Wallflower

My college application letter for my AP class:

Failure: everyone has their own definition. Schools see it as bad grades. Peers see it as failure to socialize. My family sees it as a lapse in judgment that leads to a questionable decision. Personally, I see it as a low point so low that you can no longer see the surface. For me, my depression is my greatest failure. I allowed it to consume me, and thereby allowed myself to fail. Failure and depression are much alike in the fact that they create the sensation of drowning. Failure is the water, and depression is the monster in you that keeps dragging you deeper and deeper until you can't fight anymore, and you can't see the surface; until there is nothing left. One is a catalyst for the other; it is a never ending circle of self-disappointment and pain.

I have dealt with depression for five years, and continue to today. For the longest time, my depression was something that I viewed as a failure. Overall, my depression was a failure for me because I allowed it consume me. Before I knew how to handle my depression, I let it drag me down; I stopped caring about my grades, friends, and activities that once meant everything to me. As I continued to do worse and worse, failing by others definitions, I grew more and more depressed and began to hurt myself. Every scar is a reminder of another failure. For months I toyed with the idea of finally tying the anchor that would allow me to sink. This marked my lowest point, and to this day, I continue to view it as my biggest failure. My failure was disappointing to my family, but more importantly myself, and letting myself sink so low.