Hey guys! So, life has been getting really busy and stressful, so I'm making this blog private. I just don't have the energy to be a full blown rp blog anymore:) feel free to dm for more info♡
Hello, I'm Steve Rogers, just trying to navigate life and keep people safe... just a (not so little) guy from Brooklyn.
More information under the cut :)
//Mod speaking, Hi! Welcome to my Steve rp blog, this blog is now private:)//
Some more info on my Steve:
I love Steve's Irish roots so that will be brought up! My Steve has a great singing voice but never sings in front of anyone. He still does his art and loves it very much, it's his escape. Spoke Gaelic before English.
Some angsty stuff because I love angst- sorry Steve has depression, he gets overstimulated from his enhanced hearing/senses, He gets triggered by the cold, extreme claustrophobia, he has body dysmporhia, from his body changing so drastically from the serum.
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Hey... I should tell you the truth... I've been struggling with my PTSD since I got control of my body back. I've been lying about trying to work with Winter to get Bucky back. Instead, I've been dissociating while he obsesses over it- it's bad, Steve, it's bad. I'm sorry... I told Tony...
Oh honey… come here, we’re going to help you, it’s going to be okay. We can work through this… love.
Norman smiles, unzipping his pants, freeing his erection. He moves forward, lacing his fingers into Steve's hair. "Keep eye contact. If you look away I'll yank you back up. Understand?"
Steve whines at that, looking up and making eye contact. “Yes… yes sir-“ Slips out of him. He slowly leans forward, wrapping his lips around Norman, letting out a pleased groan, he struggles for a moment, but eventually makes himself meet Norman’s eyes, it has him squirming.
Steve moans at the tug, his eyes flick away briefly before locking back onto Norman’s, he groans and starts bobbing his head, licking and sucking. His hands flings up, grabbing onto Norman’s hips to steady himself.
Norman grins, "fuck... I should have used you for this sooner..." He adjusts so Steve can get a better grip on his hips. "You're doing so well Stevie..."
Steve hums around Norman in agreement. He relaxes his throat and takes Norman deeper, gagging slightly but not caring, his nails dig into Norman’s hips. He shudders at the praise, yeah he has a praise thing-
"I know, big right?" Norman smirks, "but you take it so well... Beautiful right now... Perfect-" Norman gasps, Steve is too good at this... He involuntarily shuts his eyes and moans.
Steve moans around him, sucking him insistently. He presses his nose into Norman’s stomach, his hands spasming against his hips. He lets himself look away when Norman closes his eyes, working him quickly with his mouth.
Norman gasp, continuing to moan. He can barely sceeam out Steve's name as he feels his knees start to buckle. He can't last at this rate, no one could.
"Fuck... Steve I'm-" Norman tenses and collapses onto Steve as he spills over, panting heavily.
Steve sucks him through it then moans and sits back, swallowing and wiping his mouth, little breathy groans leaving him, he rubs at his throat. “Oh fuck Norman- fuck was I good-”
Norman tries to pick him self up but ends up sliding down into Steve's lap. "Amazing... I don't think I've ever- best I've had." He mumbles. He's still quite unsteady and unfocused.
Steve scoops him up, shakily wrapping his arms around Norman, he groans softly, shifting and rubbing himself against Norman’s leg a little, heavily aroused. . He grins at that, pleased. “The best you’ve had?”
Steve chuckles and nods, licking his lips quickly. He leans into Norman, happy to cuddle him. “Glad it was the best… want you to feel amazing…” He mumbles. “Mkay…” He mumbles, happily a little blissed out, he slowly grinds himself down on Norman’s leg, just enjoying cuddling close.
(Steve switched places with Pre-serum Steve. He got sucked into the past and pre-serum Steve is now in the future. Rping this as the pre-serum Steve in the future:))
Steve doesn’t know what happened, one second he’s standing in his apartment, the next a blinding light and he’s standing in an alleyway, an alleyway he recognizes way too well, the 40s. He turns quickly to see a blinding light, and what looks like a portal closing, and that’s the last thing he sees before he’s shut into the 40s
Pre-serum Steve shifts in the bed he’d been transported to, letting out a small pained sound, he has a blinding headache, but that’s not new, what does feel new is the bed he’s in… and the fact that someone is in the bed with him. “What…?” He opens his eyes and frowns, this isn’t his apartment… He sits up quickly, eyes wide, shoving at the person in the bed. “Get out! Who are you?!”
Peter had ended up in Steve's room sometime last night, and he definitely meant to be out before Steve woke up. He murmurs something softly before snapping awake. "Sorry, sorry, I'll go—." He glances over to Steve, then startles, nearly falling off the bed. "What happened to you?!"
Peter scrambles over the other side of the bed. "...You're shorter than me now. Okay. Um, I'm Peter. Your stepson. You don't remember?" Was he de-aged...?
“My what-?!” Steve flings himself back into the wall, wincing as his head collideds with it. “I don’t know you- you’re not- I’m not who you think I am! Where am I-"
Peter winces when Steve's head collides with the wall. "Are you okay? What do you mean? You're not Steve?" He walks around the bed to get closer. "You're at home. Uh... What year do you think it is?"
“I’m Steve Rogers… who do you think I am?” Steve wheezed and pressed a hand to his chest, pushing himself away from Peter. “It’s 1938, what kind of a question is that-”
"I told you, you're my stepdad," Peter says, not moving any closer. "Hey, hey, it's fine, you probably just got... de-aged or time travelled or something. Happens all the time, really. We just need to stay calm. Can you breathe with me?"
“Happens all the time?!” Steve grabs at his chest, breathing quickly, panic coursing through him. “I can’t breathe- I have asthma!” He cries out in pure panic, yeah it’s more of a panic attack than an asthma attack, but Steve doesn’t know the difference.
"Asthma— right. Uh, this looks more like a panic attack," Peter says. "But right. Asthma. I can get you an inhaler, but try deeper breaths first, okay?"
“I don’t know what a panic attack is-” Steve manages to choke out, he grabs at his chest, fingers digging into his shirt. He nods jerkily and tries to draw in a breath, coughing and choking on it.
"Right, right, um— it's like where you're panicking and then your breathing gets all weird and your heart speeds up and you feel like you're gonna die." Peter winces sympathetically when Steve coughs. "You're okay. Uh, maybe I should call Bucky..."
“Sounds like asthma-“ Steve winces and punches at his chest, trying to get a breath in. He cringes and tries to inhale. His eyes widen. “Bucky- no, no he wouldn’t be alive still-”
"Neither would you— I mean, right, yeah, my bad." Peter leans towards him a little. "Okay, I doubt future you would have an inhaler in your apartment, but let's, uh, sit you down, at least."
Peter kneels across from him, looking at him with barely-contained anxiety. "Okay, uh... You shouldn't be having cold water because of your asthma... And coffee will help that but make the panic attack worse..."
Steve breathes quickly into his knees, he looks up sharply as Peter talks, eyes wide. “I don’t understand-” He shifts and runs his hands down his face.
"Sorry, right, yeah," Peter says, exhaling through his nose as he tries to organize his thoughts. "This stuff wouldn't have made any sense in the '40s," he mumbles mostly to himself. "Can you try breathing with me? Just try?"
Winter has slowly been getting better since the Green Goblin… everything. He was still blaming himself for all of it, but he was getting better! Except Bucky still wasn’t coming back… even with Sienna going into their mind, trying to draw him out… Winter has yet to hear a word from him.
So Winter was currently in the lab, a handful of screens up as he watches old war footage of Bucky and Steve. He doesn’t know what else to try at this point. He doesn’t notice when someone enters the lab.
Steve’s been worried. He’s been trying to help without making it seem like he doesn’t want Winter. He shifts into the lab, glancing at the screen briefly before he walks up behind Winter, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind. “What’re you doing love?”
“How so? Bucky was fully here before it Winter… you’re not a monster, you’re trying to get him back… that proves so much how you feel about him.” Steve cups his jaw gently.
“I wasn’t letting him out. Fighting him all the time because I wanted N— the Goblin’s love. He didn’t deserve it—“ he leans into Steve’s hand desperately.
Steve pulls him back, cupping his jaw so Winter has to look at him. “Maybe that’s because you didn’t have to think when you were with the Goblin… you want that back?”
“Okay that’s understandable…” Steve shifts and tucks Winter into the side. “Maybe we can find a way for you to turn your mind off, in a safe way. And get Bucky back… but you can still just let someone else have control for a bit? Someone like… me?” He tilts his head. “In a safe way.”
Winter blinks. “… like… regression…? V and I found that a while ago… it seems similar.” He nods quickly. “… with you. Or Tony. Probably… not Norman… not yet.”
Steve nods. “That’s a way yes, regression. Tony and I have a thing we do, when I can’t take being in control anymore, he takes over for me” Steve shifts and rests a hand on Winter’s shoulder. “We can try regression, I think you could use the relief of not having to be in control… and that might help Bucky come back too…”
“I won’t let you hurt anyone.” Steve pushes his hair back firmly. “Go make tea, then come back with a pillow, blanket, and some massage oil.” He says firmly but gently.
Winter nods, eyes glazing over as he gets up. He goes to make the tea, and comes back to Steve with it and the other items he requested. He seems… calmer.
Steve smiles softly, glad to see him calmer, not entirely sure he should be doing this, but if it’s helping… “Good job.” Steve praises, taking the items and patting the spot in front of him. “Sit down and take off your shirt yeah? Just relax… I’m going to give you a nice massage.”
Steve bites his lip. “Love… do you feel good or just… blank?” He gently starts to massage his shoulders. “I want you to relax and focus just on me okay?”
Steve relaxes at the pleased sound. He digs his hand gently into his muscles. “Good, good missions that don’t hurt anyone yeah? Just from me and Tony…”
Steve smiles then frowns, kissing the top of Winter’s head. “Maybe Osborn, you have to be careful alright? I want you to come to me if he asks to do this yeah?”
Winter frowns. “… why…? Are you my main handler?” He tilts his head slightly. That doesn’t make sense… the three of them all feel equal in his head. If anything Norman should be his main handler…?
“Because sometimes Norman has a hard time mentally… and it could hurt him to do that for you.” Steve says oh so gently, he runs his hands through his hair then back down to his shoulders, massaging again.
Steve smiles gently and kisses him incredibly soft before playing with his hair. “Tell me how your muscles feel.” He mumbles as he smooths his hand down his back.
“Winter… don’t hide it from me. tell me please.” Steve tips his head back gently, looking into his eyes. “You won’t be in trouble, telling me is good.”
“Hey, hey-” Steve gently catches Winter, looking into his eyes. “No you won’t, you’re not an actual asset anymore, remember we’re just doing this to help you relax, and you’re doing so good, you’re so good. He doesn’t make you bad… you’re both so good, good together.”
Steve nods and kisses his forehead, glad he’s calming down. “This is just to help you, you’re a free man… this is just to help you.” He nods and smiles softly. “Together.”
They nod slowly, leaning into his hand. “I don’t— we don’t—“ they stammer over whether to call themselves I or we for a few moments before ultimately giving up. “Hurts—“
“Shh… breathe.” Steve says firmly, he shifts and tugs them up into his lap, wrapping his arms around him firmly. “I’m sorry, we’re going to fix this, get you two separated again…”
They tilt their head slightly, thinking. “You… you once slept over at my house for a weekend because your Ma was sick… we hid you from my Pa the whole time because he was mad at you for dragging me into fights…” he cracks a tiny smile. “Becks almost gave it all up… he would’ve killed us…”
“Yeah… yeahs that’s right, I remember that.” Steve smiles and runs his hands through his hair. “And what story did you tell me about that day when I was getting really fidgety?”
“That’s okay.” Steve quickly reassures him, gently tucking Bucky’s hair out of his face. “That’s okay. What was your favorite drink or food back then?” He kisses Bucky’s forehead.
Steve frowns, heart aching. He quickly gathers Bucky into his arms, rocking him back and forth gently. “Hey, hey- it’s okay, it’s okay… I’m here love… it’s okay.”
Winter nods. “I know! I know I’m not… it just… it felt so much like when he’d try to surface in Hydra… when I was told constantly to not acknowledge him—“
“Take a breath love… I’m not angry.” Steve says gently. “Okay… maybe we need to re-word a few things if I do that with you again, find a way for it to feel different then it did in Hudr?”
Steve nods in agreement. “I think that’s a good idea.” He tilts his head as he thinks. “Well… there’s sir, or Captain, or… anything else you can think of.”
Steve hums softly, he gentle smile on his face, glad he can help Winter like this, he cards his fingers through his hair. “We should probably get up now.”
Steve has him sit at the table. “Here…” Steve quickly makes two mugs of tea, setting one down in front of Winter. “Why don’t we watch a movie and you can relax, and slowly come back to yourself.”
Steve plays idly with Winter’s hair as the movie plays, worried. How does he get Winter to want to come out of this state? “Hey, what do you want for dinner tomorrow love? We could eat out.” Maybe questions that Winter has to think about to answer?
Steve tilts his head and gently pulls him into his arms, is Bucky coming back…? “Of course not… do you want to go to the Italian place or the Thai place?”
(Steve switched places with Pre-serum Steve. He got sucked into the past and pre-serum Steve is now in the future. Rping this as the pre-serum Steve in the future:))
Steve doesn’t know what happened, one second he’s standing in his apartment, the next a blinding light and he’s standing in an alleyway, an alleyway he recognizes way too well, the 40s. He turns quickly to see a blinding light, and what looks like a portal closing, and that’s the last thing he sees before he’s shut into the 40s
Pre-serum Steve shifts in the bed he’d been transported to, letting out a small pained sound, he has a blinding headache, but that’s not new, what does feel new is the bed he’s in… and the fact that someone is in the bed with him. “What…?” He opens his eyes and frowns, this isn’t his apartment… He sits up quickly, eyes wide, shoving at the person in the bed. “Get out! Who are you?!”
Bucky groans and reaches to pull Steve back down. “Stevie… what is it…?” He mumbles, frowning when he’s shoved. Alpine and Liho hiss quietly as they’re woken up. Bucky blinks slowly, trying to wake up, not yet realizing that this isn’t his Steve. “Lay back down…”
Steve kicks at Bucky panicked. “Get off of me!” That sounds like Bucky but… wrong? He gasps at the cats and tries to roll off the bed, why is the bed so big? “Let me go!” He kicks Bucky in the stomach hard.
Bucky frowns and winces as he’s kicked back, scrambling to stand up. “Hey, woah— Steve?” He looks him over, eyes widening as he realizes Steve is… tiny again.
“Get away!” Steve flings a pillow at him, scrambling and falling off the bed, something is very wrong. “Who are you?!” He throws another pillow at him, breathing quickly.
Bucky barely notices the pillows. He frowns and puts his hands up. “Hey, woah. It’s Bucky. I’m Bucky—“ Alpine watches Steve with worry and Liho presses against her side.
“Bucky?!” Steve sits up, flinging back onto the wall, wincing as his back collides with it. “Why do you look like that? Why are we in the same bed here- where am I?!”
Bucky rushes over to grab Steve’s head, stopping him. “I know, I know I do— this is going to sound crazy, but you’re in the future, okay? I’m still your Bucky. I’m still with you til the end of the line.”
Bucky shakes his head. “Steve, look at me! Look at my eyes! You know my eyes—“ except they’re duller now… “you put newspapers in your shoes— and we got kicked out of the Wizard of Oz because I was describing the colors to you—“
Steve gasps and looks into his eyes, his hands clinging onto Bucky’s. “How… how do you know that?” He whispers, shaking. “Where am I? Bucky- I… I don’t know where I am-”
Bucky shakes his head. “Just try to breathe, okay? Let’s… let’s get out of here. I don’t want the cats to kill you—“ he scoops Steve up and brings him to the living room. Madra’s asleep on the couch.
Steve holds onto Bucky instantly. “We don’t have cats…? I’m allergic.” Steve shudders and looks around the living room with wide eyes. “Bucky where are we?!” His breathing picks up, panic coursing through him. “Why is there a dog- Bucky?!”
Bucky holds him close, trying to calm him down. “I know. I know you are. But… I always wanted one, okay? I… we’re at my place. It’s going to be okay.” He frowns. “That’s Madra. She’s… mine too.”
“Where are we?!” Steve shoves at Bucky, breathing fast and erratic. He stares down at Madra, eyes wide. “How- you said the future, I don’t understand- I don’t understand! This isn’t funny, stop pranking me Bucky, it’s not funny!”
Steve lets out a choked scream when the metal hand grabs him. He stares at it with wide eyes, his eyes flick up to Bucky’s face. “Yeah- what’s happening… Bucky what’s happening?!”
Bucky curses and lets go. Madra startles awake, looking around in confusion. She walks over to Steve, sniffing him curiously until she recognizes his scent and her tail starts wagging happily. “Just take a breath, okay? I’ll explain everything once you’re calm—“
Steve startles back, shoving Madra away, eyes wide and panicked. He has no idea what’s going on. “Bucky-” He turns to face him, breathing quickly. “I can’t breathe- I can’t breathe!” He grabs at his chest.
Steve doesn’t listen, he flings the door open and stumbles into the street, his eyes immediately widen and he falls back, nothing is the same- He cries out as cars go by, quickly covering his ears, everything’s so loud-
“… some weird shit happened. I don’t want to… I don’t know. You shouldn’t worry about that.” He sighs and looks down at his metal hand. “… I know. But I still care for you all the same.”
Steve nods shakily, he frowns at the metal hand, staring down at it carefully. “I don’t…” He trails off and looks away, biting at his lip hard. “I want to go home, Bucky… can you get me home? Please…”
Bucky blinks. “I— Steve, it’s okay. Gay marriage is legal now. Some people are still dicks about it, but…” he holds out his hand, showing off his wedding ring.
Steve makes a face. “It can’t be legal. They’ll never let it be legal and I- I’m not gay! I’m not-” Steve steps back, he stares at the ring, frowning. “You married someone?” He sounds… devastated. “Who?”
Steve startles at Bucky’s touch, he slowly leans into it. “So have I…” He whispers, looking terrified. He looks down, tears in his eyes. “We can actually… be married?”
Steve slowly pulls back. “Really? I can’t… I can’t believe it.” He whispers shakily, he runs his hands down his legs, glancing around nervously, like he’s expecting someone to come and yell at them. “People are okay with it?”
Steve smiles and ducks his head down, face flushing a soft pink for a moment before he shakes his head. “Good… that’s um… good.” He glances Bucky over. “I got you…”
Bucky smiles. “Yeah, you got me…” he sighs and looks Steve over. Is it odd that he kinda missed when Steve was smaller than him? When Steve fit in his arms perfectly?
Steve smiles to himself for a moment. He looks back to Bucky carefully. “So…” He trails off, pressing his hand to his abdomen with a very small pained sound. “What do we do now?” His Brooklyn accent is thicker, like it used to be before everything happened.
Steve nods slowly, he eyes Bucky for a moment. “We seem happy… what if I just… stay. Just for a while.” Steve looks up, his eyes aren’t as dull as Bucky’s Steve’s have become. “I’ve got nothin’ back home…”
“Right… sorry. Can’t stay here.” Steve looks down, wrapping an arm around his stomach. “Yeah… you’re hopeless without me.” He teases, a small grin coming into his face.
Bucky watches him out of the corner of his eye, sighing softly. Alpine hops onto the table, looking at Steve. “I didn’t think you used to be this small…” she tilts her head.
Steve turns and stares at Alpine with complete shock, he lets out a sharp scream and flings a glass off the table at Alpine. “Possessed cat! Bucky! The cat is talking-”
Alpine shrieks and scrambles over to Bucky, clambering into his arms. He scoops her up and turns back to Steve. “Woah! She’s not possessed! She can just… do that!” Alpine stares at Steve with wide, betrayed eyes.
Steve stands quickly, mumbling prayers under his breath as he stares at Alpine. “What do you mean she can just do that! Cats don’t talk Buck-” Steve shifts towards the door.
Bucky flinches, having completely forgotten how religious Steve used to be. “… Steve… there’s a lot more to the world than we knew. Gods, monsters… a talking cat is honestly one of the most normal things I’ve encountered.”
Steve steps back, still mumbling under his breath. “Buck, you really expect me to believe that?” He shakes his head. “Why are you lying to me? We would’ve found all those things by now!” He steps back again, looking panicked. “You have a demon cat-”
Bucky sighs, setting Alpine on the ground. “Keep Liho and Madra away from Steve. He’s allergic to all of you right now.” Alpine nods and darts off after taking one last look at Steve. “… I know it’s hard to believe. It really is. But… so much has changed, but I’d never lie to you.”
Steve steps back, pressing his back into the wall, watching Alpine run out. His eyes flick to Bucky. “You promise, you promise you’re not lying to me?” He shifts and holds out his hands towards Bucky. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to… upset the cat- I’m sorry, none of this makes sense.”
“I promise. I’m not lying to you.” He walks over, taking Steve’s hands. “… it’s alright. She’ll be a little grumpy for a while, but that’s nothing new.”
Bucky laughs. “What?? No you don’t!” He gives him a playful shove, harder than he meant to. He’s not used to Steve’s lack of strength without the serum.
“Yes it is.” Steve snaps, shuffling back. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.” He looks around the room with wide eyes. “We never should’ve gotten married in the future, it’s wrong Bucky. How could you let us get married? You know it’s wrong!”
“Yes it is!” Steve tries to get his wrists back but gives up, his hands shaking in Bucky’s. “So have I and I hate it! I hate that I love you!” He gasps out, chest heaving.
Bucky nods and brings Steve into the nursery. Sarah and Maria are both happily babbling at each other, trying to stand up in their cribs. They’re not quite there yet. “This is Sarah and Maria…” he silently hopes that Steve doesn’t question why Maria doesn’t look like either of them all that much.
Steve stares at them, an unreadable expression on his face. He shakes his head and takes a small step back. “I can’t- we shouldn’t… it’s unnatural-” He freezes and softens when they babble more. “They’re our kids?” He whispers amazed, slowly moving over to the cribs. “Hi… wait Sarah… after my Ma?”
Steve beams and looks down at the girls. He gasps softly. “Hi honey…” He very slowly picks her up, a few tears pricking at his eyes. “Oh- she looks just like us…” He glances to Maria and stops. “Buck… she… Maria doesn’t look like me at all…”
Sarah giggles and grabs at his face. Bucky scoops Maria up when she starts to fuss about not being held. “… she’s… not technically yours. Not biologically, anyway.” He sighs and turns away, unsure how to explain the fact that not only are they together, but they also have two other partners…
“What?” Steve frowns, cuddling Sarah to his chest. “But…” He bites his lip and looks away. “Who’s Buck? Why… did you cheat on me?” He whispers, sounding so utterly devastated. “Let me see her.” He sets Sarah in the crib, shakily eeaching for Maria.
Bucky shakes his head, eyes wide. “No! No, Christ, I would never! We have another partner… his name is Tony. We’re both dating him. He’s…” he trails off, realizing this Steve doesn’t know Howard yet. He hands Maria over, who beams up at him. “Pa!” She giggles.
“I didn’t think you would.” Steve whispers thickly. His brow furrows up in confusion. “I’m really going to hell.” He mumbles to himself, he takes Maria, gently bouncing her. “Hi…” He frowns a bit. “I… Bucky… I don’t understand why I would… date anyone but you.”
Bucky gently puts a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not…” he sighs. “… you… actually started dating him before you did me… I was… technically dead for a while. And I’m sure if you met him you’d understand. Tony’s wonderful.”
Steve head snaps up, he looks completely horrified. “Dead-” He sets Maria in the crib quickly, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t, I would never- I would never date anyone but you! Dead?!” Steve jerks away from Bucky, breathing heavily.
Bucky winces. That… was definitely not the right thing to say. He grabs Steve’s arm, trying to get him to focus on him. “Hey, it’s okay. I… I was a prisoner of war. Assumed dead, but I was fine! Really!” Because telling him about the Soldier would probably cause Steve to freak out way worse than this.
Steve grabs onto Bucky’s face, breathing quick and sharp as he runs his hands down his face. “No, no you didn’t! No! No that can’t have happened!” Steve sobs angrily, his hands shaking as they run over Bucky’s face. “No!”
Bucky leans into his hands. “Look at me! I’m okay, really! I was just… gone for a few years—“ except he’s clearly scarred, physically and emotionally and mentally. His eyes are so dull.
“No! No that’s not okay!” Steve jerks back, hitting his head on the wall, breathing quickly, he slides down the wall, hands pressed to his face. “I- why didn’t I help you?! Did I just sit by useless while you died?!”
Steve tips his head back, breathing choppy and uneven. “Stop lying to me- stop lying to me!” He presses a hand to his chest. “I would’ve saved you! Why didn’t I?!”
Steve shifts and flings his arms around Bucky, melting into him. “I’m sorry.” He whispers, a moment later his body tenses up, Steve lets out a pained sound, grabbing at his head.
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(AU rp. Steve basically needs help with functioning/doing regular things)
When Steve was pulled from the ice something was wrong. He hit his head hard and slept for 70 years… things had gotten messed up in his mind. Neurological problems along with a few other things.
Steve’s currently laying in his bed in his room in the tower, his body doesn’t work well anymore. He can’t do much for himself, though he tries to insist he can. Sometimes he struggles with his memory, occasionally has meltdowns, which he usually refuses to acknowledge happened.
Steve stares up at the ceiling, trying to will himself to get up before anyone comes in to help him, he can move his stupid leg, he can walk- Steve shifts and bites his lip frustrated, his legs feel heavy and useless. He flushes when he hears his door open. He hates that he needs help.
Bucky enters the room, eyes glazed over. He never truly started recovering with Steve like this. Steve is his mission. He needs to take care of him all the time… his head doesn’t have room for things outside of this mission. He slowly sits down at the edge of the bed. “… you okay…?”
Steve shakes his head, staring at the wall, his body useless to move. “I’m fine.” He snaps, trying to move his legs, he grunts in frustration, barely able to sit up, he manages to slightly but his body gives out and he falls back into the bed, a frustrated cry leaving him.
Steve doesn’t really know what to think, he can tell something is off with Bucky, he’s not quite himself. He lets out a frustrated breath again, running his hands down his face. “I want to get out of bed.”
“Not really-” Steve groan in pain as Bucky helps him up, he holds onto him tightly, stumbling a bit. He hates this so much- he can’t even walk by himself!
“Sorry-” Steve whispers, shame filling his face. He frowns at the blankness coming from Bucky. Steve takes a small step and… his body gives it. He crashes to the ground with a pained cry.
Steve falls back against his chest, it’s comforting- He curls into him, letting out an angry bitter sob before he quiets himself. “Let’s just go to the kitchen.” He mumbles shakily.
Steve shakily grabs onto a chair, dropping himself into it with a pained grunt. He looks around the kitchen then to Bucky, frowning a bit. “Buck… are you going to do anything?”
Steve frowns and looks down at his shaking hands, everything’s just felt wrong since he woke up from the ice, since Bucky found him, Bucky doesn’t feel right. “We could eat?”
Bucky nods. “I can cook.” He waits for Steve to tell him what to cook. He… he doesn’t know why exactly he deserted when he heard Steve was back… he just showed up one day. Caring for Steve is his sole mission.
Steve rubs his forehead weakly, his mind is so foggy half the time he struggles, struggles to figure out how Bucky got to him, or how to help Bucky. “Soup?” He clenches his jaw, leaning back in his seat.
Steve watches through foggy eyes, he blinks a few times. “Bucky?” He sits up a bit, looking confused. “Bucky where are we? Are you okay?” He presses a hand to his face.
Bucky glances over his shoulder, smiling blankly. “We’re safe… I’m keeping you safe.” In reality, they’re in a safe house. Bucky… technically kidnapped Steve from Shield Headquarters…
“Oh…” Steve rubs at his head, sometimes his head gets so fuzzy… he can’t remember things. “Where’d everyone go?” He presses his head into the table, taking a few deep breaths. “I can’t remember Buck… What’s wrong with me?”
Bucky growls quietly under his breath, tilting his head at Steve. “It’s just us here… only us…” he walks over, putting a hand on his shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with us!”
Steve startles but nods, he can’t remember anymore, wasn’t he with other people before?. “Okay…” He shakily tries to get to his feet, he flops back into his chair, wincing and tipping his head back. “Fuck- Bucky help me?” He holds up his arms.
“I want to sit in the living room, and I need to change, and… and I don’t know where I am-” Steve says it all in a rush, barely able to keep himself standing.
Bucky growls and clutches his head, trying to make sense of all of that. Too many orders in quick succession… he hisses and shakes his head. “We eat first. Then you can change.”
Steve nervously reaches out, trying to soothe Bucky. “It’s okay! I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” Steve nods and stumbles back, landing hard in the chair, he tucks his head down.
Steve takes the bowl and practically drops it onto the table in front of him, he lets out an incredibly frustrated breath. Steve’s hand shakes violently as be reached for the soon, trying to hold it, his movements clumsy.
Bucky frowns, watching Steve try to eat for a few moments, then moves over to help Steve. It’s… fine. Bucky doesn’t need to eat. Steve is much more important.
Steve frowns when Bucky moves to help him, he hates it but he can’t do it himself. He drops the spoon down angrily, frustrated tears pricking at his eyes.
Hey... I should tell you the truth... I've been struggling with my PTSD since I got control of my body back. I've been lying about trying to work with Winter to get Bucky back. Instead, I've been dissociating while he obsesses over it- it's bad, Steve, it's bad. I'm sorry... I told Tony...
Oh honey… come here, we’re going to help you, it’s going to be okay. We can work through this… love.
Norman smiles, unzipping his pants, freeing his erection. He moves forward, lacing his fingers into Steve's hair. "Keep eye contact. If you look away I'll yank you back up. Understand?"
Steve whines at that, looking up and making eye contact. “Yes… yes sir-“ Slips out of him. He slowly leans forward, wrapping his lips around Norman, letting out a pleased groan, he struggles for a moment, but eventually makes himself meet Norman’s eyes, it has him squirming.
Steve moans at the tug, his eyes flick away briefly before locking back onto Norman’s, he groans and starts bobbing his head, licking and sucking. His hands flings up, grabbing onto Norman’s hips to steady himself.
Norman grins, "fuck... I should have used you for this sooner..." He adjusts so Steve can get a better grip on his hips. "You're doing so well Stevie..."
Steve hums around Norman in agreement. He relaxes his throat and takes Norman deeper, gagging slightly but not caring, his nails dig into Norman’s hips. He shudders at the praise, yeah he has a praise thing-
"I know, big right?" Norman smirks, "but you take it so well... Beautiful right now... Perfect-" Norman gasps, Steve is too good at this... He involuntarily shuts his eyes and moans.
Steve moans around him, sucking him insistently. He presses his nose into Norman’s stomach, his hands spasming against his hips. He lets himself look away when Norman closes his eyes, working him quickly with his mouth.
Norman gasp, continuing to moan. He can barely sceeam out Steve's name as he feels his knees start to buckle. He can't last at this rate, no one could.
"Fuck... Steve I'm-" Norman tenses and collapses onto Steve as he spills over, panting heavily.
Steve sucks him through it then moans and sits back, swallowing and wiping his mouth, little breathy groans leaving him, he rubs at his throat. “Oh fuck Norman- fuck was I good-”
Norman tries to pick him self up but ends up sliding down into Steve's lap. "Amazing... I don't think I've ever- best I've had." He mumbles. He's still quite unsteady and unfocused.
Steve scoops him up, shakily wrapping his arms around Norman, he groans softly, shifting and rubbing himself against Norman’s leg a little, heavily aroused. . He grins at that, pleased. “The best you’ve had?”
Steve chuckles and nods, licking his lips quickly. He leans into Norman, happy to cuddle him. “Glad it was the best… want you to feel amazing…” He mumbles. “Mkay…” He mumbles, happily a little blissed out, he slowly grinds himself down on Norman’s leg, just enjoying cuddling close.
Hey... I should tell you the truth... I've been struggling with my PTSD since I got control of my body back. I've been lying about trying to work with Winter to get Bucky back. Instead, I've been dissociating while he obsesses over it- it's bad, Steve, it's bad. I'm sorry... I told Tony...
Oh honey… come here, we’re going to help you, it’s going to be okay. We can work through this… love.
Norman smiles, unzipping his pants, freeing his erection. He moves forward, lacing his fingers into Steve's hair. "Keep eye contact. If you look away I'll yank you back up. Understand?"
Steve whines at that, looking up and making eye contact. “Yes… yes sir-“ Slips out of him. He slowly leans forward, wrapping his lips around Norman, letting out a pleased groan, he struggles for a moment, but eventually makes himself meet Norman’s eyes, it has him squirming.
Steve moans at the tug, his eyes flick away briefly before locking back onto Norman’s, he groans and starts bobbing his head, licking and sucking. His hands flings up, grabbing onto Norman’s hips to steady himself.
Norman grins, "fuck... I should have used you for this sooner..." He adjusts so Steve can get a better grip on his hips. "You're doing so well Stevie..."
Steve hums around Norman in agreement. He relaxes his throat and takes Norman deeper, gagging slightly but not caring, his nails dig into Norman’s hips. He shudders at the praise, yeah he has a praise thing-
"I know, big right?" Norman smirks, "but you take it so well... Beautiful right now... Perfect-" Norman gasps, Steve is too good at this... He involuntarily shuts his eyes and moans.
Steve moans around him, sucking him insistently. He presses his nose into Norman’s stomach, his hands spasming against his hips. He lets himself look away when Norman closes his eyes, working him quickly with his mouth.
Norman gasp, continuing to moan. He can barely sceeam out Steve's name as he feels his knees start to buckle. He can't last at this rate, no one could.
"Fuck... Steve I'm-" Norman tenses and collapses onto Steve as he spills over, panting heavily.
Steve sucks him through it then moans and sits back, swallowing and wiping his mouth, little breathy groans leaving him, he rubs at his throat. “Oh fuck Norman- fuck was I good-”
Norman tries to pick him self up but ends up sliding down into Steve's lap. "Amazing... I don't think I've ever- best I've had." He mumbles. He's still quite unsteady and unfocused.
Steve scoops him up, shakily wrapping his arms around Norman, he groans softly, shifting and rubbing himself against Norman’s leg a little, heavily aroused. . He grins at that, pleased. “The best you’ve had?”
Steve chuckles and nods, licking his lips quickly. He leans into Norman, happy to cuddle him. “Glad it was the best… want you to feel amazing…” He mumbles. “Mkay…” He mumbles, happily a little blissed out, he slowly grinds himself down on Norman’s leg, just enjoying cuddling close.
Hey... I should tell you the truth... I've been struggling with my PTSD since I got control of my body back. I've been lying about trying to work with Winter to get Bucky back. Instead, I've been dissociating while he obsesses over it- it's bad, Steve, it's bad. I'm sorry... I told Tony...
Oh honey… come here, we’re going to help you, it’s going to be okay. We can work through this… love.
Norman smiles, unzipping his pants, freeing his erection. He moves forward, lacing his fingers into Steve's hair. "Keep eye contact. If you look away I'll yank you back up. Understand?"
Steve whines at that, looking up and making eye contact. “Yes… yes sir-“ Slips out of him. He slowly leans forward, wrapping his lips around Norman, letting out a pleased groan, he struggles for a moment, but eventually makes himself meet Norman’s eyes, it has him squirming.
Steve moans at the tug, his eyes flick away briefly before locking back onto Norman’s, he groans and starts bobbing his head, licking and sucking. His hands flings up, grabbing onto Norman’s hips to steady himself.
Norman grins, "fuck... I should have used you for this sooner..." He adjusts so Steve can get a better grip on his hips. "You're doing so well Stevie..."
Steve hums around Norman in agreement. He relaxes his throat and takes Norman deeper, gagging slightly but not caring, his nails dig into Norman’s hips. He shudders at the praise, yeah he has a praise thing-
"I know, big right?" Norman smirks, "but you take it so well... Beautiful right now... Perfect-" Norman gasps, Steve is too good at this... He involuntarily shuts his eyes and moans.
Steve moans around him, sucking him insistently. He presses his nose into Norman’s stomach, his hands spasming against his hips. He lets himself look away when Norman closes his eyes, working him quickly with his mouth.
Norman gasp, continuing to moan. He can barely sceeam out Steve's name as he feels his knees start to buckle. He can't last at this rate, no one could.
"Fuck... Steve I'm-" Norman tenses and collapses onto Steve as he spills over, panting heavily.
Steve sucks him through it then moans and sits back, swallowing and wiping his mouth, little breathy groans leaving him, he rubs at his throat. “Oh fuck Norman- fuck was I good-”
Norman tries to pick him self up but ends up sliding down into Steve's lap. "Amazing... I don't think I've ever- best I've had." He mumbles. He's still quite unsteady and unfocused.
Steve scoops him up, shakily wrapping his arms around Norman, he groans softly, shifting and rubbing himself against Norman’s leg a little, heavily aroused. . He grins at that, pleased. “The best you’ve had?”
Hey... I should tell you the truth... I've been struggling with my PTSD since I got control of my body back. I've been lying about trying to work with Winter to get Bucky back. Instead, I've been dissociating while he obsesses over it- it's bad, Steve, it's bad. I'm sorry... I told Tony...
Oh honey… come here, we’re going to help you, it’s going to be okay. We can work through this… love.
Norman smiles, unzipping his pants, freeing his erection. He moves forward, lacing his fingers into Steve's hair. "Keep eye contact. If you look away I'll yank you back up. Understand?"
Steve whines at that, looking up and making eye contact. “Yes… yes sir-“ Slips out of him. He slowly leans forward, wrapping his lips around Norman, letting out a pleased groan, he struggles for a moment, but eventually makes himself meet Norman’s eyes, it has him squirming.
Steve moans at the tug, his eyes flick away briefly before locking back onto Norman’s, he groans and starts bobbing his head, licking and sucking. His hands flings up, grabbing onto Norman’s hips to steady himself.
Norman grins, "fuck... I should have used you for this sooner..." He adjusts so Steve can get a better grip on his hips. "You're doing so well Stevie..."
Steve hums around Norman in agreement. He relaxes his throat and takes Norman deeper, gagging slightly but not caring, his nails dig into Norman’s hips. He shudders at the praise, yeah he has a praise thing-
"I know, big right?" Norman smirks, "but you take it so well... Beautiful right now... Perfect-" Norman gasps, Steve is too good at this... He involuntarily shuts his eyes and moans.
Steve moans around him, sucking him insistently. He presses his nose into Norman’s stomach, his hands spasming against his hips. He lets himself look away when Norman closes his eyes, working him quickly with his mouth.
Norman gasp, continuing to moan. He can barely sceeam out Steve's name as he feels his knees start to buckle. He can't last at this rate, no one could.
"Fuck... Steve I'm-" Norman tenses and collapses onto Steve as he spills over, panting heavily.
Steve sucks him through it then moans and sits back, swallowing and wiping his mouth, little breathy groans leaving him, he rubs at his throat. “Oh fuck Norman- fuck was I good-”
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Hey... I should tell you the truth... I've been struggling with my PTSD since I got control of my body back. I've been lying about trying to work with Winter to get Bucky back. Instead, I've been dissociating while he obsesses over it- it's bad, Steve, it's bad. I'm sorry... I told Tony...
Oh honey… come here, we’re going to help you, it’s going to be okay. We can work through this… love.
Norman smiles, unzipping his pants, freeing his erection. He moves forward, lacing his fingers into Steve's hair. "Keep eye contact. If you look away I'll yank you back up. Understand?"
Steve whines at that, looking up and making eye contact. “Yes… yes sir-“ Slips out of him. He slowly leans forward, wrapping his lips around Norman, letting out a pleased groan, he struggles for a moment, but eventually makes himself meet Norman’s eyes, it has him squirming.
Steve moans at the tug, his eyes flick away briefly before locking back onto Norman’s, he groans and starts bobbing his head, licking and sucking. His hands flings up, grabbing onto Norman’s hips to steady himself.
Norman grins, "fuck... I should have used you for this sooner..." He adjusts so Steve can get a better grip on his hips. "You're doing so well Stevie..."
Steve hums around Norman in agreement. He relaxes his throat and takes Norman deeper, gagging slightly but not caring, his nails dig into Norman’s hips. He shudders at the praise, yeah he has a praise thing-
"I know, big right?" Norman smirks, "but you take it so well... Beautiful right now... Perfect-" Norman gasps, Steve is too good at this... He involuntarily shuts his eyes and moans.
Steve moans around him, sucking him insistently. He presses his nose into Norman’s stomach, his hands spasming against his hips. He lets himself look away when Norman closes his eyes, working him quickly with his mouth.
Hey... I should tell you the truth... I've been struggling with my PTSD since I got control of my body back. I've been lying about trying to work with Winter to get Bucky back. Instead, I've been dissociating while he obsesses over it- it's bad, Steve, it's bad. I'm sorry... I told Tony...
Oh honey… come here, we’re going to help you, it’s going to be okay. We can work through this… love.
Norman smiles, unzipping his pants, freeing his erection. He moves forward, lacing his fingers into Steve's hair. "Keep eye contact. If you look away I'll yank you back up. Understand?"
Steve whines at that, looking up and making eye contact. “Yes… yes sir-“ Slips out of him. He slowly leans forward, wrapping his lips around Norman, letting out a pleased groan, he struggles for a moment, but eventually makes himself meet Norman’s eyes, it has him squirming.
Steve moans at the tug, his eyes flick away briefly before locking back onto Norman’s, he groans and starts bobbing his head, licking and sucking. His hands flings up, grabbing onto Norman’s hips to steady himself.
Norman grins, "fuck... I should have used you for this sooner..." He adjusts so Steve can get a better grip on his hips. "You're doing so well Stevie..."
Steve hums around Norman in agreement. He relaxes his throat and takes Norman deeper, gagging slightly but not caring, his nails dig into Norman’s hips. He shudders at the praise, yeah he has a praise thing-
Hey... I should tell you the truth... I've been struggling with my PTSD since I got control of my body back. I've been lying about trying to work with Winter to get Bucky back. Instead, I've been dissociating while he obsesses over it- it's bad, Steve, it's bad. I'm sorry... I told Tony...
Oh honey… come here, we’re going to help you, it’s going to be okay. We can work through this… love.
Norman smiles, unzipping his pants, freeing his erection. He moves forward, lacing his fingers into Steve's hair. "Keep eye contact. If you look away I'll yank you back up. Understand?"
Steve whines at that, looking up and making eye contact. “Yes… yes sir-“ Slips out of him. He slowly leans forward, wrapping his lips around Norman, letting out a pleased groan, he struggles for a moment, but eventually makes himself meet Norman’s eyes, it has him squirming.
Steve moans at the tug, his eyes flick away briefly before locking back onto Norman’s, he groans and starts bobbing his head, licking and sucking. His hands flings up, grabbing onto Norman’s hips to steady himself.
Hey... I should tell you the truth... I've been struggling with my PTSD since I got control of my body back. I've been lying about trying to work with Winter to get Bucky back. Instead, I've been dissociating while he obsesses over it- it's bad, Steve, it's bad. I'm sorry... I told Tony...
Oh honey… come here, we’re going to help you, it’s going to be okay. We can work through this… love.
Norman smiles, unzipping his pants, freeing his erection. He moves forward, lacing his fingers into Steve's hair. "Keep eye contact. If you look away I'll yank you back up. Understand?"
Steve whines at that, looking up and making eye contact. “Yes… yes sir-“ Slips out of him. He slowly leans forward, wrapping his lips around Norman, letting out a pleased groan, he struggles for a moment, but eventually makes himself meet Norman’s eyes, it has him squirming.
Steve is in bed when he gets the call from Valerie. Her voice is steady, but it always is. But there's a thinness to it that lets him know something is wrong. "Steve? I need a hand..."
//i don't know if you're not accepting asks for just carlos or everyone, but feel free to ignore this if it's steve too!!! <33
@valerie-patton
Steve blinks and sits up, frowning immediately. “Hey I’m coming over, I’ll be right there.” Steve scrambles out of bed, quickly telling Tony he has to go, that he’ll text him later. With a quick kiss to his husband, he rushes out the door, quickly making it to Val’s place.
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Tony Stark was dead. Surprisingly, it hadn't happened on the battlefield. Hadn't happened as the result of him pushing himself too hard for too long. It had been mundane. A heart attack, one that probably wouldn't have killed someone without his heart problems.
But this time, he'd been prepared. He'd been encoding his mind onto an AI for months, slowly replicating his personality and brain, his physical form through holograms or the suit, into a technological replica. It was the closest thing to Tony Stark that existed anymore.
It's been a week since the funeral. The AI flickered to life a few hours after everyone got home. Mostly, it doesn't leave the workshop, since it has the most freedom there. Someone's walking into that workshop now while it -- he -- flickers absently.
Steve hates himself. He blames himself for Tony’s death, he should’ve been home, he should’ve been able to help him. It’s such a stupid reason Tony died- and Steve hates it, hates everything about it. And he hates the AI, he can’t stand seeing it, not when it’s not really his Tony, he doesn’t know what to do with it… him?
Steve stumbles through the lab, he just needs to grab one thing- just the last project Tony was working on. He doesn’t want to see the AI, it’s too painful. Steve digs through a box, biting his lip as he tries to find what he’s looking for. “Fuck-” He curses as his hand cuts on a knife, he drops down uselessly, staring at the box, hand bleeding. Hey maybe it’ll bleed out- He wishes.
The AI rushes over, but he cant exactly do anything to help. He can't touch anything, but it still feels an artificial replica of the worry Tony would feel. "Are you okay, amore?" Its voice is nearly Tonys.
“No you’re not- your parts of him uploaded into a computer.” Steve tenses and bites back a cry of pain, looking down at his hand angrily. “Just find me the last thing Tony was working on.” He whispers, sounding near tears.
"I have his memories, his personality... what else makes me a person?" The AI argues. He sighs and pulls up some files. "This was the schematics for the new StarkPhone to be launched next week... and he left you a video."
“You’re just- I can’t… you’re not him… I don’t-” Steve pressed his hands to his face, letting out a broken sob. He looks up sharply at the mention of a video. “Play it-”
The AI flickers away, in his place is a holographic screen with a video of the real Tony. It's clearly from a day or so before he died, he looks tired and scared.
"Hey, Steve.. hopefully you never see this. I'm not even sure why I'm making this." He runs a hand down his face, wedding ring glinting. "I have a bad feeling about the fund-raiser tommorow. I know its just me being paranoid, but..." He trails off. The fund-raiser is where he died... "If something happens, I just want you to know i love you, okay? You're everything to me. Always have been, mi amore..... you have my heart." He repeats the last phrase im Gaelic, just like is on their rings. Then, "Jay, shut it off, this is ridiculous. I need a coffee, or to go--" The video ends.
Steve lets out a broken sob as he listens, collapsing to his knees. Tony knew something was going to happen, why wasn’t he there?! He should’ve been there! He lets out a raw broken scream into his hands. He’s absolutely heartbroken, he wants his husband! “Tony- Tony please. Come back- I need to see you!”
The AI Tony flickers back to life in place of the video, floating over to hover in front of Steve. "Shh, Steve. Its okay... you're okay," it comforts, almost sounding real.
Steve lets out broken sobs, trying to grab for Tony, but it’s just air. “No! No I need you!” He collapses down, his bloody hand smearing on the floor as he sobs.
Steve shakes his head, crying angrily. “Yes it was! I should’ve been there- I could’ve done something- anything! At least he wouldn’t die alone!” Steve grabs at his hair, breaking down. “Tony please- please don’t leave me-“
“But he didn’t have me-” Steve rubs at his eyes, crying loudly. “I could have done something!” He looks up at the AI, choking on sobs. “You’re not him! You don’t know- you don’t know me!”
"You couldn't have stopped this," The AI says, its probably meant to be soothing. "Of course im him... I remember every conversation you two ever had.'
“But you’re not him! I can’t touch you- you’re not… you’re just a shell of him!” Steve lets out a broken sob, trying desperately to touch Tony. “I should’ve been there!”
Steve looks up, expression broken, he reaches out shakily and rests his hand in the air, right by the AI’s cheek. “I just want my husband… I miss you so much-”
“I need you- I need you Tony… even if it’s just this, fuck I’ve missed you so much! I can’t-” Steve knows he shouldn’t treat this AI as fully Tony, but… he just wants his husband back. He leans into the hand, confused at the slight tingle.
Really, the tingle is just the electricity brushing against Steve, but it's nicer to believe it's an almost-touch. "You don't have to live without me anymore, amore," the AI says gently.
Steve leans in further, desperate for more of it. “I can’t- Tony…” Huh when did he start actually calling the AI Tony? Steve dissolves into angry sobs again.
Steve softens completely at the smile, he nods shakily. “I’m okay, you’re here…” He reaches out, brushing his fingers against the air, feeling the light electricity.
Steve stares at the hand, shakily reaching for it for a moment before jerking his hand back. “But you’re not- I…” He grabs at a handful of his hair, letting out an angry sob. “I want my Tony!”
“Please.” Steve whispers, his eyes flick to the side, part of him screaming this is so, so wrong. But the other part… can’t stand being alive without his husband.
"That's my Stevie," the AI says warmly. "Knew you'd never let me down." It brushes over Steve's hair, making it stand on end from the slight shock. "Knew you'd still be perfect. And I can be perfect too... your own fully customisable Tony, hm?"
Steve smiles when the AI says the first big. He glances up at his hair, scrunching his nose a bit. He blinks a few times. “I… I don’t want to customize you…”
"Then don't!" The AI replies cheerily. "I can be exactly the same as I was when I was alive, if that's what you want," it adds, cocking it's head to the side
Steve presses his hands to his face, taking a few deep breaths. “I feel so out of control- I shouldn’t be doing this…” He bites his lip hard. “But I need you, I need you Tony.” He grasps uselessly at the AI, trying desperately to touch him.
His hands just go through it, though. "I need you too, Steve. I was made for you. Soon, it'll be just like I'm still alive," he promises, smiling at him faintly.
Steve wants to cry when he can’t touch it, him- “Okay, okay. I love you, I need you.” he’s being stupid, he knows. But he can’t stand being away from him.
"I know you do," The AI murmurs. It stays as close as it can. "I'll put little electrodes on your skin and I'll be able to touch you. It'll be just like before..."
Steve nods. “Please.” He whispers, he’s too overcome by his grief, can’t see how this is wrong. He can’t function without Tony again. “Can you come upstairs?” He whispers shakily.
Steve buries his face into the pillow. Silent tears in his eyes. “I will.” He whispers, slowly starting to drift into an exhausted sleep, he really hasn’t slept since Tony died.
(Steve switched places with Pre-serum Steve. He got sucked into the past and pre-serum Steve is now in the future. Rping this as the pre-serum Steve in the future:))
Steve doesn’t know what happened, one second he’s standing in his apartment, the next a blinding light and he’s standing in an alleyway, an alleyway he recognizes way too well, the 40s. He turns quickly to see a blinding light, and what looks like a portal closing, and that’s the last thing he sees before he’s shut into the 40s
Pre-serum Steve shifts in the bed he’d been transported to, letting out a small pained sound, he has a blinding headache, but that’s not new, what does feel new is the bed he’s in… and the fact that someone is in the bed with him. “What…?” He opens his eyes and frowns, this isn’t his apartment… He sits up quickly, eyes wide, shoving at the person in the bed. “Get out! Who are you?!”
Tony rolls over, still half sleep. "Stevie... g'back to sleep," he complains. It's too early for him to function, but when he gets shoved, he sits up in confusion. "....you're not my Steve."
Steve sits back, breathing heavily. “Who are you?! Get away from me!” Steve kicks at Tony, scrambling to the edge of the bed, he has no idea where he is- he needs to go!
"Im your..." He trails off. He's not sure he should be saying that to this Steve. He slowly stands and gets up. "We live together. My name is Tony. You must be confused."
Steve shakes his head and falls out of the bed, scrambling back into the wall, his head colliding with the wall. “I don’t live with anyone! I don’t know who you are- get out of my home now!” His eyes dart around panicked. This isn’t his apartment-
"Steve, I need you to breathe," he says carefully. Maybe he should call Bucky? He would know this Steve. "I know its hard tk believe but youre in the future."
Steve grasps at his chest with one hand, taking in a few gulping breaths. He lets out a loud bitter laugh. “Nice prank- who are you? One of Jake’s friends? Just- just stop! This isn’t funny!” Steve looks around frantically, eyes landing on the door and he darts forward for it.
Steve stares in shock for a moment then letting out a loud laugh. “No, no you’re not-” He freezes at the door, he breathes heavily, scratching his hand into his chest. “Stop it! This isn’t funny- stop!”
"I'm not playing a trick on you." He scrambles for his wallet. He's shown his Steve the pictures before, both him before and after the serum, but now he shows this Steve. Just the pre serum version, though.
Steve breathes heavily and grabs at the pre serum picture. “How did you get that?!” He looks up at Tony, chest heaving. “Who are you? I don’t understand- where am I…? Did you kidnap me? Are you some kind of freak-” He stumbles back. “Am I in Brooklyn- it’s 1938 isn’t it?”
Okay, that was the wrong idea, clearly. "My name is Tony," he says, carefully avoiding the last name. "You're in my apartment. I'm a friend of Buckys. No, im neither a freak nor a kidnapper, and yes you are in Brooklyn. Its 2028."
Steve takes a few slow breaths, staring down at the photo. “What? 2028…” He sits back, a look of shock coming over him. “You said you were my… my…” He trails off and jerks back, panic in his eyes. “I don’t understand… how am I here? What’s happening?”
"Its legal now," Tony says quickly, hoping that dulls the panic at least a little. He considers how to explain. "I dont know what i can tell you... I think you switched places with your modern day.. you."
“I’m not gay.” Steve says instantly. He runs a nervous hand down his face, breathing heavily, his chest going up and down rapidly. “Switched? But how am I alive in 2028…? I…?” he looks to Tony, confused.
"Okay." He doesnt see much point arguing about that right now... it'll only scare him. "I comt know if I can explain that. Essentially, youre something of a superhero."
Steve frowns and watches Tony carefully. “Me?” He laughs and points up and down his body. “Are you sure you have the right Steve- maybe, maybe… it’s my… relative.” He blinks slowly, looking around the apartment. “No… no that’s not… superhero?”
"Its definitely you." He sighs. "Yes. Captain America... its a long story. Your body doesn't really stay like this. Flip my wallet over," he tells him cautiously.
Steve frowns, seeming to be calming down a bit. He slowly flips the wallet over, his eyes widen and he slowly touches the photo. “That’s… that’s me…?” he looks up at Tony in shock.
“Oh…” Steve stares at the photo for a long moment before handing the wallet back to Tony. “I don’t understand any of this…” He presses a hand to his forehead, shaking.
Steve looks up shakily, for some reason that smile is… beyond comforting. “I was in bed… no… I woke up in that bed, but I was in an alleyway, and there was a bright light…” Steve frowns and rubs at his chest, wincing and coughing. “Do you have a pet?” He wheezes softly.
"A bright light?" He considers. He hadnt seen one of his end, but he sleeps like the dead half the time anyway. "Oh. Yeah, a dog... she's technically yours. Madra."
Steve nods shakily. “It was blinding, but then it felt like I was asleep and I was waking up here…” Steve trails off and lets out a short laugh. “I named my dog, dog in Gaelic?” He chuckles then pales, coughing again. “I’m allergic-”
“Who let me name my dog that?” Steve laughs, seeming far more relaxed now. He nods and stands, slowly moving out of the room to look around, he doesn’t make it further then the living room when he stops, picking up a picture of him and Tony on their wedding day. He frowns as he studies it, Tony wasn’t lying about him being his husband… He doesn’t notice Tony come back as he stares at the photo.
"Since when can people stop you doing anything?" Tony counters. He ducks away, tucking Madra into the guest bedroom to keep her away. He eyes Steve eyeing the photo. "Told you it was legal now."
Steve looks up sharply, slowly setting the photo back down. “I married you?” He whispers, shakily wrapping his arms protectively over his chest. “I’m not gay.” He whispers, and he sounds oh so terrified.
"You did. About two years ago now," he tells him, glancing over at the photo with a fond smile. "I know you think that now... maybe you're hiding it... I dont know. But its safe for you now."
Steve could melt at the fond smile. He glances back to the photo then to Tony. “I look happy.” He whispers, a few tears forming in his eyes that he angrily swipes away. “It won’t ever be safe.” He whispers, staring just past Tony. “Never. My Pa would rise from the dead and beat the shit out of me if I ever married a man.” He blinks rapidly.
"You are. You're really happy." He twists the ring on his finger absentmindedly. "I know it's hard for you to believe," he says gently. "It's still new. But it is safe." He laughs quietly. "Yeah, mine tried that once... but yours has yet to. And I wouldn't let him."
Steve looks at the ring, carefully studying it. “Safe…” He repeats quietly. He blinks and looks up sharply. “You know about my Pa?” Her never tells anyone about his Pa, ever. Steve shifts closer and shakily reaches out, fingers brushing against Tony’s cheek. “I’ve never told anyone about him. I… I’m so…” He closes his eyes, breathing heavily. “I’d like to go home.”
Tony nods a little. "Yeah, you told me about him. Mine was somewhat similar in some ways. " He lets Steve touched him, leaning into his hand lightly. "I'll find a way to get you home, love. It might take a while, but I will."
Steve studies Tony, tipping his head to the side. “I… I would only ever tell someone I loved and trusted that.” He drops his hand down, shaking a bit. “Don’t call me love.” He whispers before nodding. “Thank you…”
"Well, you did marry me," Tony points out. He swallows. "Right. Sorry, it just slipped out." He couldn't walk around doing that now. "Why don't you come down to the workshop with me and I'll work on sending you home?" He hoped Steve was safe, his Steve...
Steve nods shakily. “Yeah, yeah okay.” He frowns and tucks his arms around himself, thinking for a moment. “I really fall in love with you?” He holds out his hand for Tony to guide him down to the lab.
"Perfect." Tony takes his hand, leading him downstairs. "You do. I mean, its a bumpy road to getting there, but we're very happy together. We have two kids, a dog... its nice."
“Kids?” Steve scrunches his nose in confusion. “How does that work?” He follows Tony? Looking around carefully as they move, taking everything in. “I wish… that’s what I wanted as a kid…” He smiles weakly.
Tony chuckles. "One of them is my kid from a previous... relationship, the other we adopted," he explains. He takes him inside the workshop with a smile. "Well, you get it one day."
“Oh… that’s… nice.” Steve stumbles into the workshop. His eyes widen. “Holy shit-” He covers his mouth, letting out a short breath. “Sorry, shit… it’s so-” He spins quickly.
“This is amazing…” Steve mumbles to himself as he looks, he picks up a few things, studying them carefully before making his way back to Tony. “Thanks…” He mumbles, his Brooklyn accent is much thicker than it usually is.
"Of course," Tony says, smiling - and definitely not flushing... - at the stronger accent. He's always loved Steve's accent. "You don't know it yet, but I'd do anything for you."
Steve blinks and tilts his head, smiling a bit. “You’re blushing.” He pushes his hair out of his face, or at least tries to. “Really?” He leans against none of the benches, pressing a hand to his stomach. “It seems nice here…”
"My Steve hides the accent a lot," he admits, watching Steve carefully. "It is nice here.... this is my.. our home." He frowns when he pressed his stomach. "You okay?"
“Why?” Steve tilts his head confused. He shifts and sits down, clutching at his stomach, biting back a pained sound. “Our home… that’s so… I like that.” He nods sharply. “I have stomach ulcers… hurts sometimes-”
"It's a long story," Tony says with a sheepish wince. "I like it too." His frown only deepens. "I have some pain killers, would those help?" he asks softly.9
Steve catches the painkillers. “I married someone rich…” He shakes his head and pops the pills dry, swallowing them with a small wince. His eyes flick to Tony for a long moment. “Have we ever…” He gestures at their bodies.
Tony sighs, but hopes the pills kick in and help him sooner rather than later. A slight smirk at tbe question. "We're married, Steve. Yes, we have. A lot."
Steve flushes a deep red and looks down, clearing his throat. “Right yeah… yeah of course we do.” He rubs the back of his neck for a moment, he scrunches his nose. “A lot? Wouldn’t that…” He trails off, with being in the future and hearing Tony talk, he’s starting to think maybe he’s been lied to a lot about what happens when you’re gay.
"It doesn't hurt,"Tony tells him gently. Part of him feels sorry for Steve, for the lies he's had to grow up around and unlearn. "And we can't get in trouble for it. It feels good, thats all."
Steve blushes further but nods. “Good… good.” He jerks his head to the side, obviously trying to hide he’s crying, he bites his lips hard, scrubbing a hand down his face, trying to stop himself from crying.
Steve jerks his head up when Tony walks over. “Men don’t cry.” He says, clenching his jaw. He’s curls his hands into fists, staring to the side and breathing heavily. “Everything is… is wrong.”
“You shouldn’t.” Steve snaps, though he’s clearly not actually upset at Tony for saying that. He breathes heavily, shoving a hand into his chest. “I’m fine- I’m fine just leave me alone.” He clenches his jaw tighter.
Steve all but collapses onto the floor, breathing strained through his nose. He clenches his hands into the floor. “I’m fine- this is stupid, I’m find-”
“Everything’s wrong- I’m not supposed to be here… I’m with you-” Steve stutters out, he grabs at his chest, breathing quickly. “Asthma attack- inhaler!” More like panic attack.
Tony scrambles for an inhaler, maybe he has one still from when his Steve lost the serum?? He tries to find one and then returns handing it to him. ",Steev, you're having a panic attack."
“I don’t know what that is-" Steve gasps out as he grabs for the inhaler, taking a desperate puff from it. He curls into himself, one hand clutched to his chest, the other clinging to the inhaler.
Steve fights to get his head back for a moment then just gives up, slumping down and taking a few shaky slow breaths, trying to do what Tony says. His face flushed with shame.
"Don't be sorry. I have those too," Tony admits gently. "It's called a panic attack, you know,w hen everything feels horrible and like you're dying?" He explains.
Steve rubs at his chest, taking a few shaky breaths. “That feeling has a name?” He lifts his head, cheeks stained crimson with embarrassment. “I- nothing even should’ve made me panic…”
"I don't know, you've been magically transported to the future and are hearing about a whole lota stuff that ccontrasts your entire world view, tha seems panic worthy to me."
Steve lets out a short laugh, running a hand down his face. “I guess you’re right.” He mumbles something quickly under his breath, that sounds vaguely like a prayer before he smiles weakly at Tony. “That was… embarrassing.”
Tony seems a little surprised by the prayer. Not that he didn't know that Steve was Catholic, of course, but he's not sure he's ever actually seen the other man pray. "Don't be embrassed. I'm not judging."
Steve blinks at Tony’s surprise. “Do I not do that anymore?” He frowns and digs into his pocket, pulling out a rosary. He frowns at the thought of that, he hums and nods once. “This is all so much…”
“Oh…” Steve frowns and tucks the rosary back in his pocket. He shifts and tucks his knees to his chest. He looks on the side, taking a few shuddering breaths. “I guess I wouldn’t be welcome anymore.” He glances to Tony. “Because of us.”
Tony is silent for a long moment. "That's not.... " He sighs. "It's an issue with some churches still," he admits. "But a lot of them these days are more accepting than they were."
Steve blinks a few times. “Really?” His shoulders relax a bit, he shifts closer to Tony. “Are you… religious?” He glances around the apartment. “I just drifted away huh…” His Brooklyn accent gets incredibly thick when he says that.
"Really." Tony smiles gently, and then shakes his head. "No, I'm pretty set on the issue. But I go to mass with you sometimes, when you ask." He nos, smiling slightly at the thickening accent.
“That’s nice…” Steve mumbles, he shifts and looks around the room. “Don’t think I’ll mind the future too much.” He clears his throat, glancing to Tony and raising an eyebrow. “You really like the accent?”
Steve smiles softly for a moment, he laughs and leans forward, his face close to Tony’s. “You really like it hm? That’s kinda cute.” He lets his Brooklyn accent get even thicker.
Steve lets out a short laugh. “You really must not be religious- yeah I am.” He shakes his head, wiping his eyes. “We should focus on getting me home.”
Tony winces slightly and lets his shirt drop to cover it. "That is an arc reactor. It is inside me.... it keeps me alive but it cause a plethora of other issues."
“I’m sorry.” Steve says carefully, wrapping his arms around himself and looking to the side, very slowly shifting and sitting on the floor, blinking back a few tears. “I hate being this weak.”
Steve looks up at Tony, tears shining in his eyes. “I didn’t think about it like that.” He whispers, looking off to the side briefly, a tear slowly dripping down his cheek, for once he doesn’t swipe it away immediately.
Steve stays still as Tony wipes the tear away, his eyes flick to Tony. “Really?” He whispers, slowly turning to fully face him, his eyes sad, but still bright, so much life in them, some light that Tony’s Steve has lost, that war and horrors stole from him.
Tony hates the difference, of only because it reminds him of how much his Steve had been through, how much he'd suffered. "Yeah, really. You're amazing."
Steve smiles and looks down. “Thanks…” He wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath, nodding sharply. “Let’s get me home?” He pokes at a few of the wires. “Is this going to change anything? Will I… will I see you again? This you, in my future.”
"Lets get you home." Tony starts setting up the rest od the scan as he considers how to answer. "You should. You just swapped places, I dont think it'll change anything."
Steve looks up and thinks. “Well… there’s a war starting… um, I disappeared from an alleyway, over on 6th street, it was a rainy day, I was going to meet Bucky at the diner down the street to find scrapes to take home… is any of that helpful?”
“Go back to a war starting, pretending I’m not gay, getting the shit beat out of me every day? Yeah… starving? not excited to go back.” Steve mumbles bitterly.
"I can get you home," Tony reassures him quickly. "I've gotta build a machine, but it shouldn't be too much of a hassle to get you back now that I've tracked you both."
Steve leans against the bench, watching with interest. “What’s your last name then?” He looks up at Tony, a little fidgety he grabs a spare pad of paper, starting to doodle on it.
Tony keeps working, faltering slightly at the queston. "Ah... Stark," he answers. Steve might not know who Howard is yet...? He smiles fondly when he sees him drawing.
Steve tilts his head to the side, thinking briefly before nodding. “Steve Stark… not too bad sounding.” He shifts and boosts himself up on the bench, sitting as he works on his doodles, he flushes when he notices Tony watching. “What?” His accent gets thicker.
"I agree," Tony says with a smile. He's glad that all versions of Steve seem to be okay with this. He shakes his head. "Nothing. Just nice seein gyou draw."
Steve looks down at his doodles. “Oh.” He shifts a little, rubbing at his hip briefly before going back to drawing, eyeing Tony for a long moment. “Do I still draw?”
“Really? That sound nice…” He smiles a bit at the pure adoration in his voice. He looks down at his doodles before hanging it to Tony. “You can keep it.”
“How many do you have? Why would you keep them…” Steve trails off and blushes lightly, a small smile coming onto his face. “I’m glad you like them.” He shifts and winces a bit, pressing a hand to his forehead. “Ow-”
Steve clenches his hands, breathing tensely. He closes his eyes, breathing for a moment. “Sir, Steve is experiencing something… I haven’t seen before. It’s like his body is deteriorating from being in the future…”
Steve takes a deep breath and nods, clutching at his head. “Okay- okay.” He smiles weakly at Tony. Jarvis speaks up. “Sir… this would be happening to your Steve as well… in the past.”
“Of course sir, we should get working on it.” Steve looks between them, his expression unreadable. “I guess I’m going home.” He mumbles, his eyes flick to Tony’s wedding ring.
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