ドグラ・マグラ

you’ve been such a pain in my ass.

you’re the most fascinating person i’ve ever known.

can you stop needing to be the hero here?

people don’t just disappear. 

we are saying goodbye. just not to each other. we’re saying goodbye to everything else, our old lives.

everything that kept us safe is gone.

i would rather prepare for the worst before the worst happens.

i am basically 100% headache right now.

you’re the only one who ever let me feel normal.

maybe i suck too. i just don’t know how yet.

i’m not choosing anyone. i’m choosing work over play.

doesn’t it feel like everyone wants us to be someone we’re not?

a sleepover? am i invited?

it has to be you. you’re all we’ve got.

you know me. we know each other.

it’s called keeping up with the times, asshole.

but fuck all of you, and i mean that.

people don’t usually follow my lead, if you know what i mean.

there’s nothing wrong with us.

i want your point of view on things.

you’re killing me. you get that, right? that’s what you’re asking me. to die for you.

i’ll follow your rules. that’s all you get.

i’d love to trade witty one-liners with you.

you’re the worst. you know that, right?

today is the first time in my life that feels like the right time.

there is a point to everything. there are answers.

god doesn’t just play games with people for fun.

the sun just keeps coming up every day, and you can’t cry forever. 

you have to have hope, don’t you? because who knows. maybe tomorrow.

you don’t get to decide what matters.

a lot of what’s happening is us being scared, and alone, and bored. so we do scary things to each other, we hurt each other. 

it’s like she wants to turn the whole world upside down.

who’s been there for you more than me?

bullshit. we’re not the same person.

you didn’t pick me. because you didn’t think i belonged.

if i had to pick anyone in the world when things got bad, i’d pick you.

this isn’t about us. this has nothing to do with us.

there is no us. because of everything.

i love you. i know i don’t always show it, but i do. i love you.

the universe does not care about your love life.

i’m not sad. i’m pissed off.

you say too many things you don’t mean.

i’ve thought a lot about dying. i’ve gotten used to that. but i don’t like to be afraid.

sometimes when i’m angry, i want to hurt people.

i’m worried that i’m not real.

all you can do is have an advantage, and this is mine. it’s all i have.

what i did is not the worst crime in the world.

given everything, can’t i get a tiny break?

why? what’s so special about me?

are we going to fight each other over food? that’s fucking crazy.

you can live wherever you want, just not with me.

we should get some food, before it’s all gone.

what if things don’t go back to the way they were?

don’t give me a fucking speech. you have no idea.

i guess i can learn to get along with a few more people.

what’s so hard about being honest with yourself?

it’s been ten days. i’m not the same person i was.

if there are things that need to be done, i want to do them.

there are no sides anymore.

you’re the best decision i’ve ever made.

we’re the same. you have to stick with your own.

i’m scared, and i have to take care of myself.

i live in your shadow, and now you suddenly want to disappear?

you know that you’re the love of my life? and whatever comes after this.

if this is it, this is where i want to be. i mean not here, but with you. you’re where i want to be.

i was a different person before we fell in love.

thank you. for loving me. 

right now, we could use all the love we can get. 

you get scared, and you get mean.

is this how you want to spend the time you have left? always looking over your shoulder?

you’re giving me a headache instead of having my back.

it’s just, sometimes i know what i want, i just don’t know how to say it.

the only feelings that anyone cares about are yours. 

people keep dying around me.

i feel really lucky to have you. you’re my rock.

the end is none of your business.

i like you exactly the way you are.

i’m so sick of feeling different from everyone else.

after “fuck you,” i don’t have much.

i think about you too much.

i don’t think about you.

i’m not scared. i’m just realistic.

it feels like i’ve been starting forever.

no one cares about the best player on the worst team.

i’m tired of losing. i just don’t know what to do.

that’s hopelessly romantic. and this isn’t hopeless.

i haven’t been happy all year. why start now?

i’m sorry i can’t turn off my feelings whenever you want.

seems like everything i do hurts your feelings.

i care about you. i just don’t know how to prove it.

i like who i am in your eyes. i like how you see me.

i’m not sure i like myself in a relationship.

i’m way easier to replace.

when it ends, it’ll hurt.

the right thing is just to be here with you.

death is not beautiful, it’s final.

i keep failing everyone, and i don’t know what to do.

i don’t feel sad. i feel numb.

i ask people if they’re all right too much.

you never needed me. you needed someone.

i made myself sick to make you feel better.

this whole time i thought it was dying, but it’s living what scares you

you’re afraid to commit, and i need constant validation. 

you don’t belong here. not after what you did.

there is no mystery here. nothing to avenge.

i made a wish, and it came true, and i couldn’t take it back.

he was a bad person and a worse father. the world is better off without him.

you never know when to stop, do you?

you do whatever it takes to survive. or you die.

“there is a time and place for violence. i mean - this place is perfect. but is it the time?”

“heaven forbid. we’re all entitled to our secrets.”

“sitting by the fire while you do all the hard work sounds marvelous, actually.”

“couldn’t you wait ten minutes before being an absolute freak?”

“you’re welcome to try and kill me, of course. but i don’t die easily these days.”

“ugh, don’t be so nice to me. it makes me want to be nice back.”

“a horrible death is always just around the corner with you.”

“stabbing someone a dozen times can be many things. but ‘the right thing to do’? hm, i doubt it.”

“immortality is only as good as the life you’re living. an eternity of luxury sounds a lot better than an eternity of struggle.”

“what are you doing? this isn’t safe. you can’t trust him.”

“look, i’m a not a details person, all right. but turning up and causing chaos has worked for us so far.”

“they were clearly artists. you can tell because it’s a mess in here.”

“you know, there is a point where bravery becomes stupidity. and walking into that thing would be very, very stupid.”

“i’ve had enough of bad poets singing of my looks - urgh.”

“is the plant bothering you?”

“until then, try not to die.”

“oh yes, i’m fine. i just feel… awful.”

“shut that oversized chicken up.”

“you know, the only way to cure temptation… is to give in to it.”

“next time, just warn me before you do something stupid.”

“there certainly is a strong ambience down here. i don’t know if it’s the bats or the decaying - everything. it’s quite homey.”

“it’s nice to see heroes are as awful as the rest of us.”

“unusually polite for a god.”

“of all the places you dragged me, this might just be the most foul. and that is saying something, given some of the things you exposed me to.”

“i mean, i hate to judge the proverbial book, but that oath may be all cover and no pages.”

“a shapeshifter? it could be anyone. i mean - it’s not me. but it could be anyone else.”

“sometimes we need to think with our heads before our knifes, dear.”

“you could watch for anyone acting strangely, but - well, you know the lunatics we camp with.”

“thank you. for being that evil bastard.”

“can you feel that? the dark, it’s - hungry. best watch the shadows.”

“this place brings back the worst memories.”

“well, that’s disturbing. still, better than having an actual conversation with him though.”

“oh no. not again.”

“honestly, just once, could we end up somewhere normal?”

“i prefer to travel in smaller groups. it’s more… intimate.”

“nice as it is, she still doesn’t have the best hair in the camp.”

“thank goodness. i was worried i’d have to get involved. now, let’s keep our hands to ourselves.”

“i much prefer it when i’m the one prowling in the shadows - about to strike.”

“ah, nothing says ‘true love’ like faking your own death to avoid someone.”

“you’re not going to eviscerate him? i was hoping for a show.”

“it’s just a waste of a perfectly good cult we could be controlling.”

“can you - ugh, can you shut up and let me read?”

“i hate to be negative. but they’ll carve you up like a goose.”

“my, she sounds positively demented. i love it. let’s tell her everything.”

“you villain. i didn’t know you had it in you.”

“a well-presented face can open a lot of doors.”

“hardly a promising introduction.”

“do you mind? i’m brooding.”

“i’d rather be the only dark power inside your body, if it’s all the same to you.”

“easy now, let’s not do anything hilarious.” 

“i’m with you, my dear. wherever this leads.” 

“i appreciate anyone who opens a conversation with bodily harm.” 

“nothing like a little camp drama to spice up the evening.” 

“it’s almost a pity things ended up amicably.”

“what do you see when you look at me?”

“i would’ve liked more for my trouble than a pat on the head and vinegar for wine.”

“do you have any other chaos you need to unleash here?”

“all i want is a little fun. is that so much to ask?” 

“don’t be so sour. i like a good time as much as anyone.” 

⋆｡‧˚ʚ💋ɞ˚‧｡⋆   𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐲   𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞

❝   i   can’t   believe   you   beat   me   at   rock,   paper,   scissors   three   times   in   a   row…   rematch.   ❞

❝   loser   has   to   buy   the   next   round   of   milkshakes,   deal?   ❞

❝   you   can’t   just   call   dibs   on   the   front   seat,   there   are   rules.   ❞

❝   if   you   eat   the   last   cookie,   i’m   never   forgiving   you.   ❞

❝   we   both   know   i’d   win   at   mini   golf,   don’t   even   try   me.   ❞

❝   why   does   it   feel   like   you’re   secretly   keeping   score   of   every   argument   we’ve   ever   had?   ❞

❝   i   will   trade   you   this   french   fry   for   literally   anything   on   your    plate.   ❞

❝   no,   you   can’t   just   make   up   rules   in   the   middle   of   the   game.   ❞

❝   this   was   supposed   to   be   a   study   session,   not   a   competition   to   see   who   gets   distracted   first.   ❞

❝   who   even   let   you   be   the   dj,   your   playlist   is   chaos.   ❞

❝   we’re   definitely   lost,   but   you   look   way   too   confident   holding   that   map.   ❞

❝   i   call   not   carrying   the   heavy   bag—i   carried   it   last   time.   ❞

❝   you’re   supposed   to   cheer   me   on,   not   laugh   when   i   miss.   ❞

❝   admit   it,   i   make   the   better   road   trip   partner.   ❞

❝   the   only   reason   you   won   was   because   i   went   easy   on   you.   ❞

❝   stop   pretending   like   you   didn’t   just   trip   over   your   own   feet.   ❞

❝   if   you   fall   asleep,   i’m   drawing   on   your   face.   ❞

❝   who   said   you   get   to   be   in   charge   of   the   remote?   ❞

❝   i   can’t   believe   you   stole   my   pen   and   then   had   the   audacity   to   lose   it.   ❞

❝   if   you   hum   that   song   one   more   time,   i   swear—   ❞

❝   why   are   you   acting   like   board   games   aren’t   a   full   contact    sport?   ❞

❝   tell   me   again   how   you   plan   on   winning   with   that   strategy.   ❞

❝   no   way,   you   can’t   just   leave   me   hanging   during   karaoke   night.   ❞

❝   who   gave   you   the   right   to   be   this   smug   about   winning   trivia?   ❞

❝   the   prize   doesn’t   matter,   i   just   need   to   beat   you.   ❞

❝   you’re   not   seriously   trying   to   race   me   to   the   car   right   now,   are   you?   ❞

❝   i’m   not   sharing   popcorn   with   you   if   you’re   going   to   eat   it   all.   ❞

❝   don’t   even   try   to   tell   me   you’re   not   cheating   at   this.   ❞

❝   we’re   supposed   to   be   teammates,   not   mortal   enemies.   ❞

❝   why   are   you   making   everything   into   a   competition?   ❞

❝   i   saw   that,   you   totally   peeked   at   my   cards.   ❞

❝   there   is   no   universe   where   you   beat   me   at   mario   kart.   ❞

❝   if   you   keep   making   that   face,   it’s   going   to   get   stuck   like   that.   ❞

❝   you   only   came   along   because   you   didn’t   trust   me   to   win   without   you.   ❞

❝   we   were   supposed   to   be   practicing,   not   trying   to   outdo   each   other.   ❞

❝   you   cannot   just   call   a   nap   a   ‘strategic   break.’   ❞

❝   fine,   but   if   we   get   in   trouble,   i’m   blaming   you.   ❞

❝   you   can’t   back   out   now,   you   already   said   yes.   ❞

❝   are   we   actually   competing,   or   are   you   just   trying   to   annoy   me?   ❞

❝   last   one   to   the   door   has   to   do   the   dishes.   ❞

❝   don’t   think   i   won’t   hold   this   over   your   head   forever.   ❞

❝   i   can’t   believe   you   talked   me   into   this.   ❞

❝   i   call   being   referee,   there’s   no   way   i’m   getting   dragged   into   this   again.   ❞

❝   no,   you’re   not   allowed   to   quit   halfway   through.   ❞

❝   why   do   i   feel   like   you’re   making   this   up   as   you   go?   ❞

❝   don’t   act   like   you’re   not   having   fun.   ❞

❝   you   only   won   because   i   let   you.   ❞

❝   we’re   supposed   to   be   on   the   same   team,   remember?   ❞

❝   don’t   worry,   i’ll   remind   you   who   the   champion   is.   ❞

❝   you’re   way   too   competitive   for   someone   who   just   lost.   ❞

“one more night, and i will let you go.”

“i won’t lose sleep over your dead body.”

“i’m not as brave as i’m letting on.”

“how could you care about me?”

“i’ll never be the person i always hoped to be.”

“don’t show your face again.”

“i cracked under the pressure.”

“i fell in love with someone i shouldn’t have.”

“you said you’d always save me, so where are you now?”

“when will this fucking end?”

“i’m just a bad influence you want nothing to do with.”

“i’m not alright.”

“i won’t bow to no-one.”

“love is a war and you’ll never be saved.”

“can you stomach the truth?”

“it was a cold-blooded, pre-meditated murder.”

“you’re a victim of yourself.”

“i thought your love for me had died.”

“he can’t touch me now.”

“is this really what you want?”

“take a leap of faith with me.”

“i hate being all alone, but i’m better on my own.”

“it’s like you severed your humanity.”

“death’s banging on the door.”

“please, hold me.”

“do us a favor and disappear.”

“you took everything i had.”

“i can’t stay sober.”

“you went and fucked with someone that you shouldn’t have.”

“i don’t wanna keep living, so i just keep living it up!”

“it’s easier to rage than love.”

“is there a secret to saying goodbye?”

“maybe i’m keeping my demons alive.”

“stay away from me. i’m begging you, please.”

“am i too far gone?”

“am i the darkness?”

“am i an imposter?”

“they love to tell you it’s all in your mind.”

“some things, you can’t outrun.”

“is it too late to turn back time?”

“do i deserve my place on earth?”

“i won’t give them control.”

A situation that can be remedied in short order. With a gentle smile, he writes out, My name is Saga, by the way. What's yours? At least this way, he won't be a stranger in a creepy alleyway.

˗ˏˋ *⠀★⠀‿︵⠀˗ˏˋ⠀𝑶𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒚𝒘𝒂𝒚, the child had NO PROBLEM accompanying the other. After all, the longer they stayed in the alleyway, the greater the chances of some mafia grunt seeing that they weren't in the cell like they were supposed to be. And then it would be back to the cell. Or WORSE.

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤWith a smile on their face, the child begins to walk alongside their new companion. Where they were going, they had absolutely NO CLUE But it looked like he knew where to go. Was it a good idea to blindly trust him ? Maybe not. But he seemed NICE. Besides, Nami - chan could take care of it if things went bad.

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤFor a moment, they turned, reading the words on that notebook again. Geez, he was making them do a lot of reading. They squinted at the notebook. At least the words weren't really BIG. There had to be a reason for the notebook too. Maybe. Unless he was just doing it for fun.

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤ❛ㅤMy name is Yumeno ! It's nice to meet you, Saga - san !ㅤ❜

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤThey continued to walk, staying close to his side and watching him intently. They had to make sure they were going the right way AND to make sure they would be able to read all of those words.

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤ❛ㅤSo where are we going ? And why do you like WRITING so much ?ㅤ❜

Lovecraft's heart ached even more && if things continued the way they were going, they were sure it'd burst with pure despair. While they didn't want to make them uncomfortable, they made a mental note to hug Kyusaku more often && if a hug were not possible, they would at least have a kind word. The wrath they would bring upon the Port Mafia, or at least the individual they were meant to target, would suffer a fate worse than death at their hands. With the influence the Port Mafia had, they couldn't be the only child that suffered.

For now though, it was best to focus on Kyusaku && not delve into such dark topics when they had already been exposed to enough.

˗ˏˋ *⠀★⠀‿︵⠀˗ˏˋ⠀𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑻𝑯𝑨𝑻 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒆𝒊𝒓𝒅. What Dazai - san did to them⠀—⠀it wasn't exactly a JOKE. But⠀—⠀it was still a trick; just a ploy to get closer to them and find out what power they held. Just a way to USE them. The facade had eventually ended; giving way to cruelty, and then . . . the cell.

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤThey weren't in the cell right NOW though. They were outside⠀—⠀standing in the bright sunlight and staring at Lovecraft - san as they processed those words. FINALLY someone acknowledged it. Finally, someone said that pretending to like people was MEAN. Maybe Lovecraft-san wasn't pretending. Maybe the idea of kindness wasn't so crazy after all.

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤWhat a strange thought.

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤ❛ㅤWell⠀—⠀READING sounds nice ! But sometimes, the big words are kind of hard . . .ㅤ❜

So she eyes cautiously Yumeno as they take a sip of her regular coffee and has to stiffle a laugh as the child pulls back immediately, clearly disgusted. Their immediate quierry gets Elyon to actually laugh a bit, shaking her head as she takes back the cup from the smaller one's hands.

˗ˏˋ *⠀★⠀‿︵⠀˗ˏˋ⠀❛ㅤReally ? That's really why adults drink it so much ?ㅤ❜

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤ𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒖𝒑 𝒐𝒇 𝑩𝑼𝑹𝑵𝑻 𝑺𝑨𝑫𝑵𝑬𝑺𝑺, their mind turning to most adults they had seen. People usually weren't stupid enough to bring drinks into the mafia dungeons. On the days they WERE out or happened to escape on their own; they couldn't help but notice some adults with big paper cups with white plastic lids like the one they were holding now.

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤThey never saw CHILDREN drink coffee though. Most kids would drink juice or sodas from bags or cans or bottles with bright colors and cute characters. Never the weird paper cup.

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤBut her words got them thinking as they tilted their head. If adults were constantly bitter and their drinks were bitter⠀—⠀ wasn't that kind of a STUPID IDEA to drink a bitter drink in the first place ? Or maybe . . .

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤ❛ㅤDo you think that drinking coffee makes adults BITTER AND MEANER ? And that they need to start drinking something actually good to be nicer ? Is this the TURN PEOPLE EVIL drink ?ㅤ❜

⊱ ★ ⊰ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤThe forbidden juice was an exception though. That wasn't a drink. That was a brief glimpse at GODHOOD. A godhood full of roombas.