hi, my names arabella/never (they/he/she). i'm a hellenic polythiest (devotee of hades, aphrodite & persephone) and have been practicing for a couple years. i've been on tumblr for a while but only just making an intro post.
i love talking to other helpols in the community and talking about the faith in general <33 requests are open.
praise the theoi <33
owner of @/thereal--arabellastark, @/valerie-patton @/unofficially-tonystark
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1) learn how to dress and light a candle without burning your house down. A little oil goes a long way. A lot of oil goes right into a bad situation.
2) learn how to light and position incense so you don’t set off the fire alarms. Fans are an amazing friend. They circulate the smell of the incense to your whole living space, but also diffuses the smoke.
3) do not store your planchette on your ouija board (it’s like leaving your house unlocked).
4) make sure you research oils before you diffuse them if you have animals. I.e citrus straight oils or citrus oil in oil blends make dogs sick and lily oil can kill cats.
And by the gods don’t diffuse banishing oil because you’ll end up with a pepper spray situation.
5) you don’t absolutely need a holder. You just need to soften the bottom of a candle enough (yes with fire) and it will stick to a surface. A flame resistant surface (see rule one about accidentally burning down things).
6) don’t poison the earth with a ring of salt on the grass. Ashes from incense or powdered egg shells works the same. And add nutrients to the soil.
Salt inside, not outside.
And 7) if you live in an apartment or house that will not be friendly to any burning, make your favorite herbs into infusions. You can use them on their own, or mix different ones easily, for any desirable effect. Unlike burning the herbs, smoke detectors shouldn’t go off unless you spray right at them. (Watch for mold in the bottle).
I’m being a touch humerus but I also mean every bit of it.
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(Tw: physical and mental abuse. Modern au, where Steve is dating Rumlow who's an abusive partner. Steve can still be Cap in this universe or not, whatever you're feeling!:))
Steve stumbles into his apartment well past midnight, a hand pressed to his cheek, hiding the deep bruise on it. He hurries to the bathroom, hoping his roommate or whatever friend is staying over doesn't notice him.
Steve quickly shuts the door, turning to the mirror and frowning, touching his cheek and staring at the bruise in the mirror, trying to decide how hard it'll be to hide it. He hears someone approaching the bathroom and scrambles for his makeup, hurriedly brushing concealer over the bruise.
"Sorry I'm late- Rumlow and I lost track of time." Steve calls out, quickly changing into a turtleneck to hide the brusies on his throat.
"That's the third time in two weeks, Spangles, it ain't like you," Tony calls out, trying to keep worry from creeping into his tone. "Listen, your bedroom life is your business - though ill eagerly hear about it - but does it have to happen right before I see you?" Of course he assumed Steve was late because of that.
"I know, sorry I didn't text to tell you I'd be late, my phone died..." Steve quickly finishes up the concealer, pushing the door open and making a face at Tony. "Gross, we weren't doing that. We were talking." He shuffles quickly by Tony, wincing as his arm brushes against Tony's. He avoids looking at him, making sure his turtlenecks covering the bruises. "Did you have anyone over while I was gone?"
"Since when is your phone ever on less than 75%?" Tony asks dryly. He laughs at thay, but he notices the wince. "Hey, I wouldn't blame him." He's never liked Rumlow. He doesn't put much effort into hiding it. He shakes his head, "Nope, just been waiting for you, actually. Why, should I have?"
Steve chuckles and rolls his eyes. "Flirting with me, Tony?" He teases before his face drops again, he tosses his phone down on the couch. He sighs and shakes his head, plopping down on the couch. "Just thought you might take advantage of having the apartment empty. Why were you waiting for me?" He tilts his head, wincing ever so slightly.
"You know it," Tony confirms in that sing song voice of his. He flirts like breathing, but it feels different with Steve. To him at least. He shakes his head, "I wasn't exactly waiting around doing nothing. I do have projects, you know." He frowns at the wince. "Whyre you moving like you went ten rounds with a truck?'
Steve shoots Tony a small smile, he can't tell him how much be loves the flirting from Steve, how it makes him feel... He quickly shakes the thought away, he has a boyfriend! "Right, all your little projects." He props his legs up onto the couch, tucking a pillow to his chest. "I... I didn't say we didn't have sex, just... it wasn't right before I came back here." He eyes Tony carefully. "I'm just tired."
"Hey, those projects are gonna change the world someday," Tony argues. He'd left his father's weapons company to go and start his own. He smiles back, then laughs. "Jesus, Rogers. What sorta kinky shit are you in to?" He softens a little. "...you sure you're okay, man?"
"Oh I know they are, and when they do they better stop floating into my room." Steve laughs softly, he scrunches his nose up and shrugs very slightly. "You don't want to hear about my sex life." He frowns and touches his turtleneck, making sure it's still in place. "I'm fine, really. Just tired." He gets up, walking towards his room, ignoring the small limp in his leg, hoping Tony doesn't mention it.
"Hey, I thought you liked DUM-E!" Tony protests, shooting Steve a playful glare. He frowns at the turtleneck. Steve hates turtlenecks. "I guess I don't need to hear about your sex life if you're limping like that," Tony says, but his tone his thick with worry.If Rumlow hurt him...
"Yeah no! It's too much that you now know I'm a bottom-" Steve flushes, hoping maybe talking like that will distract Tony a little. He steps into his bedroom, not shutting his door yet. He curses under his breath, he left his phone on the couch... Rumlow hates it when he doesn't have his phone on him, cause he won't answer right away, which pisses him off. "Hey Tony! Can you grab my phone? I left it on the couch."
"Like I hadn't already guessed that!" tony yells back, though he blushes red, god, now he's thinking about having Steve underneath him- fuck, stop. He has a boyfriend! He grabs Steve's phone to bring in, its buzzing basically non-stop with texts. "Someone misses you."
Steve flushes deep red, oh imagine if Tony was above him it would be so... no- no! He has a boyfriend! "Oh- probably Brock." Steve calls back, glancing in the mirror to make sure the concealers still in place. He needs to text Rumlow back- "Do you have any plans tomorrow Tony?" He holds his hand out for the phone. A text pops up on the phone that Tony's still holding.
Hey pretty, you forgot your bag here, better come by and get it, maybe you'll actually want to have sex this time ;)
"Obviously." Tony glances down at the text and frowns. Steve had said thay they had had sex.. why would he lie about that? He holds the phone, scrolling through the other messages Rumlow sent. "I'm meeting Rhodey in the afternoon, but just work other than that. You wanna do something...?"
Get over here now, you're late, do you not care about me? The text was sent right before Steve left their apartment today. Another fresh text comes through. We both know you weren't into it today, you were just laying there... I mean it was fun for me, but I want to hear your pretty moans.
"I was thinking maybe you'd want to get some coffee in the morning?" Steve turns quickly and frowns, snatching his phone from Tony. "Thanks, I'm going to go to bed now... I'm..." He trails off as he looks at the texts, paling drastically. "Yeah I'm going to bed, bye Tony." He shoves him out of the room, shutting the door in his face.
Tony takes a long moment to respond. "...Yeah, no, coffee is great. Love coffee. Coffees the best.." He blinks a little then takes in Steve's pale face and starts knocking on the door again. "Steve. I saw those texts, whay the hell? Why the fuck is he talking to you like that?" He knew something was wrong with Rumlow-
Steve frowns and immediately locks his door, quickly replying to Rumlow. "He's drunk! He sometimes says things he regrets when he's drunk, from his past... he's not usually like that." Steve lies quickly, running his hand down his face. "I promise I'm okay Tony, Brock is just... Brock is an amazing boyfriend, he just goes back into old habits if he gets drunk..." lies, lies, lies.
Tony doesn't believe him one bit. "Yeah? And what about him saying he knew you weren't into sex but he did it anyway? That's not okay, Steve!" It's bloody assault but he knows better than to say it like that to Steve in the moment. "Open the door, spangles, cmon..."
"That's not what he meant! I wasn't super into the sex tonight, that's all. I agreed to it." Steve shakes his head, Tony's going to be pissed- He doesn't want Rumlow to go away, he loves him! He quickly unlocks the door and pulls it open. "Tony, stop. I'm fine, Brock is great!" Rumlow loves him, he does!
"Maybe you agreed to it, but did you want it?" Tony presses. He's not going to let Steve just ignore this! He states at Steve when he opens the door. "He's not great. God, I've never liked him, you know that!"
"I did want to, it's Brock... I always want to." Steve glares at Tony, his hands clenched at his sides. "I know you don't, you don't understand him... just... just stay out of it. You're my roommate, don't stick your nose in my business." He turns sharply to close the door again, regretting his words, Tony's so much more.... no!
"Bullshit!" Tony shakes his head, and then scoffs, fuck, that hurts. "My bad. I thought I was your friend." They'd been friends for years, since they were teens with too big dreams and the determination to still achieve them.
Steve drops his head into his hands, fuck why did he say that! They've been friends for so long... "We are friends, I'm sorry. Tony just... I'm okay, I promise. Please, trust me." He looks up and meets Tony's gaze. "I'm tired Tony, I need to get sleep, just... we'll talk more tomorrow, okay?"
Tony crosses his arms over his chest. "We will talk about this tommorow," he tells Steve. "You're not getting out of this conversation." He shakes his head and walks away before he says something he'll regret.
Steve frowns and very slowly shuts the door, feeling sick, Tony wasn't supposed to find out about this... The next morning when Tony walks into the living room Rumlow's on the couch, arms outstretched against the pillows, he looks up and frowns when he spots Tony, he doesn't like Tony. "Steve here?"
Tony goes to bed sick also, what if Rumlow was really huruting Steve... his Steve... fuck. "What the hell are you doing in my house, Rumlow?" Tony snaps, when the hell had Steve given him a key? "Steve's still sleeping."
Rumlow rolls his eyes. "It's also my boyfriends house." He props his boots up on the coffee table. "Still sleeping?" His eyes narrow. "He should be awake by now." He gets up and pushes Tony to the side, going for Steve's room.
"You're not welcome here unless we're aware," Tony snaps back. He puts a hand on Rumlows chest. "It's barely seven, he can sleep if he wants to. You're not his mother."
Rumlow grabs Tony's hand, shoving it off his chest. "I'm aware. Steve doesn't sleep in past six most days, you should know that." He snaps out angrily, crossing his arms over his chest. "What, are you his mother then?" There's a small shuffling sound from Steve's room.
"I do know that. But it's sure as hell not my business to wake him up if he decides to sleep in." He glares right back at Rumlow when he asks that, but focuses on the shuffling instead. "You good in there, Spangles?" He calls out.
"Why are you talking me before coffee..." Steve laughs and opens the door, looking like he just woke up, hair a mess. Rumlow frowns and looks over at Steve. "Steve..." Steve blinks a few times, quickly stepping out. "Brock- we were supposed to meet for lunch..." He glances to Tony. Rumlow scoffs and pulls Steve to his side. "Oh so now I can't visit my boyfriend?"
"Just making sure you hadn't died over night, sleeping beauty," Tony teases lightly. Steve's so cute when he's sleepy and God he shouldn't be thinking that. "He was here when I woke up," Tony says apologetically. "Stevie and I already have plans this morning, Rumlow."
Rumlow's jaw clenches at Tony's teasing, and how softly Steve smiles back at him. Steve's eyes widen. "We can do our plans later Tony..." Rumlow would be pissed if he goes out with Tony instead of him. Rumlow smirks and pulls Steve closer, kissing him possessively. Steve looks a little uncomfortable, he doesn't like doing this in front of Tony. "Good, goodbye Stark." Rumlow grabs Steve's hand, pulling him into his room. "Get dressed, Steve."
Tony tenses, hating how easily Steve passes him over in favour of Rumlow. "Cmon, Steve, this is the third time this week..." He protests, and he could kill Rumlow for that one kiss alone, Steve is so obviously uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry Tony, I... we'll go out to coffee later, Brock's here." Steve hates pushing Tony away like this, but he can just hear Rumlow's cruel words and feel his hits if he sent Rumlow away. Rumlow gives Tony a smirk, slamming the bedroom door shut in his face. He can hear them talking for a moment then a sharp cry from Steve, and the sound of something crashing to the ground.
"Fine." Tony shakes his head and walks away from Steve's room. He just wanted to be around the man he- his friend. He stills when he heard the crash, and Steve crying out, immediately coming back and wrenching the door open. "Steve! Are you okay?"
Steve gasps and straightens up when Tony opens the door, there's a bright red mark on his face, no, no, Tony can't find out! Rumlow instantly steps in front of Steve. "Stark, Steve tripped. We're fine, go." Steve tucks his arms around himself, not looking at Tony. Rumlow wraps his arm gently around Steve, who flinches violently.
Tony scoffs, and fury blinds his vision. He steps into the room and shoves Rumlow away from Steve. "You think i don't know what a slap mark looks like, you piece of shit?" He grabs the collar of Rumlows shirt, shoving him against the wall.
Rumlow snarls as Tony slams him into the wall, he tries to shove back at him. "Let go Stark, you don't know what you're talking about!" Steve stares in shock, he dashes forward and grabs Tony's arms, trying to pull him away from Rumlow. "Tony stop! Don't hurt him!" Rumlow loves him, he loves him! He can't let Tony hurt him-
Tony shoves Rumlow again, so his head slams against the wall behind him. "No! He was hurting you, Steve, don't even try to lie to me!" He shakes his head, glaring at Rumlow and softening at Steve. "You can do so much better than this asshat."
Rumlow gasps in pain, shoving at Tony angrily. "Tony!" Steve holds onto his arm tightly, frantically looking between the two of them. "He loves me Tony, he- he's my boyfriend, he cares about me, I just get annoying sometimes!" He tries to pry Tony's hand off of Rumlow, though part of him likes that Tony's defending him. "Let go Stark, let Steve make his own decision." Rumlow snaps.
"Being your boyfriend doesn't mean he cares." Tony rounds on Steve. "Stevie, cmon. You're the least annoying person i know and even if you were annoying, he wouldn't suddenly have the right to hit you! Whay the he'll has he been telling you?"
Steve startles and flinches back from Tony, his eyes flick to Rumlow, who looks furious. Steve scrubs a hand over his cheek, getting the concealer off, revealing a large black and blue bruise. "Brock..." He whispers, his eyes clearing for a moment. "You... you hurt me..." Rumlow snarls and grabs Steve by the jaw, shoving him into the wall and slapping him. "Shut up Steve! You're so pathetic, you know I'm the only one who will ever love you!" Steve lets out a sharp cry of fear.
That's more than enough out of Rumlow for Tony to rush forward and pull him off Steve, punching him hard in the face twice. "Dont you ever speak to him like that! Steve is a better man than you will ever be, of course someone will love him!" he punches Rumlow again for good measure.
Rumlow passes out cold. Steve's staring in shock, his lip bleeding, cheek bruised. He slowly slides down the wall, shaking violently. He reaches out and touches Rumlow's arm. "Tony?" He chokes out, the words Rumlow's been feeding Steve sense they got together running through his head.
Tony scoffs. "He'll be fine. It's you im worried about." He approaches Steve, worried that he'll spook him if he goes too fast. "Steve... he hurt you. He hit you." How could Tony not have seen it? "How long?"
Steve trembles and wraps his arms around himself, looking still in shock. "But Brock... he said... said..." He blinks rapidly. He takes a small little breath, staring at Rumlow's unconscious form. They'd been dating for seven months... "Five months... he... he said those things for five months, hit, hit for four."
Tony's jaw clenches and he wills himself to relax so that he doesn't freak Steve out. "Rumlow was wrong. He was so so wrong, Steve. Jesus, I could kill him, he had no right to treat you that way!"
Steve looks up at Tony, fuck- fuck what had he been doing- but Rumlow's right... no! Yes- He shudders and draws his knees to his chest. "I know, I know but he said... he said no one would ever want me, I'm lucky to be with him, he loves me. I just annoy him... when he's not mad he's great..."
Tony sighs and comes to sit next to Steve. "Stevie... he's lying to you. You're so lovable. And you're not annoying. There's no reason he should be hitting you, ever..." I love you he practically screams.
Steve looks to Tony with tear filled eyes. "Part of me knows that but..." He trails off and looks back to Rumlow, when he's with Rumlow, it's hard to believe it's truly wrong. His eyes flick back to Tony, Tony was perfect, he never says anything cruel to him, he's loved him for so long... "Tony." He whispers shakily, shifting and pressing his forehead to Tony's shoulder.
"I've got you," Tony promises, wrapping his arms around Steve as soon as he leans forward. God, how could anyone ever mistreat him? "You deserve so much better, spangles," he whispers. I could treat you so much better.
Steve starts crying and wraps his arms around Tony, Tony feels safe- He sobs harshly, pressing his face down into Tony's chest. A long minute passes of him just crying before he looks up, Tony, Tony's so good to him... so... perfect. Before he can stop himself he's slamming his lips against Tony's.
Tony kisses back on instinct, his lips pressing against Steve's desperately until he pulls away, eyes wide. "I- no, Steve, I can't, you're- you don't want this." He shakes his head, Steve couldn't possibly actually want him too, he's just emotional, right?
"No- no I want... I want you-" Steve gasps and desperately tries to kiss Tony again, Tony will stay if he kisses him- He wants Tony so badly, and Tony will stay if he gets what he wants! "Want you-" He whispers, kissing his jaw then his lips.
"Steve, honey, you're still crying," Tony says, his tone dropping gentle. He strokes Steve's cheekbone carefully, hating that he seems to be forcing himself into this. He'd let himself hope maybe Steve could actually want him, but he.. there was no way he did.
Steve sits back, tears dripping down his face, Tony's so gentle... "I love you... Tony, I've wanted you for so long I..." He lunges forward and tries to kiss Tony again, he can't lose him... He drops down, his head falling onto Tony's chest as he starts to sob, Rumlow... "Brock- Brock said..." His breathing starts to grow fast and frantic.
Tony's heart aches, god, he really hopes Steve isn't just saying that, not after he's loved him for so long. "I love you too," he breathes, but he still dodges the kiss and cradles Steve when he starts crying. "Shh, you're okay. Breathe. What did he say, Stevie?"
Steve sobs harshly against Tony, he wraps his arms around himself, trembling violently. He takes a shuddering breath. "He said you'd never love me, because I'm annoying and I'm not your type, and you'd never want to he with someone like me. That I'm not... not worth you." He closes his eyes quickly. "That you'd only want to have sex then you'd leave me..."
"Oh, Steve..." Tony breaths sharply, he's going to kill Rumlow for daring to say something so disgusting to his beautiful Steve... "None of that is true. You're not annoying, and you're definitely my type. Spangles, half the people I hook up are hunky blondes, why do you think that is?" He shakes his head. "You're worth so much more than me, Steve. I'd never leave you if you let me be with you."
Steve looks up shakily, blinking a few times. "Tony..." He breathes out. "Really?" A smile slowly comes onto his face, he very slowly touches Tony's cheek. "Tony I, I want you... I went to Brock because I wanted to talk about us, but he... he said those things instead and then that relationship started and..." He glances at Rumlow and shudders.
"I'm sorry I didn't see it," Tony whispers. "I thoguht I was just jealous. I never should've.. I'm sorry you were stuck with him for so long, Steve. I would never treat you liek that, I promise," he whispers.
Steve shakes his head quickly. "Not your fault, he... he got in my head, I thought he cared for me..." He looks to Rumlow, tears building up again. "He... he took things from me I didn't want him to have..." He chokes out, dropping his head down onto Tony's shoulder. "I wanted you so badly..."
Tony almost punches Rumlow again just from that admission, the knoweldge that Steve hadn't wanted to be sleeping with him... god. Instead, he strokes Steve's hair. "I wanted you too. God, Stevie, I've loved you for years."
Steve melts at the hand in his hair, glancing up at Tony, shocked, Tony really had loved him for so long...? "Me too... I... I've loved you for so long too... sense we first met really, I wish... wish I'd said something earlier." He gives Tony an incredibly soft smile.
"So do I," Tony admits sheepishly. Why had they wasted so much time dancing around each other. He scratches lightly at Steve's scalp. "I love you. Always have. And I always will."
Steve hums softly. "I love you... I... I want to try this, try us." He looks up at him, hating that Rumlow had wormed his way into a relationship with him. "How did I fall for him?" He glares at Rumlow. "I... I actually thought he cared about me..."
"I want to try this too, Steve," Tony promises. He sighs. "We don't always fall for people who are good for us. Remember when I dated Sunset?You're not infallible, Spangles. But now you know he's bad for you..."
Steve scrunches his nose at the mention of Sunset, he hated when Tony was with her. "She was awful..." He nods and looks to Rumlow again. "I do... I'm not going back to him." He shifts and his sleeves push up slightly, he has deep bruises on his wrists. "How hard did you hit him?" Steve looks a little worried.
"Exactly. That's how I felt about Rumlow..." he glares at him even though he's unconscious, before his eyes flick to Steve's wrist and his brow creases with worry. "Not as hard as he deserved. Just kick him, im sure he'll wake up."
Steve follows Tony's gaze, he startles and shoves his sleeves down. "Gladly." He mumbles and kicks Rumlow roughly in the side. Rumlow gasps and darts up, glaring when he spots Steve. "Steve, get over here." Steve glances to Tony then scrambles over to Rumlow, plopping down in his lap and cupping his face like he's going to kiss him.
Rumlow smirks darkly at Tony. "Good you still-" He's cut off by Steve covering his mouth, anger flashing in his eyes. "Get the fuck out of my house, I'm breaking up with you, you don't get to manipulate me anymore. Get the fuck out." He shoves Rumlow's chest and gets up, garing down at him. Rumlow stares at him in shock, rage in his eyes. "You'll regret that Steve... Tony." With that he gets up and leaves, slamming the door behind him.
Tony watches the interaction with barely conceal concern, but he can't help but smile proudly when he tells Rumlow to get the fuck out. Tony flips off the slammed door then turns to Steve. "That was amazing, Steve. You're amazing."
Steve turns to face Tony, shaking violently. "Oh fuck- I actually broke up with him..." He smiles fully, wrapping his arms around himself, in shock from all that's happened in the last... hour.
Steve returns the hug lightly, taking a few deep breaths. "Thanks Tony..." He whispers, pulling back after a minute, the bruise on his cheek is bad, his face is starting to swell slightly, aggravated by Rumlow's earlier slap. Steve's phone starts pinging multiple times.
"Anything," he promises, holding Steve gently. He inspects the vruise with a tense, cle chef jaw. "I'll answer it," Tony says, snatching the phone and holding it to his ear.
"I'm going to clean up..." Steve mumbles, going into his bathroom and shutting the door, not wanting to hear whatever conversation this is going to be. "So pretty boy, think you can just break up with me?" Rumlow's voice rings out.
Tony nods a little, giving Steve an apologetic smile, but he won't let him listen to Rumlows filth for a second longer. He scoffs. "You thi know if pretty? I'm flattered, Rumlow."
Rumlow lets out an annoyed huff. "Fuck off Stark. Where's Steve? What did you say to him... you stole my boyfriend from me... you don't know what you just did to Steve, when I get my hands on him again I'm going to fucking-" He cuts himself off with an angry sound.
"You know, Rumlow, I always knew you were stupid, but actually threatening Steve to my face is a truly astounding level of idiocy. How dare you lay hands on him?Speak to him like that?Fucking rape him-!" he cuts himself off angrily.
Rumlow scoffs. "Listen Stark, you don't know anything. He came to me all pathetic about you! He needed a real man in his life, a boyfriend who could direct him, keep him away from you. And I didn't rape him! Where did you get that idea you sick fuck!" He did-
"He didn't need to be kept away from me, you presumptious asshole! I could've treated him a million times better than you!" He scoffs. "I saw the texts, Rumlow. You knew he didn't want sex but you did it anyway?Newsflash, that's rape!"
"He's mine Tony, he's my boyfriend, stay out of it! So what if I did? He was my boyfriend, fucking was part of his job. I'll see you soon." Rumlow snarls out and hangs up.
Steve opens the bathroom door, concerned by the yell from Tony. "Tony?" He walks over with a concerned expression, touching his arm. Steve looks a little better, having cleaned himself up a bit. "Are you okay?"
//i'm in the mood for (howard) angst tony is too happy in all my rps right now.
Tony wasn't letting Steve into the lab. That was the strange thing. He always let Steve into the lab. He loved it when Steve came down and drew while Tony worked on whatever invention he was doing. But, instead, when he got told by Jarvis that his husband was trying to visit him, he darted up outside, eyes wide. He looked.. off. "You... might not want to go in there, Steve."
@unofficially-tonystark
//:0 bring on the angst!
Steve frowns and tries to looks behind Tony. "Why not?" He raises an eyebrow at him, concern flashing in his eyes, Tony never keeps Steve out of his lab. "You know I don't mind the mess..." He reaches out and tucks Tony's hair back gently. "Baby can I come in, please?"
Tony leans into his hand. "It's not the mess I'm worried about," he says sheepishly. He gnaws on his lip. There's no way that this is going to go well, but maybe biting the bullet was better. "..You're not going to be happy."
Steve frowns and crosses his arms over his chest, concerned by that, what could Tony have possibly done in his lab that would make him upset? "Okay... please, tell me Tons, you're... you're worrying me sweetheart." His tone is incredibly worried, a concerned frown on his face.
"So. You know how we found that crystal thing on our mission last week?" One of the rare missions Tony still went on- "Well, I was kinda messing with it, trying to figure out what it did, and-." His explanation is cut off by a sharp, but unmistakable voice. "Anthony! Who are you talking to?"
Steve listens quietly, looking a little confused, he remembers them finding it, Tony being excited to mess around with it. Steve gasps and stiffens up when he hears the voice, his body language going rigid, eyes blanking out for a second. "Tony-" He grabs Tony and pulls him behind him, his first instinct is to protect him from Howard.
Tony lets Steve pull him behind him, this is exactly why he hadn't told Steve. "Somehow it opened some sort of portal and I guess Howard was workign on it in his timeline cause he stepped through," he explains. Then, in a rush, "It's fine. He's- I mean. He's being fine. We're working on it. He doesn't... I haven't really filled him in on the future." The implication is heavy. He doesn't know we're married.
Steve nods shakily, running a hand through his hair, this... this is horrible- "We're going to send him back Tony, I won't let him hurt you-" Steve takes Tony's hand protectively before he pauses at his next words. Oh... Oh no... He glances down to their rings, a sick feeling growing in his stomach, he doesn't want to hide that they're married, but he also doesn't want Tony to go through Howards wrath if he finds out. "We can take the rings off... baby, we don't have to tell him if you don't want him to know."
"We're working on it," Tony promises. And for a moment, his eyes sparkle happily. We're working on it. Together. He bites his lip at Steve's comment, he doesn't actually want to hide the fact that they're married. "Don't take it off. I don't want... we'll just go with it. Just not mention it." He looks up at Steve, tentative, not wanting to hurt him by hiding it. Then, "Anthony! Hurry up! Bring whoever you're with if you need!"
Steve doesn't know quiet what to say or how to react, not fully able to tell how Tony is feeling about all of this. "Alright... we'll do that, baby, I'm here for you okay? If this becomes too much or he starts saying things, I'll take care of it. You have me, Alright?" He kisses Tony's cheek gently, giving his hand a comforting squeeze. His posture instantly goes rigid when he hears Howard's voice.
"I know. I love you." He smiles up at Steve, he knows that if anything goes wrong Steve will defend him, he knows that. He softens, and then adds jokingly, "Try not to punch him as soon as you see him," he warns. "C'mon." He drops Steve's hand, hating doing it, and leads him into the room where Howard is. He looks about mid thirties, older than he was in the 40s, but younger than he was when he died. "Father, this is-," Howard beats him to it, eyes widening. "Steve."
"I'll try." Steve manages a small chuckle, because he really does want to punch Howard in his stupid face for everything he put Tony through. Steve blinks a few times when he sees Howard, this is... strange. He never thought he'd see him again, any time he sees someone from before the ice, his emotions slam into him a bit, but this time... it's stupid Howard. "Howard..."
Howard does something unexpected then, and rushes forward to hug Steve tightly before stepping back. Already, Tony is relegated to standing there waiting for his father's focus. "I never thought I'd see you again, Steve. Fuck. I never stopped looking for you."
Steve doesn't return the hug, he did like Howard, once... before he found out how he hurt Tony, his husband, he can't forgive him for that, or see him the same way. "Hm, I'm sure you didn't." He gives Howard an incredibly tight smile, glancing over to Tony worriedly, knowing how much Howard had made Steve some sort of perfection Tony could never come close to in Howard's eyes.
Howard misses the tightness of the smile, and claps Steve on the shoulder before he steps back. "Well, I'm glad to see something good about the future," he says jokingly. Tony tries to ignore a sting of hurt, he knew this would happen. "Steve was on the mission with me when we found the crystal," he explains.
Steve stiffens up and can't stop himself from glaring at Howard. "I'm sure there's one other thing that's good in the future for you." He reaches out to pull Tony into a comforting embrace but stops himself. "Tony found it though, it was quite impressive how he found it..." He desperately wants Howard to at least acknowledge Tony!
Howard glances over at Tony. "Oh, sure. Anthony told me all about his work with arc reactor technology, finishing the work I started with the new element, too." He grins, and then shrugs. "Well, sure. It was found either way, hm?" Tony nods a little, opening his mouth to say something, but before he can, Howard's eyes find the ring on Steve's finger and he grins. "Why, Captain! You found yourself a wife, hm?"
Steve looks over at Tony carefully, making sure he's doing alright. He quickly looks back to Howard, touching his ring with a fond smile. "Not quite, found myself a husband..." He's not going to tell Howard it's Tony yet, he's just gaging how Howard will react to that information.
Tony nods, he's fine, this is fine, he tries to tell Steve with his eyes. There's a moment of silence when he says husband before Howard laughs like Steve said something hilarious. "You're pulling my leg, Rogers. We all know you're not one of them."
Steve wants to punch him so badly for that- "Sorry to disappoint." He shrugs and fidgets with the ring. "I'm happily married Howard, sorry your perfect creation isn't so perfect anymore." He's not backing down, not with how much Howard has hurt Tony.
Howard opens and closes his mouth a few times, visibly shocked by this revelation. "You-." He scoffs, shaking his head. "Anthony, I thought I told you not to hang around queers." Tony crosses his arms. "You did. But it's Captain America, father, and Steve is my- friend."
Steve stiffens up and grabs Howard's arm. "Hey! Don't-" He takes a deep breath to calm himself. "We're friends, and you'll just have to accept I'm gay, because if Steve Rogers, me, is gay, then so is cap." He reaches out and takes Tony's hand, giving it a small squeeze.
Howard shakes his head. "Captain America can't be gay," he snaps at Steve. Tony squeezes Steve's hand right back, hating that this whole situation was happening. Howard's eyes dart down to their joined hands. Tony's wearing a wedding ring. He looks up, his eyes cold. "Is there something you ought to tell me, Anthony?"
"Yes. He. Can." Steve glares, he hates Howard- He follows Howards gaze, he doesn't want to ruin this, have Howard get furious at Tony, but he doesn't think he can stop it... "Hey Howard! Guess what? Your son married your so called greatest creation." He shifts and pulls Tony into a kiss, flipping Howard off as he kisses Tony.
Tony is startled by the kiss, so much for their plan of secrecy, but he melts into the kiss anyway, and it's admittedly quite satisfying to get to see the look of stunned horror on Howard's face when Tony pulls back, his lips red and shiny from the kiss. Howard is fuming. "Anthony-! After everything your mother and I did to ensure you turned out normal-"
"No. No enough!" Steve snaps, matching over to Howard and pushing him away from Tony. "You will not shame your son for who he is! He is normal, you may not think so, but you're a homophobic bastard!" He knows he probably should pull back, but he's so furious at how Howard treats Tony.
Howard staggers back in surprise when Steve pushes him away from Tony. Tony tries to say something placating to Steve, "It's fine, Steve, I'm used to-," but Howard cuts him off, "I expected better from you, Rogers. And of all the people you could marry." He shakes his head, scoffing. "I mean, my son? It's bad enough that you're a- you're- one of them, but you went for him?"
Oh, Oh... Howard is dead for saying that. "How dare you say that about your son. You don't fucking deserve to have such an amazing son. I could not have married a better man! I have held him while his heart has been broken by what you've said to him, I will always choose him." With that, Steve slams his fist into Howard's face. "Tony turned out amazing, and not because of you."
Howard cups his nose, which is now steadily bleeding, definitely broken from the force of Steve's punch. He splutters in offence. "I raised Anthony- I did what I had to-." Tony cuts him off. "You didn't do shit. YOu know what. fuck this. Fuck you. I was actually enjoying working together for once. Just- JARVIS, make sure he stays in the tower but get him the fuck away from us."
Steve grabs Howard and yanks him out of the lab, throwing him out the doors and shutting the door. "Tons... I... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything... or kissed you. That should have been your choice to tell your father you married me, I'm sorry." He walks over and pulls Tony into a gentle hug, a few tears gathering in his eyes, he hates Howard so much...
Tony shakes his head, though he immediately collapses into Steve's arms. "It's okay. It's not like there would've been a good way to tell him, and it was very satisfying seeing you punch him. I just- god." He shakes his head. "I guess I thought it would be different this time."
"Oh baby, I'm so sorry." Steve whispers, cradling Tony close, rubbing his back gently. "I'm sorry it wasn't different... you deserved to have a father who loved you for who you were..." He kisses the top of his head, blinking back his tears. "I'm sorry you didn't have more time to be with him before I interrupted."
Tony shakes his head when Steve says that. "Don't blame yourself, he would've... it wouldn't have lasted how it was going whether or not you showed up. It never does."
Steve drops his chin gently on top of Tony's head, swaying them both gently, keeping Tony tucked close. He sighs sadly, wishing for once Howard would be good to Tony. "Baby, would you be alright with me going and talking to him in a bit?"
Tony considers for a moment, but he nods. "If you want to," he decides eventually. "I don't think he's exactly going to be thrilled with your presence at the moment, though."
"I know... but there's a few things I want to say." Steve kisses the top of Tony's head, keeping him against his chest. "But right now, I want to focus on you... how... how're you feeling? I know that's not the best question but..." He gently brushes Tony's hair back.
"You can talk to him," Tony promises, kissing Steve's cheek. He'll let him say whatever he wants to Howard. He sighs a little, resting his head on Steve's chest. "I... feel a little like an idiot to be honest. He was excited to work with me and I got excited and I guess I thoguht it'd be different."
"Darling..." Steve rubs Tony's back gently. "Every child thinks and wants their father to love them, to be proud and do things with them, you're not an idiot for wanting your father, hoping things will be different."
He shakes his head. "I know that, but I should know by now. I should know that he's never going to cahnge, he's never going to be what I wanted him to be."
Steve sighs sadly, moving to sit down, pulling Tony with him. "Maybe... but you can't blame yourself for still having a little hope that maybe this time will be different, I'm so sorry it wasn't." He cradles him closer.
"I guess." Tony sighs and leans his head against Steve's shoulder. "Thanks, love. I'm glad you're here." He shakes his head. "God, I was so- I didn't know how to react when he came in through that portal."
"Tons... I can't imagine how you felt, I'm sorry..." Steve shifts and kisses Tony's forehead gently, his heart aching for his husband. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."
"I was actively trying to keep you out,"Tony points out when Steve apologises, "That's not your fault. Also, you literally punched him. Can't ask for more than that."
Steve sighs and strokes a hand through Tony's hair. "I couldn't stand hearing him talk like that to you... I know, know I didn't handle that the best, and I'm sorry I didn't do better, I love you so much..." He pulls Tony fully into his arms, kissing the top of his head.
"Baby, please never apologise for punching my dickhead father in the face. It was the best thing to happen all week," he promises. He leans up and kisses Steve tenderly.
Steve smiles softly and melts into the kiss, he cups Tony's face gently. "I love you so much, tonight I'm going to make your favorite dinner... give you a nice massage and we'll relax and watch one of your favorite movies okay?"
"You're literally the best," Tony says, shaking his head. "How the hell did I end up with you?" He asks, tone a little more genuine than it usually is when he says that.
"Because you deserve me..." Steve gives him a soft loving kiss. "We're both so lucky." He gently brushes his fingers through Tony's hair. "Now, why don't you go up to our apartment and take a nice shower, and I'll be up in a minute to cook dinner?"
Tony nods a little, and softens into the kiss. "Yeah, alright. Don't punch my father too hard," he warns, because he knows that's where he'll go while Tony is showering.
Steve presses his lips together, narrowing his eyes at him. "You know I admired you once. What you could do, but now... after finding out the way you raised my husband, I have no admiration left for you." He sighs deeply and looks to the side. "And I'd very much like it if you explained to me why Tony can never be good enough for you."
Howard scoffs, ever defensive. "What about how I raised Anthony? I raised him to be the best man he could be, not that it seems to have worked." He shakes his head. "He's-. He's weak, Rogers. He was supposed to be like you. Brave, strong. Straight," he adds, mostly out of spite.
Tears prick at Steve's eyes from Howard's words, he's never once cried in front of Howard, he quickly blinks the tears away, refusing to let Howard see to him cry. "You raised him cruelly, compared him, made him drink as a child, you never let him be a child. I just want you to know, you failed your son, my husband, my beautiful husband who's worked so hard to be where he is, who is twice the man you ever were! He saved the entire universe, and you couldn't even raise a child. And by the way, I'm not perfect, I'm not some man who can do no wrong, I'm a person. Just like your son. I hope you're happy, knowing you traumatized your child." With that, Steve turns and walks out of the room, not looking back.
Howard doesn't even get his protests out before the door is slammed in his face. If possible, a bit of guilt curls in his stomach as he watches Steve walk away. Tony is just getting out of the shower when Steve arrives.
Steve walks into the kitchen, starting to prepare to make a dish he knows Tony's going to love. "It went..." He trails off, unsure what to say. "I didn't punch him, but I very much scolded him for the way he raised you..."
Tony laughs softly. "Yeah, of course you did, hm?" He leans up to kiss Steve gently, then sits on the counter across from him. "Did he have anything to say?"
Steve starts to make fresh pasta, thinking for a moment as he adds an egg in. "I didn't give him a chance to say much, he said a little before I snapped at him, but I didn't let him reply after." He gives Tony a little sheepish smile.
Tony laughs softly. "Of course you didn't." He leans over to kiss Steve while he's cooking. "I love you. Thank you for defending me, steve, it means... a lot."
Steve rolls the pasts out and cuts it into strips. He smiles softly at the kiss, looking over at Tony with a loving expression. "I love you too... Of course baby, I'll always defend you, I love you so much, you deserve so much better then Howard."
Steve slides the pasta into a pot of boiling water before he starts on the sauce. "Always." He promises, blowing Tony a small kiss, a loving smile on his face. "Can you get two plates out please, baby?"
"Course." Tony hops off the counter, and towards their cupboard. He grabs two plates and asks, "Did you make garlic bread?" Glancing at Steve with a hopeful expression.
"Thank you, sweetheart." Steve laughs softly and nods. "Of course..." He pulls garlic bread out of the oven, setting it down on the table. Steve moves back into the kitchen and mixes the pasta and sauce together. "Tons... I made your mother's recipe... I found it tucked away in our kitchen."
He laughs a little at Steve's answer. "Of course. Can't have pasta without garic bread, right?" He asks, teasing Steve. He looks up at that, swallowing down a thick wave of emotion. "You did? Stevie..."
"I thought it would be nice, especially for right now..." Steve walks over and pulls Tony into a gentle hug, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head. "I know she'd be so proud of you, so happy you're happy..."
Tony feels tears well in his eyes that he can't hold back, even as he tries. "Why couldn't it have been her who got sucked through the stupid portal?" he asks, voice watery.
Steve rubs Tony's back gently, reaching down to very gently thumb his tears away. "I'm sorry, grá... I'm sorry it was him." He pulls Tony closer so he can rest down on his chest.
Tony lets himself cry, shoulders shaking against Steve's chest. "I miss her. I missed him, and he was exactly like he always it," he says, voice thick with tears.
Steve's heart aches seeing Tony like this, knowing it's Howard who's done this to him- it's heart breaking. "Oh my love, I am so sorry... you deserve so much better." He slowly sits, pulling Tony into his arms.
Steve feels like his heart breaks from that, how could Howard do this to Tony?! "Grá... it's not you... you're so good. Your father... he's not a good man.... He can't see what's in front of him, how wonderful of a son he had." He presses a shaky kiss to the top of his head. "I don't know why be decided you're not enough, but he was so wrong to... so wrong."
Steve takes a shaky deep breath, letting Tony feel his even breathing. He blinks back his own tears, hating Howard so much... "I know... I know Tony, I'm so sorry my love, he should be proud of you, you're so amazing..." Steve's voice is incredibly softt. He shifts and cups Tony's face gently. "Tony, let yourself cry, you can't keep this inside... let yourself grieve." Grieve for the father he never got that he should've.
"I love him so much but I hate him too," Tony admits quietly. He leans j to Steve's hand and the damn breaks, sobbing into Steve's chest desperately. Why couldn't Howard be better?
"It's okay to feel that way about him, I promise, grá." Steve pulls Tony even closer, letting him sob, letting him feel, how could Howard be so awful to him... Steve presses his cheek to the top of his head, rocking Tony gently in his arms. "I'm here... it's alright, let yourself feel, my love."
"Baby..." Steve cradles Tony closer, hating how broken Tony is. "No, no it's not darling, and I am so sorry..." He gently brushes his fingers through Tony's hair. "You both should've... I'm sure she loved having you though... I know she loved you."
Tony sniffles. "Do you think it's a stupid idea if I try to see her when we send Howard back?" He asks quietly, and then stills. "Baby, what if we can't send him back?"
Steve immediately shakes his head, gently tipping Tony's head up and brushing his tears away. "Not at all baby, it's not stupid, when we send him back, you can try to see her." Oh he hopes that works- Tony needs to have a kind word from one of his parents... Steve pauses, feeling sick at the thought of not being able to send Howard back. "Then I'll send him away, with some not so kind words we'll make sure he never comes back here unless he can accept who you are. I won't let him hurt you Tony, I swear."
"I want to see her." He misses his mom so much it makes him ache sometimes, a feeling he's sure Steve knows. He misses her, the smell of her perfume. "You won't let him hurt me," he repeats softly.
"Then we'll do everything we can, to make it so you can see her." Steve knows how much it hurts to miss your mother, he desperately wants to be able to give Tony at least one more moment with his mom. "I won't, I won't let him hurt you, physically or mentally." Steve presses his hand gently to Tony's cheek. "Never again... you're safe with me."
"Thank you," Tony whispers. He wants to see his mother. He hasn't in so very long. He softens, leaning into Steve's hand. "I know I am. You always keep me safe, huh?"
Steve softens and kisses Tony's forehead. "Always... now, you should eat something darling, I know you haven't in a while. I'll even feed you if you'd like?" He brushes his fingers gently through Tony's hair, wanting to be able to comfort him as much as he can, knowing he's going to have to be around Howard again soon...
Tony softens a little. "That'd be nice," he admits softly. They'd taken to switching a lot more since the first time. He leans into the touch, softening. He knows Howard can't hurt him while Steve's there.
"Of course baby, whatever you need." Steve kisses his hair lightly, glad he can let Tony have some peace for a while. "I have you... you're safe." He grabs a fork, getting some of the pasta and offering it to Tony. "You can kneel if you'd like."
"I love you." He smiles at Steve softly. He loves him so goddamn much. He can't believe Steve not only made pasta from scratch, but his mom's recepie... He looks up and nods, all but falling to his knees next to Steve's chair. "Thank you."
"I love you too." Steve smiles softly, running his free hand gently through Tony's hair. "You're so good." He whispers, knowing Tony needs to hear that right now. He offers him the bite again, glad he can get some food in him too.
Tony sighs happily, letting out a soft "Captain," as he bites into the food, resting his head on Steve's thigh between bites. He's good. He's good enough.
Steve smiles at the Captain, so happy he can be this for Tony, let him relax and just let go for a little bit, he needs it so much right now. His free hand plays with Tony's hair as he gently feeds him. "You're beautiful..."
Tony smiles up at Steve, his eyes just hazy enough to show that he's relaxed and content now. His stress leaving in the saftey of Steve's presence and food.
Steve softens as soon as he sees the slight haze, relaxing as he knows his husband is. So happy he can let go. "Sip." He presses a glass of water gently to Tony's lips, his free hand slipping down to massages Tony's shoulder gently.
Tony sips the water slowly, then looks up at Steve for approval, needier than usual in this state. He loves him so much. He slumps against his leg, relaxing in the gentle grip.
Steve wasn't expecting him to be this needy, he's never been this needy before, but he's not surprised, it makes sense for right now, how much he needs approval. "Doing so good for me, baby." He kisses the top of Tony's head, his fingers working into a stubborn knot. "One more bite for me, grá." He offers him the fork.
Tony smiles up at Steve and then swallows down the last bite, content to please his captain and prove that he's enough, that he's good. "Love you," he mumbles.
"Good." Steve praises, setting the fork down and using his now free hand to massages his other shoulder, he touch soft but firm. "Love you too, Tons... you're so good, so good for me, I'm proud of you." He kisses his forehead lightly.
Tony relaxes more under every movement of Steve's hand, and every gently spoken word of praise. He rests his head against Steve's thigh, content to drift in the nothingness.
"You rest for a while my love..." Steve whispers, shifting one hand down to rub Tony's back, hoping he can stay down as long as he can, knowing tomorrow he'll probably have to face Tony again. He blinks back his tears as Tony drifts, wishing he could take away all the pain Howard put him through.
"Yes, Captain," Tony murmurs, closing his eyes and resting against Steve, oblivious to him blinking back tears. He finally feels realxed after the ordeal that was dealing with Howard.
Steve rubs Tony's back firmly, whispering soft little praises to him as he rests, ignoring his own feelings for now, focusing fully on comforting and being there for his husband.
Eventually, Tony blinks hazily up at Steve. "Gotta.. come up," hemurmurs, een though he doesn't really want to, but he knows he can't stay in the bliss forever.
Steve's reluctant, wishing Tony could stay down, but he knows he needs to come up. "Alright, come up for me my love." Steve shifts and cups Tony's face gently before taking his hands and gently pulling Tony to his feet. "I have you..."
"I've got you." Steve repeats, brushing Tony's hair out of his face, thinking of ways to properly bring him up. "Hey Tony, can you tell me something special about your suit?" He gives Tony's hands a firm squeeze.
Tony looks up. "Hm? Oh..." His words gradually become clearer as he talks. "It's not actually iron. It's a titanium-gold alloy," he explains, haze clearing from his eyes.
"Huh, I think it's kind of amusing it's called the Iron man when it's not made out of Iron." Steve brushes his thumb firmly against Tony's hand. "How does the flying work?" He tilts his head, giving Tony a warm smile.
"Well, the original suit was iron, but I needed to stop it frosting over, and make it a lot lighter," Tony explains. He leans into Steve's hand. "Mm, the reactor powers the suit, and the thrusters," he says, "which basically just force me into the air like a mini sonic boom."
"Huh, the way you make the suits is just... amazing." Steve kisses the top of Tony's head. "That's amazing Tons, everything about the suit is amazing." He squeezes his hands again. "You with me?"
Steve reaches out and grabs a glass of water, gently pressing it into Tony's hand, he kisses him gently. "Maybe, but we'll figure it out okay? I promise." He cups Tony's cheek gently.
Steve runs his fingers through his hair, gently starting to braid the strands. "I'm always here for you Tony, you never have to face him alone again." He leans forward and gives him a loving kiss.
"Exactly... it'll all be over soon, you won't ever have to see him again." Steve presses his forehead to Tony's, wrapping his arms gently around him. "And you'll get to see your Ma..."
"Good." He nods resolutely, he's sick of Howard, of dealing with him and his cruelty. He softens, "God, I hope so. I really want to see her. Maybe Jarvis..."
"I hope so too, my love... but I'm think if that bastard can walk through, so can your mother... and Jarvis." He wraps his arm around Tony's waist, pulling him to his side. "Want to head back to the lab? See what you can figure out with the crystal?"
"I think you'd like Jarvis," Tony muses. He adn't thought it woul dbe possibel for the two to meet, but now that he knows it is... he wants that. "Yeah. That sounds good. Please."
"Yeah? I'm sure I would." Steve softens and keeping his arm wrapped arounf Tony, starting to walking down to the lab. "Don't worry, my love, he'll be gone soon... I promise." He kisses his cheek lightly.
"He was friends with Peggy, you know," Tony admits shyly. He's hesitant about his relationship with Peggy. He follows Steve to the lab, softening. "Yeah. We'll figure it all out."
"Yeah?" Steve breathes a little shakily at that, he keeps Tony tucked close as they walk into into the lab. "We will, what do you need from me, baby?" He glances around the lab.
Tony nods. "Yeah, he wa. He and Howard saw her a lot, after... after." He bites his lip a little and then starts explaining the things he needs Steve to help him set up.
"Right..." Steve glances to the side, messing with the thing he's working on. "You know I don't feel for her anymore... right? And we never..." He trails off and presses his lips together.
Tony softens. "I know that, baby. I know you love me. It's more just... strange to think that the woman you were meant to marry was my 'Aunt Peggy.' You know?"
Round Trip to Hades edited by Gunnel Ekroth and Ingela Nilsson: Explores the depictions of the Underworld through time.
Chapter 4, 'Divine Bondage and Katabaseis in Hesiod’s Theogony' focuses primarily on Tartaros; Chapter 8, 'Round Trip to Hades: Herakles’ Advice and Directions' examines the literary and iconographical representations of Herakles' round trips.
Greek Way of Death by Robert Garland: Chapter 5, 'Life in Hades' covers the some of the topography, as described through literature.
I think these are all I have on hand, but I would be interested in doing more actual research into it. I've never read all of the Round Trip to Hades, but this might give me a good excuse to try.
If I may chime in with a couple other works on the topic that I'm aware of?
Albinus, Lars. 2000. The House of Hades: Studies in Ancient Greek Eschatology. Aarhus University Press.
Calame, Claude. 2009. "Ritual and Initiatory Itineraries toward the Afterlife: Time, Space, and Pragmatics in the Gold Lamellae." In Poetic and Performative Memory in Ancient Greece: Heroic Reference and Ritual Gestures in Time and Space. Center for Hellenic Studies.
Edmonds, Radcliffe G., III. 2015. "Imagining the Afterlife." In The Oxford Handbook of Ancient Greek Religion, edited by Esther Eidinow and Julia Kindt. Oxford University Press.
Burton, Diana. 2016. "Utopian Motifs in Early Greek Concepts of the Afterlife." Antichthon 50:1–16.
Gazis, George Alexander, and Anthony Hooper, eds. 2021. Aspects of Death and the Afterlife in Greek Literature. Liverpool University Press.
Ari's hand hovers of Steve's door, not knocking yet. She's been standing there for... well, it must've been the better part of an hour, guilt writhing in her stomach. What could they say? 'Surprise, sorry I ditched you for half a decade, but I'm back now? Hi?'
She groans, runs a hand through their hair in frustration, when the door starts swinging open anyway.
@steve-g-rogers
Steve swings his door open, he thought he'd heard something outside. He most definitely was not expecting to see Ari standing there. "Ari-" He gasps and stumbles back slightly, eyes widening in shock, she's here- "Ari- you're..." He trails off and stares at her, she... she's here, she came back.
"Hi?" Ari looks up, a little hopeful and a lot nervous when Steve opens the door. She gives an awkward little wave, and then, softer, "Can- can I come in?" They try to peer over Steve's shoulder to get a peek into his new apartment, but also so they're not overwhelmed by his expression.
"Yeah... yeah come in." Steve steps back into his apartment, eyes stuck on Ari, refusing to look away, like she'll disappear if he does. "Ari... you're back, are you okay?!" He surges forward, hands hovering over her, worried to actually touch her. But oh- he needs to know she's okay- it'd been so long.
"Thank you." Ari tries to keep her voice steady, but it still cracks when she steps into Steve's apartment, looking around the room. They bite their lip, they refuse to cry, not now, but they can't help shaking their head a little when he asks if she's okay. "I- I'm back, is what I am," they answer, her own hands moving to want to hug Steve.
Steve doesn't hesitate, he pulls Ari into a hug, firmly wrapping his arms around her, one hand buried in her hair. "Hey, hey... I'm here... you're safe." Tears pour down Steve's face as he holds her, he hates, hates that she left... that he couldn't find her. "I'm here."
Ari collapses into the hug, and she can't stop all her tears from falling, try as she might. "I'm- I'm so sorry, Stevie," they gasp out, pressed close against his chest. "I'm so fuckin' sorry." Her accents stronger than when she left, like they'd put it on as an attempt to remember their home.
Steve lowers them to the ground, fully pulling Ari against him. His heart aches, hates how everyone made her feel like she had to leave... the pain she's gone through. "I know, I know... I forgive you. I'm here Ari, breathe... it's gonna be alright, I promise." He cries as he gently rocks her in his arms. She's home- She's safe now. He's never letting her go again.
Ari sucks in a few heaving breathes, she feels like she's gonna damn collapse from guilt. How could she leave Steve alone? They can't stand to hear him crying. "I should never have left," they apologise again, "I'm so sorry I left you, Steve-"
"Hey, I know... shhh, I know, you don't have to keep apologizing." Steve quickly blinks his tears away, shifting Ari up so he can look at her, gently pushing their hair out of their face. "You're alright, I'm here... I'm just, I'm so worried about you, Ari." He looks her over, worried filled eyes. "Where did you go?" He whispers shakily.
Ari shakes her head, clearly not believing that at all. But they lean into Steve's hand anyway, it'd been so long since she'd been touched gently, with no other intentions. "Please don't worry," they say, though she secretly wants the concern. They sigh, picking a little at their hands. "A couple places. Ch-Chicago for a while. Um. Jersey. Few, hm, few years in Italy." Her voice breaks on years.
"I will always worry about my Aribear." Steve mumbles softly, he quickly catches her hands, not wanting her to hurt herself. "Oh Ari..." He pulls her back into his arms, he can't imagine those years were kind to her. He holds back a sob, he couldn't protect his Ari...
Ari softens visibly at that, but she shakes her head anyway, "Don't, I- I'm the one who left, Ve. I abandoned you, I..." She still can't believe she'd done it. Left without a trace. But they collapse in his arms anyway.
"Hey, no... stop, stop it please. I don't blame you, Ari... you did what you thought was best, I don't blame you. It's alright... you're home now, and we're gonna figure it out." Steve sniffs and holds her closer, gently rubbing Ari's back, he's so mad at himself for not finding her... helping her more.
"Home now..." Ari whispers, like the idea is foreign. It felt so good, just walking back into New York, where she'd grown up. Tracking Steve down had been easy. They swallow awkwardly and mutter, "I-. Shit. I don't suppose I could crash here for a couple days- weeks, maybe, while my place gets set up?"
Oh Ari, you can crash here as long as you need. I'm going to take care of you, okay?" Steve sits up and gently cups her face, just looking at her, his Ari... he's always considered them his child, to know they were hurt so badly... whatever happened while they were away, it breaks his heart.
Ari sighs, visibly relieved. "Thank you. I- yeah. Thank you." They flinch, just a little, when he cups their face, before smoothing over their expression and softening into the touch. Steve is safe, she reminders herself. Always. God. It's like coming to the Tower for the first time again.
The flinch absolutely destroys Steve. What had happened while she was gone? He swears... whoever hurt his Ari will pay, but fot now... he needs to focus on Ari, help her heal. He's so, so incredibly glad to have her back. "Come on, let's move to the couch." He gently helps Ari to her feet, moving her over to the couch as he tries to control his emotions.
"Sorry," Ari mutters, shoving her hands into the pockets of her pants. They follow Steve over to the couch, settling across from him and tucking their legs close to their body. She watches his face carefully, then asks, "You okay? I can't... these last few years cant've been easy for ya."
Steve leans back, watching her carefully. Looking for any signs she's physically hurt. "I'm alright Ari... it wasn't easy no, but I'm alright." He wasn't alright- but he's not about to tell Ari that. He gives her a warm smile and reaches out to take her hand. "It's alright."
Ari recognises that look and shakes her head, a silent 'I'm not injured.' The silent 'now' rings heavy. But she nods along to Steve's words, "Right, of course. I'm-" They cut themself off before they can apologise again, instead leaning back to res their head on the sofa.
Steve blinks back his tears and shifts closer, slowly wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Hey... what about you? What's going on with my Ari?" His voice is incredibly soft as he gently rubs her shoulder with his thumb. He wants to know- What's to know what happened to her. Oh how Steve wishes he could've stopped this all from happening. He has to fight to keep his tears back. Ari's home, she's safe.
Ari looks away, tears of her own pricking at her eyes when he asks that question. God, the care in her voice, the gentle touch around her shoulders... they can't stop leaning into him. "I..." She shakes her head, unsure what to say. "It was a lot. Got back yesterday. Broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and flew back her- home."
Steve lets Ari lean into him, pulling her even closer to her side. Boyfriend... he doesn't like the sound of that, he can't imagine he was a good guy. "Not a good man?" He asks gently, thumb never stopping stroking her shoulder. "Oh Ari, I'm so sorry... I'm so proud of you for coming home." He presses a shaky kiss to the top of her head, tears dripping down his cheeks that he can't stop from falling. He couldn't save her..
Ari pulls a lighter out of her pocket, idly fiddling with it as she leans against Steve. They shake their head at his question, looking down and speaking quietly. "No. No, not a good man." She swallows back tears as they look up at Steve. They can feel his tears hitting their hair, and it makes guilt compound in their chest. "I missed you, Steve," Ari admits quietly.
Steve's eyes flick to the lighter and oh... he doesn't like seeing that. "I'm so sorry." Steve whispers, pulling Ari fully into his arms, holding her firmly like he's never going to let go again, he quickly blinks his tears away, not wanting her to feel anymore guilt then they already do. "I missed you too, Ari." Steve whispers harshly, his grip tightening around her.
Ari shakes her head a little. "It's alright. Lotta it is pretty fuzzy anyway." She tries to sound light and joking, but isn't convinced it works. She moves closer to Steve, desperate to hold him after being away from him for such a long time. "I'm never leavin' again. I swear, Stevie, never again."
That makes his heart break even more. What had happened to Ari...? Steve shakes his head and holds onto her, fingers digging in. He is never, ever letting her go again. "I know, I know you won't... I won't let you. I won't let this happen again Ari, I promise. I love you so much." He cries and starts rocking them both, the emotions overflowing.
Ari gives a weak shrug, then sighs softly. "I love you too," they whisper, and god, it feels good to say those words to Steve after so long. "i love you," she repeats and then adds, "I didn't think I'd manage to stay hidden, to be honest."
Steve shakes his head, kissing the top of hers. "I didn't either... I looked for you..." He sniffs and leans back to brush her hair out of her face. "But you're home now, we can work through this. I promise I'm here for you." He cups her cheek, tears pricking at his eyes. He loves her so much... she's his child.
"I know you did. Please don't feel guilty... I spent a lotta money makin' sure I wasn't found." She sighs, guilt flashing over her face. "I..." I don't deserve the comfort, she doesn't say, hugging Steve closer instead. "I don't suppose you have any booze here?"
Steve doesn't even know what to say to that, it just breaks his heart more, so he hugs her closer pouring all of his love into it. He pauses and shakes his head. "I do... but I don't think you should drink this away." He carefully looks down at her, concern in his eyes.
Ari's eyes fill with tears, which she quickly tries to blink away, hiding her head in Steve's shoulder. "I need somethin'," they plead, thumbing at their lighter again, like it's second nature at this point. How often had she used that?
"I'm not going to give you something that's going to hurt you." Steve looks to the lighter and his heart utterly breaks. How many times has she used it? He hates to think of what she's done to herself. "I'm here, focus on me Ari." He gently rubs her back, blinking away his own tears.
"Fine," Ari answers, voice just that little bit tighter to make it clear she's not thrilled by the answer. They glance at the lighter, sigh, and shove it back in their pocket. There's a half smoked pack of cigarettes in there, though Steve wouldn't know that. She can hear him, the slight waver in his voice, and hates it, but she looks up at him with watery eyes anyway. "You shouldn't be comfortin' me."
"Ari, don't say that, of course I should be comforting you... you need it, you went through something traumatic." Steve pulls them closer, tucking Ari closer to his chest, he hates that Ari thinks she's unworthy of comfort. "I here for you Ari." He sniffs and quickly brushes his tears away. "You deserve to be comforted."
"I left you, Steve," Ari counters, but she doesn't pull away. "You should be furious." Her voice is filled with guilt, and yeah, probably some loathing too. "You're the one who need comfortin'," they point out at the sound of his tears..
"No, none of that. Yes you left me, and I have missed you every day, worried about where my Ari was, but I am not furious at you. I am just so, so incredibly happy you're home, that I can hold you again." Steve pulls her even closer, tucking her under his chin, arms wrapped tight. "It's comforting me to be able to hold you again."
Ari can't stop the tears from falling when Steve says that, though she tries to stop them overwhelming them. "I- I missed you too," they whisper, pressed against his chest. "I- I didn't want to be gone so long I just got... stuck."
Steve runs his hand gently through her hair. "Sometimes we get like that, especially when we have no one to pull us out." He presses a soft kiss to the top of her head. He's blinks his tears away, just holding her, needing to know she's here.
Ari looks away for a moment, lost in memories. "Yeah. Specially if someone wants you to stay," they whisper, before leaning back into Steve and resisting the urge to apologise again.
"Your boyfriend?" Steve asks gently, oh if he finds that man... he shakes his head slightly and gives Ari a firm squeeze. He kisses the top of her head again. "When's the last time you ate, Aribear?"
"Mmhm," Ari hums in affirmation, then adds, "Snuck out in the middle of the night and booked a flight back home." Then, she considers, frowning at the question. "Mm. Yesterday?"
"I'm glad your home." He sits up a bit, giving her a concerned look. "I'm going to get you something to eat." He slowly gets up, moving into the kitchen.
"So am I." Ari pulls away, hugging her knees in place of Steve. Considering she's 22 now and he hasn't seen her since she was seventeen, they manage to look almost like a child. "That'd- that'd be nice. Will you catch me up on your life?"
Steve feels broken when he sees her tucked up, it brings his mind back to the first few years of her in the tower... he never wanted to see Ari so broken again. He quickly shakes his head and starts putting together a few simple sandwiches. His life? He can't exactly tell her everything... not when he's been doing so poorly. "Not much has changed... moved back here to Brooklyn."
Ari watches Steve assemble the sandwiches carefully, looking away and nodding as he describes his life. "It's nice. Seein' you back in your home town," they murmur, though they're a little stung the team doesn't live together anymore. She can tell he's holding back, but she doesnt' really have the right to push, so instead, she looks down and quietly asks, "Do you still miss Dad?"
"It's nice to be home." Steve mumbles before he walks over with the two plates, he hands one to Ari before sitting beside her with his own. He pauses, Tony... he has to blink away his tears quickly, hands trembling as he takes a small bite of his food, talking about Tony... it hurts him in a way he can't explain, a soul crushing pain. "I do... I miss him so much still." He slides his plate to the side and looks over at Ari with worried eyes. "I know you don't too." He slowly opens his arms out to her again.
Ari takes the food, but makes no move to actually eat any of it. They pick at the crusts of the bread instead. She blinks away tears when Steve talks about Tony, even in such vague phrases. They nod quickly, wiping their eyes with the heel of their hand. "I do. I miss him every day, Ve.."
Steve nods and carefully wraps his arm around her shoulders. "I know... I'm so sorry. So sorry Aribear." He sniffs and pulls her fully into his arms, needing to feel that she's really there. "I'm here, I'm here for you Ari, I promise..."
"I know you've no reason to believe me, but 'm here for you too," Ari mumbles, happy to soften back into Steve's arms, take in his gentle touch from this man who was essentially a second father. "I hate this," she admits as a few tears fall.
"I'm sorry." Steve whispers, gently rubbing his back. Oh how he wishes he could take all her pain away. "I am here to support you through this Ari, whatever pains lay ahead for you, I am here. I promise." He presses a shaky kiss to the top of her head, rocking them gently in his arms.
"I know you are." Ari let's Steve rock her back and forth like when they were a kid. God, they'd missed him. Not in the way she missed Tony, but missed him nonetheless. "Are you gonna be annoyed if I have a smoke?" They ask lowly after a while.
Steve pauses and glances down at them. He's very much not okay with the fact they smoke but... he can't really blame them, even he had picked up his old smoking habit, a habit he hadn't done sense before the ice. "It's not my favorite no... but... alright, if I get to smoke with you."
Ari considers, then shrugs. "Why not?" They pull the pack out and flip out two cigarettes, handing one to Steve and lighting her own like it's second nature. It is, at this point. Admittedly, not always cigarettes, but well... Ari doesn't imagine Steve would want to know that. So they take a drag in silence.
"I'm not exactly happy you're smoking." Steve frowns, hating how normal it seems for Ari to be doing. He takes one of the cigarettes and lights it, taking a small drag, his eyes stay locked on Ari, full of concern. What happened...
"I know." It's the first thing they haven't apologised for. They take another drag, flip the cig in their fingers. "It's a nasty habit, but..." They shrug. "Better than the alternative, I think."
Steve takes another drag, brow furrowing even more at that. "It is... I thought I quit after the ice but..." He shakes his head then his frown deepens. "Ari... what else have you done?" His tone is worried but also incredibly gentle.
"But here we are," Ari finishes for him. She takes a long drag and tilts her head back, watching the smoke drift off towards the ceiling as they exhale. They're visibily more relaxed now. "Relax, Stevie. 'M not goin' around doin' hard drugs. Just drinkin' and getting high. Hence the, ah, memory haze."
Steve's not sure he likes that they seem more relaxed. He blows the smoke out slowly, that makes his heart ache, he hates to think of all they went through, once again he has to hide his tears. "That's not... great, I'm sorry Ari..." He pauses then pulls them into his arms again, smushing her close to his chest. "I'm here... I love you so much, I'm goin' to help you every way I can, okay?" His brooklyn accent comes out thick as he gets emotional.
Ari looks down at the half finished cigarette and takes a drag before stamping it out. She lets Steve pull her into his arms, clutching him in a way that suggests they're not ad relaxed as they seem. "Love you too, Stevie," they murmur, voice thick and accent thickening to match Steve's. "'M not like, an addict or anythin'. Just an easy way to shut all... this off." They gesture vaguely at their head and don't mention their ex again.
Steve holds her back just as tightly, swearing silently he will never let her go again. Regretting he couldn't find them. "Okay... I understand why you would do it, but... I can't let you keep doing that, hurting yourself, I can't let you hurt yourself anymore Aribear." He cups their cheek and gently tilts her head up to look into her eyes. "I love you, I won't let you destroy yourself anymore, and I am here for you, for everything." He presses a shaky kiss to the top of her head, a few tears slipping down his cheeks.
Ari lets Steve hold her, lets herself, perhaps selfishly, steal that comfort from him. "'S not hurtin' myself," they protest, though obviously they know smoking isn't great for their health. She isn't sure why she bothers protesting, and the argument dies in their mouth when they see Steve's tear stained cheeks. "Please dont' cry, Ve... don't want to hurt ya."
"Well talk about it when you've been home a few days." Steve whispers, heart feeling broken. He never wanted this for Ari, never wanted to see her go down this path. He shakes his head quickly, reaching up to wipe the tears with one hand, the other staying firmly wrapped around Ari, refusing to let go. "Hey... you haven't hurt me, I'm just... it's a lot to take in, I don't want my Ari to be hurt." He sniffs and drops his hand down to tuck her hair behind her ear, remembering doing it for the first time when she was just a kid.
"Fine." Ari looks away, but doesn't move away from Steve at all. They can't bare the thought of beign away from him, not now, after finally getting back to him. She sighs, looking down at her hands and tangling them together. "Your Ari made a long series of real stupid decisions," they tell him, leaning into his hand. "It's almost impressive."
"And that's alright, we all make mistakes Ari. And you... you were grieving, you had so much attention on you... I don't blame you one bit for leaving, for making mistakes, even if I wish you had told me where you were going." Steve drops his hand down to take their hand, his other wrapping around her shoulder. "I'm just happy my Ari came home. And Ari... I made a lot of mistakes too... you're not alone."
You had so much attention. Shit, shit, Ari hadn't even thought about that. "The paps," she whispers, suddenly having a moment of realisation. "I left you- left you alone with them. Steve, I..." They trail off, not entirely sure what to say other then apologise. "I left you alone."
"Hey, hey, Ari..." Steve shakes his head, not wanting Ari to blame herself. "I wasn't alone, I had the team, Ari... it's alright, I promise you,I am not upset, I missed you so much, but please, please do not feel guilty." He pulls her fully into his arms again, firmly rubbing their back. "Please, don't take on that guilt."
Ari shakes her head right back, "I know you had the team, but god, they're always so much worse with you," they breath. "You and- and Dad, they hounded you so much more, I can't... I'm sorry." They look away, trying to shove down the guilt in favour of hugging Steve close.
"Hey, hey Ari... stop." Steve says gently, hugging Ari even tighter, letting her rest fully against his chest. "I know... but it's alright, I forgive you, whatever you think you need forgiving for, I forgave you the second you did it. I love you Ari." Steve presses a shaky kiss to the top of her head.
Ari nods shakily, a few tears they can't hold back slip out when he says that he forgives her. "Yeah. I- yeah. Were they horrible to you?" Ari asks softly, looking at Steve with concern.
"A little bit, but it was alright." Steve reaches out and gently brushes the tears away. He gives her a weak smile, pushing Ari's hair out of her face. "I'm alright, I promise."
"Don't believe ya," Ari mutters, because she could always see through Steve's lies. But she doesn't push the subject, leaning into his hand instead. "Missed you, Stevie."
Steve sighs deeply and gives her a small nod before he continues to brush her hair back. "I missed you too, Ari... so very much." He gives her a small sad smile. "I'm so happy you're home."
"I'm not gonna apologise again cause I think ya might kill me, but..." Ari shrugs, not quite sure what to say. Instead, she looks up at Stee and manages a small smile in return. "I don't know I like the person I am now, Steve," she says quietly.
Steve tilts his head slightly as he looks down at Ari. "Do you want to change?" He asks very, very gently. His hand stays in their hair, he shifts it down to cup her cheek.
Ari looks away for a moment, tears welling in their eyes. "I don't... I think so. I just. It's easy like this, y'know? But I can't.. I don't want to hide, I feel like..." her mind supplies countless adjectives. "Feel like a let down," they settle on.
Steve gently brushes the tears away, listening to their stumbling words. "Okay... I have to tell you Ari, I don't think your doing yourself any favors right now, even if it feels easier... hiding the pain, it'll break you eventually." Steve feels a bit like a hypocrite, that's what he's been doing... his eyes flick to his pills before he looks back to Ari, voice so very gentle. "We can work on it slowly... find healthy coping mechanisms."
"I know," Ari whispers, looking down. She feels tears fall from their eyes and drip off their chin. "Hidin' in booze and smoke 'n bodies is easy until it all catches up to ya." She shakes her head, feeling a little disgusted at herself, for everything they did, everythign they let happen to them. "You'd help me?" She asks
Ari's words break his heart, hating that she felt she had to turn to all that... the hint of what happened to her makes him what to scream, but he quickly holds it in, nodding quickly. "I'll help you, I'll be there for every single step, my Ari... I will help you." He gently cups her cheek again, giving her a gentle smile.
Ari can sense the tension radiating off Steve and she hates that she's the cause of it. Maybe they shouldn't have come back, maybe they were just going to make everything worse like he'd said. They try to shake the thought away and focus on her almost-dad. "Thank you, Ve," she whispers again.
"Of course. Aribear... I'm here for you always, no matter how broken you feel... how alone, I'm always here for you Ari. I promise." Steve starts to gently rock her in his arms, so happy she's home, even if it breaks his heart to see her like this. He starts humming softly, an old song he used to sing to them.
"I love you." Ari mumbles the words, their voice muffled by Steve's arms. When they recognise the song he's singing, they can't help but cry, and they try to hold it back, but it's not long before they're sobbing properly.
"I love you too." Steve whispers before he continues singing, he lets her sob, holds her through it rocking them both gently. Letting Ari feel her pain, he keeps singing the whole time, wanting to be a steady presence for her.
"Ari- I would never hate you!" Steve gasps slightly, shaking his head quickly, even the thought of hating Ari makes him feel sick. He frowns deeply and tilts his head slightly. "Your boyfriend...? Oh Ari, he was lying..."
"But I- I left you," Ari shakes her head, still looking away from Steve. They flinch slightly at the mention of their boyfriend. "He-." They cut themselves for and shake their head again.
"I know, but I understand and I have forgiven you." Steve notices the flinch, and that utterly breaks his heart. He reaches up and brushes her hair back, eyes full of concern. "What is it Aribear?"
Steve rubs her back gently, tucking them under his chin. "I'm sorry Ari... if you want to talk about him, I'm here..." He kisses the top of her head, gently rocking them.
Ari shakes her head. "I just... I don't know. I think I was- I was pretty easy to manipulate, I think. We met when, I was... 19 I think? I'd just left Chicago."
"You were at your most vulnerable, it's not your fault you were manipulated." Steve listens quietly, still stroking their back gently, trying to comfort her. "19... I'm so sorry kiddo..." He pulls them closer, squeezing her firmly, his heart aching that he couldn't be there for her.
"I know. I know that." I think. Ari shakes their head a little, sighing, "He was good at it, though. Stayed with him for... three years? Almost? Yeah. He- he's who got me started smokin'," they don't really know why they're admiting it, but they can't seem to stpo.
Steve wants to cry, three years? Three years with a man he already hates just from the few things Ari has said about him. It breaks Steve's heart, but he soldiers on, Ari needs him. "I'm sorry." He mutters, not really knowing what to say, just wanting to comfort her. "I'm so proud of you for getting away from him, being brave enough to come home."
She shakes her head, "Don't be sorry. You know me, I've always been bad at chosin' partners, hmm?" They chuckle self deprecatingly, "I liked - like? I don't know - I liked smokin' anyhow. Only way I've found to get my brain to properly shut off." They smile softly at that, "Thanks, Stevie.."
"Ari..." Steve shakes his head slightly, not liking their tone of voice. He frowns and rubs her back, definitely not liking that. "I understand that, but Ari... that's not healthy, but, we will talk more about that when you're feeling better." He leans down to kiss the top of her head, giving her a small squeeze in his arms. "I really am so happy you came home."
"I know," Ari sighs when he says their name ilke that, she knows that voice, that's his Concerned Father Figure voice. They look up at him, smile weakly, "I know it isn't, I just..." She shrugs, and focuses on hugging him back. "I'm glad I'm home too. I really missed you. Kept lookin' ya up."
"I know... we'll talk about it later." He rests his cheek on top of their head. "I missed you so much Ari." He blinks rapidly and pulls her even closer, tucking Ari against his chest. "You did?" He glances down at her curiously. Oh- oh he hopes she didn't find anything bad... paps loved to speculate on how he was doing mentally, especially when he disappeared for two months.
"Okay." She knows there's no escaping that conversation, so instead accepts it'll just be put off until later. They nod quickly against his chest, "Yeah, all the time. Specially at the beginnin' and... the last few months, 'fore I left." They sigh a little. "You got a lotta attention. Don't know how ya handled it. I couldn't."
Steve nods slowly as he listens. "Ari, I'm a lot older then you. You were just a kid... not even grown before everyone was trying to get at you after you lost your Dad..." He runs his hand gently through her hair. "I've barely been handling it, I don't blame you for running."
Ari sighs, there's truth in that that she can't deny. "I just really miss him," they whisper, looking away as tears form in their eyes again. They turn to look at Steve carefully, "You're not doin' well either, huh?"
"I'm sorry." Steve whispers, but what else can he say? Tony's not coming back... He sniffs and wipes his own eyes, giving her a weak smile. "Not great no, but... it's me, you know I'll be alright."
"I know." Ari shakes her head, laughs bitterly. "All the worst parts of my life have been without him." They wipe at their eyes and reach out to squeeze Steve's hand. "We'll both be okay."
"We will... we will, I promise I'm here for you, for everything." Steve squeezes her hand in return, giving her a sad smile, eyes full of just a hint of hope, maybe things would be okay? Ari's back... Ari's safe.
Steve almost flinches and shakes his head. He reaches up to shove his hand through his hair. "No, I... I haven't been able to make myself go there." He glances down, eyes full of sadness.
Steve looks up to meet her eyes, smiling very, very slightly. "I would. I think that would be... good." He takes her hands in his, giving them a firm squeeze.
A small smile crosses Ari's face at that. "Yeah," they breathe, nodding quickly. "Yeah, I think it would be." The idea is terrifying, but appealing nonetheless.
"We'll do it together. You're not alone Ari, not anymore." Steve leans forward to press a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you." He's terrified to go to Tony's grave, but he'll do it, for Ari.
"Nor are you," Ari mumbles, leaning against Steve before saying, "I love you too. Thank you," they sigh, the idea of visiting Tony's grave is terrifying but they know they have to. "We should go at night. Fewer journalists."
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You're already honoring the Gods. "Is this offering enough?" "Has it been too long since my last ritual?" "Is it okay that I missed this festival?" It's okay, you're already honoring the Gods. Your belief is an offering of its own. It's your trust, your faith, your hope, and your love. You're giving it willingly, and that's a precious offering to the Gods, and a testament to Their existence.
this post includes hades, persephone, artemis, apollo, aphrodite, hermes, and hekate. for part 2 including zeus, hera, poseidon, hestia, hephaestus, dionysus, ares, demeter, and athena click here, for the titans and protogenoi click here.
keep in mind that this is largely UPG, new age stuff, and historically accurate offerings to the gods include meat, wine, grain (specifically barley), honey, and incense (myrrh and frankincense).
colors can be used for candles, banners, decor, whatever you want
HADES
Colors: black, red, and white for association with death. purple and metallics for association with riches/wealth
With the current state of queerphobia, especially transphobia in the world right now, I need you helpols to remember:
OUR GODS ARE QUEER.
You cannot be helpol and be ANY flavour of queerphobic. It goes DIRECRTLY against our own gods. Not just the gods, but the heroes, demi-gods and nymphs etc.
Queerphobia is NOT and will NEVER be welcome in helpol.
And the fact our gods are so queer is proof that queerness had existed since ancient times, it has existed and will exist as long as humans exist.
Homophobia is not welcome in helpol.
Transphobia is not welcome in helpol.
Intersex discrimination is not welocme in helpol.
Transmisogyny and Transandrophobia is not welcome in helpol.
Biphobia is not welcome in helpol.
Acephobia is not welcome in helpol.
Anti-Polyamoury is not welcome in helpol.
Queerphobia is not welcome in helpol.
Do you really think Dionysus would accept someone who hates his trans followers? That Aphrodite would accept someone who denies people their true loves? That Hermaphrotie would accept someone who denies the rights of intersex people when she IS the intersed god? That Apollo would tolerate biphobia? That the chaste godesses would tolerate acephobia? OUR GODS ARE QUEER. They always have been, always will be.
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Anya is LIVE right now
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