it's all lies, darling

“Oh, don’t forget the” jj added as he cleared his throat and started making intimate kissing noises with his hands in the air, making hearts.

You were on the floor with Pope and Sarah while holding your stomach and wiping the tears that had formed in the corner of your eyes because of how much you were laughing.

It was a regular night with the pogues as usual. Saturday nights were always filled with getting drunk, partying, and the highlight of the night- joking around with your friends.

However, this one wasn’t so normal after all, because, after laughing for about an hour, you stood up and tumbled to get a drink from the carton John B had kept on the table near the deck.

You were just passing to get a drink when you noticed something. Now, was it fate or was it just dumb luck? I have no idea, but as you turned to get a drink, you saw someone, someone you never thought you would see as more than a friend.

jj’s hair was ruffled, his dirty blonde curls moving with the slight wind in the air, his shirt was sleeveless so you could see his muscular arms holding a can of beer, and his face was radiant. 

You might never in your entire life ever admit it, even to yourself, but for a slight second there, when you had turned your head around, you had thought of how handsome he looked even after chugging almost four cans 

And most shockingly, you had thought of how perfect he looked, the way you had always wanted a guy to look.

It was hard for you to believe it, too, but that night when you reached home, you realized how stupid you were to even fall for a guy who loved playing with girls’ feelings.

jj was known for his one-night stands and how he would lead girls on and then bail at the last minute when they wanted a relationship, but you knew this boy; he was your friend. 

You still remembered the day you had met him; he was a charming guy with a smile that could kill anyone who saw it and a jawline that was sharper than a razor.

“Nice to meet you, M’lady, I’m jj” he’d said and taken your hand and kissed it as he winked at you.

You had rolled your eyes and told him,” Your tricks won’t work on me, mister,” and had seized your hand and walked away from this man who now scratched the back of his neck and chuckled.

He was amused, every girl in Outer Banks would die to be so much so, as noticed by this man, but you were as if immune to his charms 

Later, you found out that he was a friend of John B’s, and once you had been introduced to him and all the others in the group, you were officially a part of the pogues.

As you flopped from one side of your bed to the other, you wondered how on earth all of a sudden your mind just changed towards him. You were sure it was the alcohol you had consumed that had made you think of such weird thoughts.

Just sleep, tomorrow this’ll all be just a funny memory 

You slept in your bed with the night lamp on since you had passed out with the curtain on your window slightly open.

The next morning, you woke up with sweat all over your face. You hadn’t washed the makeup off your eyes, so now they looked like black dark circles under your eyes. Your bedroom was a mess, with your blanket on the floor along with a few of your pillows.

You yawned and checked the time on your clock 

10:23 A.M. 

Goodness, how long were you out? 

You jumped out of bed, washed your face to look a bit presentable, and got ready for the day by making some pancakes with maple syrup.

While you were eating, your phone buzzed with a text pop-up on your screen, it read

Mornin’ starshine, the earth says hello!

You physically paused, were your eyes just reading the text wrong, or was this a text from whom you thought it was

jj maybank, had texted you. What was he up to this time? The last time he had texted you something like that, he was getting arrested for stealing a perfume bottle from a store, you had to convince the store manager that it was a perfume you had bought, just so jj could get away with this one

You kept your fork down on your plate, took your phone, and started typing 

What did you do this time, love?

You set your phone aside and took a bite of your delicious pancake, but your mind was racing with possible situations jj could end up in 

What is he up to this time?

The phone buzzed yet again with multiple messages from jj, You took your phone in one hand and fork in the other, continuing to eat while reading the texts jj sent 

Soo I stole topper’s truck and now I need help parking it back in his yard without him noticing it, meet me at the dock in 5, please?

Those words on the screen made your eyes widen in surprise and wonder. How did this guy manage to a) steal TOPPER’S truck and b) without topper knowing his truck is missing

You owe me big time jj

Love ya’ starshine

And now here you were, standing near the dock where just the previous night you had thought you’d liked this man who had no job other than landing himself and his friends in trouble, you kept checking your phone in hopes of getting a message from jj, but your phone remained silent. 

“What’s cookin’ good lookin’,” said an awfully familiar voice with his cheap accent, and you turned to see jj in topper’s truck wearing those hideous sunglasses of his 

But you said nothing, you were speechless, not because jj had stolen topper’s truck, no, not at all, but because jj looked good, far too good for you to keep staring at him 

“Come on now, we ain’t got all day, topper will be back from the beach in bout an hour,” jj said while tapping on the steering wheel, and you quickly shook yourself out of your daydream and jumped in the front seat beside him. 

“How the hell did you manage to steal his truck jj?” you asked as jj drove towards the kook side of the island

“I’ve got my ways, Y/n, you know me, best thief Outer Banks has ever seen,” he said with his smug expression as you rolled your eyes.

“Just drive, jj,” you said, doing your best not to look at how good jj’s sun-kissed, messy blonde hair looked and how his bicep flexed as he turned the steering wheel.

“You know it’s rude to stare someone in the face, right?” jj said with a chuckle as you broke free from your trance. 

“I wasn’t looking at you. Don’t flatter yourself,” you said, as you turned your head toward the window,

What is wrong with me today?

“Sure, Y/N, whatever helps you sleep at night,” jj shot back, a smug look on his face as he focused on the road ahead with his ocean-blue eyes.

After a comfortable silence between the two of you, the truck came to a stop as jj turned off the engine to avoid anyone from noticing anything strange.

“How do you plan on returning topper’s truck, jj?” you asked as you turned to face him, who looked at you with an expression that looked like this was something you weren’t gonna like.

“I’ll park the truck in the yard, but you need to be the distraction, love.” 

Did you hear him right?

You coughed as you spoke,” What do you mean by distraction, jj?” as your hands wrapped your hair in a messy bun.

With a wide grin, he said, “You know exactly what I mean,” as his ocean-blue eyes locked onto your y/e/c ones.

For quite a while, topper had a huge crush on you, and it was quite noticeable when he called to ask you to be his date for the Kooks' midsummer party. You turned him down by saying you already had a date (which was a lie, but he didn’t need to know that). 

You sighed, rolling your eyes at him as you said, “You owe me big time jj” to which jj took your hand and kissed it, saying, “Anything for you, m’lady.” 

You jumped out of the truck and headed toward topper's gate, hoping and praying he wasn't home and that you wouldn't have to be the distraction. Unfortunately, all your hopes were crushed when topper himself opened the door and stared at you with wide eyes.

“O-Oh uhm, hi topper..” you spoke, clearly disappointed that he opened the door.

“Uhm hi Y/n, didn’t expect you to be here…” topper said as he scratched the back of his neck

When the truck's sound abruptly interrupted the awkward silence between you two, topper's eyes began to search his yard for the source of the noise. 

Your senses came on high alert as you held topper’s hand out of the adrenaline of getting caught. “I-I am sorry for turning your offer down for Midsummers, I did want to go with you.”

What the fuck is wrong with me, you thought, giving topper false hope was not the plan for distracting him, but it worked as he started to smile wider 

"You did?” topper said as he held your hand and squeezed it, continuing, "Why don't you come with me then? It's not too late yet." 

The idea of your hand touching his made you uneasy, so you removed it. "Maybe next time; I already have a date topper."

“Oh…right, who is the lucky guy then?” topper asked, and your eyes wandered near the yard, hoping for jj to park the truck. How much time had passed? And how long does it take for him to fucking park a truck and—

“She's going with me, dumbass,” a voice spoke from behind you, and you sighed with relief as you turned to face none other than the devil himself

“You are going with her?” topper sneered as he crossed his arms around his chest and leaned against his door, staring daggers at jj 

You felt an arm around your waist as jj said, “I didn’t think you were deaf, topper. I said I am going with her. “ 

You were so aware of jj's arm hanging languidly around your waist, almost as if it were something he did frequently, that you were unable to speak when you felt it. Instead, you simply smiled apologetically at topper. 

"Is that why you came here? To tell me you're going with him? Ignoring jj's remark, topper turned to face you

"Well, if you put it that way, yeah," you said, covering your mouth to keep yourself from laughing out loud.

topper’s face was priceless—his eyes burned with raw hatred as he stared at you both. After a tense pause and a deep breath, he exploded, “Get the hell off my property!”

"Was already planning on it—wouldn’t wanna mess up my shoes on your kook floor anyway," jj said, grabbing your hand before the two of you bolted for the exit, laughing as topper shouted a stream of curses behind you

The two of you sprinted to the nearest bar and finally stopped near the stairs, breathless and laughing, adrenaline still pulsing through your veins.

"That was hands down one of the wildest things I’ve ever pulled on topper," you said, still catching your breath.

jj chuckled, shaking his head. "You should’ve seen his face, what a loser."

His hair was tousled, his skin glowed beneath the sunlight, and his eyes were nearly as clear and blue as the ocean nearby. As he reached up to fix his sweat-dampened hair, you found yourself drawn to the fine details of his face at such close range—every line, every shadow, his muscular arm flexed just enough to show off its natural definition.

“Wanna sit by the port?” jj asked, gesturing toward the empty dock beside the bar. It was quiet, peaceful, and after that wild run, you could use a breather.

“Yeah, you go ahead, I’ll grab us some drinks, we earned that,” you said with a small smile, heading toward the bar while jj walked off toward the dock and sat down, eyes on the waves.

The bar was honestly one of the cutest places you’d ever stepped into. Fairy lights were strung up all over, though they were turned off since it was still morning. The counter was cluttered in the best way, with little artifacts, a tiny ship showpiece, and small touches that made the place feel personal. Creepers hung down from the wooden roof, giving it a laid-back, almost magical vibe. The whole bar looked like a wooden beach hut, all decked out in green, which explained the plants growing everywhere.

“Can I get two beers, please?” you asked as you approached the counter. The woman behind it didn’t bother with small talk, just grabbed two cold beers from the fridge and slid them toward you.

“That’ll be $17,” she said flatly, chewing on what you guessed was gum.

You didn’t think much of it. Just handed over the cash, took the beers, and turned to head back outside.

jj was sitting on the edge of the dock now, his back turned to you, watching the water like it was saying something only he could hear. You walked over and sat beside him without a word, with the kind of quiet that didn’t feel awkward at all. You handed him one of the beers, and he took it with a small nod, both of you just sitting there, letting the sound of the waves do the talking.

Both of you had finally settled down after the rush from the run, and the sea breeze now drifted through the air, blowing your hair gently in its direction. jj opened his can, took a sip of his beer, and stared out at the horizon.

“Wanna fill me in on this date I’m apparently going on with you?” jj asked, eyes still on the sea as he licked the leftover beer from his lips.

“Oh, that? You don’t need to worry about it,” you said casually, putting your fingers through your hair.

“I think I have to, since I’m your date, right?” he said, finally turning to look at you, his eyes quietly searching yours.

“I doubt you’d wanna come to that,” you said. You knew jj well enough to be sure he wasn’t into all the usual kook traditions on the island, and Midsummers was basically the epitome of that, no way he’d actually want to show up to something hosted by the kooks.

“Oh, really? I don’t think there’s anything that could stop me from being your date,” jj said as he had his smug grin plastered all over his face. You hated how you loved anything jj did, there wasn’t a single thing you would think jj could do that wouldn’t make your heart skip a beat

“I needed a date for the Midsummers party,” you breathed, fully expecting jj to brush it off, but the thought of him denying it made your heart ache just a little.

“Hmm, well, I guess we’re going to Midsummers together then,” jj said, his words making your eyes widen in surprise.

“Who are you and what have you done to jj?” 

And all he did was let out a soft chuckle, turning his attention to the view in front of you. You couldn’t help but smile as you watched him, taking in the moment.

ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ❅*.ೃ 

Later, you caught the girls up on what went down with topper that morning, which had Sarah laughing so hard she nearly fell over, while Kiara just shook her head and said, “That bastard had it coming.”

But the second you mentioned jj was your date for Midsummers, both of them froze and stared at you like you’d grown another head.

There was this short pause, and then they burst out laughing, thinking you were joking. But when you didn’t laugh with them, they both went dead serious.

“Wait… are you serious? jj’s actually going with you to Midsummers?” Kiara asked, and you just nodded.

“Don’t worry, I already asked him if he was possessed,” you added, making them laugh again.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see the day jj willingly showed up to a Kook party,” Sarah said, grabbing a pillow and dropping it on her lap.

“Tell me about it,” Kiara said, lying her head on Sarah’s lap as the three of you kept chatting about your day.

It was honestly one of the best parts of your day, just chilling at the Chateau with your girls, talking about everything and nothing. Boys, dates, your families being a mess—it all just felt easy.

And with that rolled in the Midsummers,

The evening settled in earlier than you anticipated, and now your room looked like a mess with clothes, makeup, and jewelry scattered across in a haphazard manner while you dressed up.

You slipped into a graceful coral dress that flowed down to your feet, paired with silver heels and long dangling earrings. Your hair was down, soft curls brushing against your shoulders.

Your gaze flicked to the clock on the wall.

6:45 p.m.

Fuck

You were getting late.

Quickly, you grabbed your purse and put in all the makeup you would need to re-touch at the venue and rushed towards the exit of your house, grabbing your car keys and driving as fast as you could

As you parked near the club where the party took place, you heard loud music, indicating that the party had started 

You hurried to the entrance, and you slammed right into someone. Strong arms wrapped around you before you could fall, and as you stumbled out, a quick apology, your eyes caught a glimpse of who it was.

He wore a black tux, no tie, a white shirt messily tucked in, and a rose brooch on the jacket.

You froze.

You couldn’t believe your eyes until you stared at those blue, ocean eyes, the only remnants of the person whom you’d known to be your friend. His hair was tangled, his dirty blonde locks falling over his eyes as he stared at you, his hands comfortably resting on your waist as if time slowed.

A smirk played on his lips as he spoke,” Fell for me already?” 

That shook you from your daze into the reality of the situation, THE jj maybank, your pogue friend, the person who would rather be caught dead than wear anything remotely kook-ish, stood in front of you looking absolutely— 

Had he said something to you? You were so engrossed in the moment that you hadn’t heard him at all

“What?” you breathed, clearly flushed by the mere presence of this man, and that did nothing but widen his smirk as he arched his eyebrow

“So you have,” he said slowly, letting go of your waist, though the warmth of his hands lingered on your skin. 

“I didn’t fall for you, jj, I fell on you; HUGE difference.” You managed to recollect yourself and stood in front of him, clutching your purse ever so slightly 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Y/n,” jj sang in a teasing tone while extending his hand out for you to take as he spoke, “Care for a grand entrance?” 

“Definitely,” you said, slipping your hand into jj’s as he pulled open the club’s double doors, letting you walk in first before following close behind.

The moment you both stepped inside, all eyes turned your way. Every guest, undeniably kooks, looked straight at the pogue who had somehow landed himself a spot in their elite party, thanks to being someone’s date.

Without warning, jj twirled you into him, one hand resting on your waist while the other found your free hand. He leaned in and whispered, “Let’s give them something to actually stare at.”

His breath was hot against your skin, sending chills down your spine. All you could do was nod as he smirked, leading you in rhythm with the music echoing through the space.

“I didn’t know you could dance,” you finally said, breaking the silence as his ocean-blue eyes locked with yours.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Y/n,” he replied smoothly, keeping that gaze steady as he spun you once more, this time so your back pressed against his chest, his lips just inches from your neck.

“Oh, really?” you teased, just enough to push his buttons—and it worked. You felt his body tense, his grip on your waist subtly tighten, before he turned you around to face him again.

His ocean blues met your y/e/c orbs, an electrifying beat passed before you saw something in those ocean storms of his, a hint of something, that vanished as soon as it came. He stared at you before the words came from his mouth, “Wanna get outta here?” 

ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ❅*.ೃ 

The two of you sat at the edge of the dock near the chateau, a stolen glass of champagne in hand. The place was quiet, empty now that John B had vanished off somewhere with Sarah, not that you cared. It meant you and jj had the whole spot to yourselves.

The ocean stretched out before you, dark and endless under the moonlight. The moon hung high on the horizon, its silver glow dancing across the waves that gently splashed at your feet. Your heels were abandoned back near the car you both had driven here in.

You took a slow sip of your champagne, the fizz tickling your lips. Just then, jj cleared his throat. You licked the drink from your mouth, then turned toward him, one leg resting on the ledge, the other folded comfortably against the wooden dock.

“Wanna play truth or dare?” jj asked suddenly, downing the rest of his champagne in one gulp before setting the glass aside. His eyes were locked on you now, curious and mischievous.

“Truth,” you replied without hesitation. jj raised an eyebrow, already ready with a question.

“Who was your best kiss on the island?”

You paused, thinking it through. “Rafe,” you finally said.

jj’s eyes widened immediately. You could already see the follow-up question forming behind them before he even said anything.

You sighed. “I was thirteen, okay? He was literally the only guy I’d ever talked to back then… it just kind of happened.” You shrugged, brushing it off.

“My turn,” you said, grinning.

jj met your gaze with a familiar challenge in his eyes. “You already know what I’m picking.”

You rolled your eyes, knowing exactly what that meant. “Dare it is.”

A wicked grin spread across your face as you said, “Go to the Chateau, grab two beers, balance one on your head, and chug the other while standing on one leg.”

It was ridiculous, and you knew it. But if there was one thing jj never did, it was back down from a dare.

ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ❅*.ೃ 

Fast forward—now both of you were back at the dock, lying on the wooden planks, the stars above, and the waves below. It was past 1 a.m., and you were both a little buzzed from all the beer, still playing the dumbest game ever

Completely and utterly drunk, your cheeks flushed from the alcohol and the cool breeze brushing against your skin, you stood up on shaky legs, giggling as jj watched you with that amused smirk of his while you completed your dare.

Standing at the very edge of the dock, the wind rushed past you, sending your hair flying in its direction. You glanced down at the dark water below, feeling a rush of adrenaline.

“Three… two… one!” jj called out.

And without hesitation, you jumped.

The cold ocean hit you like a jolt, waking you up slightly as you surfaced, gasping and laughing at the same time. jj was doubled over, laughing hysterically at the sight of you sputtering in the water.

“Earth to jj,” you called, grinning up at him. “Help me out?”

You stretched your arm toward him, expecting a hand to pull you up. But the second he leaned over, you grabbed him and yanked him down into the water with a splash.

“Shit—Y/n!” you heard him yell mid-fall.

You laughed uncontrollably, and before you knew it, jj's arms were around you, keeping you from swimming away as he began tickling your sides mercilessly.

“Fuck, jj, stop—” you gasped between breathless laughter, clutching onto his soaked arm as you tried to escape his hold.

His wet hair dripped onto your shoulder, both of you laughing, loud and unfiltered.

Then everything seemed to slow.

He was suddenly still, his body close—too close—your chests almost touching in the cool water. His arms rested lightly around your waist, keeping you afloat, but not letting you go.

jj's face hovered just inches from yours. His breath was warm despite the cold, his expression unreadable under the moonlight, but his eyes... they were steady, piercing

Your eyes met his, and once again you saw something in them, a hint of some emotion you couldn’t make out either because of the lack of light or your drunken state, but jj looked sober as ever

Your gaze flickered from his eyes to his lips in a silent question, the space between you shrinking with every second.

One move, one breath, one inch closer—and your lips would touch.

When he didn’t move away, didn’t laugh, you took it as a yes. Your heart was beating faster now, but you leaned in anyway, letting your hands rest on his shoulders. His grip on your waist tightened just slightly, holding you there like he didn’t want the moment to slip away.

And then your lips met.

It wasn’t rushed or wild. It was slow, careful, almost, but filled with something you couldn’t quite name. A softness that felt at odds with who jj usually was. The kind of kiss that makes your chest ache a little, not from nerves, but from how badly you’d wanted it without even realizing just how much.

He kissed you like he meant it, like this wasn’t just another moment, another dare, another laugh on a summer night. It was deeper than that. Like part of him had been waiting, scared maybe, but wanting it anyway.

But all jj could hear was the storm in his chest—the way his head screamed at him to stop, to pull away before it became something too real. Because jj didn’t do real. Real came with promises, and promises were always broken in his world. Commitment meant letting someone in, and letting someone in meant they could leave.

But right now, with you pressed against him, your hands on his shoulders and your mouth moving gently against his, all of that noise got quieter. It didn’t vanish, but for a second, it faded.

And he let himself kiss you like he didn’t have anything to fear.

You pulled back just slightly to catch your breath, your eyes fluttering open to meet his. There was something in his gaze—something soft and unreadable, but before you could think too hard about it, he gave you a crooked smile 

“I-I, that was uhm” you fumbled, unable to get the right words to speak at the moment, and jj silently led you out of the water, taking you to the Chateau while his mind had its silent storm building in

The silence between you felt heavier with each step, and you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you—I mean… did you want me to kiss you? Because I didn’t mean—I mean I did, but I didn’t plan—”

“Y/n, you were drunk.” 

That’s all he said

The only words he spoke as he led you inside, you sat on the couch, with a frown on your face, unable to understand whether he wanted to kiss you or if he just kissed you because you did

He handed you a glass of water, and you took it, gladly accepting the warm liquid to ease your emotions, and with that, it hit you, you had KISSED jj, and he kissed you back

Isn’t that a good thing?

Didn’t that mean he liked you? 

Then why did you feel so empty and exhausted? Why did you feel like you did something that wasn’t supposed to happen?

He hadn’t met your eyes since the kiss, didn’t talk to you, hell, he barely spoke 4 words to you

Y/n, you were drunk

Did he think you were drunk, and you didn’t mean to kiss him? That it was a drunken mistake, and you would regret it the next morning?

But that wasn’t the case, you’d been wanting to kiss him since that night with the Pogues, you hadn’t realised how you felt towards him for quite a while now, he was never just a friend to you, nor was he ever anything more than a friend, so what was he?

“I’ll drop you home,” he spoke, shaking you from your thoughts as your eyes rested on his form

He was now completely sober, more sober than he had ever been, and after what felt like hours to you, he looked up at you, and you saw it

You understood what his eyes had been warning you about for such a long time

His ocean blue eyes didn’t have any regrets

It held fear

The kind that had always been there, tucked between his jokes and reckless charm. You just hadn’t seen it until now.

He wanted you.

But he didn’t know how to keep you.

The car ride was a blur to you, not sure when or how you had passed out, but when the sunlight peered through the window of your room directly at your face was when you woke from your slumber

How long were you out?

Rubbing your eyes, you picked up your phone that was lying beside you on the bed 

10:15 a.m.

You yawned and sat on your bed while stretching your limbs, trying to remember what had happened before you passed out 

And then it hit you 

The party, the dance, the dock, the game, the booze, and of course, the kiss

Everything came crashing down at once, like getting slammed in the head by a bus. You groaned and buried your face in your hands.

What is wrong with me

You looked over at your bedside table, where a glass of water was. You didn’t remember keeping it there, thanking whoever had spawned the glass there, and you drank the water that eased the dryness in your throat.

After cleaning up the chaos in your room and dragging yourself through getting ready for the day, you checked your phone, hoping to see any notifications from a certain somebody 

Disappointed to find none, you went about making breakfast for yourself, and kept checking your phone constantly

Had he forgotten about it? Was he ignoring you now? Whatever game he was playing, you were not having it.

Deciding to take matters into your own hands, you opened your chat with jj, finding the last conversation you had with him, the last message he sent you,

Love ya’ starshine

You stared at it. That message felt like it came from a completely different lifetime. And you knew now, no matter what happened next, things between you and jj would never be the same again.

Suddenly, you saw the typing symbol pop up on the left corner of your chat, which vanished as soon as it came 

Sighing, you typed out the message 

Hi!, About last night, wanna talk ‘bout it?

And after you hit send, in a few seconds came the reply 

Yeah, we need to…

ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ❅*.ೃ 

You stood by the dock near The Wreck, the familiar scent of salt and fried seafood in the air. Kiara’s parents were busy inside, the place packed with customers, so no one noticed you nearby.

You stared out at the ocean, hoping it would calm the storm building inside you, but it didn’t. If anything, the crashing waves only mirrored the mess in your head.

A chilly breeze swept through, curling around you like a whisper. You tugged your blue scarf tighter around your neck, its soft fabric brushing against your skin as your nose turned slightly red from the cold. Your fingers busied themselves with the loose threads at the ends of the scarf, anything to keep your hands from shaking, anything to keep you distracted while you waited.

Waited for him.

For jj

You heard him before you saw him—his footsteps soft and slow as they stopped just behind you.

“Hey,” jj said.

You turned to face him, for the first time since last night. Since the kiss.

His ocean-blue eyes looked dull and red-rimmed, like he hadn’t slept at all. His hair was a mess, his hands shoved deep into his pockets like he didn’t quite know what to do with them.

Before he could say anything else, you lifted a hand to stop him. He nodded slightly, falling silent, letting you speak first.

“I’m sorry,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, but full of everything you didn’t know how to say. “I didn’t want the night to end like that.”

“I was gonna say ‘good morning,’” jj muttered with a forced chuckle, looking away from you and out at the ocean. “But I guess this works too.”

“I’m serious, jj. I shouldn’t have done that—”

“You made a mistake—”

“Not like that.”

Your voices collided mid-sentence, both of you falling quiet for a beat.

Then jj spoke again, voice calm but clipped.

“It’s alright, Y/n. You were drunk. You didn’t mean it…”

“Except I did, jj.”

That made him turn.

He looked at you now, really looked. His eyes locked on yours, as if searching for any sign that this was something temporary. That this was just the leftover haze from a wild night.

“You don’t mean that, Y/n…” he said, softer this time, still trying to convince you—or maybe just himself.

But there was no doubt in your gaze. No hesitation.

“I mean every word,” you said quietly. “The kiss, everything. Last night was one of the best nights I’ve had in forever. And it was because of you.”

You took a breath, your heart thudding loudly in your ears.

“I’ve been trying to find the right words for weeks, maybe longer. I’ve rehearsed this conversation a hundred times in my head, and still, nothing feels right. But I know one thing for sure, jj.”

You met his eyes, steady now.

“I don’t know when it happened, or how, but I know this—somewhere along the way, I fell for you. For your stupid jokes, your smile, the way you pretend like nothing ever bothers you, even when I know it does. I’ve fallen for everything that makes you you, jj.”

You swallowed hard, the final words falling from your lips

“Yes, I’m in love with you.”

And that was all it took, jj just stood there in front of you, jaw clenched, eyes locked on yours, completely silent. Whatever he wanted to say was stuck somewhere deep in his mind, unreachable. All he could do was look at you.

His eyes didn’t hold confusion or surprise—just fear. The kind he’d carried with him since he was a kid. The fear of things going right. The fear that this, whatever it was between you two, could be real. He was terrified to hope for something good in a life that had taught him everything good eventually falls apart.

He couldn’t bring himself to tell you how much he loved you. That you were the only person who ever made him feel something this intense. That he'd loved you long before even he realised it. But that truth scared him. Because caring that much? It hurt. It hurt to even look at you, knowing how badly he wanted this… and how badly he believed he’d ruin it.

He loved you deeply, so much so that he couldn’t imagine life without you. And maybe that was the problem. Because if he let this become real, let himself believe it could last, and it slipped away like everything else had… he wasn’t sure he’d survive that kind of heartbreak. That’s why he never let anyone close. 

Why did he never commit? He never believed things lasted—so how could this be any different?

He wanted to tell you he felt the same. God, he did. More than you probably knew. You weren’t just someone to him, you were it. The anchor. The spark. The comfort. You were the one person who had made him feel like maybe, just maybe, he could be something more than a damaged pogue with too many bruises on his heart and body.

He had loved the kiss, more than he could ever admit. It haunted him all night, the way your lips felt against his, the way your hands held him like he wasn’t something broken. He had replayed it over and over, like a scene he couldn’t stop watching, because for that one moment, it felt like everything he’d ever wanted was his.

And it terrified him.

Because as much as he wanted to believe in that feeling, he knew he couldn’t stay in it. He couldn’t afford to. He couldn’t let himself drown in a dream that would never be his reality.

Sooner or later, you’d see it too, that you deserved more. Someone better. Someone who wouldn’t hesitate to love you out loud, who’d say the words without choking on fear. Someone who could hold your hand in broad daylight and not feel like the world was about to crash down on him.

Someone who wasn’t him.

And god, that thought—that reality—felt like a punch straight to the gut.

Because deep down, he didn’t want to let you go. But he thought maybe he should.

Before you realized you should, too.

“I—I care about you, Y/n. I do, and—”

The words caught in his throat as he looked at you, those beautiful, y/e/c eyes of yours. Somewhere along the way, that color had quietly become his favorite.

It was a lie, and he knew it. He was gritting his teeth now, looking at you as your y/e/c eyes stared into his ocean blues, this time filled with hurt.

He cleared his throat, forcing himself to keep going.

“Y/n, I can’t… You know how I am. I don’t stay in relationships—I ruin them. I’d end up leaving you, and I don’t want that for you.”

What he should have said was I love you, too — words he had unknowingly told you a hundred times before, but this time, he would have meant every single syllable of that sentence.

But he didn’t; he stared at the ground, not wanting to meet your gaze as he said the next words

“You should move on, I’m not the kind of guy you’re supposed to like. I’m a mess, Y/n. I steal, I screw up, I don’t care about anything or anyone, nothing matters to me.” 

But you do, you matter to me

“Trust me, you don’t want this.”

You stood there by the dock, as you faced the ocean again, the same ocean where you had had one of the best nights of your life, ruined by the one thing you dared do that made you stand in this position 

You couldn’t help but curse yourself for being so stupid, for falling for the one guy everyone told you to stay away from. You cursed the universe for making you meet him, for letting you fall so hard. And more than anything, you cursed jj—for not saying he loved you, for not doing the one thing you knew deep down he felt all along.

“I can’t just move on, jj. It’s not that easy,” you said, your voice sharp now with hurt.  “Don’t act like nothing happened. You kissed me back last night, don’t pretend it didn’t mean anything, I know you felt something back there.”  You spoke with anger, now fueled your voice

He flinched, his jaw clenching.

“Y/n, it was a mistake…” he spoke, his voice almost breaking towards the end. 

You saw the broken boy, masked from the bravado he had created, the boy who yearned for love, love, a feeling almost foreign to him 

The boy who’d ever only known how to run, not how to love 

The boy who longed for something real, but had never been taught how to hold onto it.

“It wasn’t, and you know it,” you said harshly, now staring right at him, his gaze dared not meet yours, or you’d know exactly what he’s hiding 

“This would only end in our hearts breaking, Y/n, and I don’t want that for you, you deserve someone better, better than me,” jj said, his eyes glued to the ground 

“I get to decide who I deserve, not you,” you said, while staring at him

He finally looked up at you, those tired ocean eyes heavy with regret,

“Y/n,” he said softly, like your name was a wound to his heart. “You don’t understand. I ruin things. I ruin people.”

“And maybe I’m willing to risk that,” you snapped, your voice cracking just slightly, “because I believe in you more than you ever have.”

He closed his eyes for a second, swallowing hard like the truth in your words physically hurt. And maybe it did.

“I wish I could be the guy you see in me,” he whispered. “But I’m not. I’m tired of pretending like I could be.”

You didn’t respond, not right away. You couldn’t. The silence that fell between you said everything your hearts couldn’t manage to. 

The ache, the longing, the cruel timing of it all.

And then he stepped back.

Each one felt like an earthquake in your chest.

 One step.

Then another.

He turned around without another word, walking away from the dock, from you

“You deserve better than me, Y/n,” he said, barely audible over the sound of the waves.

You stood still, your fists clenched at your sides, eyes glassy but unblinking.

And from the one thing he wanted most in this world.

You watched his figure grow smaller in the distance, your lips parted like there were words you wanted to scream, but your heart had gone quiet.

You let out a shaky breath as the wind blew against your scarf, your cheeks red, not from the cold anymore, but from everything you were holding back.

You blinked away the tears before they could fall, not because you weren’t hurting, but because crying felt like accepting it, and you weren’t ready to. Not yet.

Maybe one day, you'd look back and smile at the memories, at the kiss, at everything that led you here.

But right now?

You stood there by the dock, heart full, hands empty, and watched the boy you loved disappear into the morning mist 

Taking a part of you with him.

Because sometimes, love doesn’t end with a door slamming 

Sometimes, it just walks away.

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