Pick the side of Morton's Fork

And read these words again as you may have before

I want you to accept everything you've ever felt

I will accept it too

If you ever count the scans and the hospital socks

If you ever crave buckshot again

Know that the taste of blood is sweeter

And bite your lip until you feel the warmth again

Every drop of life from your wounds

Is a kiss from me

Just know I am here

I have two arms to hold you

I have the benefit of proximity

And yes, I'm entangled,

But that doesn't mean you can't pick the flowers from the vines

Cry on my shoulder

It is not betrayal

Press your head onto me

It is real, love

I always tried to give you sweet words. Now I’ll be blunt.

You were so kind to me. You made me smile through some of the worst parts of my life. It made me want to steal you, kiss you, get to know you, hold you.

I almost did, or almost tried to. But I hurt myself in the moment I had. I realized you were far away. I believed you didn’t want me. I believed you didn’t want to leave her. I believed that I was a terrible person filled with regret.

I know nothing about you. Later I tried to claw my way in. I know we really have nothing in common. I tried to get you to talk. I gave you sweet words to chew and swallow. I played with you with thoughts of love and new hearts. I felt that flutter of a crush again. It turned into a flutter of regret and fear.

6 years had passed and I came back to you. You came back to me. Broken. Full of fear. I wanted to save you. I wanted to scoop you in my arms and hold you. I didn’t want you to die. I still don’t.

But now you don’t even look at me. You don’t even read my words anymore.

Was it nice for you? Was it painful? Do you still want to live in that little blue house?

And now I’m thinking too much about it as I do every time I remember you. It reminds me of how much love I put forward. It was nice. Terrible haha, but nice.

You’re sweet, kind, beautiful, full of talent and self-sacrificing words of advice.

So one of these days, let me give up and give you these letters. Real paper is better than a screen.

We’re neighbors now. So let me say hi?

I was such a terrible kisser then, but you didn't complain.

I had so many dreams full of you, so many aspirations for you.

I built a whole life with you in my head.

When you said 'I love you' at new years I wanted to run to you and kiss you.

Now my heart swells remembering.

I regret. I regret saying no to trying again.

But I know we are happy.

I'll teach you mine.

Entangled milky ivy on a cushioned garden trellis.

We become the pair of leaves I watch dancing under raindrops and wind whispers.

Tell me how deep the rot in your roots is.

Where were you?

I am here...

Give me a wish.

I won't ever speak it aloud,

You will also get one wish.

I'll see you again.

Not sure why I fear.

.

.

.

Let them button your shirts and run through your hair.

Take them for your own. Give me your wrists and joints. Let me be yours.

Press your nose into my neck and breathe gently so that I can feel your life.

I'll paint your new nails with my teeth and smile.

When you

Do that...

What do I say

When you

Say this?

What do i do

To keep you

Without tying you to me so tight,

That the ropes burn red into your heart

You're beautiful despite your doubts.

My mind wanders back to younger days when I contemplated how soft the skin of your cheek would be under my lips.

How I think about it now.

I let my mind wander, my hand wanders.

And then life comes back to me. I allow myself to forget the feelings for a day, but you wander back.

Always.

Deep within my psyche you rest your head, and trickle a memory from long ago back into my heart.

I think about you too.

I want you...

Are you pleading for me to keep you warm?