I’ll add this for our sake.
I always tried to give you sweet words. Now I’ll be blunt.
You were so kind to me. You made me smile through some of the worst parts of my life. It made me want to steal you, kiss you, get to know you, hold you.
I almost did, or almost tried to. But I hurt myself in the moment I had. I realized you were far away. I believed you didn’t want me. I believed you didn’t want to leave her. I believed that I was a terrible person filled with regret.
I know nothing about you. Later I tried to claw my way in. I know we really have nothing in common. I tried to get you to talk. I gave you sweet words to chew and swallow. I played with you with thoughts of love and new hearts. I felt that flutter of a crush again. It turned into a flutter of regret and fear.
6 years had passed and I came back to you. You came back to me. Broken. Full of fear. I wanted to save you. I wanted to scoop you in my arms and hold you. I didn’t want you to die. I still don’t.
But now you don’t even look at me. You don’t even read my words anymore.
Was it nice for you? Was it painful? Do you still want to live in that little blue house?
And now I’m thinking too much about it as I do every time I remember you. It reminds me of how much love I put forward. It was nice. Terrible haha, but nice.
You’re sweet, kind, beautiful, full of talent and self-sacrificing words of advice.
So one of these days, let me give up and give you these letters. Real paper is better than a screen.
We’re neighbors now. So let me say hi?