The Jester

my knight dismissed me as his squire for shrieking “DIVA DOWN!” when he was unhorsed on the battlefield

YOUR EMAIL FINDS ME ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE

Pulling a reverse load-bearing boss and setting up a contingency spell triggered by my own death so that if the heroes kill me a cursèd citadel of iron and bone will spontaneously construct itself right in the middle of their stupid town.

"Beleaguered" is a wonderfully expressive word. I am beset by troubles so manifold that they have formed a league. I am playing host to a diplomatic summit of the United Nations of Fuckery, and negotiations are not going well.

I wasn't sure about letting this Hydromancer into the party at first, but it turns out her sword arm is unparalleled, and she only dabbled into Hydromancy so she could intentionally contain the enemy's blood after she rained countless slashes upon them like a meteor shower on the clear night sky for the express purpose of striking a pose, muttering "zan", and then releasing all of the blood on their wounds at once in a spectacle that the villager elder described "sick as fuck".

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

my knight said "fear is the mind killer" and rode into a full goblin camp alone. he didn't even bring his helmet

I wish for a knight so that I may gnaw upon their strong arms like a wolf with a bone. I wish to bite