A little Old Blog

I made a quiz, its 36 questions, and y’all, I play-tested this, I got feedback, I hyper-analyzed, its good. I wasn’t like, I was gonna just let hogwarts houses die but apparently y’all be like,,, not knowing what a slytherin or hufflepuff is no shade and if all these quizzes are gonna ask you this question anyways: this is it. Idiot tested. Idiot approved

Adolin: Um, alright.

*next day*

Adolin: *hands Kaladin flowers*

Kaladin: What?

I fully believe that Gimli would teach Legolas a significant amount about smithing and crafting things after the War of the Ring. 

At first, it started as just a way to burn some of his excess energy when they were in Gondor, and keep Legolas from driving everybody else completely insane with it. But he took to it surprisingly well and eagerly soaked up all the information he could. And Gimli found that he quite liked teaching him. 

Once Gimli started getting older, around the age most dwarves had to stop most of their work, they both decided that Gimli would basically use Legolas as a puppet for all the things he could no longer do. 

When they reach Aman, Celebrimbor attaches to them like a leach and the three spend endless hours in the forge together. That's pretty much how Legolas spends most of his time waiting for his people to arrive on the shores or get released from the Halls. 

It's soothing and healing for him. Legolas spent so long being forced to cause death and destruction that it feels SO GOOD to finally be able to create and add beauty to the world. To try and make up for it, if not to the world than to himself. 

They create so many beautiful things together, the three of them. Every piece is so unique and somehow full to the brim with aspects of all three of their personalities. Even though Gimli hardly lifted a hammer anymore. 

After Gimli dies, Legolas and Celebrimbor vanish into their workshop for a full week creating a monument for their friend. 

After that Legolas wants to stop, it feels wrong to make things without Gimli there to yell at him that he's doing it wrong. But Celebrimbor won't let him stop because he knows he'll regret that more than anything, and Oropher didn't think he would ever agree with a Fëanorian but he does and so Legolas doesn't stop.

Ever. 

In Middle Earth he was Legolas the Archer. A fierce and deadly warrior the likes of which the world rarely sees. 

But in Valinor he's Legolas the Smith, creator of unimaginable beauty. 

His first word was “Hi” soon followed by “Up.”

He proudly considers himself a Silvan Elf and will 100% correct you on that, no matter who you are.

He will ALSO correct you if you call his home “Mirkwood,” with increasing blunt rudeness the more he has to correct you.

Fluently speaks 3 languages (Sindarin, Silvan, and Westeron.) By the time he gets to Valinor, its 4 languages with the addition of Khuzdul.

Knows enough of at least 7 Avari Languages to have basic conversations with them, and a few animal languages taught to him by Beorn and Radagast.

Nobody outside of Greenwood even knows that the Silvan Elves still know the old Silvan language, and they plan to keep it that way.

He’s Very Easy To Spot at home because his taller than almost all the elves there (thanks to his father’s Sindar blood) but also the only one with blond hair other than his father.

One of his worst fears in the world is to become king.

The second is fire - for tragic past TM reasons.

His father is his best friend and favorite person in the world. Can, will, and has literally squared up before because people were talking shit about Thranduil in front of him. Doesn’t matter who you are. Would square up with Galadriel and Glorfindel simultaneously if he had to.

If you ask him about his hobbies or talents he will never list archery, even though he’s probably arguably one of the best archers in Arda.

He will, however, tell you how much he likes to draw/paint, carve, and occasionally write songs. He’s very bashful about showing people his creations, though. (The walls of Thranduils office and room are absolutely covered on Legolas’ artwork, starting with carefully preserved stick drawings to painted masterpieces.)

He’s taller than Galion, but jjuussstt shorter than his father. Much to Thranduils continued pleasure.

He was an absolute menace as young elf, with curiosity so strong that he often forgot to consider safety aspects of things before doing them.

By the time he reached his majority, he had broken at least 20 bones. Several of them more than once.

Thranduil built him his first bow when he was still an elfling after Legolas got caught stealing one of the young warriors practice bows. After his punishments were lifted, that is.

He and Arwen are best friends. And absolute terrors togeather. Elladan and Elrohir were often stuck with the task of babysitting the two to them when Thranduil visited, and they absolutely hated it because the two youngers were GOBLINS.

He’s VERY physically affectionate but also VERY picky about who touches him.

Wants To Know Everything.

He has the shortest attention span in the entire world. Thinking about 92 different things, listening to 3 conversations, and talking to the trees in his mind all at once.

Trees everywhere he goes fall completely in love with him, often fighting for his attention and affection.

The definition of “Trying His Best.”

Nihilistic sense of humor that scares most people when they meet him.

But somehow also unrealistically cheerful no matter the circumstances.

LOVES KIDS. Loves them. Wants to be their best friend and spend all day playing with them. He’s the Best Uncle to all of his friends kids.

Is high-key terrified of love, and to fall in love because of his mother’s tragic and painful death because she was important to his father. And the continued pain his father feels because of it.

Every conversation with him could easily turn into 1001 questions if you let it.

His temper is significantly worse than his father’s, it just takes longer to trigger it.

He can also hold grudges for a literal eternity.

Snorts when he laughs too hard.

Most humans (And some elves) find him Very Confusing because he seems to do most of the things he does with absolutely no logical reasoning at all.

Much easier to understand after you realize:

Always bored and looking for entertainment.

Does things just to see how you’ll react to them.

Does not care what anybody thinks of him.

Very impulsive

Way too energetic for his own damn good.

Has had 6899271718728 pets in his lifetime wether his father wanted him to have them or not.

For the longest time when he was a little baby the only way he would sleep through the night was if he was laying across his father’s chest. Maybe it was his warmth that soothed the little troubled mind, or his heart beat. But either way, if he did not sleep on his father you could count on the little prince waking every hour.

As an elfling Thranduil was a walking, talking jungle gym. Legolas scaled him like a tree, sat on his shoulder, hung from his back, swung from his arms, ect.

All of the time.

He was far better than any tree Legolas could ever find in their forest.

Elrond thought he was hallucinating, when upon a visit to Imladris, during a meeting a little Legolas appeared seemingly out of nowhere, climbed onto his father’s lap and then his shoulders (so he could still look out the window.) And eventually fell asleep, still perched on his shoulder and ALMOST drooling on his head.

Thranduil gave absolutely no indication he had even noticed his newfound shoulder decoration.

Even as a fully grown elf Legolas (usually) kisses his fathers cheek hello and goodbye. He’s been known to crawl into his father bed uninvited after particularly hard or sad days, and sleep there instead. There is no hurt or fear in this world that Legolas would not try to sooth with a comforting hug from his father.

They lay outside in the garden in the summer, reading books or poems to one another, often on these days Legolas will end up laying with his head in his father’s lap while Thranduil absently plays with his hair like when he was an elfling. Usually, he will end up falling asleep before the book is done.

They’ve developed a 'secret code’ of sorts to use to communicate with one another when they can’t talk, or shouldn’t be. Either taps on the others chair or arm to convey smaller messages, such as: “I’m so bored!!” “Will he ever stop taking?” “What is going on I havnt been paying LITERALLY ANY ATRENTION TO ANYONE.”

But for more complex messages the trace certain letters or symbols to convey entire sentences if they want to. Its their favorite way to sneak talk during boreing council meetings.

When they take long walks in the forest they link arms, becoming more one single creature rather than two. And they are certainly not above dancing togeather - especially when they’ve been drinking at celebrations. Thranduil has even been known to let Legolas lead.

He’s given Thranduil wet willys, blown raspberrys on his check (instead of kissing him), tickeld him until he was nearly punched in the face and, of course, many surprise tackles to the ground if Legolas can manage sneak up enough.

Honestly, the more I think on it, the more I CANNOT believe that Legolas ended up being The Elf of LOTR. Out of every complex, deeply developed, Elf with an intricate history in Tolkien’s works, the fact the Legolas ‘Sindar/Silvan forest elf‘ Thranduilion has become the face of Tolkien’s elves is insane to me.

And this isn’t me saying Legolas doesn’t deserve to be. Legolas is a fantastic character with a great arc, I love him to fucking bits. I’m not saying that the general public should acknowledge all the other elves more either. 

I’m saying: I cannot believe that TOLKIEN wrote LEGOLAS as the Fellowship elf, the elf that represents all the elves among the free peoples of ME.

I’m not calling this a bad move, just a baffling one. Because the more I read of Tolkein’s intricate works, the more you dive into his lore, to more insignificant Legolas becomes. The more you think on it, the more it doesn’t make sense narratively. The more I consider Tolkien’s biases in how he presents the elves, the more I can’t understand how he let the premier Elven character be someone so ‘lowly’, so to speak.

Legolas is a complete outlier among Tolkien’s elves, and that he’s The Elf™ baffles me.

So, anyone remember this passage?

“Slowly they moved off, and were soon toiling heavily. In places the snow was breast-high, and often Boromir seemed to be swimming or burrowing with his great arms rather than walking.

Legolas watched them for a while with a smile upon his lips, and then he turned to the others.`The strongest must seek a way, say you? But I say: let a ploughman plough, but choose an otter for swimming, and for running light over grass and leaf or over snow-an Elf.’

With that he sprang forth nimbly, and then Frodo noticed as if for the first time, though he had long known it, that the Elf had no boots, but wore only light shoes, as he always did, and his feet made little imprint in the snow.’

Legolas, canonically, does not sink into snow whereas others- even the small hobbits- sank into it. Why is this?

Well, we have three options here and you’re not gonna like ANY of them

1. Elves have snowshoes for feet

Legolas has fuckin massive feet. Now, lets look into snowshoes for a little bit.

These aren’t too big. A foot could definitely be that long. However, a long and narrow foot WOULD sink down. We need a spread-out food. Consider how the water bug spreads out its legs to float on surface tension

Legolas’s feet are gonna have to be a combo of surface area and spread. Let me draw this for you.

An approximation of how Legolas’s feet must look. Sorry guys, elven feet are fucking horrible.

2. Elves are physically lighter than humans or even hobbits

I googled this one. Hobbits are 3′6. I googled how much a hobbit would thus weigh.

Let’s say then, hobbits weight 60lbs since they’re heavy-set. They’re also carrying their shit, right? Like, sam has a fucking frying pan. So lets add 20 pounds to that and go with 80lb hobbit weight. 

In order to not sink in the snow like they do, Legolas would have to weigh less than 80 pounds, right? I don’t think he’s carrying any shit or heavy clothes, so, lets say legolas weighs 70 pounds.

Now, how tall is Legolas?

Elves are taller than humans, and humans are in the upper 6 feet zone, so lets say legolas is 7 feet tall. 

Legolas should weigh 185-250 pounds. Elves are naturally very thin, right? But Legolas is also noted to be very strong, so he’s muscular. Let’s say Legolas, if he went by human body weight laws, would have to weigh 200 pounds. 

200 pounds. That’s 2.5 times the goal weight of 80 pounds. 

So, how can legolas achieve that 80 pound goal?

Hollow bones

Elven muscle mass, which weighs a lot, is structurally made biologically different and doesn’t weigh much at all

FUcking hell i dont know

Elves have hollow bones

Elves have paper skin’

The elves-are-light theory is also super fun because it means a child could lift Maedhros with EASE, also you can sneak your elves on an airplane in your carryon bag because they so fucking light

3. Legolas yeeted the Laws of Physics