I am wild

Enjolras as a news anchor and Grantaire as a comedian show host.

Grantaire making fun of Enjolras in his show.

Grantaire making impressions of Enjolras.

Grantaire being asked why he’s so obsessed with Enjolras.

Grantaire. Meeting. Enjolras.

And.

Enjolras

Being

A

Anyway, here’s what I’ve got.

Grantaire’s show is in the vein of the Daily Show/Last Week Tonight where he rants about the news in funny and surprisingly clever ways.

It’s called The Whiskey Rebellion, and the running gag is a tumbler full of whiskey that Grantaire keeps on the desk with him. He judges the news items by taking a sip after each item he reports on. This way he gets (or at least acts) progressively drunker as the show continues.

One sip–regular crappy news

Two sips–this could be pretty bad

Three sips–we are all fucked oh my god

The second half of the show is an interview, where he pours three shots for the guest. (The shots can be water if the guest wants, that’s not important.) The rule is, if you don’t want to answer one of Grantaire’s questions, you can take a shot instead. But you only get three, so you have to be strategic with what you don’t want to talk about.

Everyone loves it when a guest runs out of shots, because Grantaire is merciless about asking some kind of really embarrassing question next.

One night he plays a clip of some politician getting shredded by a reporter. In addition to a razor tongue, the reporter happens to be fucking gorgeous.

Grantaire makes them put a freeze-frame up, and he waxes rhapsodic about how this guy should be in soap operas. He should be in movies. He should be in fucking porn, look at those cheekbones and that steely blue gaze and that jawline, holy shit, who is this guy? Does his wardrobe team let him go on camera with his top button undone like some kind of tart?

Thus, the Weekly Enjolras Watch is born.

Grantaire: Wh-what? No, holy shit, that's gr--

Combeferre: Cryptid hunter extraordinaire. And by that I mean cryptid researcher. No one is quite sure whether he actually believes all this stuff and actually expects to find them when he goes out at night, or whether it’s just a fanciful hobby. Ferre does not feel the need to clarify, he’s busy interviewing locals and making sketches

Enjolras: Has a very hard time believing in cryptids. Goes with Combeferre solely because supporting your friends is where it’s at. Once any sort of cryptid is found, however, he’ll probably be planning to advocate cryptid rights within the hour

Courfeyrac: Actually is a little spooked by Combeferre’s stories sometimes, but at the same time how cool would it be if any of this stuff was real?? So cool. Goes with Ferre provided he’s allowed to hold his hand most of the time

Jehan: Frequently debates the difference between cryptids and magical creatures with Combeferre and gets very emotional about it. Deeply believes both are real, in their own way. Sometimes goes on the ‘hunts’, but usually ends up wandering off on their own, which makes Courf nervous

Bahorel: Is fully prepared for the eventuality that cryptids are real and potentially need to be punched in one or multiple faces. Comes along whenever Ferre asks him with a huge, heavy backpack full of mysterious things that somehow manages to look great with his coat and boots. Keeps Jehan from getting too lost in the moonlight

Feuilly: Suspects that if cryptids are real, they probably prefer to be left alone. Isn’t particularly interested in the hunts, but will bring home books and newspaper clippings that look like they would interest Combeferre

Grantaire: Probably doesn’t believe in them, probably wants to believe in them, but either way he treats them with a flippant lack of respect. Catch him yelling provoking insults at the shadows among the trees unless Jehan makes him stop because he’s being mean

Joly: Has seen some weird shit in hospital, some of it accompanied by Ferre, and is of the opinion that this stuff might as well be real, but also, do we really need to go looking for it? Would prefer to stay home, but will remind the others to pack enough food, water, and a first aid kit

Bossuet: Will come with the gang when they go out looking, especially if R is going. Engages in just as much yelling at unseen cryptids, but mostly to offer them a bite of the snacks Joly made him bring

(I apologize. I am just having a LOT of Opportunity feelings.)

Marsis so, so quiet. Musichetta has lived the last eighteen months withthe constant hum of machine noise and three other people cramped intoa small space with her, making bangs and clangs and overwrought moansabout missing bagels, and even with her EVA suit on and the sound ofJoly and Bossuet breathing into their suit mics in her ears, she canstill feel the quiet pressing in around her.

Bossuetis first off the lander. That’s always been the plan, because he’sthe mission commander and because, he once said in a fatalistic mood,that if anything is going to go dreadfully wrong, it may as well gowrong before Joly andMusichetta step on a whole new planet. He breathes out sharply assoon as he steps on Martian soil. “Lesgens ont des étoiles qui ne sont pas les mêmes,”he says, and it sounds like he’s on the edge of tears. Musichetta istrying her hardest not to cry as well, and she thinks Joly has givenup the battle.

R, upin orbit, hears it first. Earth will hear it in four minutes, theline that Bossuet was so careful to memorize, in these last weeks ofthe voyage. “I hear you loud and clear,” R says, a cracklethrough their headsets. “Musichetta and Joly, are you ready?”

AU where everything is the same except Bahorel carries Gavroche around like this. 

AND ONE DAY during a meeting someone (let’s say courfeyrac) goes hey R can i have some of that and he’s like yeah sure and the MOMENT he realises what he’s drinking he spits a mouthful of GRAPE JUICE all over the place and he’s like “R IS THIS??? G R A P E JUICE??” and R just?? yes?? what did you think it was?

“and you’ve been drinking THIS the whole time?”

“uh yeah?? i just never understood why all of you have a problem with it. i mean yeah it’s not the best fruit juice yknow like apple juice is great and all but i personally pre-“

“R HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING GRAPE JUICE AND ONLY GRAPE JUICE IN THOSE BOTTLES THE W H O L E TIME?”

“yes? did you.. did you only just find out?”

“GRANTAIRE WE THOUGHT YOU HAD A DRINKING PROBLEM WE WERE ALL GENUINELY CONCERNED FOR YOU”

“I HAVENT HAD ALCOHOL IN 2 YEARS”

and everyone just.. the meeting doesn’t even happen because everyone just needs to lie down.

BONUS:

“wait a minute… if you’ve been sober all this time then why do you.. you know.. why have you been acting so?? intoxicated? we were all so convinced you were always ALWAYS drunk because of how you act”

“…What was all of this meant to accomplish, exactly?” asks Marius. “All that seems to have been achieved is that Bahorel and Jehan had a great time.”

Courfeyrac beams.

“STOP SMILING LIKE THAT’S WHAT YOU INTENDED ALL ALONG,” yells Marius.

For the anon who wanted to see Courfeyrac making Les Amis dress up as ghosts to instill the holiday spirit in Marius. I do indeed take requests and am always open for requests! Is it just me or are those Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future giving off a very Beastie Boys vibe???

i was just going to make a meme out of this picture because it’s very memeable but i figured i’d go one step higher because i love it a lot (i couldn’t do any of you justice with my art i am so sorry)

((friendly reminder to watch @thedowntroddenwebseries rather than the bbc adaptation because only the first is worth any of your time))

The other half of the grantaire fandom: no!! Don’t be mean!!

First half: stinky bastard man

Second half: nooooooo!!!

Grantaire, not looking up from chopping vegetables: naughty boy. Trash bag man

more from the exR wedding! no one is allowed to talk shit about enjolras’ husband, NOT EVEN ENJOLRAS’ HUSBAND.

tired: Monsieur “uptight no-funsies eye-roll I-Only-Care-About-Revolution” Enjolras and this guy who he can barely tolerate Monsieur “yolo swag I-Live-To-Fuck-And-Party” de Courfeyrac are apparently best friends for no reason I can find

How many amis can you fit in a closet?

This turned out really boring but I’m tired of messing with it and wasted too much time to keep it in my wips forever so here we go~

Fandom: Les Mis

Pairing: Enjolras/Grantaire

Prompt: Enjolras fights for android rights. Grantaire is an android being mistreated by his current “owners.”

Notes: Commissioned by Vee, for Vee’s BFF. Hope you enjoyed it!

Fic:

Enjolras and Courfeyrac were clear about their budget, but the robot-seller is still yammering on about his latest models and their various special features, as if he can smell the privilege wafting off Enjolras like stink from a junkpile. Enjolras lets his eyes drift away from the counterfeit luxury ‘bots in their slightly dubious packaging. There’s a work table in back littered with spare parts–a kind of bloodless carnage, backlit by the blue buzz of a neon sign. Hired muscle by the back door, a sure indication this place isn’t legal. As if that wasn’t clear enough.

If his parents knew he was here–well, it’s just as well Combeferre finally managed to remove the tracking chip from Enjolras’s ankle.

He’s glancing around, trying not to look like a man casing the joint, when his eyes land on a raggedy off-brand Model R. The ‘bot is staring right back at him with blue, blue eyes. Probably not a display–not flashy enough, except for those eyes. A worker drone, maybe. Shabby clothes, a nest of tangled dark hair that probably hasn’t seen a comb since the date of manufacture. No shoes.

No shoes.

I go to art class,

cause I can’t help… falling in love… with… you