I had so many plans for today. So many dreams upon waking up that felt possible and nothing could stop me. But now it’s about to be 5PM in a few minutes and I feel like I’ve done nothing at all. Time moves so fast. As fast as the mosquitoes outside of my door. I don’t even know where they’re coming from. They’re just waiting for me to step out. I can feel their little needle-like stings before…

What is a long time? I think a year is a pretty long time. It’s been a year since I last wrote on here. What’s crazy is how much has changed in a year, and yet somehow, I still feel like the same person. But I know I’m not. I know I’m not because I went to the eye doctor, and he told me that I need progressive glasses because I can’t see from far nor up close anymore. I remember the first…

The tired I feel right now isn’t a panting, lungs-on-fire, can’t-see-from-the-sweat kind of tired. It’s not even the drowsy, sleepy, ready for bed kind. It’s the kind of tired that envelopes your entire mind. It’s the kind of tired that you expel with an exhale so deep and heavy that your body sags for a moment under its weight. I keep getting heat advisories from my weather app. I’ve been…

The world is chaos, and I am but a tiny ant that’s had soda poured into their home. I am dispersing with my sisters and brothers to survive. The childish soda pouring into our home may be debilitating for a moment. I watch the swell of carbon eat away the oxygen, displace our families, and erupt across our little homes. Despite having rested on a small piece of a much larger, infinite puzzle,…

I’m not sure of anything anymore. Whenever I think I’m close to certainty, the rug gets pulled out from under me. I’ve got rug burns on the bottom of my feet from all the times it’s happened. It happens so often that my shoes hurt whenever I put them on. I have to keep walking though because if I don’t, the burns might fester into infected wounds. While I trek across life’s red carpet, every…

I’ve learned that getting better is a continuous project, and I’m trying to learn to accept this. However, I’m struggling to understand how you know you are better.I feel like I’m doubting myself even more as I learn how to get where I want to be. I know what makes writing good, I’ve read good writers, talked to good teachers, and received feedback from friends and mentors.I’ve hit all the marks…

Phew. Why does it feel like a decade has gone by? Stuff has been happening. Some serious stuff, some crazy stuff, but I remain ever hopeful. Hope is the thing with feathers. – Emily Dickinson. I remain hopeful because I am hope, and you can be as well. Being someone who loves words, I use them often, but I also know they can come with inaction. You don’t need to know the right thing to say.…

Finding an exist can be hard without little red lit-up signs pointing the way. My biggest hurdle is making it to the end. The End is a hard place to get to because there are so many twists and turns that can take you forward or pull you back screeching into the void, like the monsters waiting for you under your bed. I can start all the time. The beginning of everything is always fun and…

I keep trying to find reasons to keep going. They’re wispy and light and fall from my grasp like fog rising at night. How do you know when it’s time to quit? I keep hoping a big sign will fall from the sky and tell me that I’m fine… that I’m going in the right direction. But all the signs I keep seeing are rundown and the letters are mostly gone, leaving behind patches of halfwords like, tur…

I’ve sat down to write a post about change numerous times now. Each piece different from the last because I can’t seem to get it right the first time. That feels a little on the nose. I wanted to allude to change as a metamorphosis, but that doesn’t feel quite right. Because a caterpillar in a chrysalis sits and lets change happen for a bigger transformation. Sometimes change is forced on you…

The cool days are gone and the humid ones are back from the trenches. I’m not a fan of this time of year. I hate the heat. Have I said this enough here? My dogs don’t like it either. As soon as I open the door, one of my dogs scurries back onto the couch and hides behind blankets so I won’t take her with me. I don’t want to go out there either, little dog, but you and I need to get out of this…

That’s what I will call it when I take small steps in the direction I want to go. They’re not bigfoot steps because they don’t make dents in the ground big enough for the world to see. They’re small, and light, and sometimes people do a double take just to be sure, but no, it couldn’t be and then they shake their heads to get rid of the idea. These fairy steps don’t kick up dust and they don’t…

The room is quiet. I could say a little too quiet, but really, it’s probably as quiet as it should be for my mind to focus on something for a few seconds. Somehow, I can’t. The room is quiet, but my mind won’t stop moving around; shifting from thought to thought. This is funny because I want to commit to writing something, but my mind is too busy skipping through tabs of old stories from my…

It’s been hot. Sweltering. Moist. We’re at the beginning of August and I can finally go outside without feeling like I’m going to melt into the asphalt. The sun hasn’t been greeting me like an old friend lately; more like an enemy that I’ve been feuding with for millennia. Have you ever seen the movie “The Punisher”? There’s a scene where the character states that the heat from a torch can be…

It’s hard to imagine that I’ve ever been fully present in my life. I often feel as if I’m witnessing the world through a lens instead of truly being a part of the scene. Sometimes I watch myself do the complete opposite of what I should be doing. Like I’m in a movie theater watching a horror movie, and the character is about to walk head first into the killer. I’m yelling at the screen,…