts in front of him and doesn’t bother asking questions before agreeing to hand over all his management to her. He just seems thrilled she got him a Lamborghini partnership and an invite to fashion week.

The only time he puts up a fuss is when he realizes she’s not planning to take any significant cut of his money because “you’re family sweetheart” and he looks like he got smacked in the head with a shovel and has to go outside on the porch with Shane for a suspiciously long period of time.