grief by Matthew Dickman
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@thehaikuturtle
grief by Matthew Dickman

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It’s the same story
Weaved with twine instead of string
Yet, breaks the same web
-weaving turtle 🐢
You’re picture in my mind
Under a blanket of dust
Got unveiled in the crash from the words on the screen
Similar
Both should be met by me with the ticking of her
Yet her face cracked to end when it came to you two
A moment too soon
I should’ve known you
I would’ve known you
Had time let you stay
Yet, time places gambles
Then cracks all too soon
She bets lives for her chances
To tick to the end
A cruel mistress she is
Yet, a face filled with tears
For she ticks and she breaks
For each of her ends
So, she gambled too soon
Now you’re left here for dust
When destined for a path of a meeting for us
-dying turtle 🐢
No child should face that
Yet, many children have to
In this life of death
-sad turtle 🐢
But somewhere below
This hardened ice lay waiting
A whole world, asleep

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Just know that you are not the only one going through this all-too-human and inevitable pain. The grief, the loss, the unbearable weight of it all. Just know that you do not have to carry it all on your own.
I’m here in a daze:
On days like this, my thoughts hazed
I’m stuck here unfazed
-dazed turtle 🐢
Saturday screaming
Behind the eyes, tiny fists
Pound & pound & pound
I’m a child of love
My goal was spreading good news
Yet, I only vent
-venting turtle 🐢
The hope’s dragging behind
Like a brick thrown into the bottomless well
Going down, never up
Yet, the torment scrapes along each wall
Screeching, sparking, stumbling
Chipping and cracking from the blows
Defying as if it can fly back up
The rage and intents, ignored.
Yet it’s fight showing vividly through its plight
-fighting turtle 🐢

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Shifting changes linger behind
And it’s breath sticks like thick hot steam
It’s a constant inevitable
Yet, such a small child
Born of necessity from the mother of time
Change, whether helpful or not
It stares up with wonder, those eyes of such innocence
One change will grow monsterous
Dark and demanding
Yet, many glow brighter
Shining and shimmering
The monsters, large and powerful
Snarling and scorning
Once careful and innocent
Can return to their roots
Through nurturing care.
-changing turtle 🐢
Merry Christmas! Have a happy and restful day y’all
If you’re reading this, tell someone you love them today.
In these spotless rooms of anticipation
My years of experience decline
And I’m left, a child
Encased with uncertainty
and wide-eyed trembling
-fearful turtle 🐢
What’s life without a light?
Not just a bulb, but an unobtainable sun
With immeasurable warmth
And the urge to be in it
In the cold bitter darkness what’s there to strive for
And what’s life with no goal?
-striving turtle 🐢
This pizza I haven’t eaten in 2 years
Tastes like the drive-in movies at 10pm
It tastes better without the remnants of that last night there
Or expectations growing heavier with each eaten slice
Who knew I could actually enjoy this pizza again
-eating turtle 🐢

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The darkest cyclones
Will spin out of existence
In releasing words
-releasing turtle 🐢
This wonderland of escape
Has chained me to a nightmare
To break free, I must release
Yet to release, will I survive?
With freedom I’m renewed
But with renewal, can I exist?
-chained turtle 🐢