happy pill

Aug 11 I feel so loved today by my family and friends That feeling 1. When they're happy to see you after a long time and to know you're coming back to school even though your situation is tough 2. When they want to celebrate the fact that you still got enrolled and joking around 3. When they wish you luck on your first day 4. When someone who you don't consider as a very close friend asked if you'll come back to school tomorrow 5. When your parents do everything for you!!! ❤️ 6. When your parents got annoyed by someone who wants to be updated with me coming to school or not. My parents said i want to study in that uni so i should and they say don't mind them bc you're gonna be a successful person someday 7. When someone talks to you about how you're doing in the enrollment to get an update bc she wishes you to get back on that prestigious university again 8. When they ask for your opinion or answer or an idea about something bc she believes you have wonderful thoughts 9. When you noticed your friend that he'll miss talking to you bc you're going to school now 10. When your mom is sending sweet messages while you're outside to remind you to be safe always ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

August 4, 2016 This day God proved to me that there is always hope if you keep believing in Him. Laying in bed last night, I thought of what mom could possibly tell us as she arrives home. Maybe the moment she walked inside our house, her face would light up seeing us yet you would notice a glint of loneliness in her eyes knowing she did everything she can but sadly she didn't get paid enough to pay my tuition fee. Then she starts talking to us that she can't do anything anymore, that no one really wants to lend their money to us, and that maybe anjel would stop for a year until she gets a job. She cries while still looking tough and dad tries to absorb the sadness, containing himself so as not to add anymore negativity. The minute I woke up a while ago with the loud voice of my mom as she told everything to my dad, I tried going back to sleep when I saw the time—8am. Realizing I couldn't due to mom's distracting talkativeness and that I eagerly wanted to know if I could still enroll or not, I just lied stiffly listening to both of my parents talking to each other. *After a few told stories* "Buti nga nandiyan si jolo sabi niya tutulungan niya daw mag-aral si anjel sa ust tapos sinabihan ko rin si thea tungkol dito kasi diba asawa naman siya ni jolo. Gusto niya rin namang tulungan si anjel kasi dati pinipilit rin siyang mag-aral sa dubcat ng mga tito niya e gusto niya sa assumption kaya naiintindihan niya si anjel." Hearing those words, I felt so relieved and started crying quietly out of joy. I thought I would really stop going to school, that I would be one year delayed but because of God's mighty power, he blessed us with people who will help us endure our temporary hardships. My faith gets even stronger as the time flies because God is always here for me to provide everything especially at this point in my life. I am so grateful to God!! If only I could erase all my sins, I could say I've followed His footsteps but the way He made us, human beings with both perfections and imperfections, indicates that striving to become better means allowing yourself to be closer to God.

July 31, 2016 In this moment of hopelessness—after my dad and I thought of possible jobs to apply for and having realized neither of those fit his skills, agreed with his body clock, and qualified his age—we are out of ideas how he could get a work again. How will i even enroll this school year? If i did, how would i pay the books required and other miscellaneous fees? How will i go out with my friends if all i think about is earning my allowance to supply my academic needs? 😞 Maybe i should stop first? I know mom is having a hard time dealing with this situation. She thinks about where to borrow money, how will her daughter continue studying in a prestigious school, when will she get a job to finally end our crisis. Shealso thinks about passing the board exam she's getting ready into so that when she passes, she could go to work in a clinic or abroad. That's what she thinks will happen. She is an optimistic person and I love that about her. She is full of hope that soon everything will be okay, that our lives will be the way it was. But I seem to notice the things she said last year did not become true unfortunately like "2016 wil be our year!" "I'd get a job next year after I graduated. (She almost did)" "We're going to be rich!". Mom says these things all the time but the other side of her won't let positivity win over. She'd just poignantly utter every sad and regretful memories and when she's had enough she'll bring up stuff not related to the main topic she started with. It is so annoying that I wish I didn't have ears the minute she speaks about the problems of the world. So now, i am just thinking if id stop, will the burden my parents carry lessen? Will they stop worrying so much?

When can i get an uno? I don't care if I always mention it which makes others think is the reason that could jinx it. Lol pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee skills work on it. Motivation work on it. Effort work on it. I badly want it but sadly it has not yet come.

Every time i go to this freedom blog: scrolls through past text posts - comments how funny and problematic each post was at the same time - thinks about posting those comments

When you want to blog about something but then just a few minutes have passed and you've lost interest in the subject that's bothering you.