only the chosen one may draw the sword from the bird
we're not kids anymore.

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@thecritterdraws
only the chosen one may draw the sword from the bird

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that muppet post reminded me, most if not all of the main muppets have twitter pages. Fav has gotta be Miss Piggys, which is filled with selfies and vaguely uplifting text thats also egocentric. all the comments are people complimenting her and being like “YAS QUEEN”
Close second is Gonzos. Which is just…unhinged
Gonzo, get on tumblr, girl, you have a home here.
Well those are allllmost done
question. why do you have 7 featureless grey monoliths in your driveway
There's eight actually but the last one is still in the garage
question. why do you have eight featureless grey monoliths
They're actually a really dark purple
question. why do you have seven featureless really dark purple monoliths in your driveway and an eighth in the garage
Some of them do have features though. There's holes and hinges and stuff, so I can put secrets in em
question. why do you have 8 really dark purple occasionally featureful monoliths
The heart wants what the heart wants
this reads like a muppet sketch
see? See!??!
You're not wrong
This post is less than six months old.
MORTY YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME MY TESTOSTERONE SHOT MORTY
ME PLAYING AND HAVING FUN IN MY HOUSE

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day 32
shoutout to all my bindleheads
the bindle fandom
LITTLE DOOHICKEY I'VE BEEN COOKING UP IN THE LABS XOXO I AM SAFE AND WARM AND DO NOT NEED HELP
JUST TO PROVE TO YOU FREAKS THAT DOOHICKEY'S AREN'T FUCKING STUPID AND "JUST A BUNCH OF ROACH EGGS" HERE IS A DOOHICKEY I COOKED UP THAT IS NEITHER STUPID NOR HAS ANY ROACHES ANYWHERE NEAR IT. WOMEN WON'T TALK TO ME AND IT MAKES ME INFURIATED.
ANOTHER DOOHICKEY OF MINE. REALLY LIKING WHERE THIS ONE'S GOING THIS TIME. BIG IMPROVEMENT ON THE LAST DOOHICKEY XOXO. NEIGHBOURS NOT VERY HAPPY THOUGH.
MADE THIS CONTRAPTION TODAY :)

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does anyone else remember grass. the warmth of the sun
Morty is so dumb that...
1. He regularly disarms Rick's neutrino bombs. The first time he did it it was completely on the fly, no prior experience. Yet, he did it.
2. He has a knack for learning alien languages... as for the tree people in the battery dimension, it was obviously done without any sort of translator or support. (And he took over as their leader)
3. He's quick on his feet and can think his way out in a stressful situation, figuring out things that Rick can't and coming up with innovative solutions.
4. He figured out how to use a portal gun.
5. He can figure out how machines he's never seen nor used before work, and employ them successfully.
6. Beat Rick (smartest man in the universe?) in a board game.
7. Can manipulate said "smartest man in the universe", if he so chooses.
8. Became a successful stock broker. Out of the blue. Just did it.
9. Run. Whole. Freaking. Civilizations (and also toppled them as Marta)
10. Pitches good ideas that Rick typically ignores
11. When suddenly becomes motivated to try, he is good at math
12. His ideas were good enough that he would have gotten a deal for a movie production...!
13. His default intelligence is maxed out.
...At this point, it's only a matter of time before he starts making his own inventions, Eyepatch-Morty-style.
GUYS.
The only reason we've been thinking that Morty is stupid is that Rick has been calling him stupid repeatedly.
Sure, Morty does plenty of dumb stuff, but so does Rick. Rick has the emotional intelligence of a four year old and throws tantrums of cosmic proportions whenever slighted (vat of acid? submit to the selfie?), while often going ahead with complicated, innovative ideas... that in reality solve nothing and are a waste of time (Pickle Rick?? Leg Rick?? Cloning his own daughter? The dumb time-loop in his own dimension? Replacing himself with a robot? Creating a robot ghost to scary Mr Poopybutthole instead of just telling him to leave??) Not to mention his many incredibly lame jokes.
Everyone does dumb stuff occasionally!!! No one is an impeccable genius of non-stop moments of brightness!! (even Eyepatch Morty, the most cautious character, the character who has made basically NO MISTAKES up to now, sounds dumb a couple of times: "I'm gonna do the thing I wanna do, with the curve thing" and "My biggest fear is other people being afraid. Of fear. Itself." lol).
If Rick hadn't been calling Morty a freaking idiot with every breath available, we wouldn't be thinking "oh look haha the moron became a stock broker, what a joke, must be some sort of fluke"; we would be thinking "what an incredibly gifted kid".
We would attribute Morty's many mistakes to lack of experience, to lack of wisdom, to youth, to enthusiasm, to idealism, to teenager hormones, to acting hastily.
We would wish to see him eventually mature, apply his time and effort to worthwhile endeavors instead (mainly) of inane teenage stuff. We would wish to see him do well in school, we would wish to see him reach his full potential and succeed in great things.
Only Rick keeps pounding our heads with how stupid Morty is, and all of Morty's successes are never mentioned again, but getting lost to oblivion in comparison to Rick's (who has 60+ years more experience) genius.
WE VIEWERS ARE BEING UNWITTINGLY MANIPULATED THE EXACT SAME WAY MORTY IS.
didn’t jesus do something similar to that

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im adopting the ‘dark jock’ aesthetic. i’m going to lurk around crumbling old institute buildings in a black tanktop with a skull on it and a backwards ballcap and i’m going to get dark academia people to write my essays for me while i call them nerds and doofuses and prep for the big dark football game
why not give yourself an extra pronoun? as a treat. go pick one out champ. you earned it. i am so proud of you
oh that's a good choice buddy. i've had my Her for a long time. make sure you check out the neos in the next aisle before you make your decision though ok? in the next several aisles i mean
pardon me can you direct us to the changing rooms? my friend here wanted to try on this Emself before buying it
take your time pal. i'm gonna go see about upgrading my he/him package
heheh. package